Late Evening of November 23, 1864
North of Macon, Georgia
In the dim light of the small campfire, William knelt examining Ellie’s wounded left calf. She sat on the ground, her back propped against a rock, as he dabbed at it with a wet cloth.
“Ouch,” she complained. “That hurts.”
“They shot you, Ellie,” he said. He looked at her, his eyes showing his shock.
“It’s nothing,” said Ellie. “The bullet went clean through and didn’t hit the bone. It’ll heal just fine in a few days.”
“And you killed them, Ellie. When did you learn to handle a gun like that? I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Well,” shrugged Ellie, “they were so close I could hardly have missed.” An awkward silence hung between them. Ellie felt miserable. This was not how she imagined seeing William again. He dabbed at the wound and Ellie winced. “Ow,” she said.
“Well I’ve got to clean it so hold still,” he scolded her.
“It hurts when you do that,” she said, irritated. “Just bind it up and it’ll be fine, William. It’s not the first time I’ve been shot.”
She bit her tongue. She had not meant to say that.
“It’s not?” he asked, dumbfounded.
Ellie looked at him and sighed. Her heart ached. Had she changed too much? Would he even know her, let alone still love her? “William, are you glad to see me?” she said.
He smiled and shook his head. “Ellie, I’ve thought of nothing but you every day for the last six long years. I dreamed of you, and prayed for the day when we’d see each other again.” He chuckled, “Of course, I never even in my wildest imagination thought it would be like this.”
“William, I’ve changed so much. You don’t know,” she said imploringly. “Things are different now, and...” She just shrugged, not knowing how to continue.
William nodded solemnly. He suddenly looked as sad as Ellie had ever seen him. There was another silence, until he finally said, “Ellie, six years is a long time. Things happen to people and I understand that. You’re an honorable woman, and I know you feel you owed it to me to free me, but if you’ve found someone else I understand. I can see you’ve changed.”
He would not look at her.
“No,” said Ellie, trying to sit up straight, “you don’t understand. It’s not that at all. Of course not. It’s just I’ve done things, William. I’ve done so many things, and I’m not sure you’ll understand. I think if you know, you won’t want me.”
William looked back at her. Ellie thought him even more handsome than she remembered. How often she wished she had a photograph of him, but now she was glad because it was like seeing him again for the first time. She wanted him so much it was an ache.
His eyes large and moist, he shook his head. “What things have you done, Ellie? Have you been an outlaw?”
“No, of course not,” she said, offended despite herself. “How could you think that?”
“I’m sorry,” he sputtered, holding up a hand, “it’s just the way you handled those guns, and the way you killed those men. You didn’t hesitate a second, Ellie. Six years ago, it bothered you to kill a chicken.”
“I...I...” and then she did something that took her completely by surprise. She burst into tears, and she did not know why. She just put her head down on her right knee, drew her arms around her face, and wept deep and long. The next thing she knew, William had his arms around her and she was clutching him, her face buried in her chest.
It felt so good, it was what she wanted to do from the moment she saw him. She could not because she had to watch her sister, and then she could not because they had to get moving, and then she could not because the slave catchers might be after them and then she could not because she had to kill three men and she could not and she could not and she could not because of all the reasons that had kept her from William for six years. She was afraid, and she had been afraid so long now she did not know how to stop.
A lifetime of being a slave and six years of hiding in plain sight, including two in the Union army so she could get back to William, and now she was finally with him and she did not know how to let all the hiding go.
William caressed her hair and whispered in her ear, telling her it would all be all right, not to cry, and what was the matter?
Finally, when she cried her fill, she just leaned against him clutching him tightly and hiccupping. He felt wonderful, and it scared her.
“I’m afraid I’ve lost you because of what I’ve done,” she finally choked out.
“Why? What have you done? What could possibly be that bad?”
“William,” she said, pushing up and looking into his face. “I’m a sergeant in the Union army. I’ve been a soldier for the last two years.”
William stared back a long moment, and then began to laugh. “No, Ellie, really, what have you done?”
“I’ve been in more battles than I can count and I’ve killed more men than I know. For most of the last six years I continued to pose as a man, William. It’s all very complicated.”
William stopped laughing. “You’re telling the truth,” he said.
She nodded.
After a moment, he said, “Tell me all about it.”
She gulped and said, “Hold me again?”
He put his arms around her and she curled into his chest, her cheek on his left arm as he leaned back against a bolder. It had been six long years since he held her like this, since anyone had held her like this. It felt wonderful.
Then, not looking at him, she told him everything, starting from that day she last saw him on the train platform. She told him every single detail. It simply poured out of her and it felt wonderful to finally tell someone the truth. But she was anxious, too, wondering what William thought. It was nearly dawn by the time she finished. He pulled her up and looked into her eyes.
“It was the only way I could think of to get back to you, William,” she said. “Am I a very bad person? Can you still love me?”
William shook his head, stroking her face with his right hand. “Ellie, you are the most remarkable human being I’ve even known, man or woman. I don’t know a single other living soul who could have done what you accomplished. I feel unworthy of you. Where I survived for six years, you triumphed. Where the rest of us only dreamed, you acted. Can you still love someone as dull as me after all you’ve achieved?”
She kissed him hard and long. She was home again.