“I need you to go back up to Nauders,” Max Junior said.
I was standing at the reception desk, and he leaned opposite me. “You haven’t been in almost three months, and I need you to go.”
I looked up from the card deck I’d been shuffling. “You go.”
“I have been. Every time. It’s your turn. Get over that girl already, would you?”
Behind me, the kitchen door opened. Rattling keychain. Jutta. Max Junior greeted her, and she muttered something in return. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her balancing a cup of coffee on the way to the post office. I only looked up when the door closed behind her.
“What’s with the two of you anyway?” Max Junior said.
“Nothing. I’ve been telling you for months. I don’t know what’s crawled into her drawers.”
Max Junior moved away. “Tomorrow. Nauders. We need the cigarettes.” He went into the kitchen.
I sighed and slammed the card deck onto the table and began calculating the balances due on the rooms. The door to the post office opened again and Jutta stalked over. She dropped a stack of letters on top of my book. They looked in order.
“Next time, sort the mail yourself,” she said. “It’s past nine. People are coming to pick up their post. It’s not my job.”
I lifted the envelopes and flicked through them. Nothing interesting. What had I expected? A letter from Cecilia? I glanced at Jutta going up the stairs to the rooms above. Her back was stiff, her hand sliding along the banister.
I was trapped. I’d have to go to Nauders tomorrow. The idea of running into Cecilia made my stomach lurch. There was no way I could face her now.
The night after the events in the alley, I’d awoken in my bed, sore and sorrowful, and I had no idea how I had managed to get back home. The church believed the priest taking our confession was a nonjudgmental representative of God and capable of absolving all sin. All I believed was that Father Wilhelm was the assigned keeper of the entire valley’s secrets. Confessing would mean voicing, and voicing would make it true. Jutta’s stony silence, her rigid back, the dark shade her eyes had taken on, all of it led me to believe she had come to the same conclusion. It was our secret, not to be told. And still, the secret was so big I did not know how I could face Cecilia. She would surely know as soon as she lay eyes on me.
I slammed the guest book shut and went to do duty at the post office. First person to come in was Georg, my brother-in-law.
“Morning, Mayor,” I said.
“Morning, Fritz. I’m expecting a few things.”
I rifled through the separated post. A letter stamped from Munich had his name on it.
“Here you go. The Geological Society?”
Georg eyed the envelope. “Well, let’s have a look, shall we?”
We’d just learned about the reservoir the Imperial engineers were proposing. Something about raising Graun Lake to connect with Reschen and harness the Etsch River’s power to make electricity. I was excited by the prospect, but there were others who were up in arms, including my brother. By the way Georg was frowning as he read, I guessed there was more trouble brewing. And I was right.
That afternoon, the dining room was full. Max Junior and I called the men at the Stammtisch—the table for regulars—the mayor’s advisors. There was Herr Prieth, the baker. Young Martin Noggler, the blacksmith. Anton Federspiel, the banker. Klaus Blech and his father, the local butchers. Father Wilhelm sat in as spiritual advisor, representative of the church and its agendas. My father was also there, of course, and Frederick too. My eldest brother was the most recent addition to the circle. Max Junior and I sat nearby, listening in on the arguments for and against the reservoir.
Martin Noggler scratched his fiery-red hair. “I don’t know, Mayor. Our property goes right up to the edge there, and if they raise the lakes, I lose land. Do I drop my irons and pick up a fishing pole now?”
Georg placed a hand on the blacksmith’s forearm. “We’ll do what we can, Martin. Of course I will suggest replacement land.”
Georg explained scientists were coming to conduct ground tests to check the feasibility. I guessed that was what the letter had been about.
“So it’s not certain yet?” Frederick asked.
The Herr Doktor shrugged.
“Then we wait until we find out what they have to say,” Frederick said. An obvious assertion of his young wisdom.
“What about this inn?” Martin Noggler gestured into the otherwise empty dining room.
“And the church,” Father Wilhelm added. “Surely all the buildings anywhere near Graun Lake will be affected.”
Just then the boys from Arlund walked in. Hans and Hugo Glockner, twins the size of northern giants, ran their parents’ sheep farm. Whereas Hans was quiet and kept to himself, Hugo was the outgoing one. He and I had spent a night or two up until dawn carousing and having fun. They both greeted Max Junior and me and took a seat at the Stammtisch.
With them had come the Thaler boys, Johi and Jonas. Their farm was one of the most prosperous in the valley, and the family was well respected. The boys were known for being reliable, hard working, and faithful to God and country. Irritating.
Johi approached Max Junior’s and my table first, dark hair swept back from his brow, smelling of sheep soap and clean sun-dried clothes.
“Griaß-enk. You seen Jutta?”
Just the mention of her name sent shivers through me. “I imagine she’s upstairs cleaning rooms.”
He sighed. The fellow was depressed. About a week after the carnival, I had seen Johi and Jutta beside the chicken house. He had looked desperate, and I could tell from the way he had been wringing his hat that he was pleading with her, begging for something. But Jutta had grown that stiff back. Her head was turned away, and I had the impression that if she looked Johi in the face, she would burn up.
Max Junior had come up to me where I watched at the window.
“Heavy hearts,” he’d said.
“What do you mean?” I kept my eyes on the two.
“They’ve been walking together for a few weeks. Johi’s always been sweet on her. Last time you were in Nauders, he was testing around Hugo like you would around a sinkhole. Wasn’t he still interested in her? Would it be okay? That kind of thing. Hugo just laughed, said Johi didn’t need his permission to go chasing after the hardest catch in the valley.” Max Junior had chuckled, in that way that indicated he knew everything. He did not.
“Our Jutta,” he said, “is a confounding woman. Suddenly she’s got cold feet or something. I swear, she’s got a heart of stone. I feel sorry for Johi.”
I had turned away from the door. Whatever chance Johi might have had, it was over.
From then on, any time he was down in Graun, Johi hung around the inn, his hope for some sign of affection or a change of heart all fluffed up around him. And every time Jutta made sure to veer out of his way, a little more of Johi seemed to shed off and float to the ground.
The mayor and his advisors were still talking, and Johi seemed uncertain whether to sit with them or with us. He shifted from one leg to the other, then sank into a chair at our table. As soon as he did, Jutta walked into the dining room and Johi sprang up like he’d just been stung by a hornet. His face changed from anxiety to hope to disappointment all in a single second.
Jutta halted, obviously not expecting to find him there, but her eyes flitted over him, as if that, too, would cause physical pain. They landed on me, and her expression went blank. She turned stiffly to the Stammtisch.
“Herr Doktor,” she called to my father. “I heard you were here. May I have a word with you?”
My heart hammered in my chest. This was it. Jutta was going to give this words. Because she’d had to sort out the post today? Or was it because Johi was here now?
My father was examining her from afar. “Are you ill, child?”
Jutta’s chest rose as she took in a breath. “Something like that.”
Her eyes grazed me again as she turned to leave. My father, paying us no mind, pressed his hat on his head and left the dining room. By the sound of the next door opening and shutting, he must have gone into Max Junior’s and my apartment.
Johi sat back down. “You think she’s all right?”
“How should I know?” I grumbled.
Max Junior rose, clearing up the table. “Come on. The lunch guests will be coming soon.”
Johi glanced over his shoulder at the door again.
I wanted to smack him across the head. Instead, I said, “You may as well give up.”
He raised sorrowful eyes. “She say something?”
I shrugged. “I think she’s got other things on her mind is all I’m saying.”
When the door opened to the dining room again, it was the Herr Doktor. He had me square in his sights, and the expression on his face scared me stiff.
“Get in here!” He jerked an arm into the hallway.
Across the way, the apartment door stood open and I could see Jutta hugging herself, pacing back and forth.
This was it. I was done.