| |
I knew something was wrong, and it instantly put me on edge. Our relationship was so fragile right now. I wasn’t an idiot. I saw it. I felt the tension growing between us, and not the good kind. I knew I had asked way too much of her when it came to moving back. Especially after I had cooped her up. But beyond that, I knew Violet had risked her entire life coming back here after heading to her grandparents’. I didn’t want to let her down. I didn’t want all of this struggle to be for nothing. I wanted this to amount to something beautiful. Something grand. Something beyond her wildest, most happiest dreams.
I didn’t want to let the woman I loved down, not when I had promised her that things would be better. That I could make things better, with enough time and enough work.
I had greatly underestimated how intricate all of this was going to be.
“Should I start by asking how your day was?” I asked.
Violet sighed as she leaned her head back. She was struggling, and I’d never seen her struggle like this before. Not with me. Talking with her had always been effortless, and it seemed like it had always been that way for her as well.
Had it not always been that way? Did she always struggle like this to talk with me?
Was I that hard to talk to?
“Actually, yes. We can start there,” Violet said.
I didn’t like the flattened tone of her voice.
“What’s going on? You’ve got me worried,” I said.
Violet leveled her head out and opened her eyes. And within those hazel eyes of hers I found a well of distraction. There was anger and sadness. There was a sorrowfulness that etched itself into all of her features. The corners of her lips downturned, and I watched her brow furrow with guilt.
“I’m so sorry, Ray,” she whispered.
“Sorry for what?” I asked.
She drew in a deep breath as the food in front of us fell to the wayside.
“I left the apartment today,” Violet said.
I paused. “You what?”
“I left to go get some coffee, then walked around for a bit. I window-shopped. I picked up a few things.”
“You what now?” I asked.
“And I ran into Vivien Brant.”
My mind swirled with everything she had just thrown at me. Her running into Vivien threw a wrench into things that she didn’t even understand. Vivien knowing she was in town meant my parents would soon know. Which meant my father would hover around me more than usual to make sure I was adhering to the contractual agreement.
She’d just made things way more dangerous for us.
“Violet, why—? How—?”
“Why? Because I’ve been cooped up like a prisoner for weeks now. How? Well, I put on clothes and walked out the door. That’s how,” she said.
“Violet, Vivien knowing you’re around—and this close to my place—it’s...”
“She told me you were still dating Amber Harris.”
My eyes flickered up to Violet’s, and I watched all the hesitation fall from her face. All the guilt. All the sorrow. All the distractions. Her face fell into stone, and her eyes grew calm. But she held me in an icy stare that made me shiver to my bones.
Was that what was bothering her?
Did she think I was still with Amber?
I drew in a deep breath. Granted, Violet and I hadn’t really addressed the whole “Amber situation.” But I was still wrapping my mind around the fact that Vivien had fucking seen her in public today!
“I remembered you mentioning her once before. You said something about your parents forcing something on you. Is that what happened?” Violet asked.
I leaned back into my chair and slowly crossed my leg over my knee.
I gathered my thoughts as best as I could. I hadn’t brought up the topic of discussion again because I didn’t think it was serious. Or necessary. Things between Amber and I had dissolved completely before I went in search of Violet. Did Violet not trust me? Not trust that?
Because to me, if she didn’t trust me, then that was the bigger issue here.
“Please just talk to me, okay?” Violet asked.
“About what? About the fact that you apparently don’t trust me?” I asked.
“Ray, don’t do this,” she said.
“Violet, you went out today and the worst possible person who could have seen you, did. That greatly complicates things for me at work. This is a delicate game we’re—”
“And what about me, huh?”
“What about you?”
“What about the fact that my entire life has been paused. I can’t call Lydia. I can’t go out. I can’t go work. You won’t even let me have my fucking laptop, Ray, because you’re paranoid. Here you are, getting the promotion you’ve always wanted and running the company you’ve always wanted, and I’m stuck in some apartment waiting for you to get home like some kept fucking woman.”
“Look, I know this is hard—”
“You don’t have a damn clue what I’m going through, Ray! You get to go out every day and go to work! Be productive! Make something of yourself! I’m more than this, Ray. I’m worth more than this. I’m more than just your unwedded housewife. So, I want to know why you’re really cooping me up. I want to know your plan, and I want to know if that plan requires you to date Amber Harris in public while keeping me locked up in some ebony tower all day, every day,” she spat.
I was stunned at her outburst, but the tears that rolled down her cheeks betrayed her. Betrayed how sad she was inside. How dark things had gotten for her. I mean, I knew she might have been getting cabin fever. Hell, anyone would have. But I thought I was doing a much better job at smoothing things over for her than I had been.
The look of emptiness in her eyes made me sick.
I drew in a deep breath. “After you left, my mother and father set up a dinner party. They essentially got Amber and I into closed quarters, hoping some sort of relationship they could benefit from would blossom. Amber’s father is a prominent politician, and they could use his sway in the legal courts now that there are whispers of the family business becoming a quasi-monopoly in the manufacturing business.”
Violet sighed as I continued.
“Neither of us wanted to date, but we did come to an arrangement. Date in public so that the two of us could get done what we wanted to get done in private. I’d take the time to heal from what happened with us, and she would use our dates as times to fill out art school applications.”
“Art school?” she asked.
“Amber’s father doesn’t want her going to art school. She used our times out together to fill out applications to submit.”
“Oh,” she said softly.
“She told me her father hated her boyfriends and hated where she hung out. And she figured that, along with her applications, she could continue hanging out with the crowd she enjoyed so long as a man her father approved of was there to watch over her. My parents clearly wanted me to date her, so we pretended in order to appease them so I could push forward with this CEO position I have now and try to get over you.”
“Oh,” she whispered again.
“Amber was nothing more than a friend. And it stayed that way until I figured out she was manipulating me. After our second so-called date, she wiggled her way into coming back to my place. I assumed it was to fill out more applications, but she tried coming on to me. I think she hoped to make me fall for her and turn our fake relationship into a real one.”
“So... what?” she asked.
“The second she tried to pin me with something like that, I broke it off. I escorted her to the elevator and made sure security saw her out. That was the night I went to go speak with Lydia,” I said.
“That was the night?”
“Yes. And after I pulled from your roommate where you were, I chartered my jet and was on the first flight plan out of the city and into Montana.”
The room fell silent around us as another tear slipped down Violet’s cheek.
“I’m not dating Amber. I’m not even seeing her to keep up the ruse. Hell, I’m not even speaking to her. I haven’t since that night I threw her out. There’s nothing there, Violet. Yes, my parents and Vivien and some other people are under the impression I’m still with her, but that’s because I’m working things in that fashion. Attaching myself to another woman means I’m even further away from you. I have some things to navigate now that Vivien knows you’re still around, but I don’t think it’s anything I can’t handle.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
I reached over and offered my hand to her. She looked down at it before she sighed, then slipped her soft, tender hand into mine. I closed my fingers around her skin. I felt the heat of her body transfer to mine. I felt her trembling, trying to keep her stormy emotions at bay as we talked over an uneaten dinner.
“Violet, I’m not with anyone other than you. I swear it,” I said.
She nodded softly. “I believe you. I trust you.”
“Are you sure?”
She snickered before clearing her throat. “Yes, I’m sure. Thank you for telling me what happened.”
I felt relieved, but I knew things weren’t resolved. Violet was still on edge, but I could also see she was tired of talking. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it, hoping to leave this conversation open for whenever she wanted to speak again.
But over the course of dinner, she didn’t say anything.
We stuffed our stomachs with the most incredible chicken Alfredo I’d ever tasted. Then, we set about to our nightly routine. I cleaned the dishes while she went and got changed. We settled onto the couch, and I pulled her into my arms. I wrapped myself around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. But instead of relaxing into my kiss, it made her tense more.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I felt Violet draw in a shaking breath, and it worried me. I figured she was upset about Amber or reeling still from seeing Vivien. Shit, I hadn’t even asked her how that encounter had gone. What that woman might have said to her other than making a comment about Amber. I needed to stop being so selfish in all this.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered.
“Come again?” I asked.
I figured I hadn’t heard her right. There was no way in hell I’d heard her right.
“I can’t do this anymore, Ray,” Violet said.
She sat up from my lap and crossed her legs on the couch. She didn’t even look at me. She just stared blankly into the blank television screen. I reached for her hand, but she pulled away from me. She put distance between us, like she had that night when she left.
“Please don’t do this. Not again,” I said.
“I thought I could be patient and keep things under wraps,” she said.
“We’ll figure this out. We’ll figure out a way to make this work. Don’t do this, Violet. Come on.”
“I don’t want to have to hide our relationship. I can’t stay in this building for days, or weeks, or months. I didn’t think it would be like this. I didn’t think I’d have to hide away and completely stop my life to do this. You should have told me on the plane, Ray. You should have told me.”
She turned her weary eyes to me, and I knew I couldn’t stop her. It was happening. Again.
I was losing my Violet.
“I want a real relationship that isn’t controlled by outside forces. And here we are again, stuffed away in some apartment that isn’t even your home, just trying to survive,” she said.
“It’s home if you’re here with me,” I said.
“But it’s not home to me. Not when I’m a prisoner in it.”
I drew in a shaky breath as I tried reaching for her again. And just like the other times, she scooted away from me. Until she was squished against the other side of the couch.
I was at a loss.
And I had no idea what the hell to do.
