Billy stood in the dock at Manchester Crown Court. He looked thin and his eyes seemed vacant. His arms were held behind his back and he looked liked he’d aged at least ten years. Fallon and Lesley were sat at the front of the courtroom and they could see Billy through the glass panel at the side of them, staring at the floor. The case against him was strong and he knew he wouldn’t be walking out of the courts today.
The public gallery was full of people and press. Woody’s henchmen were also there in support of their dead friend. Woody’s girlfriend was sat near Lesley. At this point she didn’t know who she was. Her face looked weather beaten, and the dark circles under her eyes told you she wasn’t coping with the death of her partner. Another younger woman sat behind them and Fallon and Lesley knew she was Woody’s ‘knock off’. Everyone knew about her and he’d made no secret that he was having an affair with this girl. Both the women were sobbing and were being comforted by their friends. Skid was also in the courtroom and he was sat behind Lesley. He was keeping a low profile today and didn’t want to bring any attention to himself. That was the last thing he needed, Woody’s men on his case. They were ruthless and wouldn’t think twice about avenging his death.
Judge Dean had been with the case from the start and he didn’t look in a good mood today, he was a grumpy old fart. He shouted the usher over and made her take control of the public gallery to calm the noise down, they were all gabbing. Lesley looked at Billy and mouthed the words “I love you” towards him. He held a firm chin, his lips were trembling and he looked like he was ready to break. There was silence in court and not a sound could be heard. Lesley sat up tall and Fallon held her arm around her shoulders. Judge Dean looked over his glasses at the criminal stood in the dock. Reading from his notes for a minute, he looked up and spoke to Billy in a firm tone.
Billy was sentenced to fifteen years in prison. The courtroom was up in arms. The members of the dead man’s family wanted Billy to get life and they made sure the judge could hear every word they said. The dead man’s partner bolted up from her seat and screamed at the top of her voice, she was holding nothing back. “Fifteen fucking years, the bastard should have got life. What about me ay?” she held her open arms out in front of her and spoke to the courtroom. “What about the kids he’s left behind,” she spat at the convict stood in the dock, but it landed on the glass. “Who’s going to look after them? You call yourself a judge, get a grip and deal with it proper. This man has ruined my life.” The woman was held back by her family as she watched Billy being escorted from the dock. She was kicking and screaming as she ran at the glass panel separating them. Woody’s knock off made a quick get away before anyone clocked her.
Lesley was devastated. Fallon was holding her up as she tried to walk from the room. “Fallon, he got fifteen years. Fucking fifteen years! What about our Denva?” Fallon dipped her head and chewed at the side of her mouth. Feeling the eyes of someone in the distance, she lifted her head up slowly. A man could be seen with a hood over his head leaving the courtroom. Fallon shivered, she was sure this was the man she’d seen watching her in the past. Sitting Lesley down for a minute she ran outside after him. She was like a wild woman as her feet sprinted down the long corridor. Fallon’s eyes shot about the area, nobody was there except Woody’s family. Jogging, she ran to the stairs. With her head dipped over the side of the stairs she could see the hand of the man on the last flight of stairs, but he had already disappeared. Fallon stood with her back against the wall. She looked white in the face. Her head slowly rocked against it.
Quickly she ran back to the courtroom for Lesley. The noise of people shouting down the corridor was deafening. Lesley’s voice was high pitched, she was screaming like a banshee. A crowd of people were all gathered around Woody’s girlfriend and Lesley. Fallon marched towards them. She barged through the crowd and she could see Emma, Woody’s girlfriend, pointing her finger in Lesley’s face. “Billy is a fucking murderer; mark my words this isn’t over. I’ll make sure he pays one day believe me.”
Lesley seemed to find her inner strength and sprang up from the chair, she ran at Emma with fists of fury. “Come on then. Let’s sort it out now. Don’t make threats bitch, let’s have it”. Lesley was in Emma’s face frothing at the mouth. “Don’t you dare threaten me or my family. Your man was a rapist. Are you forgetting about that,” she spoke in a sarcastic tone to the crowd. Finding her courage she gave it her straight. “Oh, I thought you’d be quiet now. Every day I have to live with what that scumbag did to me. He deserves to be dead. If Billy wouldn’t have done it, I would have. He was a sex-case. Do you hear me, a fucking raging sex-case, so get out of my face before I twat you all over.”
Emma looked gobsmacked and her words were stuck in her mouth as she was pulled away by her family. “One day, bitch,” she shouted back at Lesley as she left.
Fallon held her friend back, but she was strong and she was breaking free. She was going to rip this woman in two. “Just stop it Lesley, leave her to it, she’s not worth it.” Lesley was shaking from head to toe. “Just get me out of this place. I’m suffocating, I need some air.”
Fallon realised she was in distress. The two of them hurried down the stairs towards the exit. As they left the building they could see the back of Woody’s family getting into a car. Lesley dug deep into her pockets and pulled out her cigs. Quickly lighting one she sucked her cheeks in hard and inhaled. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. Billy’s solicitor came outside and walked towards them, he was sighing and kept his head low. “I’ve been looking all over for you Lesley.”
She growled at him and shook her head. “What do you want me for; he’s been slammed so there’s fuck all to talk about, is there?”
The solicitor knew she was a ticking bomb and he would make sure he didn’t stick around for longer than necessary. “I’m sorry about Billy, but we all knew he would be getting a big sentence didn’t we?”
Fallon screwed her face up. This tosser was getting right up her nose. There he was stood in his fancy suit, and not a care in the world. What did he have to worry about? “I’ll get going then,” he whispered in a low voice. Lesley and Fallon ignored him and he sneaked away with a look of relief on his face.
Fallon and Lesley made their way to the bus stop. The weather was cold and the wind was picking up. Lesley turned her head back and gazed at the courts behind her. She knew Billy would be sat in some cold cell now getting ready to get shipped out to a prison. In the distance she could see the landmark that was Strangeways prison. Rubbing at her arms she linked Fallon’s arm. Do you think he’ll go to the ‘Ways? I hope he does, because if he goes miles away how will I be able to go and visit him. I haven’t got a pot to piss in.”
Fallon pulled Lesley closer and tried to comfort her. “We’re a family and you’re part of it, so don’t worry, we’ll get to see him. By hook or by crook we’ll get there, trust me.”
“I’ll have to start shoplifting again,” Lesley moaned. “I know I still do a bit, but I’m going to have to up my game. Our Denva needs things and there’s no way he’s going without. No way in this world is he.”
Fallon tried to raise a smile. “He won’t go without anything love, I’ll see to that. John is wadded now so if we get stuck I can always tap him.”
“Fuck me there’s our bus, come on let’s peg it,” Fallon said in a distressed tone.
Beryl sat twiddling her thumbs; her stomach had been in knots all morning. She knew in her heart her son wasn’t coming home, but she still held hope that he would be a free man. Lesley walked into the house first, followed closely by Fallon. As if all her grief had hit her in one blow Lesley fell to the floor like a lead weight. Beryl choked back the tears and went to her side. Bob walked into the front room and looked anxious. He knew it wasn’t good news. Even for him this was a first, he usually kept his emotions under wraps. Looking at Lesley crying on the floor he grabbed his coat from the side of the table and stormed out of the back door without saying a word, he was gutted.
Fallon checked her watch; she was due in work soon. Slowly she went into the kitchen and switched the kettle on. Draping her body over the sink she let out a laboured breath. Hearing the scraping of the front gate she lifted her head up, she could see the postman approaching the front door. “Mam, what’s our post doing coming this late. I thought he usually gets here about seven each morning?” There was no reply. Eyes down, she picked up the two letters from the mat near the front door. Quickly scanning them in her hand she realised one was for her. The address was handwritten. Beryl came into the kitchen; Fallon shoved her letter in her back pocket and walked back inside. “Here you go mother, it looks like another bill for you.”
“Oh, fucking throw it on the side there with all the others. They can’t have what I’ve not got, can they?”
Fallon made three brews and struggled carrying them back into the front room. “Quick mother grip one of these will you? My fingers are burning,” she shouted. Bending her knees down, she placed the cups onto the coffee table, she spilt some. “Fucking hell Mam, I said to grip one. Look what I’ve done now. I swear mother, I’ve seen more go in a sick note.” Her words just floated above her mother’s head. Beryl used an old newspaper from the floor to soak up the spillage.
Lesley sat back in her chair and seemed a lot calmer now. “Well, I better start pulling myself together hadn’t I?”
Beryl switched the TV on as Fallon nodded her head. “Yep, there is nothing you can do to change it. You’ll just have to soldier on.”
Fallon sat down and jerked back up as she remembered the letter in her back pocket. Pulling it out in front of her she studied the handwriting. “I wonder who this is from?”
Beryl was sat next to her now. She squinted her eyes at the envelope, she looked frantic. She recognised the handwriting. Fallon started to open the letter slowly; her mother was searching for her cigs, she was going to need one. Fallon unfolded the sheet of white paper in front of her. Beryl turned the TV volume up hoping to distract her daughter. “Oh let’s watch this film, it’s a classic, just what we need. Orr it’s a really sad story this. I’ve seen it before.”
Fallon rested the letter on her lap and cast her eyes over to the TV. Lesley kicked her shoes off and tucked her legs up on the sofa beside her.
“Fuck me Beryl; don’t you think I’m down enough without having me crying more?” Beryl kept looking at Fallon from the corner of her eyes; she was struggling to keep her attention.
“It’s called ‘Beaches’ it’s about two friends.”
“Well don’t spoil it all then,” Lesley cursed. “Fallon come on, get on here with me.” It was too late, Fallon was reading her letter.
Dear Fallon
Please, please reply to me. I’m dead without you. I’ll never give up trying to get you back. I swear Fallon I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life losing you. You might read this letter you might not, but I’m never giving up trying. Please reply to me. Why won’t you just give me the chance? I’ve wrote every week for years. I need closure Fallon, just something from you to say it’s over. Please reply, please.
Love Dalton. xxxxxxx
Fallon held her hand over her heart; it was pumping inside her ribcage getting ready to burst. “It’s from Dalton,” she gasped. Beryl chewed on her bottom lip and went white in the face.
Lesley jumped up from the sofa. “What, your Dalton?” her hands was shaking, she threw the letter to the floor as if it had some fatal disease all over it. Licking her dry lips slowly she dragged her hand through her hair.
“Why’s he doing this to me? It all makes sense now, the flowers at work; the man watching me outside the hospital, it’s him. It’s got to be him. I thought I was going mad, but it’s Dalton.”
Beryl dipped her head, her mouth was moving but no sound was coming out. “Phone the police on the wanker,” Lesley ranted. “He’s a stalker, he should be locked up.” Beryl stood up and disappeared out of the room. Fallon was marching about the front room stressing. Beryl was holding her heart, it was pumping with speed. Sitting on the bed to calm down she shook her head. She sat staring at the wall playing with the cuff on her cardigan, thinking. Slowly she bent down and pulled the carpet up from the edge of the room. Lifting the floorboard up, she sank her hand down underneath the wood and gripped a bundle of letters. Putting them on the bed she stroked her hand over them slowly. Her mind had been tormented by these letters for years and she knew she had to hand them over to her daughter. It was time to come clean. Taking a deep breath she stood up and made her way back downstairs.
Fallon was furious. Lesley had hold of her hands and she was trying to calm her down. “Get off me Lesley. I’m going round to see his Mam. She can shove this letter right up her posh arse. I bet he’s not told his wife about writing to me has he?”
Lesley was consoling her and her own troubles seemed to disappear. “Just calm down, it’s just one letter. Forget about the nob. Don’t waste your breath on him.”
Beryl was back in the room and she placed the bundle of letters on the table near Fallon. “It’s not just one letter love. He’s been writing to you ever since you finished with him. He’s phoned endlessly and,” she blew her breath as her eyes filled up. “Well, I never told you because he’s a twat. He’d hurt you and I never wanted him to do it again.”
Lesley and Fallon sat down. Fallon was gobsmacked, her jaw dropped and her eyes were wide open. She picked up some of the letters and darted her eyes at her mother. “What, all these letters are from Dalton?” Beryl nodded her head slowly. “For fucks sake, this is getting worse by the minute. Are you joking with me or what?” snapped Fallon.
She shot a fierce look at Lesley. “Did you know about the letters too?”
Lesley was up in arms. “Did I fuck; this is a first for me too.”
Beryl sat down and her head sank between her knees, she was a wreck. As she lifted her head up tears were streaming down her face. “I’m sorry, I just thought... Oh I don’t know what I thought. I was just thinking of you. You couldn’t take anymore.”
Fallon sank to her knees, she was crying hysterically. “So, all this time you’ve known he still loved me, yet you left me to deal with it all. I’ve cried and cried for him, mother. Every night for years I thought he didn’t give a toss about me anymore, and you left to me to do that. What were you thinking?”
Beryl was defensive and bolted up from her chair. “I was looking out for you. You’re my flesh and blood. That bastard ripped your heart out. What did you want me to do, welcome him back with open arms?”
Fallon was in her face. “I wanted you to give me the chance to make my own mind up. That’s all I wanted, mother.” The room was silent. Fallon sat down and chewed on the skin at the side of her thumb. Half of her wanted to burn the letters but the other half wanted to read every word he’d written. For crying out loud, she was with John now. She was engaged to be married to him. Her mind was all over the place. Slowly, she gathered all the letters together. As she started to leave the room she twisted her head back over her shoulder. “Mam, I’ll never forgive you for this, never.”
Lesley sighed and went to comfort Beryl who was in floods of tears. “It was a hard decision, love. You did what you thought was right.”
Beryl snivelled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I did Lesley. I only thought it was one letter at first, but they kept coming every week. Before I knew it they were piling up. He’s been phoning too you know. I thought we had a stalker for months, but the last time he rang he spoke.”
Lesley’s eyes were wide open. “What, he’s been ringing here too?”
Beryl huffed, “Yeah loads of times. I just thought it was some hoax calls or something at first. In fact to tell you the truth I thought Bob had a bit of a fancy piece, you know, another woman.”
Lesley cupped her face in her hands. “So, what did he say when he finally spoke?”
Beryl lit a cigarette with shaking hands. Inhaling deeply she raised her eyes to the ceiling. “He was crying, he said he loved Fallon and would I tell her to contact him.”
Lesley blew her cheeks out and grabbed her cigs from the sofa. “Well fuck a Duck. This is unbelievable. It’s like something you see on the telly. You need to come clean Beryl, you need to tell her everything,” she looked at her meaningfully. “And I mean everything, she needs to know.”
Fallon sat on her bed just staring at the letters. Bringing one up to her nose she inhaled. A single bulky tear fell down her cheek and her lips quivered. Reaching for her mobile phone she phoned in work and informed them that she was going to be late. Her eyes were red raw underneath and her head was in bits. Once the call was made she sat on the floor and started to read through all the letters Dalton had sent.
Lesley crept up the stairs; she could hear sobbing from inside the bedroom. Her hand slowly pushed the door open and she could see her best friend with her head held between her knees crying. In her hand was a letter. She came and sat beside her. “Are you okay? Well, I know you’re not okay, but you know what I mean.”
Fallon lifted her head up; her mascara was all over her eyes and thick black tears trickled down her cheeks. “He still loves me, Lesley. After all this time he still loves me.”
Lesley held her close to her chest. “He was a fool Fallon. He cheated on you and broke all the promises that he made to you. What did he expect?”
Fallon looked into her eyes and held her hands. “I’m so fucked up. What do I do now? I’m supposed to love John. I’ve said I’ll marry him.”
Lesley spoke slowly and every word seemed to go on forever. “Do what your heart tells you to do Fallon. Only you know how you feel inside.”
The bedroom door creaked open and they both looked at Beryl stood at the door. “I’m sorry Fallon, please don’t hate me.”
Fallon stood to her feet and cradled her mother tightly in her arms. “I was angry Mam. I didn’t mean to say those things.” Beryl now relayed all the information about the phone calls that Dalton had made. She looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The secret she’d been hiding for years was now out.
The girls made a pact that no one would tell John about the letters. He was paranoid enough about Dalton and they didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. Fallon placed all the letters into an old shoe box and hid them away under her bed. She decided that she wasn’t going to reply to any of the letters, it was better that way. Tonight when she came home from work she was going to read through them all again, she couldn’t take in what was going on in her life.
Did Dalton really still love her?