Daniel looked down at the address in his hand, wondering if the information he had was even current. The house looked unassuming, matching many on the street. The gardens were tidy, children’s toys littered the lawns, and it was a slice of perfect suburbia. Inside resided his aunt, his mom’s sister, her husband of twenty years, Ian, and her three children, Louise, his age, Anthony, who was eleven, and Helena, only four. His cousins. His only family, for all he knew, his research not showing much more. He remembered his Aunt Julia vaguely. He knew she and his mom weren’t close, knew there had been some sort of falling out, but he didn’t know the details.
He had been sitting in the Toyota for half an hour, just watching, and knew he had to move soon or be labeled as a stalker. He had deliberately arranged this visit during a school day. He had only his aunt to face. He wasn’t sure he could handle cousins as yet.
Courage, he needed courage. He needed to text Jamie, despite the fact he knew he would be in school prepping for finals next week. He pulled out his cell.
Outside house, not sure what I’m going to say.
Say, “I’m Daniel” :-)
Useful, J. thanks for that ((
In history, sheet of stuff for finals. Can't text. Evans is a dick.
Wish me luck?
Good luck, text me x
Daniel put his cell back in his pocket and breathed deeply. Time to do this. He climbed out of the car, scanning the area, and purposefully walked up the path to the door. He knocked, hearing music inside and the sounds of the television, and he focused on the noises, trying to calm himself down. It startled him when the door was thrown open; his breath hitched in his throat. A woman stood in the open doorway, dressed in flowing colors and jeans. She looked so much like his mom it made him take a step back. Julia.
She smiled briefly, looking behind him, her head to one side. He didn’t know what to say, and then she looked directly at him.
"Oh my God," she whispered, her hand going to her mouth. "Daniel?"
"Aunt Julia?"
Suddenly remembering her manners, she stood to one side, gesturing him inside. "Come in, come in, Daniel. Oh God, it’s been…"
"Eight years since the funeral," Daniel stated simply.
"Eight years… eight years." She led him through to the kitchen, indicating he should sit at the table as she busied herself with mugs. "Have you been to see the graves? Do you know where they are? We take the children and go every birthday and at Christmas, make sure they are being looked after. I never see flowers from you, but I imagine we go on the nearest weekend so maybe not on the actual day. I can give you directions… How long are you in Reno? Is this a long stay? Your cousins will be pleased to meet you. Louise is eighteen next month, but then that means you were eighteen in March…"
Daniel watched as she made coffee and talked a mile a minute, about everything and nothing, so different from his mom. There had been twelve years between the two sisters. He remembered Christmas gatherings… two such different families, Louise a typical tomboy, forever covered in mud and muck, always earning a disapproving glare from Daniel’s mom. Daniel's mom so very proud of her perfect, talented, and perpetually clean son. He’d hated those gatherings. If anything, they’d made him retreat more into his music, which was fine, as his mom did like to make him perform on a regular basis.
Julia had stopped talking and was looking at him with concern, an air of apprehension about her.
"Daniel?" she asked softly… why are you here… what do you want?
Daniel wanted to wait to ask. He wanted to meet his family before he destroyed any possible relationship with them by asking awkward questions, wanted one last time to feel a connection that was his by blood.
I’m going to wait. I’m not just going to spring it on her. I can't. It will ruin everything. I’m going to have to…
"Why didn’t you keep me?"
Well, shit.
Julia swallowed, her face pale, and sat at the table opposite him.
"I don’t know what to say. I had post-partum depression with Anthony. I wasn’t brave enough. I didn’t think I could cope with your special needs."
"Special needs."
"You were special, Daniel, gifted, talented, and I was a coward. My head was so full of myself, and then later when I was better, you were happy, Daniel. You were happy with your new family."
"How did you know?"
"We had reports, no, not reports, letters, lovely letters from your foster mom, Mrs. Walker, every year, letting us know. Always saying you needed your real family to know you, but I never even wrote back. I couldn’t. I had so much to say sorry for, and I didn’t know where to start."
"I was happy. I am happy, but…"
"But?"
"Do you know… Can you even begin to see… to understand…"
"No, I can't. I can't understand. I had lost a sister, lost a sister to suicide. She didn’t talk to me; she didn’t tell me… I didn’t see. But you lost your dad and then your mom… so close… and I should have been there for you."
There was a long pause with Julia waiting for Daniel to comment, to agree, to disagree, anything. "You should have been there, if only just so I knew you were there, that I hadn’t done some awful thing that made you hate me."
Julia looked stricken. "Is that what you thought? Daniel, is that what you thought?"
Daniel just nodded. He could feel a choking emotion rising in him, and he didn’t want to have a panic attack now, here, in his aunt’s kitchen.
"Daniel, you did nothing wrong. How could you ever think that?"
"Julia… Aunt Julia… my dad died, my mom left me by killing herself. I wasn’t worth her holding onto life for, and then you, when everything was finished, when I left that cemetery, you couldn’t even look at me. You didn’t want me." Daniel could feel the panic rising. He really needed to leave; he stood.
"Daniel, please don’t go. I want to explain, to say sorry, to get to know you again?" She was pleading, but the air was tight in his lungs.
"I need to… air," he said, his fingers pushing desperately against his breast bone, his eyes wide as he stumbled to the front door, feeling Julia trying to pull him back, pulling him. Pushing out of the door, he gulped in fresh air.
"Daniel."
"Mom?"
"Louise, get some water."
"Mom, what the—"
"Water. Daniel? Daniel?"
"Daniel?"
* * * * *
"I’m fine, honestly."
Louise sat down next to him, touching his arm and pressing lightly. "I know you are. It’s just the shock and stuff," she said helpfully. Daniel looked into gray eyes. His smile rueful, he held out his hand.
"Daniel," he said, introducing himself softly. She looked down at his hand then pulled him in for a hug instead, chuckling into his ear.
"I know your name, doofus. How about we go back indoors, eh?"
It was all Daniel could do to nod, a smile pushing its way through the tears that were threatening to force their way out.
* * * * *
Jamie_Solo: hey, you there?
810Daniel: only just
Jamie_Solo: and?
810Daniel: not bad, met cousin and mum's sister, Julia
Jamie_Solo: and?
810Daniel: hard, really hard, they had their reasons tho :-(
Jamie_Solo: wanna talk?
810Daniel: nah, not so much
Jamie_Solo: we still meeting?
810Daniel: don’t you wanna?
Jamie_Solo: god yeah, I got something today
810Daniel: what
Jamie_Solo: just stuff
810Daniel: stuff
Jamie_Solo: stuff we need
810Daniel: stuff
Jamie_Solo: hahaha
810Daniel: is your cell charged
Jamie_Solo: yeah
810Daniel: wanna have phone sex?
Jamie_Solo: Signing off :-)
Jamie called Daniel. It was wonderful to hear his boyfriend's voice.
"I don’t get it though," Jamie offered gently, his voice soft and insistent across the miles. He had told his mom that Daniel was okay and then locked himself in his room, leaning back on his bed, listening as Daniel explained his day
"What?" Daniel asked. "What don’t you get?"
"Mom writing letters to Julia all this time."
"That’s Mom, Jamie. She always tries to do the right thing."
"Yeah, suppose so."
"What you wearing?" Daniel said to change the subject.
"You are joking with me." Jamie suddenly felt nervous.
"What are you wearing?" Damn, Daniel was insistent.
"Daannnn," Jamie whined
"Jamie."
"Jeez, sweats." Nothing remotely sexy or hot.
"And?" Jamie could hear the leering quality in Daniel's voice across the miles.
"And nothing. Nothing else, m’ready for bed."
"Is it Saturday yet?" Daniel finally laughed.
"Not long, Dan, not long."