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“Thanks again for letting me in last night,” I said, sighing.
“Why the hell wouldn’t I have?” Lydia asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”
The two of us had been up most of the night talking. I told her why I was back in town. What all had happened after I left Montana. She chastised me for making such stupid moves, like I knew she would. But throughout it all, she lent an open ear and a sympathetic presence. It took most of the night to pick apart all of it. To tell her what happened and everything that had been going on in my mind. I knew she was upset with Ray to think I could have ever been happy like that, but I wasn’t mad at Ray.
He was just trying to piece together his perfect life.
Like we all were.
“So, are you moving back in here? Or are you really going to jet back off to Montana?” Lydia asked.
“I mean, I was happy in Montana. Even before Ray descended in. I felt my creative spark come back there. It felt more like home than home has in a long time,” I said.
“Well, just make sure not to follow men around any longer. For once, make them follow you. You’re worth something like that. If he wants you, he’ll come.”
I nodded softly, but I didn’t say anything. That was my fear. I had chosen Ray over my comfort. Over my beliefs. Over what I felt needed to happen. What if he didn’t do the same? What if all of this was for nothing? What if he simply chose to stick around in a life I knew he was miserable with instead of taking a chance on me?
On the life we could have?
Lydia and I sat on my bed in my old bedroom. She had moved into the space, obviously; it was only a studio apartment. But a lot of things remained unchanged. Even though I’d only been away from this place for less than a month, it felt like years had gone by.
Enough was left unchanged for it to feel as if I’d never left in the first place.
“Do you need anything?” Lydia asked.
“Another life,” I sighed.
“Something I can actually get you?” she asked, giggling.
“Just silence.”
“Isn’t that what you were fleeing last night?”
I shook my head. “Silence isn’t the issue. Not being able to live my life is.”
“Then, I’m right here if you need anything.”
Lydia rubbed my back as I reflected on my time in the city. I remembered back to the day I first got there. How much of a change of pace it had been from Montana. How eager I was to make my mark on the world. I thought about the waitressing jobs I held and the events I helped put together. I thought about my degree and my classes and how doe-eyed and hopeful I’d been as a teenage girl living in the big city.
I couldn’t stay here now, though. The city had been tainted with tears and ruined memories. I couldn’t live there, knowing Ray was out there somewhere. Even if my job prospects hadn’t been ruined by Satan herself, I still wouldn’t have been able to do it. Just the smallest chance of running into Ray had me trembling with nerves.
Ray, the man I loved more than life.
“He’s not going to choose me, is he?” I asked softly.
Lydia kissed my cheek. “I don’t know. I thought for sure he had when he showed up that night. But now... I just don’t know, sweetie.”
I leaned against her shoulder and closed my eyes. It was sad, but true. Ray wasn’t choosing me, and I had to accept that.
“Want me to catch you up on the work drama you’ve missed?” Lydia asked.
But before she could launch into her story, the buzzer for the apartment went off.
“I’ll be right back. That’s probably our pizza,” she said.
“You ordered pizza at eight in the morning?” I asked.
“Hell yeah, I did. Pepperoni and extra mushrooms.”
“Could I have a slice?”
Lydia giggled as she left the room and went to answer things. And even though I knew it was the pizza, my heart was in my throat. I dreamed of the person downstairs actually being Ray. I daydreamed that it was him, coming to tell me he had chosen me. Coming to wrap me in his arms and say that he was going to Montana with me so we could live the life I knew both of us wanted to live together.
“Violet?”
My eyes ripped open. A shiver worked its way down my spine. I stared at the doorway of the bedroom, taking in the familiar shape that filled it. My heart stopped in my chest as I looked up into his eyes. His tailored suit clung to his form as he gripped his briefcase in his hand.
It was Ray.
He was there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to see you. Why else?” he asked.
I nodded softly, then patted the bed beside me. I couldn’t let myself get my hopes up. For all I knew, he was coming to deliver the news in person that he couldn’t choose me. I mean, he was dressed for work, for fuck’s sake.
He was simply being a gentleman.
He sat down beside me, and I gazed up into his eyes. Lydia closed the bedroom door, slinking away to give us some privacy. The silence stretched out between us as his eyes danced between mine. And finally, I couldn’t take it any longer.
“This is already going to be hard, Ray,” I said.
He chuckled. “I have no doubt about it.”
“So, then you agree.”
“With what?” he asked.
“That we shouldn’t see each other because it’ll just prolong the hurt.”
He grinned. “The agony can’t be prolonged, Violet. Not when it’s already going to be long. Because if you leave me, the agony will stretch on forever. And every minute I’m not with you, will sting more than a thousand suns boiling my skin.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Nice imagery.”
“It’s true. You can’t prolong something that will already be infinite. Which is what my pain will be if you leave.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. It still wasn’t a definitive answer one way or another. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t come back to reality until Ray cupped my cheek. Until his thumb slid over my skin.
Until his nose brushed against mine.
“A life without you isn’t a life at all, Violet. And I can’t be okay with that,” Ray whispered.
My heart restarted again, and I drew in a quivering breath. I cupped my hand over his as a tear slid from my eye. I felt his thumb brush against my skin, shooing the wetness away as our foreheads fell together.
“Please be saying what I think you are,” I breathed.
“I won’t put us through any more pain. I promise you that, Violet. If you’ll have me still, I want to come with you. For good,” Ray said.
I let out a sob of happiness as a smile crossed my face.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
He nodded against my forehead. “As a heart attack. I told my parents this morning that I wasn’t letting you go. That I wasn’t giving you up. My father drew a line in the sand, and I made my choice. I’m ready to walk away from everything I’ve ever known, if you’ll still have me at your side.”
I gazed into his eyes as his breath settled against my lips.
“Are you sure?” I whispered.
His lips brushed mine in a feather-like kiss.
“More than I’ve ever been in my entire life,” he murmured.
Then, his briefcase dropped to the floor before he enveloped me. His lips crashed against mine as my hands gripped his suit jacket. Our tongues collided and my body filled with electricity that surged my brain until it stopped working. His lips pressed against mine. Our bodies lowered to the bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as tightly as I could, hoping and praying that this wasn’t a dream.
But when he groaned down my throat, I knew it wasn’t. I knew it was real. I knew it was happening. I knew my daydream had come true.
“I love you so much, Violet,” Ray whispered against my lips.
Then, his lips slid down my neck, trailing kisses along my body as he rid me of my clothes.
