Something happened while she had been away from the table. Everyone had been tense when she’d returned. They’d loosened up since then, but Kevin was still acting weird. He’d given her the cold shoulder ever since.
Gabe and Nick briefly abandoned the table. So, while Ed went to the bathroom, Brooke decided to get to the bottom of it. “What’s the matter with you?”
“What do you mean?” He drained the last of his glass.
“You’re acting weird.”
“How so?”
He was being deliberately dense. Fine. “I’m your ride, but if you’d rather one of the guys take you home, I can leave.”
When she realized he was considering it, she snatched up her purse. As much as she might like to think so, these weren’t her friends. She was still an outsider. Would always be an outsider. Her fingers curled around the top of her bag, her nails cutting into the leather as she suppressed an old urge she thought she’d curbed. “I’ll just…I’ll go.”
Kevin grabbed her wrist as she moved away. “No, stay.”
Usually, it was easy to read him, but something was throwing him off. He looked angry and a little lost. Damn it, he looked hurt, and she had no idea why. She sighed. “You don’t want me here. I need to go.”
He looked past her, and she glanced over to see Ed heading their way. The brunette Gabe had been hitting on was long gone, and it looked like Nick was planning to leave.
Calmly, Kevin said, “Stay. I’d like to talk to you later.”
As though he’d made up his mind about something, Kevin smiled, making her feel a little better. She relaxed into the booth again as Ed and Gabe slid into the other side.
“Anyway, guys, sorry, but I got to head out.” Nick and Gabe exchanged a look. “Amelia’s waiting on me.”
The second Nick’s back was turned, Kevin mimicked a whipping sound, complete with the hand motion. Their friend spun back to them. “What was that?”
The guys all chuckled, but Brooke smiled and replied, “I think what Kevin’s trying to say is that Amelia’s got you whipped.”
Nick roamed back to them. He placed his hands flat on the table and locked Brooke in a penetrating stare. Something dark pierced his blue eyes, sending a shiver down her spine. Unconsciously, as Nick leaned nearer, Brooke shrank toward the cushion behind her.
His lips nearly brushed her ear as he whispered, “You’ve got that backward.” Laughing, he pulled away. “See you guys.”
Wide-eyed, Brooke attempted to absorb his comment. She could feel Gabe’s gaze. “I’ve never seen a woman look like that after talking with Nick.”
Kevin sat forward to examine her face. She quickly went expressionless.
The others started in on the jokes, trying to pry Nick’s words from her. Gabe held up his hand. “He’s sleeping with my sister. I don’t want to know what he said.”
Brooke swallowed. “That’s probably for the best.”
Over the next hour, Brooke stayed quiet. Listening to their conversation and trying to interpret why Kevin’s mood had soured, she considered ways to fix the problem. The guys chatted about cars. Brooke got lost in her own thoughts. She checked her cellphone a few times, expecting to see a text from her mom. By now, she should have become accustomed to the silence. Her mother was too ill to text her, and soon, Brooke would have to come to terms with the fact that there wouldn’t be any texts or emails—no more calls either.
Since high school, Brooke had trouble making friends, but her mother had always been there for her. Sure, she’d still be able to call Dan, but it wouldn’t be the same. Her mom had been her safety net, and when that net was gone, Brooke prayed she had the strength to keep from falling down the deep, dark hole again.
Soul hurting, Brooke blinked away the tears, took a shuddering breath, and tried tuning into the guys. Pulled from her musings, she realized they’d switched from cars to computers, a topic she knew plenty about and a perfect distraction.
As it neared ten o’clock, Brooke used the ladies’ room again, but when she returned to the table, Gabe was gone. Damn! She’d hoped to ensure that he still planned to meet with her on Monday.
She decided that if he skipped their appointment again, she’d inform Phil that it was time to bring in someone else. Occupying her seat once more, she wondered if Gabe would be coming back. “Is Gabe gone for the night?”
“I think he has other plans,” Ed informed her when Kevin remained silent.
With the brunette, no doubt.
“Oh. How much longer are we planning on staying?”
Brooke tried not to yawn, which was difficult considering her bedtime now coincided with the hospital’s visitation hours. And when sleep eluded her, she wandered the house, trying not to wake Dan as she rummaged through her mother’s things.
Kevin’s fingers tightened on his glass. “I paid your bill while you were gone so we can leave whenever.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” It bothered her when Kevin did things like that, acting like they were a real couple. She’d made the type of relationship she wanted with him very clear. He’d been a wonderful boyfriend in high school, caring and supportive, and after the breakup, they’d remained friends. Aside from her mom, he was her best friend. But she knew, deep down, he wasn’t her forever guy. They would never live happily ever after. And she was sure he understood that. Supportive friendship and occasional sex that was what she wanted from Kevin, and from what she could tell, he’d been more than happy to oblige.
“I wanted to since you’re my DD tonight. Why don’t we head out?”
Confused, Brooke agreed. “Okay. Ed, do you want a lift back to your place?”
His smile, a little too kind, made Brooke uneasy. “Thanks, but no.”
While Kevin ushered her away, Ed made no move to leave the booth. She called back to him. “Bye, Ed. See you later!”
He nodded but said nothing. Kevin didn’t even bother saying goodbye, which left Brooke feeling edgy. She was even more puzzled when she spotted the brunette Gabe had been chasing. As Brooke went out the door, she was positive that the same woman he’d been hitting on earlier was dancing with her girlfriends.
If Gabe wasn’t with her, then why had he ditched the guys?
* * *
Kevin used his hold on Brooke’s arm to lead her toward the exit, but the second they pushed out of the crowd and through the door, Kevin released her. He felt burned by touching her, burned by her very presence. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes as though she didn’t understand why he was mad.
He walked with her to her car but had no intention of getting into it. Over the roof, Kevin watched her as she unlocked it, opened her door, and slid into the driver’s seat, but when he didn’t follow, she scrambled back out.
“Seriously, Kevin, what’s the matter?”
Taking out his pack of smokes, Kevin removed one, then replaced the pack in favor of his lighter. As he lit it and inhaled his first drag, she seemed to relax. She rested her forearms on the roof and chuckled. “Oh.”
With nicotine’s familiar aid, Kevin felt the ache in his chest receding. He took another puff and stared down at the ground. “It’s over, Brooke.”
“What?”
Afraid she hadn’t heard him, Kevin looked up and raised his voice. “It’s over.”
“I heard you, damn it.” They stared at each other. “Care to elaborate?”
Often, he’d wondered how Brooke remained so strong. He’d seen her through some of the most difficult times of her life. He’d stood by her while facing hardships others wouldn’t have survived. As he looked at her now, he laughed at himself. He’d thought she’d needed him, that through all these years she’d leaned on him, he’d saved her.
What a joke.
She’d used him tonight for access to Gabe. It wasn’t the first time, either. She thought about Gabe when they were together. She’d always wanted his friend, and no matter what he did, in her mind, he’d never be good enough.
He wouldn’t make the mistake of dismissing her struggles. Though they had been invisible to him, her demons had been real. The mistake was thinking that she still needed him.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Deliberately playing dumb, she said, “We haven’t dated in years, Kevin. We just,” she paused, searching for the right words, “hang out when I’m in town.”
“And now that’s over.”
Brooke slammed her car door shut. “What the hell brought this on?”
“This has been coming for a long time now.”
“So you don’t want to sleep with me anymore?”
Kevin hated that her chin trembled, but he couldn’t stop now. He wouldn’t. “Everything. No more late-night phone calls, no more texts, no more communication. And no more—”
“Fucking?”
Kevin glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying attention—a blessing since Brooke got vocal when she was upset.
“I know this is a bad time.” He did regret the timing. Her mother was dying, but like she said, it wasn’t as though they were boyfriend and girlfriend. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck that!”
Kevin smiled at her outrage. She was always passionate when angry. That was part of the problem. When they had sex, it was for release, for a bit of companionship, never for passion. After seeing Nick with Amelia, the way they held hands, the way they indulged in hot, deep kisses when they thought no one was looking, Kevin knew he wanted that. He wanted heat. He wanted passion. Not convenience.
“Why, Kevin?”
“Don’t play dumb. You know why.”
“No, I don’t. Enlighten me. Why do you want to end things?”
Unable to stand it anymore, he lashed out, “Because of Gabe!”
She stepped back as though he’d struck her. Brooke’s chest heaved as she stood, trying to figure out what to say next. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t matter.
Kevin stomped out his cigarette. Tomorrow, he’d quit. Tonight, he’d end things with Brooke. Then he’d go back inside and celebrate his new independence. Drink, smoke, hit on women, hopefully find one to take home for the night, and tomorrow…well, tomorrow would be the beginning of something altogether different.
“That’s lame. That’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard. You know better than anyone that I’m done with all that.”
“Yeah, right!” His temper heated to match her own. “You used me tonight to get to him.” Wisely, she remained silent. “I’m sick of living in his shadow, Brooke. Of being sloppy seconds.”
Brooke scoffed. “That’s just stupid.”
“No, it’s not. You hide it well, but I see how you look at him. And before you start, I know the difference. Yes, I’ll agree you’re not hung up on him. Not the way you used to be. But you have to admit, you still want him.”
“You can’t fault me for looking at attractive guys. I see you checking out women all the time!”
Kevin laughed. No way would he let her turn this around on him. “It’s done, Brooke. It has to be over.”
“We can’t even talk?” Despair laced her voice, making it wobble on the cool spring breeze. It nearly ripped his heart out.
“Not right now. Not for a while. I just can’t.”
“But why?” A tear slipped free. Kevin, knowing his own weakness, looked away, refusing to watch.
“You’re so strong. I need that. I need to be strong right now. This,” he motioned between them, “this relationship is toxic for me. It’s pulling me down. I need to cut the cord, Brooke. I’m drowning.”
If nothing else he said mattered, he knew she’d understand that.
“Fine,” she said after a long pause. Cautiously, he peeked at her. She wiped her cheeks and opened the car door again. “I understand. Good luck, Kevin. Call me if you change your mind. If you need me.”
At that moment, Kevin hoped he was right. He hoped that she no longer needed him. It was past time that he took care of his needs first.
He stood aside and watched as Brooke backed out of the parking space. He knew she’d be okay when she gave him a sweet little wave before driving off.
Standing in the now silent lot, Kevin waited a long time before he moved. He considered having another smoke, but when he reached into his pocket, he pulled out his cellphone instead and sent Nick a quick text. If you’ve got time tomorrow, mind if I stopped by? I want to talk about hiring you.
Nick took his job as a personal trainer very seriously. Kevin knew that once hired, Nick wouldn’t let him give up. Tucking away his phone, Kevin started toward the bar. Tonight, he’d partake in all the habits he knew he shouldn’t. And tomorrow, he’d worry about changing his life.