Ruby yawned. A restless night had left her with four hours’ sleep, and yet, here she was viewing a property at seven in the morning. But she had to get away. She was feeling increasingly uneasy in her flat, and this was too good an opportunity to miss. She pushed open the door, and her first thought as she gazed around the beautifully designed surroundings was that she had come to the wrong address. Situated in Dalston, it was far more upmarket than anything she could afford, yet the letting agent had claimed it was within her price range. It had that fresh new carpet smell, which was an improvement on the scent of cannabis wafting from the neighbouring flats in her current abode.
‘Hello,’ she called out, ‘anyone here?’ Her voice echoed as she entered the room. She slipped off her heels and enjoyed the luxurious deep pile carpet underfoot. Rays of soft morning light flooded in through the window, and she admired the view of the city until the scent of a familiar aftershave brought her the identity of the man standing behind her. ‘I should have known it was you,’ her voice was silky as it betrayed her. Her body always did that when it came to Nathan, and the only way to resist him was never to be in his presence.
‘Hello, Ruby,’ he said, pulling back the strands of her hair and stroking the nape of her neck.
He’d always loved her neck. He said it was like a swan, elegant and graceful, stark white against the darkness of her hair. A million shivers ran down her spine as he breathed into her earlobe. His hands were on her forearms now, laying claim, as he always did. She stood her ground as she tried to contain her arousal. What was it about this man that made her brain turn to mush? It had always been that way, for as long as she could remember.
She closed her eyes and pulled away. Her hand found her throat, and she made space between them before turning to face him. He looked well. More than well. His muscles were defined; his face tanned, with a light stubble. He regarded her, unsmiling.
She cleared her throat. ‘Why have you brought me here?’
‘You weren’t answering my calls.’
‘I threw away the phone.’
‘Hmm,’ he said in a deep voice.’ It was his signal of displeasure. Ruby had recognised it in his father, whose hardened frown was always followed with silence. ‘What happened to your face?’ he said, touching her cheekbone.
‘I ran into someone’s fist.’ She pulled away.
Nathan’s scowl deepened; Ruby’s attempt at humour falling flat. ‘You know what date it is today?’
‘Of course I do.’ She was not likely to forget. It was ingrained on her brain, and kept her and Nathan together, no matter how hard she tried to keep away. She had known that when the date came around he would be back to see her. Why? What was the point? It wasn’t going to change anything. It was time to move on – walk away from the ghosts of their past and begin again.
‘I should go,’ she said, her brief glance turning into a lingering gaze. His presence was hypnotic. She found herself stepping towards him as if she was in a trance, her body calling out for his touch. Nobody gave her as much pleasure as he did. Yet nobody caused her as much pain.
‘So, you’re growing a beard?’ she said, wondering why she was engaging in conversation when she’d said she was leaving just seconds before.
Nathan ran his fingers over his chin. ‘And your hair has got long,’ he said.
Ruby had considered cutting it short, but she couldn’t. Even now he had a strong hold over her, and she found herself wearing clothes he liked, his favourite perfume. She had given into it a long time ago, unable to completely let him go. ‘You’re still a criminal then?’
‘I’m still in the business of making money. You still in the filth?’
Ruby nodded, killing the smile as soon as she realised it had crossed her lips. ‘Why have you brought me here?’
‘You needed a flat; I’ve got you one.’
‘Why? Your last floozy move out, did she?’
Nathan folded his arms, his biceps straining against the constraints of his shirt. His eyes darkened and he gave her the look. It was the look which told her he knew everything that had been going on in her life since she left him the year before. Such was his power. But she never promised to be celibate, and she knew it wasn’t fair of her to expect him to be either.
‘There’s only ever been you,’ he said, his words thick with emotion.
In that second she saw the young man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. Running through the night, their laughter echoing down the rain-streaked alley as police sirens cut through the air, then later, sitting on the bare floorboards of a derelict building as they got stoned in each other’s arms; the curls of smoke carrying their words as they dreamt of future plans.
Ruby blinked, bringing herself back to reality. To the present day. She wasn’t that girl anymore. And he was not that boy. Yet she knew that even if fate had not intertwined them, one with the other, she would never have forgotten him. ‘It’s too much; I can’t live in this place.’
‘I’ll let you pay, if that’s what you want.’
‘Yeah, at half the market value.’ Ruby would have loved nothing better than to leave her grotty little flat. But she knew where the money came from and her pride would not allow it, much less risk the implications if her superiors found her accepting gifts from criminals.
‘They won’t trace it back to me,’ Nathan said. ‘Besides, you don’t have much choice. The lease on your flat is expiring soon.’
‘How do you—?’ Ruby said, stopping herself before she finished the sentence because she knew the answer. Nathan could find out whatever he wanted. ‘I’ll just lease it again for another year.’
‘Nope, no can do. I’m selling it to the council.’
‘You’re selling it? You’re not my landlord.’
‘I am now.’
‘No… you can’t be.’ Ruby paused, knowing that if Nathan wanted to buy her dingy flat he would have no problem in doing so. ‘Well, that’s fine, I’ll just rent somewhere even shittier. Is that what you want?’
‘You won’t.’ The words were firm.
Ruby should have treated him with disdain, but she couldn’t. In her heart she knew that Nathan was a good man who took the wrong path. He could have been anything, but his upbringing dictated his direction. She had turned her back on him to go her own way, but, despite it all, they kept finding themselves thrust together. ‘How have you been keeping? You okay?’
‘Good.’
Another step closer. She could see the hurt in his eyes. He thought she was moving on, away from him. He couldn’t have been more wrong. ‘I don’t love him, you know. I’ve just been so lonely.’
Nathan reached out and touched her cheek, and she gave in to the moment, closing her eyes as she leaned her face into the warmth of his palm. His lips brushed against hers, and she welcomed it. She could so easily melt into him – forget her job and the world outside. Her arm reached around his waist, but he broke away, leaning his forehead against hers as he clasped her jaw in his hand. His breath had become heavy, and he closed his eyes before stepping away.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘That was goodbye, babe.’
Ruby frowned. ‘Goodbye? Are you playing games with me?’
‘No… I… ’
Ruby shrugged off his touch. ‘You got me here on false pretences and now you’re saying goodbye? Are you getting off on being cruel? Is that what it is?’
‘I can’t keep going like this… watching you… I gotta move on with my life. You’re not gonna change, any more than I am. So I’m letting you go.’
‘You don’t get to do that. I let you go a year ago.’
‘You didn’t. Not really. We’ve both been holding onto the past. This is the last time you’ll see me. But I want you to take two things.’ He shoved a phone into her bag. ‘This mobile is untraceable. If you get into trouble just leave a message and I’ll be there. Secondly, you’re taking this flat. I used to lie low here sometimes but I’m moving on. I don’t need it anymore. I’ve never brought a woman around here, Ruby. I wouldn’t do that and expect you to move in afterwards. But you’re free to do with it what you will.’
Ruby stared at the key he pushed into the palm of her hand. It was blurred from the tears forming in her eyes. ‘I can’t.’
‘Yes you can. As far as anyone else is concerned you were left it as an inheritance from that aunt of yours that died last year. The legal documents are in the bedside dresser.’
‘Why? Where are you going? Are you in some kind of trouble?’
‘No, but I need you to know I won’t be there to look out for you anymore. You’re on your own now.’
‘I’m on my own? How dare you! You call me around here then talk to me like I’m some fucking kid trying to find my way in the world?’ Ruby flared. ‘I’m not the sixteen-year-old you shacked up with, Nathan; I’m thirty-eight years old. I have a good job and I run a tight team. Don’t talk to me like you’re some cocaine dealing superhero who watches from the shadows every night. I can get by just fine without you.’
Nathan grabbed her wrist as she tried to fling the key across the floor. ‘I’m not some low life street dealer and you know that. So have a bit of respect.’
Ruby saw the flash of anger in his eyes but she didn’t care. It was a trait he inherited from his father. A trait that served him a brutal childhood and gave him the respect of his peers. His cold, hard face pressed close to hers. Pulling her wrists away, she turned to leave.
‘Wait. Don’t leave it like this.’ His words were filled with instant regret. She was the only person that was ever afforded such a luxury. His temper was quick, and she knew violence was just one of the tools he was forced to use to keep ahead of the game. But it was something he rarely allowed her to witness. The most he had ever afforded her was a flash of anger, some hurtful words, but he had never raised a hand.
Ruby sighed. She didn’t want it to end like this either. Her voice softened. ‘I hoped that the break would make you come around, leave it all behind and start a clean slate. But you can’t, can you? You thrive on the power, the control. Your dad is controlling you now, even from beyond the grave.’
‘I told you before: don’t mention that bastard to me again.’
Ruby turned to look out the window. The streets of London were once their playground, but they’d been on different sides of the fence for a long time now. She turned to face him, wishing she could change his mind. ‘Don’t you see? We have history. I’ll never have that with anyone else in my lifetime and neither will you. We could be so good together… but it’s never going to work. Because we’re always looking over our shoulder. The only way we can do it is if you turn your back on everything and start again. And I know you’re not ready to do that.’
Nathan shook his head. ‘You don’t just walk away from this way of life. I know too much. I wouldn’t last a week out there.’
Ruby took a step towards him, her eyes searching his face. ‘Then why don’t we both leave? Just run away somewhere, disappear from the landscape.’
‘You’d do that for me? Give up everything?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘As long as you did the same.’
‘I know you. You’d resent having to leave your job, and you’d never abandon your mum.’
Mum. Ruby imagined Joy sitting alone, with nobody to visit her. She sighed. Nathan was right. ‘Then I guess we should call it a day.’
Ruby’s hand fell away from his, and her heart broke all over again as she realised he was not going to stop her.
‘It’s not that I don’t… I mean, I do… ’ Nathan swallowed hard, the words backed up in his throat. Declarations of love did not come easy for him, and right now, Ruby was fine with that because it hurt too much to hear them.
‘I know,’ she said, inhaling a deep breath. ‘Shame it’s not enough to keep us together.’ Swiping away her tears, she turned and walked away.