Alyssa’s arrangement with Shane worked beautifully. While her son was at his dad’s, she and Shane met for the sex she’d been craving for ages. When she had Nate at home, she sent Shane texts, and they’d talk quietly on the phone—sometimes talking dirty, sometimes not—after she’d put her son to bed.
A few weeks into their relationship-that-wasn’t-really-a-relationship, Alyssa was looking forward to some much-needed time in the same room as Shane. Nate was at Grant’s house for the week. Her calendar was completely clear except for Shane. They had plans tonight, and they both knew what those plans meant.
Which was, of course, why Mother Nature had to flex her sense of humor and strike a week early.
Sitting at her desk and trying not to keel over and die, Alyssa texted Shane: Going to have to bail tonight. It’s That Time.
She fully expected a response like See you in a week or OMG that sucks.
What she didn’t expect was, If you’re up to it, we could still get together tonight. DVD + Chinese.
As much as she wanted to drown in painkillers and curl up around a heating pad until she felt human again, his offer was…tempting.
You really don’t mind?
Not at all. Was looking forward to seeing you. :-)
She smiled and debated his offer as she threw back yet another over-the-counter pain reliever. Then she wrote back, Can’t promise I’ll be the best company.
You don’t have to be. See you tonight.
He showed up right on time with a handful of DVDs and a white plastic bag full of Chinese food cartons. “They were out of sweet-and-sour pork, so I got extra lemon chicken. I hope that’s okay?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to deny a hormonal woman her sweet-and-sour pork?”
“It wasn’t my fault, I swear!” He reached into the bag. “But I brought these to soften the blow.” He held up a couple of dark chocolate candy bars.
Alyssa snorted. “You’re really good at this, you know that?”
Shane flashed a toothy grin. “Well, let’s see if I can bat a thousand.” He held up the DVD of one of those sappy romantic comedies that doubled as a tearjerker. “Is it safe to watch this when your hormones are going crazy? Because crying scares me.”
She snorted. “A big strong guy like you is afraid of crying?”
“When there’s hormones involved? Uh, yeah, you better believe it scares me.”
They locked eyes, and both burst out laughing.
Which she immediately regretted. She put a hand just below her stomach and grimaced at the obnoxious dull ache. “Fuck…”
“You okay?”
She nodded. “Between the drugs, heating pad and chocolate, I’ll be fine.”
“See? I knew the chocolate would help.”
She laughed gingerly and patted his arm. “Smart man. And yes, by the way, that movie is safe.”
“Damn, I’m good.”
She smothered another laugh, swatting him playfully. “Stop it, asshole. It hurts when I laugh.”
“Sorry.” He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. “But you have to admit, I am good.”
“Yes, you are.” She picked up her heating pad off the counter. “Sorry to have to subject you to, um…”
“Alyssa.” He cupped her face in both hands and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. “I’m not a fifteen-year-old boy. And I did grow up with two sisters. It’s okay, I promise.”
But should it be, when things are supposed to be casual between us?
They were, apparently, because the next thing she knew, they were sitting on the couch, chopsticks in hand as they nibbled from the half a dozen cartons of Chinese food spread across the coffee table. This felt way too much like that point in a normal relationship where they’d settled in with each other, where they didn’t have to be jumping each other’s bones at every opportunity and were content to enjoy a quiet evening. She loved that part of a relationship, but it didn’t belong in this one. Not in a casual, sex-only arrangement.
But…she liked it. And it was easy. Comfortable. And hell, she felt like shit tonight, so she wasn’t going to protest something that wasn’t miserable.
After they’d finished eating, they sat back on the couch. Shane wrapped his arm around her. Alyssa kept one arm across her stomach, holding the heating pad in place, and rested the other hand on his leg. There was only so much she could do to feel less miserable, but she had to admit, huddling up with a heating pad on the couch next to him was a lot more pleasant than doing the same thing alone.
One DVD turned into two. Two turned into binge-watching a few episodes of a sitcom they both enjoyed and hadn’t watched lately. In between episodes, when the DVR screen came up, the clock caught her eye.
“Oh man.” She blinked, but no, her first glance had been right—it was a quarter past midnight. “I didn’t realize it was so late.”
“Damn. I didn’t either.” He yawned and stretched. “I should probably call it a night.”
“You’re welcome to stay if you want to. If you’re okay with a rain check for the usual bedroom activities.”
His eyebrows rose. “You sure? I mean, I’m fine sleeping here without fooling around, but is that going to be comfortable for you?”
She waved a hand. “Comfortable isn’t going to be an option for a day or two.”
He grimaced sympathetically. “Wish there was something I can do.”
“Actually, some low-key company is nice.” She smiled. “And the chocolate was a nice touch.”
Shane laughed. “Glad to help, even a little bit.”
They got rid of the Chinese food containers and went into the bedroom. After Alyssa had taken a couple of pain relievers, they climbed into bed together, her in a T-shirt and panties, him in boxers. She was more comfortable on her side, curled around the heating pad, and Shane molded himself to her, resting his hand on her arm instead of draping it over her, as if he intuitively knew that would be painful for her.
“This okay?” he asked.
“Mmhmm.”
He kissed the side of her neck. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Though she was exhausted, Alyssa struggled to fall asleep.
This was…weird. Maybe even a bit risky. It was strange to think of something so benign—sleeping beside Shane without anything sexual happening—as dangerous or risky, but they’d sworn from the beginning this would be just sex.
Not…this. Not bringing her Chinese food and spending a quiet evening together when cramps got the best of her. Not accepting that sex was off the table and lying together like this anyway.
When she’d texted him this afternoon to let him know plans had changed, Shane should’ve said, Sorry to hear it—see you in a week!
Alyssa should’ve said, I’ll be fine—see you in a week!
But he hadn’t. She hadn’t.
And here they were.
“So are you still seeing that guy you met at the wedding?” Tina’s eyes sparkled as she held Alyssa’s gaze across the table. “You are, aren’t you?”
Alyssa didn’t even try not to grin. “Yeah, I’m still seeing him.”
“I’m surprised you can still walk.”
“Tina!” Heat rushed into Alyssa’s cheeks. “Must you?”
“Oh please.” Her friend rolled her eyes. “I know you, baby doll, and if this guy’s kept your interest this long…” She arched an eyebrow.
“Okay, okay, you got me.”
“Mmhmm. As if those dark circles under your eyes aren’t incriminating enough.”
Alyssa laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep over the weekend.” The memory gave her goose bumps—they’d spent every evening together last week, unable to do more than kiss and cuddle, and when the weekend came? They had more than made up for lost time.
Tina pushed her empty plate aside and rested her forearms on the table. “How is it going with him?”
“It’s going good.” Alyssa paused and added a quiet, “Really good.”
Tina tilted her head. “But…?”
Alyssa chewed her lip, struggling to find the words to explain it. “The thing is, we’re perfectly in sync in every way. In the bedroom, there aren’t any barriers at all. His sense of humor, it’s…” She blew out a breath. “He’s just amazing. And get this—last week, I texted him to bail out because I had cramps from hell. I figured I’d see him in a few days, but the first thing he did was suggest having Chinese food and watching a movie.”
Tina’s eyes widened. “Wow.”
“He even brought chocolate.”
“Ooh, good one!”
“But, I mean, he didn’t even miss a beat about any of it. He didn’t bat an eye over the fact that we wouldn’t be sleeping together, and he didn’t mind just sitting on the couch and sharing me with a heating pad.” Alyssa groaned. “So I’m frustrated because that’s not what this relationship is supposed to be. And I love it. And I really like him. And I’m scare to death it’s all going to blow up in my face.”
Tina reached across the table and took Alyssa’s hands in hers. “Maybe it’s time to talk to him, then. Tell him the truth.”
Alyssa winced.
“Honey, if he’s this good to you, he deserves some honesty.” Tina squeezed her hand. “And if he judges you for your past, then he’s not good enough for you anyway.”
Alyssa sighed. “That’s easy to say the first couple of times. When every guy has decided he can’t handle it, you start seeing a pattern, you know?”
“There is that. But if that pattern is going to continue…” Tina paused. “The thing is, the longer you and Shane keep this up, the closer you’re going to get. And if he really is going to turn tail and run when he hears the truth, then it’s just going to hurt more when it happens.”
“I know.” Alyssa sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “And I know I should tell him. I just…I clam up. I can tell myself all day long that it’s time for us to sit down and have a talk, but then I see him, and…” She smiled sadly and met Tina’s gaze. “It’s just so good, I don’t want to ruin it.”
“I get that. But…just talk to him.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“I…soon?” Alyssa shook her head. “I don’t know. But I’ll try to bring it up to him when I see him again. I know I should, I’m just…”
“Worried.” Tina patted her hand. “I understand, sweetie. Believe me. I know it’s easier said than done, but if he’s going to have a problem with it, it’s only going to hurt worse the longer you drag it out.
Alyssa nodded. “Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll figure it out and…” She took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Good luck.” Tina squeezed her hand once more, then released it. “Now where’s our waiter?” She looked around. “I have the worst hankering for their tiramisu.”
Alyssa loved this restaurant’s tiramisu, but not tonight.
Strangely, her appetite was suddenly MIA.