A satisfied smile sat on Tony’s face and brightened his features, as he clicked through to different sections of the Facebook account. Things were going better than he imagined they could and Nadine didn’t seem to hate him so much. He knew this trip away, was a good idea. For as long as he had known his wife, she had never taken a holiday. He also knew that although she was a city girl at heart, she did appreciate the countryside. And as their marriage had been going through a rough patch, he really wanted to make it up to her. So, he had booked them a long weekend at a really expensive bed & breakfast facility in Cornwall, before asking her to clear her schedule. When she asked him why, he just smiled and said it was a surprise. He even spoke in a calm voice.
They had arrived on Thursday afternoon and the look of surprise on her face told him that he had done the right thing. She didn’t look as relaxed as she used to when they first met, but at least she didn’t look on edge and harassed. He knew it would take time for her to trust him again and he trusted that God would help him heal his marriage. As the weekend wore on, she seemed to relax a bit more and this morning, he could swear she was smiling at him from her place on the bed, as he uploaded some of the pictures they had been taking all weekend, on Facebook. He and his wife were having a good time and he wanted the whole world to know it. He would have put them on Twitter and Tumblr too, but as far as he knew, she didn’t have a Twitter account and neither of them had a Tumblr account. Her phone buzzed just as he stood up after logging off Facebook.
“I’m going to have a shower. Do you want to join me?”
Nadine shook her head. “No, you go ahead,” she replied, smiling.
“OK,” he shrugged. He hadn’t imagined it – she was actually smiling at him.
As soon as Tony left the room, Nadine checked her phone to see why it had buzzed. She shook her head when she saw an email notification. An old classmate had commented on the new album that Tony had just uploaded and tagged her in. Another notification arrived, when someone ‘liked’ one of the pictures. Then another, and another. The comments made her smile. There was a time when the smile would have been genuine, because she was genuinely happy. That was when she was with Raymond, and that was the reason she was smiling this morning.
They both loved and took advantage of any opportunities they had, to go away for weekends. Raymond introduced her to the countryside. She had to commend him. Before she started dating him, she couldn’t imagine rustic living. They weren’t exactly slumming it whenever they left the city, and he tried to make sure she was as comfortable as possible, but the point of getting away from a city on a weekend break, was to get away. He was impressed and felt gratified that she was willing to try new things for him – she used to say that her idea of a camping trip was staying in a three-star hotel … as far away from nature as possible. Where he saw idyllic, she saw rural. Raymond’s formative years had also been spent in a Nigerian city, but unlike her, he remembered travelling with his parents to the village to visit with his paternal grandparents, during every holiday. As the only child, they doted on him and spoiled him silly. But that wasn’t the only reason he loved those visits – he also loved the long walks with his grandfather as the latter would just talk to him. His grandfather taught him how to hunt for small animals. He would also point out various plants and shrubs, including the ones with medicinal or poisonous properties. And when they got back to the house, his grandmother would bring their meals. No matter how sophisticated their kitchen was – and by the standards of that time, the elderly Ezeh’s kitchen was truly stylish – she preferred to cook meals outside. She always claimed that she couldn’t understand or use high-tech gadgets. The only things in the kitchen that Raymond could remember that could be mistaken for high-tech equipment were a fridge, freezer and gas cooker. The gas cooker was the problem – she just didn’t want to use it. She had always cooked with firewood and that was what she was used to. All entreaties by her son, Raymond’s father fell on deaf ears. His wife, Raymond’s mother was upset because she didn’t want it being implied that her husband was neglecting his parents because of her – Africans had a way of saying illogical things, that actually made sense to the hearers. No matter how many times her daughter-in-law offered to teach her how to use the cooker – as she initially claimed that not knowing how to use it, was the reason she didn’t bother – the old woman just would not budge. She claimed that food tasted better when firewood was used to cook it. Raymond couldn’t tell the difference. Not even when they went to visit his maternal grandparents. In Ghana, things were not that different. There was something almost romantic about feeling sand beneath your bare feet. Like all members of that generation, his mother’s parents were also stubborn and could be set in their ways – at least, her mother agreed to use a gas cooker. Raymond remembered these with fondness – he recalled being loved in a way that only grandparents could love. And he came to associate that love with the village.
When he and his parents relocated to the United Kingdom, he saw that their version of the villages he was used to, was the countryside. And he had taken to visiting, whenever he needed a break from the city. That was what he told her on one occasion, after they had made love in a truly tiny – he called it cosy – room they had been given in a B&B.
Ah, the sex was something else. Those who said sex was overrated had never had what she and Raymond did. ‘Amazing’ did not even begin to describe it. They would go for a walk – yes, she actually allowed him to convince her to walk through the village, or the woods with him. When they got back to their room, they would make slow, languorous love. Or it would be fast and furious. Either way, passion was never a problem. One time, they even made love in the rain – not very far from their B&B. This part, the scandalised owner of the B&B found difficult to process. Yes, it was raining heavily but they were already soaked. So, it wouldn’t make any difference, if the rain beat them for three more minutes while they ran back to their lodging. They could have waited till they got to their room. Instead of doing it in under the tree in the woods, where they had initially sought temporary shelter from the rain. Where she – and heaven knows who else – could and did see them, by the way. They were never invited back to that B&B. Yes, that was a naughty thing to do, yet Nadine had no regrets about that time in her life. However, that period was over and she was with Tony. He was her here and now.
She should have known there was a problem with Tony. She should have seen the signs. But what were the signs? He was a born-again Christian who attended church regularly, seemed truly devoted and even cried during worship. He didn’t drink alcohol, smoke or do drugs. He was educated, had a good job and came from a decent family. By all accounts, he was a good catch. When she first started dating him, she hadn’t been looking for a serious relationship. She was still in her early 20s – hardly about to be left on the shelf. Not that her mother agreed with her. For an inexplicable reason, her mother wanted her married, before she reached 25. She said that otherwise, Nadine would find it difficult to get married. She had almost missed out on marriage to Nadine’s father herself, because she believed she had time – Nadine marvelled at how selective her mother’s memory was, when she wanted it to be. Their situations were hardly similar.
But on a certain level, Nadine did not blame her mother. In Nigeria, a girl who completed her university education and didn’t get married shortly after, was a cause for concern. Yes, even in this century. Actually, especially in this century. Some of Nadine’s old classmates from university had been summoned to family meetings where they would be asked why they had no suitors, by their final year in university. The reason they had been sent to England was so that they would get the education bit out of the way quicker – there were no strikes or cult activities, which constantly contributed to the temporary closures of universities, meaning that students could graduate in a shorter time than they would have if they had had their university education in Nigeria. Some of them clearly had not heard of the 2006 university nationwide strike – some dispute over money apparently – that caused Nadine’s parents to wonder what they had let themselves in for. Fortunately, that was called off as an arrangement which she was unsure of now, was reached and normalcy was restored. But some parents were focused on other news – mainly, when do you intend to get married as you are now a holder of a first degree? Some girls insisted on undertaking a postgraduate course and that served as a stay of execution. As bizarre as it sounded, the parents were serious – what was the point of all that money being spent, if the girl was unmarried? Was she not aware of the gut-wrenching exchange rates between the Naira and the British pound? The least she could do to show her appreciation, was get married as soon as possible and not sit on the shelf gathering dust. They didn’t ask for much – they didn’t ask for her to become an astronaut, or discover a cure for AIDS. And continuous studying, in order to gain a PhD was out of the question – she could do that from her husband’s house. Of what use was being known as a doctor, if her fingers lacked that piece of metal, or she had not gone on a personal visit to the labour ward? Yes, being a ‘girl child’ was tough on a Nigerian, even in the 21st century.
So when Tony came along and said and did all the right things, Nadine allowed herself to be swayed. Maybe, if she had waited longer, she would have discovered a vital character flaw – one that would serve as prophecy of the future. But now, she would never know. She wouldn’t exactly say she rushed into the marriage and she wasn’t blaming anyone for her decision to marry Tony. She knew of people who seemed to be happily married, after dating for a really short time. And although some would advise to wait longer before making a decision, it was a fact that the length of time people dated was not an indicator of how the marriage itself would go. There were people who dated for a decade, got married and then divorced within a year. Besides, could you really know anyone? Some people had the shock of their lives when they discovered that their spouse of many years, had another life – sometimes that other life included criminality. Women were often stunned when they learned their husbands were thieves, cold-blooded murderers, paedophiles. Or that they – this was really popular in Nigeria – had other wives and children. Of course, information about brand new families was usually uncovered upon the man’s demise. These women spent time with their husbands and knew them intimately. The women were not to be outdone, either. There were men who discovered after years of marriage that they had unwittingly raised other men’s children. Now, when a man says ‘I met this woman a virgin’, could anyone really blame him for not really knowing that she was capable of such mind-boggling betrayal? And even in friendships, weren’t people constantly being distressed because a friend they had known for decades, had done something unconscionable – swindled them of money, stolen their partners or spouses, even arranged their assassinations?
Tony seemed like a nice guy from a nice family. There had been no warning signs in any shades of red, no alarm bells. She remembered meeting his family, for the first time. His father was the husband of one wife, and they had three children. Tony was the middle child – he had one elder sister and one younger brother. Yes, his elder sister was not present – they said she couldn’t take time off from her job. That was the official line she was fed. But privately, Tony told her that it was best if Nadine and his sister never met, because Elizabeth would probably not like her. When she asked why, he told her that he and Elizabeth didn’t get on, so she would hate Nadine because of her connection to him. He also said that his elder sister was envious and mentally unbalanced, even if his parents refused to see it. She thought she had been moved out of the way when he, a boy was born and she had never forgiven him for that.
Now, Nadine found herself wondering if that was her clue. But then, the truth was that there were siblings who truly hated each other – she only had to look at her extended family. That didn’t mean she was prone to psychopathic behaviour.
There was no reason to suspect anything based on his birth order, either. In fact, if one were to be stereotypical, wouldn’t it be the last child that could be expected to be thoughtless and spoiled? But Tony was the first male child – even that was not reason enough to presume anything, surely? Yes, the typical first male child amongst the Igbo was an entitled brat or bully who was deluded into believing that he was a demi-god. Because female children were usually regarded as second-class – even amongst some literate parents – the parents would have been waiting for a son, a real child. So when he arrived, he would be spoilt, favoured above others and taught that the world owed him, just because he was in it. But that was not the case with all of them. She didn’t want to go there, but Raymond was an only child – he wasn’t perfect, but he was normal.
There was no reason to believe Tony was anything other than what he presented to her at the time. There were no bitter or dead ex-girlfriends in his past, that she was aware of – although if she were being honest, she probably would have thought they were just jealous, if any had shown up. Neither of his parents was violent or abusive, so where would he have picked that up? She knew now that being a victim or a witness to domestic violence does not in itself, create a perpetrator of domestic violence. But she considered that, just in case. However, his mother had worked outside the home and he didn’t seem threatened by her financial independence. Even now, although they operated a joint account, she had personal accounts that he was aware of and he had not done anything to indicate that he wanted her to give them up … yet. He hadn’t cut up her cards, seized her chequebook or demanded that she tell him before withdrawing money from her own bank accounts.
Should she have deduced because he would sometimes drive fast, just because he knew she hated it and it caused her to scream? At the time, she had seen it as a quirk. Not an attempt to gain and maintain control over her. It was an annoying trait, but nothing more. And that in itself, did not mean he would derive pleasure from hurting her. Or did it? She didn’t know. She remembered that he would be really upset, when she refused to change any of her plans to suit him – but wasn’t compromise supposed to be a feature of a healthy relationship? He would also change some of his plans to accommodate her, and that didn’t mean she was controlling. There was no indication of mental illness, although she knew that suspected or even diagnosed mental illness, was not an excuse for domestic violence.
She could lie in bed, remembering and re-interpreting every detail in her mind. That was all theory – speculation that would drive her crazy. There were things she was sure of and she could focus on them instead. One was that she had loved Tony – yes, it had happened pretty quickly, but who could blame her? He was caring, attentive, loving and all the things she thought she wanted. No, she hadn’t felt as … consumed as she did with Raymond, but that was first love. It wasn’t realistic to hold out for a repetition of that. To experience it once was an inexplicable blessing; to have that more than once was very unlikely. Lightning was not in the habit of striking more than once in the same place. Her mother had had it with her own first love, and although she insisted she was happy with Nadine’s father, Nadine did not truly know. How many women – particularly Nigerian women – would say any different? Another fact was that she had chosen to marry Tony. Yes, her culture and her mother may have played a role in helping her come to a decision, but at the end of the day she made a conscious decision to marry a man she loved. Yet another fact was that Tony would not change. She knew it as well as she knew she was lying in bed. She had read of women who hoped against hope, that their violent partners would change. Nadine did not know whether this was blind optimism, or mind-numbing stupidity. Tony was who he was, because that was what he had chosen. It wasn’t his family background, alcohol, drugs or other psychological disturbances, or even her reactions that created the monster she had married. That was of his own making. He was a Frankenstein and he had given birth.
Her phone buzzed again and she looked at it. It was another notification.
“I’m envious. Looks like you’re having fun,” she read underneath a loved-up-looking picture of her and Tony.
“Yes, looks like it,” she typed back and inserted a smiling emoticon, before posting the comment.