The corridor is quiet and deserted. My heels click-clack across the immaculate marble floor, but the sound barely registers above the mantra raging in my head.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Don’t think about lions or oceans or rides on the highway with the top down. Don’t remember the weight of his chest against mine, or the sheen of happiness in his eyes as he smeared birthday cake on my cheek.
Don’t think about glistening lashes and downcast gazes.
Keep breathing.
In, out, in, out, in, out…
The mantra is working, because my grief is but a ghost haunting me down the hall. Somewhere between fleeing the House of Leo and exiting the elevator on the first floor, I murdered the pain by taking a page out of Heath Bordeaux’s manual of brutal sadism. I whipped my heartache until it bled to death.
I tell myself I’m calm and collected as a queen should be, capable and prepared for what comes next as I loiter outside the library, all the while knowing the hardest part is crossing the threshold into a new house. This isn’t unfamiliar territory, after all. I’ve been through it five times already.
What’s one more? Drawing in a deep breath before letting it out in a long exhale, I push the door open.
But Miles Sinclair isn’t in the library.
At first, a sense of deja vu washes over me, and a searing recollection of gazebos, desperate kisses, and possessive promises stream through my mind like a romance movie. Swallowing hard, I banish the memories of my time with Sebastian, and that’s when I spot him.
The familiar broad back.
His expensive dark suit a contrast to the gray filtering through the window.
I’d recognize that copper hair anywhere.
Upon the door closing, the chancellor turns, his umber eyes hopeful and cautious all at once. It only takes a hint of his devastating smile to blast me square in the chest.
“Where’s Miles?” I ask, my vocal cords strained. The last time I saw Liam, I was at the height of an emotional breakdown and on the brink of causing a public scene at Elise’s wedding. My cheeks heat as the memory of what happened afterward with Sebastian replays in my head. I’ll never look at an elevator the same way again.
“You’ll join Miles in the House of Virgo soon,” he says, narrowing the distance between us as his hands disappear into his pockets. Mechanical and reserved mannerisms keep him in check, but I see right through the facade. No matter how much he tries to hide it, Liam wears his bleeding heart on the sleeve for all to see—a heart that gushes because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, lowering my chin until my blond locks curtain my face.
His clothing rustles, and I sense him closing the gap, can almost feel the heat of his fingers on my cheek as he brushes back a tiny braid. Other than that, he doesn’t touch me.
“What are you sorry for, my sweet girl?”
“Everything.”
With an ironic laugh, he tilts my chin up, commanding my gaze. “You’re innocent in all of this. No matter what’s happened, or will happen, remember that.”
“I’m not innocent.”
Something in my tone grabs his attention, and he steps closer, his intense gaze searching my face. “You were upset at the wedding, and you’re upset now.”
There’s no doubt in his statement. Liam sees through me as easily as I see through him.
“It’s not important.”
Liar.
The arch of his brow echoes the accusation in my head, but he doesn’t push. It’s not his style.
“Did something come up to keep Miles?” I ask, steering the conversation to safer ground.
“No.” He steps back, arms crossed. “I’m afraid not.”
I narrow my eyes, sensing another unwanted surprise about to land on my shoulders. “I don’t understand.”
“There’s something you need do before you can be alone with him. As chancellor, it’s my job to ensure it’s done.”
“I’m not going to like this, am I?” It’s a rhetorical question, but he answers with a shake of his head anyway.
“What do I need to do?”
“I’ll tell you on the way.” He gestures toward the door before ushering me into the corridor.
“Where are we going?”
“To see Dr. Morgan.”
Heavy silence descends as we turn a corner and continue past the portraits of the Brotherhood’s ancestors. As hard as I try, I can’t shake the dread on my heels, because if we’re going to see Vance, then that means something invasive is coming.
I clear my throat. “I think you’d better tell me what’s going on.”
“The House of Virgo has rules and protocols.”
Of course. This tower is an oasis for rules stacked on top of rules.
“Such as?”
“Virginity is important to the Sinclair family.”
“It’s common knowledge I’m a virgin. My uncle signed the contract, remember?”
He shoots me a tilted grin. “I remember everything about your first day here, Novalee.”
“So why the doctor’s visit, then? He already confirmed my virginity.” I cringe at the unwanted reminder of that day.
“It’s about more than virginity. It’s about denying sexual pleasure until after you marry.”
My heart drops. “Vance’s elixir?”
“No,” he says as we turn another corner. “The Sinclairs developed a device with biosensors to track arousal levels. Vance is going to insert it.”
“Insert it where?”
God, I know where, but I don’t want to believe it.
“It’s a painless procedure. The device is smaller than a tampon.”
Nothing about my time here has been painless.
We both fall silent as the door to Vance’s exam room comes into view. I slow my steps, instinct urging me to keep my distance. Liam rests his hand on my back and guides me forward.
What will he do if I put up a fight? Will he punish me? Lift me over his shoulder and carry me into the room, kicking and screaming the way Sebastian did on the side of the busy highway four weeks ago? Since the day I arrived, I’ve remained in my place, obeying and bending and submitting and allowing these men to use me.
I allowed myself to fall in love.
And that got me here…to this moment. To a sickness in my stomach and an ache in my chest that can’t be ignored.
As Liam reaches for the door handle, I dig in my heels. “I’m not doing this.”
Wide brown eyes meet mine. “Novalee…” His tone deepens in warning. “You don’t have a choice.”
“Why don’t I have a choice? It’s my body.”
Sharp angles of pain line his face. “You know the answer to that.”
“I want to hear you say it.” I cross my arms, refusing to back down from the challenge in my argument.
“Your body belongs to the Brotherhood.”
“My body belongs to me.”
“I’m not going to argue with you.”
“Because it’s an argument you can’t win.”
“It has nothing to do with winning. We all have duties to adhere to.”
“Fuck your duties.” I glare at him, more angry at the treacherous sting in my eyes than with him for conforming to his upbringing.
“Your mouth’s obscene, my sweet girl.” He trails a thumb across my trembling lips. “I think you’ve spent too much time with Sebastian.”
“Don’t say his name.” My lashes flutter, releasing a wayward tear.
“What did he do?”
There’s no need to elaborate. We both know who’s behind my rocky state of mind.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” My gaze lowers to my sandaled feet.
Liam sighs, and then the slight creak of a door brings my attention back to him.
“I can’t make you tell me what’s wrong, but I can make you enter this room.”
The only thing he can’t do, apparently, is make me stop caring.
For him.
For Sebastian.
Even Vance.
These men have more power over me than they should, and I allowed it to happen. No one said I had to care for them. No one said I had to share my heart.
Only my body.
Liam pushes the door open all the way, the authority in his expression demanding I enter. A rebellious objection sits on my tongue, threatening to catapult into fruition at any moment. With each day that passes, I come closer to ignoring years of training at my uncle’s hand.
I’m about to tell Liam to take his staunch belief in duty and shove it when Vance’s smile turns the heat down on my anger.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, love.” His gaze travels from my messy hair—since I didn’t have time to freshen up before leaving the House of Leo—to the white strappy shoes on my feet. With much irony, I realize today was a horrible day to choose the creme-colored sundress falling to my knees because it’s too representative of purity.
Technically, I’m a virgin, but I’m far from pure.
“Let’s get this over with.” I stride to the exam bench and climb up before sliding my panties down my legs. As I toss them to Liam, I give Vance a pointed look.
The doctor smirks, amused by my attitude. “I take it the chancellor filled you in already?”
Liam pockets my panties, and I hide a wince as I realize the ammunition I gave him. “That you’re about to violate my body again? Yeah, he told me.”
“Try to think of it no differently than an exam.” He washes his hands before slipping on a pair of latex gloves. “It’s painless and won’t take more than a couple of minutes.”
A couple of minutes is too long, but I lie back and lift my dress without complaint. Knees spread, modesty long ago abandoned, I force myself to watch as Vance pushes in a silver device no bigger than my pinky finger. It’s cylinder in shape, rounded at the ends, and as soon as he withdraws his fingers, I don’t feel a thing.
Except humiliated.
“All done,” he says, gentle kindness pulling at the corners of his hazel eyes. “You’ll need to come back to have it removed before your transition into the House of Libra, but other than that, you’ll likely forget it’s there.”
“That’s doubtful.” I hop to my feet, straighten my dress, and leave the exam room, head held high.
But I don’t make it five steps past the door before a firm hand grips my arm. “What’s gotten in to you?” Spinning me around, Liam halts me in my tracks. “This isn’t like you.” He tilts his head as if studying every angle of my face for an explanation.
“What’s not like me?” I yank my arm from his grasp. “Am I not acting like a doormat?” Upon his shocked expression, I push forward and jab a finger into his chest. “Am I not meek enough for you, Chancellor?”
“What did Sebastian do?” His eyes darken, an inkwell of murder swimming in the depths.
“What makes you think this is about Sebastian? Maybe I’m tired and disgusted by the male population in this God-forsaken tower.” Another step forward brings our chests within inches.
Holding my bold stare, he shakes his head. “No, you’re upset about something, and I know it revolves around him.” His lips curl in a sneer born of hurt and jealousy. “The woman I know doesn’t throw tantrums. She’s smart, keeps her cool, and she survives.”
“The woman you know was trained by a cold-blooded monster.”
“Then who are you now?”
“More than a piece of property.” I turn on my heel, but he grabs me again.
“You’ve always been more than property to me.” His chin dips with a hint of conciliatory sadness. “You might need these,” he says softly, dangling my panties from his finger.
“Keep them.” I retreat by three steps, my actions telling him the conversation is over. “Or better yet, give them to Sebastian. I’m sure he’d appreciate the gift, coming from you.” As I hurry down the corridor, heels click-clacking the whole way, the chancellor’s perplexed expression brings a vague smile to my lips.
Putting up a fight, no matter how insignificant, feels better than I thought it would.