It is customary for the hostess to get the bride a gift for the shower, just like everyone else. You might want to coordinate the buying of a major gift, or you might want to give her something small but very nice just from you if the shower is really setting you back financially.
Does your bride need a refrigerator? A washer and dryer? A kiln for the ceramics she wants to make? Getting a big gift is exciting! You can easily keep this part of the shower a secret from the bride even if the shower isn’t. If you all want to pitch in for a big gift, you might also want to read the section on wishing well showers in Chapter 2. Guests might feel empty-handed otherwise.
Here’s how to get money from people—tell them you want to buy Rita and John a washer and dryer. If they know it’s a big item, they’re liable to put up more than the $20 they were planning on spending on a shower gift. When they hand you the money, hand them the card to sign.
What if you get through all your guests and you’re still lower on cash than you can personally make up comfortably? Try calling one or two of the big donors again, or call the groom’s Mom and Dad. If you get through all the guests and you have more money than it will cost, buy relevant objects: cookware if it’s a stove; a laundry basket, clothespins, detergent if it’s a washer and dryer, etc.
Make sure everyone who sends money has their name on the card, even if you have to write it on yourself.
You could have some handsome, burly college guys deliver it during the shower. You could have some guys set it in the front yard after she’s safely inside obliviously enjoying the shower, then take her outside with all the guests to surprise her. You could have it in your living room when she gets there, with a big red bow on it. You could drape a cloth over it, stick some flowers on it, hide it in a corner of your room and ta-daa! Unveil it during the gift portion of your shower.
She can open them either before or after the food is served but probably not during. Think about the time of your shower-will the guests be ravenous when they get there? If it is potluck, will the food cool down too much while you wait?
Make a copy of your guest list. Next to each guest’s name, have a line on which you can have someone else, preferably not you, write down who gave what. Another way is to collect the cards attached to the gifts and write the object given on the back of each. Or you could simply have a sheet of paper and a pen for the guest who sits right next to the bride to list who gave what. Know this: Your bride will NOT remember and neither will you, so don’t rely on her.
Assemble These Items:
A trash can with a bag liner
A spare paper plate
A hole punch or sharp pencil
Strong tape and a stapler
Some wire twist ties
A plastic grocery bag
A pen and paper
A 9″×12” manila folder
A few cardboard boxes or crates
The bride’s car keys
There’s a charming tradition to unwrapping the gifts. The bride sits in the seat of honor. Her “secretary” sits beside her (not you!). This person’s job is to record who gives her what. (See “What’s the Best Way to Record What She Gets from Whom?”) You sit on the other side with a sturdy paper plate (preferably one that matches the shower plates) into which you have poked/punched a dozen or so holes in random order. You also have with you some strong tape or some wire twist ties and a big trash can (not a trash bag) right beside your chair.
When she unwraps each gift, she reads the card aloud, along with the name signed at the bottom. She then hands the card to the secretary and the wrappings to you. You put the wrapping paper in the trash can. (You do not use a trash bag because you’ll be bending over every ten seconds, trying to open it and rearrange the paper to get it all in, and it will keep collapsing.) You take the bow and stick it through one of the holes on the plate. You either tape or wire it onto the plate firmly. Make sure you pull one through the center so she has something to hold on to. If you don’t want to do this, have some other person you think is handy or crafts-oriented do this for you.
When she’s opened all the presents and you’ve gotten all the bows stuck to the plate, you have created the bouquet she will use at the wedding rehearsal. It’s supposed to be good luck. Put the list of who gave what and all the cards into the manila folder. Now, all the wrapping paper is neatly stored in the trash can with the liner bag, so it will be easy for you to get rid of it.
Put all the gifts and the manila envelope into the crates so she can take them home, and have someone help put them in her trunk. Put the bouquet in the plastic shopping bag and put it on top so it doesn’t get crushed.
Most people know when they attend a shower a gift is expected—it’s American female lore. So you don’t need to write anything specific UNLESS it’s a themed shower, in which case you need to be as specific as your theme requires. (Like: Just Lingerie, Kitchenware, Books, Things That Are Orange, you know!) It is expected and highly appropriate to tell shower guests about the location of the bridal registry. This is where the bride has hopefully listed everything she wants from a specific store, usually. That way, Brenda who is flying in for the shower from Tulsa, who hasn’t seen the bride since they were fourteen, will have an idea of what sort of things her friend is into now. You should list the location and contact information for the bridal registry. Even if the guests don’t buy something off the registry, it will give them an idea of her sense of taste if they take the time to investigate. And if they don’t, well, that’s what returns are for.
The gifts that are most traditional for a wedding shower are things for the new couple’s home. At themed or coed parties, the gifts are appropriate for the subject.
If your bride doesn’t have a registry, it could be because she’s embarrassed to appear to be asking for stuff. It could be it hasn’t occurred to her. It could be she didn’t have time. It could be she doesn’t want to.
In truth, just explain to your bride she will save three things by getting herself down to a store and setting up a bridal registry: She will save the guests at her wedding or shower from embarrassment, because they won’t have to fuss and worry about getting something she will like. Lots of people have no clue how to buy a gift for someone, or how to figure out what someone else will like. Remember the worst gift someone ever gave you?
Second, she will save herself time. Yes, time. Otherwise, she’s going to be doing a lot of standing in return lines after the wedding, trying to get rid of the sixteen blenders she got, or the sheets with the ghastly design sized for a queen bed when she and her groom bought a king size.
Third, she will save herself a lot of lies and embarrassment. Guests to the wedding are likely to become guests in the new couple’s home in the future. And whether they admit it or not, they’ll likely look around for their gift. Won’t she feel silly trying to explain where she put that lovely candleholder made from glazed-on crushed potato chips, or the cuckoo clock with the little man who comes out and plays “God Save the Queen” on his harmonica.
In other words, if she doesn’t have one, drive her to a store well in advance of her party and don’t let her leave until she’s registered.