Early Morning of November 3, 1863
Chattanooga
As usual, Eli awoke just before dawn while most of C Company still slept. He had done it so long it was a reflex. The early morning, when few others were up, gave him his only chance to wash properly, and the one good thing about being in Chattanooga was the proximity of the Tennessee River. He picked up his gun and toiletries, quietly making his way through the dark to the river. He found a secluded spot surrounded by high brush some weeks ago that allowed him privacy. The morning air smelled crisp, and he inhaled deeply as he walked, closing his eyes a moment to take in the fresh aroma of a new day.
He spent his own money to buy a second pair of pants and a shirt so he could change clothes, a luxury most of the men did not bother with. He could not afford to stand around in his skivvies when his things were being washed. Not that most washed often, but rotating clothes and washing often helped to keep the fleas down. He hated the fleas worse than the body odor, which he hardly noticed anymore.
He reached his secret place and carefully pushed through the undergrowth to a narrow white sandbar, where he squatted down to scoop water into his hands to wash his face. It was cold, but felt wonderful. He remained squatting, his forearms on his knees and water dripping from his cheeks and fingers, looking up at the fading stars still twinkling in the early dawn light. He liked to think the stars were angels. He wondered, for a moment, how many there were. He tried to count them once, when he was a young girl, until he realized there were more than he could possibly number. It would be, he finally understood, like trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach. It reassured him to think the power of God had to be vast and prevailing to have created such an enormous, complex and beautiful home for His people.
The increasing light nudged Eli to get about his business. He unbuttoned his shirt and shucked it off, shivering as he thrust it in the cold water to soak it thoroughly. When he finished washing his neck and arms, he beat the shirt on a nearby large flat stone to clean the dirt and vermin from it. As usual, he still had on the long narrow cloth he used to wrap his chest, and he stood to remove it.
Eli heard a twig snap in the brush behind him. Without thinking he whirled around, crouching to pick up his gun. “Who’s there?” he hissed, scanning the river bank. There were multiple dark shadows in the undergrowth, but one in particular looked suspiciously like a man hunched down to conceal himself. Eli rose, pointing his gun there and said, “If you don’t come out in two seconds I’m shooting.”
Steve Blue stood looking as offhanded as he could manage. “Don’t shoot, for Christ sake,” he drawled. “It ain’t but me.” He stepped forward onto the sand.
“What the hell you doing here?” said Eli, not lowering his weapon.
“I come down to the river, same as you,” shot back Blue. “I reckon you don’t own it. And I don’t see why you got to point that damn gun at me.”
Eli lowered it. “You were following me, Blue,” he said heatedly. “Why?”
“I weren’t do’en no such thing,” said Blue, sneering back at him.
“How about I shoot you and claim you startled me,” said Eli, his voice deadly even. He raised the gun again.
“Now hold on there,” said Blue, backing up. “Ain’t no call for that.”
“Then you better explain just why the hell you’re following me,” said Eli.
Blue shrugged uncomfortably. “Felt like a walk. Saw you come here and figured I’d join you for the company. You don’t like it, I can go. I ain’t one to be where I ain’t wanted.”
He turned to go.
“Hold on right there,” said Eli, suspicious. “You don’t like me and I don’t like you, so don’t give me none of your horseshit about having a morning confab. I know you better than that, Blue, so don’t take me for a fool. You were spying on me. Why?”
Blue slowly turned back to Eli and stared at him.
“What’s that wrapped around your chest, Eli?” he finally said, his eyes narrowing in a nasty smirk.
The whole thing came clear to Eli. Since that night on the flatboat Blue must have harbored suspicions about Eli’s sex. As he thought back, he realized that since then Blue had been watching him without being obvious about it. He must have noticed Eli consistently leaving camp early in the morning, and finally decided to follow to see if he could discover the truth, much as Eli once followed him.
“At Brown’s Ferry, while you were running away, a rebel clubbed me with the butt of his gun and broke some ribs. Wrapping up like this helps the pain.”
“I don’t believe you,” sneered Blue.
“Ask Big Joe. He shot the man as he was about to finish me off with his bayonet.”
“Then take it off,” said Blue, leering again. “Lemme see.”
Eli seriously considered shooting him. Blue was not liked, and he could probably get away with saying he was startled by him in the dark. But there would be an investigation, and Eli concluded it not worth the risk.
“What the hell are you getting at?” said Eli. “Why should I? You can’t see a broken rib, and why do you want to?”
“On the flatboat, when I accidentally knocked into you, I thought I felt me something.”
“Felt what, you horse’s ass? I know you did that on purpose. Were you trying to snatch the wallet I keep in my shirt pocket?”
“It were a accident, pure’n simple. But it sure felt like you had something on your chest a man ain’t supposed to have, if you get my drift.”
“I have no idea what you’re saying.”
“How come you never bathe with the boys, Craft? How come you’re always so damn private? You got something to hide, boy?” He said the word boy with particular sarcasm.
“Are you some kind of sodomite, Blue,” shot back Eli, “that you want to watch a man at his toilet? Because if you are, I’ll go straight to Sergeant Hayes and let him know. In fact, I’ve half a mind to go now. I think the boys of the 125th might want to have a word with you if they find out how much you like to watch men undress. I can tell Colonel Opdycke, too, just how much you like hiding in the weeds to see the show. I know what he’ll think of that.
“I’m a private man, Blue, exactly because of degenerates like you. I’ve got half a mind to shoot you right now. In fact, I think I will.” Eli pulled back the hammer of his musket and Blue stumbled backwards and fell, holding up his hands.
“I ain’t no damn sodomite,” he said.
“And I’m no woman, if that’s what you mean to imply. I can prove it, but I think you’re just saying it so I’ll take my clothes off and you can enjoy the view, you filthy bastard. Now get the hell out of here before I blow your head off. And if I ever catch you trying to steal a look at me again or if you ever imply to anyone that I’m anything but a man, I swear on my honor I will shoot you dead.” Eli walked to him, the barrel of his gun inches from Blue’s nose. “Now look into my eyes,” he ordered.
Reluctantly, Blue did.
“I’ll kill you sure as you’re lying there,” Eli said. “Understand me? Do you?”
He meant it, and he could see Blue knew he meant it. If he was thrown out of the army because of this insect, he would shoot him. “Now get before I change my mind and kill you here and now.”
Eli poked Blue’s chest with his gun, and he jumped up and ran into the brush. Eli heard him crashing through the undergrowth until he cleared it and sprinted away. Eli uncocked his gun and rested the butt in the sand. Damn it, he thought to himself. He probably should have shot the man; it would no doubt have saved him a lot of trouble. But it wasn’t in him to kill someone in cold blood, not even someone like Blue.
Shaking his head and leaning on his gun, he cursed again. He could only hope he had thrown the fear of God into Blue. He was a coward, and Eli believed he could rely on that. Maybe.