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Like his cabin, Taine’s apartment was neat. It was smaller than hers and decorated in a sophisticated way, as she’d come to expect for such a creative man. There were giant windows overlooking the city, likely letting in light during the day. The easel perched in the corner of the living room brought a smile to her face.
“I love it,” Leila murmured, gazing at the paintings lining the walls. “Did you do all of these?”
“Most,” he replied. He placed their takeaways on the kitchen counter and turned to take her into his arms, kissing her softly. “It’s good to have you at my place for once. You’re making it feel like home.”
The warmth of love spread throughout her belly. She touched his face, gazing into his tired eyes. “Why don’t you go take a nap? You look like you need it.”
He shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“Taine, for goodness’ sake! I’m all better, will you relax?” She laughed, kissing him again. “Let me take care of you for a change.”
Tartarus truly was exhausted. The last bout of healing had taken more out of him than he’d estimated. He didn’t often use that aspect of his power and had forgotten how taxing it was to a God, especially in the physical realm. Even so, he didn’t want to sleep. Leila was finally feeling like herself again, and he longed to enjoy their time together.
She wore the leather dress he’d got for her, with black stockings and stiletto heels, and her hair cascaded past her shoulders in auburn waves. She didn’t have much make-up on, only enough to highlight her big, green eyes and plump mouth. If he hadn’t been this tired, he would’ve taken her on the closest available surface.
“I insist,” Leila went on. “Just for half an hour. You’ll feel better.”
“Only if you come with me.”
She visibly brightened. “Lead the way!”
He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. He had a low, platform bed; the frame made of bamboo. There were a few Buddha statues on a shelf above the headboard. Upon arrival on Earth, he’d been drawn to Buddhism, as a whole, and had infused as much of its designs into this sanctuary.
The second she stepped over the threshold, she became more relaxed. “Wow, this is really something,” she murmured. She stepped out of her shoes and got on the bed with him. “You must sleep like a log in here.”
He pulled her closer. They were face-to-face, and he twined her thick auburn hair around one hand, letting out a contented sigh. “Tell me what you did today.”
“Not that it’s a big deal or anything, but I started walking!” She widened her eyes dramatically. “How cool is that? I’m completely healed!”
He laughed at her exuberance. “I’m happy for you.”
“Happy for me? You don’t seem to realise how great this is for you.”
There it was again: her valuing herself based on what she could give him from a sexual standpoint. He looked at her, considering different angles on how to broach the subject.
“What?”
“I’m wondering who hurt you,” he replied quietly. “Who made you feel like all you can offer a man is sex? That the relationship will end if that element was somehow interrupted or, Heaven forbid, eliminated entirely?”
Leila blinked, taken aback by his line of questioning. She thought back to their most recent interactions, to what she’d said, and realised that he was right: she always brought sex into the conversation, as a reminder that she wouldn’t always be wheelchair-bound.
Why do I tie my usefulness to sex?
“Old habits die hard,” she admitted, tears burning her eyes. “People saw my body and face as the only things I have to offer the world for such a long time that I guess I started believing it, too.”
Tartarus touched her cheek, trailing his fingertip over her skin. “You are sensational, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not all I’m after.” His hand shifted down, that digit winding past her neck to land on the left side of her chest, where he could feel the dull throb of her heartbeat. “I want this, first and foremost. The rest is secondary.”
Those tears slipped down her cheeks as she closed her eyes. She was conflicted: on the one hand, she wanted nothing more than to give Taine her heart. On the other, these tender moments always made her think of Uri. Miss him.
“What is it, beloved?”
“I didn’t know I had this insecurity. It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“We all have insecurities.”
She sniffed, wiping her cheeks dry, and gazed at him. “What are yours?”
“That I won’t be enough for the woman I love. That, down the line, she’ll fall for another.”
Her heart lurched at the expression on his face. Could he see right into her soul? She couldn’t recall ever feeling so vulnerable around someone, as if hiding was redundant. It was as thrilling as it was terrifying.
“If that had to happen, she would be a fool.”
His answering smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Let’s get some shuteye.”
Leila watched him fall asleep and softly let out the breath she’d been holding. Being with Taine was unlike anything she’d ever experienced. Was this what having a mature relationship was about? Exposing the most painful parts of oneself to another and healing them together?
She shut her eyes, and a vision of Uri burned into the back of her lids. She remembered him as he was at the hospital; the way he’d rocked her world after their first date; the conversation they had while eating subs around the corner from the office. He’d somehow burrowed into her heart when she hadn’t been paying attention.
Heaven or home? Leila mused.
Thankfully, Taine’s wandering hand interrupted that line of thinking. She glanced at him and smiled once she saw that he was awake again. “Did you have a good nap?”
“Hmm, it’s about to get better.” His hand stopped once he felt the lace trimmings halfway up her thighs. Is she wearing what I think she’s wearing?
“What’s wrong?” she asked, acting confused.
“Leila Martins, have you come to seduce me?”
“We can add it to the agenda if you’re feeling up to it.”
“Ah, well, in that case...” He shifted onto his back with a wicked grin. “Seduce away.”
“Is that a command?”
“Which answer will make you undress the fastest? Yes, or no?”
She burst out laughing and got off the bed. With a sassy smile, she unzipped the dress and peeled it off her body. She let it drop to the floor, eyeing him.
I had a premonition of this very moment, Tartarus realised with a slow smile. If that’s not a sign that we’re meant to be together, I don’t know what is.
“Thoughts?”
“I can’t really see when you’re so far away.” He motioned for her to come back to him.
She climbed onto the mattress and, before she could so much as blink, he had her pinned to it. She gasped at the intensity in those amber eyes, like glowing lava, and her heartbeat doubled as his warmth seeped into her skin. His magnetism was innate. Every moment with him was a lifetime. Had the women who came before her felt this?
Tartarus gazed into her eyes, overcome with emotion. Ananke, you are mine. When all of this is over, I will never let you go.
She was rattled by his possession, even as she welcomed it. She wanted nothing more than to be owned by this man; she wanted nothing less than to be free.
That doesn’t make any sense!
In sheer desperation, to feel his body move with hers and overcome her conflicting thoughts, she fused their lips together and pulled him closer. She wanted him to make her forget her name. She wanted to feel again, to be ripped open and claimed. She wanted him to protect her from herself.
Taine gave her all of that and more. He banished the thoughts from her head and reminded her that home was so much better than heaven. And, in the aftermath, when they spoke about their ideal weddings, she knew she was incredibly lucky to be with someone like him. After years of hopelessly floundering around, she felt ready to be changed by love.
* * * * *
They ended up talking into the early hours of the morning. At some point, he heated up their takeaways and they had dinner in bed.
“Your father seems a bit wary of me.”
“He’s protective, he can’t help it. He thinks you’re this bad boy who’s going to love and leave me, and he doesn’t want me to fall for someone like that.”
His gaze found hers. “Do you think I’m going to love and leave you?”
Her immediate answer was no, born out of her own need. She decided to mull it over before answering: “There’s something about you, as if you belong someplace else. And I think that, even though you’d love to stay with me, eventually you will have to go back to where you came from. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go with you.”
Tartarus’ heart broke. Her perceptiveness was frightening, it meant he couldn’t lie. He didn’t want to leave her, ever, but he had limited time left with her. Uranus would step in, and be a wonderful husband and father, until her mortal body died, and she Woke in the God Realm as Ananke.
“I will be here as long as I am able.”
His words would’ve torn her apart a week ago. But Taine had changed that. They had a magical connection that transcended time and space. He was going to be her one true love, whether they would be together for months or years. She would love him until the end.
“Does the thought of leaving me scare you?”
“It makes me sad. I don’t want to hurt you, but I know I will.”
“Then we should make a deal.” She lifted her head off his chest and looked at him with a smile. “We won’t talk about or focus on the end. When it comes, we’ll deal with it. Let’s enjoy each other now.”
“I can live with that.” Deep down, Tartarus knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise. He would be counting down the days. He was the only one who knew which moment would be the last.
“I think I’m ready to get that tattoo. I want to have something to remember you by.”
“A moment’s pain for a lifetime of pleasure?”
She smiled, leaning over to kiss him. “Exactly.”
“Leila Martins, you are my soul mate,” he said, pulling her closer to him. And this time, after they made love, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.
* * * * *
Leila was topless, staring at the amazing pieces of art that decorated the walls of Taine’s tattoo parlour. He was such a deep soul. Whenever she thought she knew everything there was to know about him, he surprised her. His art reflected every aspect of his personality: he could draw beautiful, sensual pictures and at the same time create images of horror and sadness. There was a destructive element to him, in conflict with the nurturing side, yet she loved all of him.
“I can’t promise this won’t hurt,” he said from behind her, “but I’ll do my best to be quick.”
“I want a masterpiece, not a rushed job. This is forever, you know.”
He chuckled. “No pressure, huh?”
“None whatsoever.”
Her phone vibrated against her leg as Taine’s tattoo gun buzzed to life. Careful to keep her movements limited, she opened the message. It was from Uri. A second later, the needle pressed to her skin. This is going to take some getting used to, she thought.
“All good?” Taine queried.
“Yeah, it’s okay.”
While he continued inking her skin, she read Uri’s message again.
“A little bird tells me you’re all healed up. Will you be at work on Monday?”
She bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from smiling. Should she be looking forward to seeing the gorgeous man she worked with when she had Taine?
“Feeling tons better, although I’m annoyed with the little bird. I was hoping to have a longer vacation,” she replied.
She closed her eyes as Taine hit a nerve that made her eyes water. It was uncomfortable, but he would be busy for at least forty minutes, so she’d have to get used to it.
“I can fill you in on the traitor over coffee.”
She hesitated. At some point, she’ll have to make it clear that she was off limits, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t spend time with Uri, did it? They were colleagues, after all. She wasn’t going to have much luck avoiding him. She confirmed their lunch date and closed her eyes.
The buzzing sounds and vibrations coming from the needle put her in a deep, meditative state. She felt completely relaxed as she became more detached from the pain. She was soon consumed by a vision of a place that was unlike anything on earth.
Vision? Or memory?
She wandered the celestial body in the clouds, somewhere far, far away. Her heartbeat accelerated as if she was reunited with a loved one. She was floating through a large bedroom and out of the double doors that led to the most beautiful garden she’d ever seen. The intoxicating scent of pink roses made her feel right at home.
And, farther down the pathway, Taine read a book in a hammock.
No, that’s Tartarus.
“You came,” he greeted, rising to his feet and taking her in his arms.
“Why wouldn’t I?” she heard herself say, except her voice sounded different, as if it carried magic and music. “You called.”
“I longed to see you. The Afterlife is experiencing a lull.”
“I would have to thank whoever’s responsible. I enjoy taking up your free time.”
“There is no rest for the wicked.”
She burst out laughing. “You are hardly wicked.”
“Have you already forgotten, Goddess?” He had a teasing look in his eyes as he moved them into a slow dance. “Must I remind you how wicked I can be?”
She bit her bottom lip. No one put her on edge quite like Tartarus. “And what if you must?”
He dipped her low and kissed her. “Then we have no room for talking.”
Their voices faded; the vision got blurry. It shifted and changed from bright, luminous light to cold and distant darkness, which was reflected in Tartarus’ eyes. It didn’t seem natural and automatically made her suspicious and tense.
“I cannot do this anymore,” he announced.
“What do you mean?”
“I should not have let things go this far, Ananke. I must be alone.”
“We were not made to be alone, Tartarus. We all have mates. I am yours.”
“Hell has no mate, only an opposite, and that role is already fulfilled by Uranus.”
She saw the vortex appearing to his right, igniting her anger. “You are running away from this. From me.”
That strange face was staring at her with a snarl. She didn’t recognise this side of him. Before their affair, he’d always been aloof yet pleasant, but now he was cruel. She couldn’t fathom it.
“I am not running away. I am ending this, whatever this was.”
“Then go,” she snapped. “Who am I to keep a God who doesn’t want to be kept? Who am I to love Hell with my every breath? I am but Destiny. Your Destiny.”
A muscle jumped in his cheek. “My Destiny is Hell.”
“If you insist on being alone, it will be.”
He stepped through the vortex and disappeared.
Rainclouds formed above her, not that she cared. She attempted to keep her emotions in check, refusing to cry. One thing was for certain: if Tartarus wanted to play this game, she wouldn’t let him win. It was bad enough that he’d made her fall in love with him. Now that he’d left, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’d broken her heart.
“Leila? I’m all done.”
She didn’t want to open her eyes and come back to reality. She knew she had no choice. “That was quick,” she murmured. Her mouth was dry.
“That took an hour,” Taine told her with a soft laugh. He handed her a mirror. “Would you like to take a look?”
Nodding absentmindedly, she took it from him and walked up to the floor-to-ceiling mirror. The shirt that covered her breasts fell to the floor. Taine grabbed for it and hurriedly brought it over. She waved him away, not caring if anyone else saw her. “I used to be a model, remember?” she said, missing the way she’d sounded in the dream. She wanted her back.
Ananke.
She angled the mirror to check out the tattoo and smiled. The flower of life had a special place in her heart because everything in the universe had that design embedded. It was like an inevitable source that existed within every being. The tattoo itself wasn’t very big, but delicate, detailed and lovely.
“You did a great job.” She placed the mirror on one of the cabinets and jumped into his arms. “Such a great job. It looks beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Do you have any other appointments today?”
“No. The shop is closing in about half an hour, anyway. Why?”
She lowered her mouth to his ear and whispered: “Take me back to your place. I want to do a lot less talking.”
* * * * *
Tartarus remembered the look on Ananke’s face when he’d ended their affair. Initially, she’d been hurt and betrayed and, interestingly, livid. Since then, she hasn’t shown one iota of emotion towards him, barring their exchange shortly before this Birth. Her ambivalence always succeeded in making him feel guilty about and disappointed in his own actions.
That same look was staring at him now, from Ananke’s face.
He sighed, rubbing his eyes and pushing the sketch aside. His mind was in turmoil. He didn’t want Hell on Earth, but he didn’t want to hurt Leila. What if Ananke didn’t understand? What if she thought that he’d loved her physical body, and not her soul? That he’d done this out of some form of petty revenge, instead of genuine love? How much grovelling would he have to do once she Woke from her slumber in the God Realm?
“This is getting too complicated,” he muttered, glad that he was in the living room and nowhere near Leila, who was fast asleep on his bed. The last thing he wanted was to let her see him like this: out of control and anxious. He glanced at the sketch and his breath caught.
Ananke was beautiful, her gaze powerful. She wasn’t physically present, and yet it was as if she dared him to hurt her. He couldn’t do it: he never wanted to see that look on her face again.
“Evening, brother.”
Tartarus nearly leapt off the couch. Calming his heart, his gaze met Uranus’. “What are you doing here?”
“I sensed you needed companionship.” Uranus was sitting across from Hell, smiling kindly. “Do you?”
Never.
Tartarus couldn’t lie. For so long he’d been the one lone ranger among the rest of the Gods, mostly because he chose a solitary existence. But since admitting that he loved Ananke, he’d realised he didn’t want that anymore. He leaned his head back.
“I guess I do.”
“You seem... not quite yourself. What’s wrong?”
Deflecting for the time being, Tartarus asked: “What is it like for you to love Gaia?”
“How do you mean? Physically?”
“No,” Tartarus answered, waving that question away. “How do you stand it? Does it make you feel weak?”
Uranus scrutinised Hell. He didn’t know Tartarus to be so lost. It baffled him. But there was a reason he had been called here, and he wasn’t going to leave until he’d served his purpose.
“The opposite, actually. She gives me strength. If I can overcome my own insecurities to be the partner she needs, then I have fulfilled my vow, which is to love her unconditionally for the rest of my days.”
“That’s a very long time. How can you be sure you’ll love her until then?”
“Only time will tell,” Uranus said with a cryptic smile.
“I want to be with Ananke,” Tartarus admitted softly, regarding his hands. “The intensity of this desire scares me. Is it like that for you?”
“In the beginning, it was like a burning need. We were new to each other, experiencing attraction and love for the first time. Over time, we became the best of friends, and that need was replaced with contentment.”
Tartarus’ frown deepened.
Uranus hesitated, wondering if he should press. “Permission to speak freely, brother.”
“As if I could stop you.”
“I commend you for repairing things with Ananke, but you must remember that even though her essence is strong in Leila, Leila is the personality you are faced with here on Earth.”
“You’re saying Ananke will be unhappy that I wooed her vessel in this lifetime.”
“Yes and no. She will be reminded of this side of you, which you haven’t shown in Ages, but she will be furious that you did this to her mortal form.”
“I can believe that,” Tartarus admitted. He fidgeted, torn. “What do I do?”
“What do you think you should do?”
The answer came from deep within his core, so it was all the more frightening to speak the words aloud: “I should end this now.”
“What made you reach that conclusion?”
“The more time I spend with her, the less forgiving Ananke will be. Jealousy is within her nature, even if her competition is herself.” Tartarus laughed softly. “I must vie for her affection where it counts. In the Realm.”
“What about Leila?”
“You’ll have to step in sooner than expected.” Tartarus eyed Heaven. “I suggest refraining from Gaia until this is over. Leila deserves your unfiltered devotion. Let’s not complicate matters for Earth.”
Uranus absorbed that in silence, watching his polar opposite thoughtfully.
“Ananke must understand that she’s all that matters to me. I don’t want her to hate me anymore.” He shuddered as the sketch caught his eye. “I couldn’t stand it.”
Uranus nodded and rose to his feet. “Was there anything else you wished to discuss?”
“No,” Tartarus answered dryly. He tried to smile. “I will have to find a way to end things without shattering her views on love. We wouldn’t want her to swear off men and offspring.”
“Right you are, brother. Not this close to the end.”