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It is your choices that define you and reflect who you really are. It gives you an overview of how it is that you wish to lead your life, and who you are as a person. It also guides you when you need to deal with hardships in life. All too often, there is only one difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that you chose it, and you brought it upon yourself. If you are unhappy for whatsoever reason in your current situation, then it is likely that you feel some part of it is beyond your control.
If you feel that you are choosing your problems, then you will feel a sense of empowerment. On the other hand, if you are not in control of your life, then it is only natural that you will feel miserable. Sure, you cannot always control what happens in your day-to-day life; there are invariable some external factors that will affect you. However, the key point is this: you can choose how to respond to what happens to you. For instance, if your boss gives you an earful for no fault of yours, then that is totally beyond your control; but responding to it is totally in your control. If you choose to sulk all day over it, then you will end up spoiling the day for yourself and for others around you; on the other hand, if you take it in your stride and act maturely, then you will not have any trouble moving on from the incident.
It is a fact that you are always participating in the occurrences which surround us. This is not always conscious, but it still happens. You are interpreting the meaning of every minute, and choosing values and metrics that they will be measured against. Now, does it mean that you are subconsciously giving a fuck all the time? Well, in a way, yes, you are. The pertinent point here is that you choose which ones to give a fuck about.
The author also underlines how important it is that you own up to your problems. Acceptance is the first step towards solving these problems. The more responsibility you consciously assume, the greater the empowerment you will experience in your life. The trouble is, people are reluctant to take responsibility for their problems. It is seen as something of a taboo to do so. People think that assuming responsibility will come with blame and that they will then be faulted for the problems. However, this is far from always being the case. The author masterfully explains this by highlighting that fault is past tense, whereas responsibility is present tense. In other words, a fault is a result of something that has already happened, whereas responsibility has to do with your current choices. Therefore, you may not be in the wrong regarding a certain issue, but it is still your responsibility to do something about it. It is essential that you own up to even problems which didn’t result from your own wrongs because at the end of the day, it could potentially affect your life. In the boss example given above, you were not at fault at all, but by choosing to take responsibility rather than sulk, you are making life far easier for yourself and others around you (not to mention saving precious time which could be used elsewhere).
Of course, not everyone suffers from the same types of problems; we are all unique. Different people suffer from problems of varying degrees. There are also those who simply cope with adversities and problems better than others. So, keep in mind that even if you experience tragedies you have no control over, it is still on you to own up to it. Do not let it drag you down, use it to pull yourself up and make you stronger. Let it be a driving force. That choice rests with you and you alone.
Moreover, if people wish to manage certain conditions and disorders, then it boils down to whether or not they have successfully managed their own values. In fact, teenagers diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) are made to accept their compulsive desires by psychiatrists. This a method of treatment practised to help teenagers realize that their values are not rational, and that if they are consumed by them, then it will negatively impact their ability to function in life. The next step towards overcoming the disorder is to choose a value which is of more importance than their OCD value. Once the new value is chosen, the OCD value pales in significance and they learn to focus more on it. Doing this allows them to programme their lives to work around these values. It is not an easy process for the kids, but they realize that it is the best way forward.
The author tries to make this concept even clearer by relating this to how people tend to blame others when problems surface, instead of owning up to them and solving them. While doing so gives these people a sense of moral righteousness, such a feeling is merely transient in nature and resolves absolutely nothing. As if things were not bad enough, the modern age of internet and social media has made it even simpler to pin the blame on others on a larger scale. It has become something of a fashion for people to post “injustices” committed to them online on their social media accounts, just to garner some cheap sympathy. The audience (public) laps this up and outpours a great deal of emotion. The people who post such stuff end up feeling vindicated in the end because of the responses. The author has given this an apt name: Victimhood Chic. This encapsulates anything from rants on increasing taxes to complaints about oppression by the banning of selling Christmas trees at the mall. What people are seemingly oblivious about victimhood chic is that it takes the spotlight away from the actual victims. This experience of overflowing sympathy which is transient in nature kicks off a vicious cycle, where the person wants more and more of it. As a result, people end up becoming what in colloquial circles are referred to as “snowflakes”; in other words, people who are addicted to being offended.
This is a serious issue and must be corrected at the earliest possible. The way forward is to change how people think of responsibility, the things they value, and the metrics against which such values are measured. It is difficult to come up with a hard and fast rule for it; the simple solution is just action. Act on it! It sounds simplistic, but it is hard to implement. The trouble is, the aftermath of shouldering such responsibility comes with feelings that can be hard to handle. Sometimes, people may feel like an emotional train wreck. In such cases, people should just trust themselves and the process and resolutely plough through.
Remember, when you choose to change the things you give a fuck about, you also change the way you feel about them and react to them. Even if it makes you feel nervous, fake, uncertain, or angry, it is imperative that this is done. In addition to internal resistance, there might also be external resistance from even friends and family. Just keep telling yourself that these are just healthy side-effects of your changing values and keep doing what you are doing.
