December, 2004
Nadine laughed hysterically. “Raymond, get off of me!”
Raymond just shook his head and laughed.
“And you know I am ticklish!”
“Yes, I do. Why do you think I’m tickling you?”
“Oh gosh, you are incorrigible. I have a knife!”
He nodded and left her alone for the time being. “That, too.”
Nadine put down the knife and scraped some sliced onions off a chopping board, into a wok of oil on the electric cooker. “Ray, you do realise that my house-mates are going to think we’re weird?”
“Including Stella?” he asked.
“Oh, Stella already says so.”
Raymond laughed. “Stella, I can handle. But if others say the same, it’ll only be out of jealousy … that they’re not getting any.”
She thumped him playfully. “Don’t be so rude.”
“I’m not being rude.”
“Well, they are getting some. These paper-thin walls make unwilling eavesdroppers out of everyone.”
Raymond laughed.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing. It can be quite gross. It’s not nice to hear.”
“I can imagine.”
“Please, don’t.”
“Babe, if it bothers you that your house-mates may be able to hear us …”
“Oh, Ray, they can hear. I’m sure of it. They probably think we’re high on different kinds of drugs, including Viagra.”
“We can be quieter?”
Nadine looked at him, trying to ascertain whether he was joking.
“Or,” he continued, “we can make a pact to only get busy at my place?”
Nadine shook her head. “So, I can do the walk of shame every time I leave? Nah, I don’t think so.”
“Walk of shame? Nadine, that can’t apply. We are in a relationship. You’re not a one-night stand.”
“I know.”
“There’s nothing shameful about …”
“I know,” reiterated Nadine as she stirred some rice in the wok, “I don’t know why I said that.”
Raymond put his arms around her from behind and smelt her perfume. “There’s no shame with what we have. You have no idea how proud …”
“Go on,” she said, after he tailed off.
“OK, don’t take this the wrong way.”
“Yes?” she encouraged, facing him.
“Whenever you spend time at my place, I’m happy if my flatmates see you.”
Nadine shook her head. “I don’t follow.”
“Part of me is thinking I have a gorgeous girl, you don’t. It’s a guy thing.”
“Ah, the I can get a nice-looking girl in my bed thing. That guy thing.”
“I said not to take it the wrong way,” Raymond stated, getting apprehensive.
Nadine burst into laughter and turned back to her cooking. “Your face!”
“Very funny, I will get you back for that.”
“Is that a fact?”
He nodded.
After a pause, she continued, “I don’t get it, though. I mean, I have met your flatmates’ girlfriends. They’re all quite pretty.”
Raymond put his arms around her again. “Maybe, but none of them compare to you. Believe me.”
“There’s only one place this is going to end up.”
“I promise I won’t complain,” he replied, laughing.
She kissed him before muttering, “Happy anniversary, Ray.”
“Happy anniversary, my love. Now, why would I need Viagra when I’ve got you?”
“Are you high?”
“Just on you.”
She laughed, but stopped as she felt his back stiffen. She looked at him, but was unable to decipher what was reflected in his face. “What’s the matter?”
He shook his head.
“Tell me.”
“It might be my imagination.”
“Speak!”
He looked uncomfortable as he continued. “You seem … a bit … like you’ve lost weight.”
“Is that it?”
Ray breathed easier, glad that her reaction wasn’t one of anger. “Yeah, you just feel … different.”
“Some guys would be happy if their girlfriends lost weight,” Nadine said, smiling.
“Yeah, but not if there was nothing wrong with their girlfriend in the first place.”
“Are you complimenting or insulting me?”
“Nadine …”
“I don’t have an eating disorder.”
“I didn’t say you did. I don’t think you do,” Raymond replied, gently.
“Then, why are you saying I’m too thin?”
“Baby, baby, baby. Don’t fly off the handle. I was just trying to help.”
“Help!”
“Yes, so calm down.”
Nadine exhaled.
“Are you eating properly?”
Nadine shrugged. “I guess.”
Raymond looked at her, silently.
“Sometimes, I don’t have time to eat.”
“What?”
“I’m serious.”
“That’s what worries me. Babe, you need to take care of yourself, better.”
“I hear you.”
“Seriously, school work and all the other stuff will always be there. You won’t fail if you take time out to have a meal. You’re brilliant and you got a First Class in your first year.”
“It doesn’t count towards my final degree. You know that.”
“Yes, I know that. And you know that is not the point I’m trying to make. You can’t be too busy to eat. You can’t afford that.”
“Pot, kettle, black.”
Raymond looked confused.
“You’re busy, too,” she said, accusingly. “Student Director of the Human Rights Law Clinic, Duke of Edinburgh Award, Volunteering Exec,” she counted off, on her fingers.
“You forgot Amnesty International, Model United Nations, and the sports activities,” he said, slightly amused. “But I do eat. I make time. I have to. Besides, I’m a black man. We like our food.”
She turned her back to him and said nothing.
“Nadine, don’t do this.”
“What can I say? Sometimes, I cook but I don’t feel hungry. So I don’t eat.”
Raymond laughed. “I’ve watched you cook, babe. Like many women who don’t feel hungry after they’ve cooked, it’s because you tend to peck at the food while you’re cooking it.”
“What?!”
Raymond nodded. “Which is why I can’t wait to get to The River Grille with you, later tonight.”
“Yeah, for your mate, Paul’s anniversary.”
Raymond grinned. “See? I’m not the only one who’s high on his girlfriend.”
“Yeah, regular motley crew,” she teased, putting her arms around him and pulling his face towards hers.
Raymond shrugged. “Hater,” he teased back and kissed her. “You think you’ll be up for going to the Syndicate after dinner? Paul wants a whole group of us, to go.”
She frowned. “Oh, I don’t think I’m up for clubbing, tonight. I’ve got a presentation to make tomorrow, at noon. Community Volunteering. And I’m not as prepared as I think I should be. Last thing I want is to look foolish. I don’t even know if I’ll stay till dinner’s over.”
“But the restaurant closes at 10.”
“Yeah, I was just hoping to show my face at dinner.”
“Nadine, you can’t do that. Paul and his girlfriend, Polly are going to be really offended.”
“It’s not my intention to cause offence, you know that.”
“I hear you …”
“Meaning you don’t believe me.”
“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying that crying off clubbing is one thing. But breezing in and out of the restaurant, is another. It’s going to look like you don’t even want to be there.”
“I guess,” she sighed. “OK. Compromise. I’ll do the restaurant for dinner, then an hour at the Syndicate.”
“Yes!”
“Just an hour.”
“Just an hour,” he affirmed, “I’ll even help time you.”
“Yeah, right.”
Raymond stood, leaning against a kitchen worktop and with his arms across his chest.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Nadine asked, when she turned back from the electric cooker to see him watching her.
“Have I told you how lucky I feel, to be with you?”
“Erm … it would be nice if I heard it again,” she replied.
“I’d feel even luckier if you said yes to Venice, this weekend,” he said, walking towards her and placing his arms on hers.
“Venice!”
“I know it’s not Rome, but …”
“Hold on. Why are we going to Venice?”
“Well, I wanted to do something special for you for our first anniversary.”
“But you already got me that spa break and make-over session; I thought that was my anniversary present.”
Raymond laughed. “Are there any quotas on what I can get you? Besides, I wanted to treat you; say ‘thank you’ for putting up with me for a year.”
“Putting up with you … Ray, what are you talking about? You’re a fantastic boyfriend.”
“So that’s yes to Venice? We can leave tomorrow?”
“For the weekend?” she asked. Raymond could see the wheels of her mind, turning as she mentally re-arranged different schedules. But he was relieved when she nodded.
“OK, I’m going to go back to my place, get ready and come pick you,” he said.
“Alright.”
Nadine headed for the stairs, towards her bedroom, Raymond’s voice stopped her. “Sweetheart?”
“Yes?”
“I wanted to get you something and I wasn’t sure what size to get?”
“Something …?”
“Dress … outfit … that type of something.”
“Oh, 8. Size 8,” she replied.
As she had her back to him, she failed to notice Raymond’s worried expression – the last time they went shopping nearly three months ago, she had been able to fit snugly into a size 12 pair of jeans.
Raymond looked at his girlfriend, a mixture of utter disbelief, anger, relief and exasperation, clouding his features. Prior to seeing her, he had been totally petrified – especially as Stella had not sounded coherent, or lucid for that matter, over the phone. Driving from the Human Rights Law Clinic, where he had been in the middle of a meeting, and absolutely dreading the worst, he managed to arrive at the house that Nadine shared with Stella and two other girls, in one piece. Seeing his girlfriend groaning in pain on the living room floor, made him feel sick. Stella stood by, alternating between begging Nadine not to pass out on them and asking the 999 dispatcher on the phone when the ambulance would arrive. The dispatcher told her they were two minutes away.
“What happened?” he asked.
Stella shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?”
“Just that. I don’t know. One minute, we’re talking; next thing I knew, she’s on the floor and she …”
They were interrupted by the sound of a siren that stopped just outside. Stella gratefully went to the door. A male and a female paramedic followed directly behind Stella, as she returned to the living room. Raymond had never felt so useless in his life.
“What happened?” the male paramedic asked.
Stella shook her head. “I already said I don’t know. Why do people keep asking me that?”
“You were with her when she collapsed?” the female paramedic asked.
“Yes. But I don’t know what made her collapse.”
“She’s starting to sweat,” the male paramedic observed. “Has she been out of the country?”
“Erm, yeah. We got back from Italy a couple of weeks ago. Why?”
“Is she pregnant?” the female paramedic asked.
Stella and Raymond looked at each other.
“What? No!” replied Raymond.
“Can we take her to hospital, please?” begged Stella.
“We will,” assured the female paramedic. “Nadine, can you hear me, love?”
Nadine groaned in reply.
“Can you tell me where it hurts?” the female paramedic asked.
Nadine indicated her stomach and groaned, as the female paramedic lightly touched her stomach and the male paramedic left the room.
“Has she eaten anything that she shouldn’t have? Allergies? Anything?”
“No,” Stella shook her head. “Nothing that I know of.”
“OK, when was the last time she ate?” the male paramedic, who had just returned with a drip, asked.
“Erm …” pondered Stella.
“Stella, when was the last time she ate?” Raymond asked, getting a sinking feeling in his own stomach.
Stella shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Breakfast?”
Stella shook her head again. “I don’t think she had breakfast. I can’t be sure though, because we left the house at different times.”
“Did she eat at school?” the female paramedic asked.
“Erm, I don’t … we’re not at the same university, but she didn’t go to school, today. She’s been undertaking a mini-pupillage at a local set of family law chambers since yesterday. She may have eaten there, I really don’t know.”
“Has she been stressed lately?” the female paramedic asked again.
Raymond sighed.
“She’s a busy person,” stated Stella, matter-of-factly.
“Any more stress than usual?”
Stella shook her head. “I … guess family law can take its toll on a person.”
“In one day?” asked the female paramedic, unconvinced.
“She’s dehydrated,” indicated the male paramedic.
“I don’t think that dehydration alone, can do this to a person,” Raymond said.
“I didn’t say that was the only problem,” the male paramedic replied.
“So, what else is causing this?” an ashen-faced Stella asked.
“Hopefully, they’ll be able to tell us when we get to the hospital.”
The next forty-five minutes were the longest minutes of Raymond’s life. As Stella was riding in the ambulance with Nadine, he had to follow them with his car. With only his thoughts for company, he tried not to imagine the worst. He didn’t think she was pregnant, but there were also other conditions whose consequences had the potential to be just as bad.
Just as he feared, the doctor said that Nadine had ulcers. It appeared that a complication had caused gastrointestinal bleeding, which had been so painful that it had caused her to collapse. Ulcers could be caused by a number of different factors, but Stella and Raymond were certain that they knew the definitive cause of Nadine’s ulcers. So when the doctor said that Nadine was fortunate, that the ulcers could heal with proper management, but that she needed to stay away from spicy foods for the foreseeable future; her reaction had amazed Raymond. After seeing to her, the doctor left her in A&E with Raymond and Stella. Raymond pulled the curtain to give them some privacy. Then he faced her. “That’s all you’re concerned about?” he asked her, heatedly.
“What?” asked Nadine, unsure what he was talking about.
“That you’re African and that Africans don’t like to eat food that’s not spicy?”
“Raymond,” Stella started, warningly.
“If you’re so concerned about how spicy you like your food, maybe you shouldn’t have brought this on yourself,” Raymond said, angrily.
“You heard what he said,” Nadine replied, trying to defend herself. “Ulcers can be caused by stress, certain types of medication, …”
“Or in your case, starvation. We all know that’s how you got in this position. There is only so much abuse that your body can take, before it packs up. You’re young, but you are not invincible.”
“Raymond, keep your voice down, please,” Stella said, firmly.
“You’re defending her?” he asked, incredulous.
“She doesn’t have to defend me,” Nadine snapped. “And stop talking like I’m some bloody anorexic in need of intervention.”
“You think this is better? You do realise, this kind of stunt you’re pulling on your body, could mess with your fertility?” Raymond snapped back.
“Stop being dramatic,” Nadine replied.
“Guys, seriously …” Stella tried again.
“No, Stella, your friend is selfish.”
“What?!” Nadine looked irate.
“It’s not like her not to care about other people. But I guess …”
“I am right here, you know,” an irritated Nadine flung. “I can hear you.”
“Really? Cos you pick your moments … those moments when you want to pretend that you are deaf. I told you, I begged you. I warned you that this could happen. That you were driving yourself too hard. I know you don’t have body image issues, so the question of an eating disorder doesn’t even arise. But this is just as crazy. I can bet anything that Stella has warned you for as long as you’ve known each other. Because I know this doesn’t happen, overnight. Ulcers take time to develop. But would you listen? Eh? No. Because you don’t care. You don’t care about yourself, you don’t care about Stella, you don’t care about your parents and you sure as hell, don’t give a damn about me!”
“This is not about you. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m the one lying in a hospital bed!” Nadine replied, surprised at how unreasonable Raymond was being.
“And you want sympathy for that? Bearing in mind that you’re the one who …”
“Yes, I get it. I put myself here, because I didn’t eat. Happy now?”
“You think this makes me happy? You think that I was happy to leave my meeting …”
“Oh, so this is about your meeting? I didn’t ask you to …”
“Nadine, shut up. Please,” Stella said.
“No, you didn’t. But Stella called me and she was really rattled. I didn’t know what she was talking about, all I could make out was that something had happened to you. Something really bad. I could have killed someone or myself, coming down to your place in the state of mind that I was.”
“Fine. I get it. Thank you for caring enough to come down.” Her voice was softer.
Raymond looked at her and shook his head. “You don’t understand, do you?”
Stella intervened. “What Ray is trying to say is that …”
“Seeing you like that was just … how can you say that you love me, if you’re willing to do that to yourself and put me through that?” he wondered out loud.