Chapter 27

Purple Headband

Days later, Aidan lies across Victoria’s bedspread, head on her pillow. She is playing the radio softly, and he sings along.

Aidan. Singing! This is something I never expected to hear.

Mom does not enforce the “Aidan cannot go upstairs” rule anymore. I think she has given up. And Aidan’s behavior has been acceptable.

Not perfect, no. He still eats too much of the family food and drinks all of the soda. He curses, which Mom does not like. And there is too much kissing, even for Mom. But overall, he has been doing okay.

I am lying on the floor near the window. I don’t like music very much. It hurts my sensitive ears. But this is a sad song and not too loud. Truth be told, Aidan has a decent singing voice.

He sings something about love.

Victoria stops what she is doing, rifling through the clothes in her closet. “Wow.” She turns toward Aidan, holding a black dress on a hanger in her hand, and rolls her eyes. “You’re so sentimental and deep. Who knew?”

He ignores her and keeps singing. I turn to see Charlie appear in the doorway. He looks mystified.

“Wow. You know the words to this song?”

Aidan doesn’t move, but his eyes pan over to where Charlie stands. “Of course I know it. You don’t need to be so impressed. You’d better be careful. I’ll tell Ronaldo you were complimenting me, and he’ll get jealous.”

At first, Charlie’s face flushes pink. “Shut up.” But then he can’t help but smile. He bites his lip to try and stop himself, but he can’t.

“Ha ha,” Victoria says, pulling out a purple dress. “Charlie. You’re so busted. Everyone in school knows Ronaldo likes you.”

“We’re not . . .” Charlie comes into the room and leans on a tall bookcase. “We’re not together. I mean, we are going to the dance together, but just as friends.” He looks over at Aidan again. “You know, your voice isn’t too bad.”

Aidan suddenly rolls over to face Charlie, leaning on one elbow. “I know, right?” he asks, excited. “I mean, it’s not good. But it’s not terrible either.” His eyes shine and I can tell he is pleased.

Aidan is starting to get comfortable here in our house.

Victoria sighs. “What am I going to wear to the Winter Ball? I hate all of these old dresses.” She whirls on her brother. “What are you going to wear?”

“Vicky,” Aidan interrupts, while playing with a stuffed dog that sits on her bed. “We’re not going to that school dance. I told you. It’s lame.”

“No, we’re going.” She opens her closet door wider. “I have a handsome young man taking me.” Reaching in, she pulls out a sparkly gold skirt. “Maybe I can mix and match.”

Charlie makes a gagging noise. Victoria quickly sticks the skirt back in her closet.

Charlie tosses his head to get the hair out of his eyes. “I think I’m going to wear my white T-shirt, ripped black jeans, and high-top sneakers,” he announces with confidence. “Or maybe my purple T-shirt. But I need another accessory. I mean, they do call it a ball. So I need something a little fancy.” He walks over to her bureau and opens a drawer. “Can I borrow a headband?”

Victoria shrugs. “Sure. I haven’t worn any of those since fifth grade.”

He pulls out a thin silver headband and places it on his head. “What do you think?”

“I can barely see it against your hair. Try the purple one. It would match your purple shirt.”

He pulls out a dark headband. It is thicker than the last one, smooth and shiny, and has a small flower on one side.

“What do you think?”

“Oooh,” she gushes. “That’s nice with your hair color. Honestly. That’s the right one.”

Charlie tentatively glances back at Aidan. And waits for a response.

“No comment, dude. Your sister’s got me on a short leash. But . . .” Aidan puts the stuffed dog aside and sticks his hands behind his head. “Okay, honestly? You look like a girl. But what else is new? Ronaldo will probably love it.”

Charlie makes a face at Aidan, then turns back to Victoria. “Let me wear it a little and see if it grows on me. I guess when I wake up on the day of the ball I’ll see if it feels like a boy day or a girl day.”

Aidan cocks his head. He asks, “Is that all you do? Just wake up, and you feel one way or the other?”

Hmm. I’m curious about this too. Is that how Charlie feels sometimes? I didn’t know he felt that way. I mean, not exactly.

“Well, yeah,” Charlie answers, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Aidan’s mouth hangs open as he pauses to consider his next comment. “You know . . . they do have surgery for stuff like that. If you want.”

Charlie scowls. “I never said I wanted to be a girl all the time, did I? I like being a boy sometimes.” He puts his hands on his hips. “I like my boy parts.”

Victoria snorts and keeps rearranging clothes in her closet.

“Yeah, but . . .” Aidan sits up a little, leaning on one elbow, “Don’t you want to make a choice, one or the other? I mean, how is that going to work long-term?” Aidan doesn’t break eye contact. He seems to be challenging Charlie, but not in a threatening way. He just wants to know.

Charlie blinks, his clear green eyes never wavering from Aidan’s gaze. “It works fine. You don’t really need to worry about it.”

Aidan nods and lays back down, seeming finally satisfied. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right.”

Charlie touches his sister’s arm. “Thanks.” When she nods, he turns and leaves the room.

Aidan sighs. “Vic. Stop worrying about dresses. We’re not going to the school dance. It’s going to suck.”

“I’m going,” Victoria states. “You can make up your mind to come or not, but I’ll be there.” She scours her closet, pushing aside one outfit and then another. The noise of the hanger scraping along the bar hurts my ears. I escape to the hallway.

I see Kevin is just coming up the stairs, dragging his feet as if they’re too heavy to lift. At the top of the stairs he turns right and heads toward me, and I have to jump out of the way. Granted, I’m sitting right in the middle of the hall, but it’s unlike him not to step politely over me.

How rude! What is his problem?

I follow him into his bedroom, where Charlie is looking in Kevin’s closet. “Oh, sorry,” Charlie gushes. “I was just . . . Vicky and I were just talking about the Winter Ball, and I can’t find one of my T-shirts. You know, the purple one? I thought maybe Mom stuck it in the wrong closet.”

“What?”

It’s funny, because Kevin is squinting at Charlie the way Dad would. As if he’s trying to decide who Charlie is, and what he’s doing here.

“My purple—”

“What the hell is in your hair?”

“Oh!” Charlie’s hand flutters up to feel what is on his head, as if he’s already forgotten. “It’s Vicky’s headband. We were just trying it out because I might wear it to the dance.”

Kevin takes a step toward Charlie, towering over him. “To the school dance? Where my friends can see you? You’re going to wear that crap in your hair?”

Charlie flinches. “I don’t know,” he says tentatively, moving backward toward the closet. “Maybe not.”

“Goddamn it, Charlie. It’s one thing to humiliate me here in the house, but you have to drag your weirdness into school too? You don’t think that affects me at all? You don’t think that changes how people look at me? Jesus Christ.”

And in one swift move, Kevin moves forward, overtakes Charlie, and twists his arm behind his back.

Kevin is bigger, taller, stronger.

He is the baby-faced, good older brother.

So what in the world—?

To my surprise, Charlie does not make a sound. He does not cry out. He does not even whimper. He just shuts his eyes as tight as he can and grits his teeth. And then he curses out Kevin with some very, very, very bad words muttered under his breath.

Ah! My Charlie is tougher than I thought he was.

I yeow! in protest.

“Knock it off. You’re driving me CRAZY,” Kevin growls. He hovers over Charlie, talking into his ear from behind, speaking softly but with a menace that I rarely hear from him. He keeps Charlie in a tight grip, sliding one arm around Charlie’s neck, the other holding his arm behind his back. My eyes open wide. I can see Charlie can barely breathe, his face flushing, and I freeze in fear. “And you’re driving Dad crazy. It’s your fault Dad is messed up. I have had it. SHUT IT DOWN. Right now. I don’t want to see it again.”

Where in the world is this coming from? I feel my heart beating hard.

I’m furious. I hiss!

Kevin startles, as if coming out of a trance. And then, in one move, he releases Charlie with a hard shove while ripping the headband off his head. He whips it out into the hallway.

Charlie stumbles forward and bangs his head against the doorframe. His hand flies to his forehead and his eyes fill with tears. Oh my goodness—Charlie will have a bruise that he will not be able to hide. But I suppose he’ll come up with some excuse for it.

Charlie spins around. “Have you been drinking? Here?”

“So what if I am?”

“Why would you do that? Don’t you see what it’s doing to Dad? Don’t you think Mom has enough to deal with right now?”

“Just get out.” Kevin takes a step forward to give Charlie a final push with both hands. “Leave me alone.”

I back away as Charlie staggers out into the bright light of the hall. He goes straight into his bedroom.

I hear him climb onto his bed and lie down. He doesn’t bother to put a light on.

The house is silent for a moment.

And then my ears twitch as I hear the low sound of Aidan mumbling something, and Victoria’s sharp laugh in response. I watch as Kevin appears in his doorway and listens. I am worried. He still looks angry. The hall light casts an eerie yellow glow over his face.

Something is seriously wrong.

We need help.

I give a sharp rowr! I want to cry out: Help! Mom! Dad! Someone! But Mom is not here, Dad has moved out, and there is no one to help.

Kevin ignores me and storms past, nearly stomping on my paw. When he bursts into Victoria’s room, slamming her door open, I hear her cry out in surprise: “Hey!”

“YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE UPSTAIRS.”

“Dude.” I pad over just in time to see Aidan getting up off the bed, moving deliberately and never taking his eyes off of Kevin. “Your mom’s not here. Nobody cares. Why do you care?” He steps up and gets right in Kevin’s face, so the two young men are chest to chest. “Why are you so concerned all of a sudden?”

For once, Kevin doesn’t back down. “It’s bad enough that guy Mark is always here. I’m sick of seeing your ugly face over here all the time. Okay?”

“Kevin,” Victoria scolds him. “STOP.” She shoves her brother in the shoulder. “Get out of here. You’re not the boss around here.”

“Maybe I am,” he says, turning toward her. “Without Dad here, it seems like everyone just does whatever the hell they want. And Mom’s not paying any attention.”

Aidan folds his arms over his chest. “Hey. Kev. Back off my girl. You seriously want to fight me? Me?” He opens his eyes wider in mock surprise. “Because I’m not leaving unless your sister wants me to.”

Kevin takes a quick step back and blinks. But he doesn’t take his eyes off Aidan. “You’re a jerk, you know that? What do you mean, your girl? I doubt you’ll be saying that six weeks from now, when she realizes what a jackass you are.”

ME-OWWW! I cry out as loud as I can.

And, just then, I hear the scratch of nails on wood and then the thumping of paws. Gretel comes bounding up the stairs at a gallop.

She heard me!

My hero!

Trotting in, Gretel gives a sharp bark that causes all of the humans to startle. She breaks into a long series of howls: Roo roo roo roo roo roo roo roo roo!

It’s the sweetest sound I’ve heard all day. I know this will break everyone up.

“Gretel, knock it off,” Kevin moans, but she won’t stop.

Roo roo roo roo roo!

After a moment, Kevin shrugs and turns to Aidan. “Forget it. Just forget it. You’re not worth it.”

When he leaves the room, Gretel follows close behind, panting at Kevin’s heels.

Victoria runs to Aidan and throws her arms around him as if to protect him from Kevin’s words. “Ignore him.” She kisses his cheek. “He’s an idiot. Please. Don’t go.”

Aidan squeezes her back. “Nah. He’s a pussy. He doesn’t scare me. He’s cranky though, isn’t he?”

She giggles.

I pad back into the hallway. Gretel sits outside Kevin’s bedroom door. He has shut her out, the door closed. When Gretel looks back at me, her brown eyes are deep and desolate as always. How can she comfort and protect humans who act unpredictably, and reject her help?

I walk up and touch my nose to her paw. Just to let her know I sympathize. I lick her paw until it is clean.

She allows it, and doesn’t move away. This never happens. So I feel good about it.

What is going on? I try to ask her.

When she blinks, I can see she doesn’t understand it either. And it is upsetting her.

When Gretel settles down to lie outside Kevin’s door, I decide to go to curl up near Charlie’s chest, to keep him warm. I jump up to his bed. He is still lying on his stomach, face turned toward the wall, one hand over his injured forehead. When I touch my wet nose to his hand, he throws his arm over me. I lick the salty tears that run silently down his cheek.

Now I know who the bully is. I am the only one in this family who knows. But I don’t know how to tell someone. And I am not sure they would believe me if I could.

The truth is more terrible than I ever could have imagined.

It sounds like Charlie hasn’t told Mom because he knows how fragile she is right now. He thinks he is protecting Mom. My poor Charlie. He is an innocent boy growing up fast, and he is starting to make the kinds of choices he shouldn’t have to make.

I’ve been so worried about Charlie. And now the whole family is unraveling like a ball of yarn.

There must be a way Gretel and I could work together to repair this family. There is something worth saving in this family—a love that connects all of us and binds us together. I include Dad in this even though he has moved out, and Mark even though he is new. Like raindrops plunking onto the river, causing overlapping circles of waves, each member of our family impacts the next.

If only Gretel and I could talk! I won’t give up yet.