Macon Georgia
May of 1855
Ellie took her usual seat at church. By now everyone knew where she sat, and no longer moved away because they avoided sitting there. She heard the salacious rumors concerning her relationship to her father, if you could call a man who kept his own daughter as a slave a father, she thought bitterly.
She had hoped he would one day emancipate her. Now she knew she was to be a wedding gift to Miss Deb, a token of the Major’s affection for his real daughter.
Ironically, she knew she was lucky not to have been sold to the Reverend Hess, an even worse fate. Obviously, it never even entered her father’s mind to set her free, any more than it would enter his mind to open his stables and let his horses run wild.
Ellie’s chin sank to her chest and a single tear rolled down her cheek. She had not seen her mother in three years, and her white family was no family at all. Because she did not wish to marry and bear slave children, the men in her own community misunderstood her, thought she considered herself above them, and resented her. The women felt the same. She was white but she was black, an outcast everywhere belonging nowhere and to no one.
She would not cry, she told herself. A red hot anger flared in her, fierce as a blacksmith’s furnace and hard as iron. They would not break her. Someday she would find her way to freedom. No matter how long it took, or what she had to do, she would find a way.
An hour later, as the congregation stood to leave at the conclusion of the service, the Reverend Hess called to her.
“Ellie, would you come to my office? I have a letter I want you to deliver to Major Smith regarding the wedding.”
Ellie froze. She did not trust the look in Hess’s eyes. Every instinct told her not to go with him, but she was at a loss for how to avoid it. Reluctantly, she followed him from the chapel to his office. Others must have had their suspicions, as well, because she heard her name whispered followed by coarse snickers.
Hess opened the door, waving her in. Closing the door, Ellie found herself alone with him, as she expected.
“Reverend Hess, you have a letter?” she asked, hoping to quickly escape.
Hess stared at her.
Ellie felt like a lighting bug in a young boy’s jar, trapped and watched.
“Reverend?” she repeated.
“Do you love the Lord, child?”
“Yes, Reverend, of course.”
“And do you obey the will of God?”
“I don’t understand, Reverend.”
“Are you the loyal servant of the Lord?”
“How do you mean?”
“By action, word and deed,” Hess said intently, his eyes blazing. “There are many ways to serve. As you know, I carry the word of the Lord to the sinners in our community. It is a heavy burden to bear, Ellie. Very heavy. Especially with the Negro congregation. Your souls are a special responsibility. The indulgent and slothful nature of the African makes him especially susceptible to the machinations of the Evil One. Salvation requires constant vigilance by the shepherd of the flock, and I am that shepherd and have that heavy duty. It takes its toll, my dear. It takes a heavy toll.”
“I’m sure, Reverend,” said Ellie uneasily. “But you said you have a letter?”
“The shepherd watches over and cares for his flock, day and night, without respite,” said Hess, ignoring her question. He walked to her, and Ellie backed away, stumbling over a chair. Hess took her shoulder to steady her, but then did not release his grip. His forehead bristled with perspiration.
“You can understand that, can’t you?” He looked into her face, his eyes both fierce and pleading. “But who comforts the shepherd? Where does the man who cares for the flock look to find his reassurance and relief? You, Ellie, you could be that comfort and relief to a man like me. It would not be sin, it would be the Lord’s will helping the Lord’s work.”
Ellie squirmed under his hold. “Reverend, please, you’re hurting me.”
Grabbing her throat, Hess lunged in to kiss her. Ellie struggled against him, throwing a round house punch to his head with no effect. Choking, her world faded into dark.