Chapter 34

Funeral Arrangements

The best way to get somebody to live is to tell him the cost of a funeral.

—Michael S.

 

A funeral is simply another of life’s events for which everyone, whatever his or her physical condition, can and should plan ahead. If this subject is too stressful for you, leave it to your personal representative (executor) and/or your heirs to decide, but at least alert them to the information in this book.

Why plan ahead? Thinking about your funeral now will accomplish several purposes:

• It will save your estate money. Decisions will be made rationally rather than quickly at an emotional time which can lead to misguided extravagance. A survey conducted by a Houston television station (KPRC-TV) found that prices for the same “minimum” service, including the lowest-priced metal casket, varied from $1,495 to $9,910 at different Houston mortuaries. The price of a metal casket alone varied from $485 to $5,895. Will your loved ones really be in shape to shop?

• It will assure your wishes will be carried out.

• It will relieve stress on the people you care about.

Section 1. General Information to Think About

Freeing yourself. The first thing to do is to free yourself from what the funeral industry wants you to think and decide what works for you. All over the world, burial customs are different. There is no absolute standard. Even in this country, services used to be at home with an inexpensive casket. There was no embalming unless the body had to travel a distance for burial. Outside the United States embalming is still the exception rather than the rule.

The people who are in the business of handling funerals now call themselves funeral directors. If you substitute the word salesperson, you’ll be on proper guard when dealing with them.

Federal Trade Commission “funeral rule.” The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has stepped into the arena of funerals because of the abuses that have occurred. The FTC “funeral rule” requires that all funeral charges must be itemized and, to help you comparison shop, available over the telephone. The rule also requires that as soon as face-to-face discussions start about the services the mortuary provides or about prices, you must be given a list you can take home of important legal rights and requirements regarding funeral arrangements. The information to be provided must include

• the costs of caskets (generally the most expensive part of a burial).

• the costs of embalming (not generally required in any state except in certain special cases).

• caskets for cremation (since they will be destroyed, an inexpensive casket will do).

• required purchases (you do not have to purchase unwanted goods or services or pay any fees to obtain those products and services you do want, other than one permitted fee for overhead, which includes money for the funeral director and staff).

• if any goods and services are required by state law, as well as identification of the specific law requiring the purchase.

Tip. If any funeral director says something is required because of state law, ask to see a copy of the law. Most state or local burial laws in the United States are minimal.

Once you decide what you want, the funeral provider is required to give you an itemized statement of the total cost of the funeral goods and services you select. Seeing the total provides the opportunity to reappraise your decision.

Most states also have licensing boards that regulate the funeral industry. You may contact the licensing board in your state for information or help.

Tip. Let your heirs know not to feel locked in just because a body has been delivered to a mortuary. The mortuary cannot prevent a move or charge “lots of money” for it. It may be difficult to talk about this with your loved ones now, but if you don’t, they’ll have an even harder time later.

Talk about it. After you’ve done your research and made up your mind as to what you want, talk with your loved ones about your findings and your desires. Basically a funeral is for the benefit of the living. Unless you add legal strings, your heirs will be free to ignore your wishes and have the funeral they choose. Reach agreement with them, and consider putting it in writing, about the subjects discussed in this chapter, as well as your wishes with respect to

• how long the period before burial or mourning period afterward should last.

• whether the casket will be open or closed.

• what clothing or covering you will be buried in.

• whether the service should be public or private, and if private, for whom.

• what will be in the service, such as music, speakers, and readings.

• the religious or other customs to follow—or not.

• whether or not there should be flowers.

• whether there should be donations to a charity, and if so, which charity?

Tip. There is no foolproof method of assuring that your wishes will be respected. Although prepayment is not usually recommended, you may consider prepaying for the arrangements you want as added incentive for your heirs to follow your wishes.

Spokesperson. Name a spokesperson who will know your wishes and, not incidentally, will be able to carry them out—or to make the decisions in case you don’t want to. Don’t just include this information in your will because by the time it is probated, it will be too late. If you don’t decide who is in charge, state law will designate who has the right to make the decisions.

Tip. Consider marking people who should be notified of your demise in your address book—and indicating those you do not want notified. We all have a lot of names in our books of people who have no real involvement in our lives. Unless you take the few minutes to do this exercise, your survivors will probably notify everyone in your book. An easy method of doing this is to make a photocopy of your address book and cross out the names of people who should not be notified. If you’ve ever had to make these calls yourself for a friend or loved one, you will appreciate the value of this exercise.

Burial benefits. Certain entitlement and other programs and organizations provide a burial benefit that should not be overlooked. Social Security will reimburse the surviving spouse $255 provided the deceased was covered by Social Security in his or her own right. Children entitled to survivor’s benefits may also be eligible for a death benefit. In addition, trade unions, fraternal organizations, the Veterans Administration, credit unions, and workers’ compensation also provide burial benefits.

Infectious diseases. Special embalming charges for individuals with infectious conditions such as HIV/AIDS violate the Americans with Disabilities Act, as well as the standards of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, which requires that every body is to be treated as if it had a blood-borne infectious disease. If your condition warrants, inform your heirs and family of this protection.

Section 2. Disposition of the Remains

Organ donation. In considering what to do with the remains, first, decide whether you want to donate various tissues and organs for transplant. The Universal Donor Law has been enacted in every state to permit individuals to authorize these donations. Even if you authorize use of organs for transplant, your family’s permission will still be sought—so be sure the family knows about and agrees with your desires. Removal of donated organs does not produce disfigurement and does not interfere with customary funeral or burial arrangements, which remain the responsibility of the family or estate. For more information about the “gift of life” and a universal donor card, ask your doctor or call the Living Bank at 800-528-2971.

Next, decide among the possible dispositions of the body. Least expensive options are considered first.

Donation to a teaching institution. The least expensive disposition is to donate the body to an institution for teaching or research purposes. In addition to being basically cost free, this disposition is also a generous contribution to science that allows students to learn what a body is all about. If the donation is made to eliminate burial cost, be sure the institution will dispose of the body. Also be sure your next of kin agrees to permit the donation. Then confirm the donation in your legal will.

For information on body donation, call the National Anatomical Service at 800-727-0700, twenty-four hours a day. The service will help you locate a medical school in need. If necessary, arrangements for refrigeration will be made by the service with a local funeral director until transportation is provided. The service can also provide for final disposition of the body. Be sure to discuss whether you want the expense of refrigeration, transportation, and burial borne by the recipient institution.

Cremation. The next least expensive alternative to consider is cremation. The cost ranges from $350 to $500 total, which includes transportation of the body, cremation body container, cremation fee, and all documents.

There are companies that will take care of the cremation, as well as bury the remains at sea or return the remains (known as cremains) to whomever you specify.

Be aware that in disposing of the cremains, local law must be taken into account. For example, it is not legal to scatter cremains in San Francisco Bay. For additional information, contact the Neptune Society, a for-profit organization that has offices nationwide, at 800-645-3722 or the Internet Cremation Society at www.cremation.org/home2.html.

When you think about cremation, do not confuse the issue by thinking, as many do, that there is either a cremation or a “funeral.” There can be a funeral with the body present, and then a cremation, with the possibility of a memorial service to follow. It is even possible to have a viewing prior to a cremation in a rented casket, followed by a cremation in an inexpensive one.

Keeping the body intact. If the body remains intact, it will be buried in a casket in the ground (interment) or above ground in a mausoleum (entombment), both of which entail expenses for your estate.

Embalming. While embalming (the replacement of body fluids with chemicals to slow down the body’s deterioration) is prevalent today, it is usually unnecessary. It is only necessary where the body is to be transported a distance or across state lines or if death was caused by a contagious disease.

Refrigeration is the usual alternative to embalming when the body must be preserved for later disposition. If you desire to locate the law in your state, contact the Conference of Funeral Service Examining Boards, 520 E. Van Trees, P.O. Box 497, Washington, IN 47501 (812-254-7887). A summary of the pertinent laws of the various states is also contained in Caring for Your Own Dead by Lisa Carlson (Hinesburg, Vt.: Upper Access, 1987).

Casket. The container in which a body is buried, the casket (also called a coffin), is frequently the single most expensive item purchased in a traditional funeral. The expense can be totally avoided because, as the FTC advises, a casket is not required for a cremation or even a burial.

If you want to use a casket, consider purchasing it from a wholesaler or company that sells caskets directly to the public—often at a savings of 50 to 75 percent off the price you would pay at a funeral home. They may even offer an additional discount for purchasing preneed (see the resources directory). A simple pine box can be purchased for as little as $200. Many of these companies, including the mail order companies, guarantee delivery within a few hours from a casket distributor near the funeral provider. Under the funeral rule, it is illegal for funeral homes to levy any additional handling charges if you make your own or choose to purchase a casket directly from the supplier. Some funeral homes try to get around the rule by requiring that a family member be present at the mortuary premises to accept delivery of the casket. Don’t let this inconvenience put your money in their pocket unnecessarily.

Tip. The homemade boxes our forefathers were buried in cost practically nothing and can provide a handy heir or friend with a way to participate in the funeral and work through her grief.

If you do purchase a casket from a funeral home, ask to see all their caskets, including the ones they can order, not just the ones they carry or are offering to show you. Market research indicates people tend to purchase the “middle-priced” casket. What is “middle-priced” depends on what other caskets you are shown and in what price ranges. If you are shown caskets that range from $1,500 to $5,000, the tendency is to pick one in the $2,000–$3,000 range. If you are shown caskets from $200 to $5,000, you might feel comfortable picking a much less expensive casket, even though the salesperson may not be happy.

Tip. If you purchase a casket, ask the mortuary or other seller to attach a color photo of the casket to the contract so your heirs can be sure they receive what you intended.

Tip. If you prefer a metal casket, beware of “protective seals.” The theoretical purpose is to prevent deterioration of the body by making the casket airtight. The reality is anaerobic bacteria, which thrive in an airless atmosphere, are sealed in, and the result is the opposite of what is intended. No caskets preserve a body indefinitely.

Containers. To prevent the ground from sinking as a casket deteriorates, many cemeteries require use of a burial vault or a grave liner. More expensive vaults may look better and may slow deterioration of the body, but they don’t prevent it. Funeral directors, trying to sell an expensive burial vault, often erroneously state that copper-lined or marble vaults keep air and/or water out of the coffin.

Section 3. Ceremonies

Funeral services and memorial ceremonies. Whatever your choice as to disposition, there can be ceremonies with the body present (a funeral) or without (a memorial service). A memorial service is generally less expensive than a funeral. It can take place anywhere, such as in a home (the cheapest), in a place of worship (the next least expensive), a community center, a theater, a restaurant, or in a funeral provider’s facility (the most expensive, often running from $1,500 to $3,000 for a few hours of funeral service plus attendant “professional fees,” which can add $700 to $2,000 unnecessarily). A funeral service can be held with or without a viewing or a memorial service can be held after burial, or there can be both.

The funeral rule allows mortuaries to add a fee for overhead, which can be upwards of $2,000, with all other costs such as the casket and funeral service being added to that. If you do decide to use a mortuary for the body, consider using the least expensive mortuary in your area (which can reasonably be anywhere within a 50-mile radius) and having the public viewing and service at home, at a public facility such as a banquet room, outdoors, or at your house of worship.

In addition to selecting the site of the funeral and/or memorial service, you may even wish to plan the service, including who is to speak, what flowers if any, and even what music is to be played. Consider requesting donations to a specific charity such as your GuardianOrg in lieu of flowers.

Tip. Consider saving the cost of cosmetic services and embalming by having a closed-casket ceremony. On the other hand, embalming may be worthwhile to avoid a weekend or holiday burial since weekday burials are usually less expensive.

Cash advance items. These are goods and services that are paid by the funeral provider on your behalf, such as a cemetery plot, flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers, and clergy honoraria. Some funeral providers charge you their cost for these items, while others add a service fee to their cost. If a service fee is added or if the funeral provider receives a discount, refund, or rebate for these items, this fact must be disclosed to you. Before agreeing to these items, look at them carefully. Most, if not all, of the items can be fulfilled by your heirs at no cost at all. For example, someone close to you can probably write the obituary, and you may even consider writing it yourself.

Choosing a mortuary. While traditionally people choose a mortuary by how close it is to their residence or for its status, a price comparison is definitely in order. The alternatives described above are also to be considered. If the price is right, an on-site visit is recommended to meet the staff and look at the facilities.

• Are they what you expect?

• Do they schedule more than one funeral at a time, and if so, what are the logistics of the various funerals? This is particularly of concern with respect to parking, the public areas, and the soundproofing of the various rooms.

• Do they provide an appropriate separate space prior to and/or during the funeral to suit your survivors’ needs and sensibilities?

• Does your gut tell you this is the right place?

• Is the mortuary a member of any association, and if so, what are the requirements for membership in that association? Generally, membership in some association is better than none at all.

If it does not work out with a particular funeral home, there is a right to switch funeral homes at any time. Although payment will have to be made for services already rendered, the funeral home may not hold the body hostage for payment.

Tip. Morticians often believe they should direct all aspects of the funeral. However, you and your family should be in charge of the funeral. The mortician’s job is to fulfill your desires. Note that forty-one states let you bypass funeral homes altogether. While this may mean more paperwork, a guide to the laws of your state can be found in Lisa Carlson’s Caring for Your Own Dead (see section 2 of this chapter).

Section 4. Choosing a Resting Place

If you or others close to you own country property, home burial may be a low-cost option in many states. If this is of interest, check your local law. If there is to be burial in a cemetery, a plot in a church cemetery or a town-owned cemetery is usually the least expensive. A lot in a national cemetery and a marker are free of charge to veterans, their spouses, and minor children.

Purchasing a burial plot now for you and your family will lock in the cost as well as eliminate decisions to be made. Plots are cheaper if they are of the “two-depth” variety, one casket on top of the other.

When choosing a cemetery, be aware that the funeral rule and the disclosures it requires only apply to mortuaries—not cemeteries. Consider the following:

• Does the cemetery and/or plot meet the requirements of your religion?

• What restrictions are placed on the types of permanent markers or monuments? Do you have to purchase them from a particular supplier? Is there a charge if the marker is purchased elsewhere? What is the charge for setting the marker (securely putting it in the earth)?

• What are the charges to open and close the grave during the week? On weekends? Are there any other charges such as tips to gravediggers?

• What is the charge for upkeep of a grave site or for “perpetual care” of the site? Will the cemetery let you see how much money is in its perpetual care fund, and does the amount appear to be adequate? Ideally funds for perpetual care should be placed in trust and not be part of the cemetery’s general operating fund.

• Are other plots available for the burial of loved ones nearby?

• Does the cemetery require in-ground vaults around the casket to keep the ground from settling?

• Walk around. Does the cemetery look well cared for?

• Does the contract specify the specific plot or plots you are interested in purchasing? What does it provide if you move or if you pay in installments and death occurs before the full amount is paid?

• If you are concerned about relocating, does the cemetery participate in a credit-exchange program that enables you to transfer the value of your plot to another participating cemetery?

Tip. When purchasing a plot, be sure everything you care about is written into the purchase agreement.

Section 5. Payment Arrangements

Preplanning. If your estate is to be responsible for disposition of the body, you can preplan a funeral either as an individual or as a member of a funeral and memorial society. These societies are nonprofit groups that started more than fifty years ago as consumer cooperatives aimed at reducing the high cost of funerals and providing their members dignified funerals at minimal cost through preplanning. For a modest membership fee, they provide information and advice on funeral arrangements at a reasonable cost. For more information about funeral and memorial societies, including one in your state, contact Funeral and Memorial Societies of America (a nonprofit organization) at P.O. Box 10, Hinesburg, VT 05461 (800-458-5563). If you prefer, there are also private for-profit advance funeral planning companies.

Prearranging/prepaying. So far the discussion has been about prearranging your funeral. While you may want to prepay a burial plot or a casket, consumer groups such as American Association of Retired Persons recommend against prepaying for funerals. Although a prepurchase may protect against inflation, if you pay in advance, you lose the use of your money during the intervening time and could lose all your money if the mortuary goes out of business or if you move and the purchased program is not transferable. It would be better to set the money aside in an interest-bearing account.

Tip. You may consider going against traditional advice and prepaying for funeral arrangements if you have no survivors or if you want to set aside funds to leave yourself eligible for Medicaid. You may also want to consider prepaying if you can obtain life insurance from the funeral provider to cover the costs and if the safeguards mentioned in the next paragraph are provided. Many funeral providers are given the power to issue the life insurance policy on the spot. This “guaranteed issue” coverage (see chapter 19, section 5.1, for a discussion of guaranteed issue coverage) increases the amount of life insurance you leave your beneficiaries.

If you do want to prepay the funeral. Look for the following safeguards:

• Be sure the company has a solid reputation, is appropriately licensed, has been in business for at least twenty years, and puts the money into a trust fund. Age and reputation don’t guarantee anything, but if they’ve been in business this long, the odds are they will continue to be here for the foreseeable future.

• The money you prepay should be held as a separate fund not subject to the funeral home’s creditors. Ideally, you should also be credited with any interest earned.

• If the firm goes out of business, your money is returned.

• If you change your mind about the funeral or move, you can cancel and receive a refund of all or at least most of your money.

• The price must be guaranteed despite inflation.

• Any funds left over should be refunded to your estate.

The safest means of prepayment is through a separate savings bank account registered “in trust for” or “payable on death” to the funeral provider. While interest earned each year is usually subject to income tax, you have use of the money and can even take all of it out of the account while alive. On death, the account automatically belongs to the funeral provider. An alternative is to name a family member in place of the funeral home. If there is money left over, your survivors will get to keep it.

If you may need to qualify for Medicaid in the future, set up the account as an irrevocable trust. Be sure family members know about these plans and arrangements and where copies of the contracts are kept.