New Year's Eve, 2010
Standing around her final resting place as the minister said a blessing, each member of the crowd which had gathered for Nadine’s funeral mourned her in their own way. They had all known and loved different aspects of her because she had played different roles in their lives.
To her colleagues, she had been as fearless, as she was talented. She had also managed to strike a cord with partners in her firm. They saw her as a young woman with the potential to strike terror in the hearts of their rivals. Sadly, her husband … ex-husband had made sure that this had not happened. To her old classmates, she was a gifted young woman who was meant to be going places; and her old lecturers thought this funeral was ample proof of a sad waste of a decent life. Eugenia had thought Nadine was the most generous woman she had ever met. To Stephen Drew, she was the gem that had always been just within his reach, yet not quite there. To Raymond Ezeh, she was his soul-mate … the love of his life … the one woman who made him crazy … but in a good way, and whom he had just lost for the final time. To the Matthews, she was the second daughter they never had; and to Stella Matthews, she was her sister.
That was what she had called her as she stood before the congregation reading the eulogy … or trying to. Stella shook her head. She had been so distraught that she had been unable to properly pay tribute to her friend. She had stood in front of the congregation in the church, with tears streaming down her face and sobbing till she thought she would stop breathing.
Just two hours ago, she had stood up in front of all these people into whose lives Nadine had breezed in and out, and begun to read the eulogy she had tried so hard to prepare.
“Nadine is … was …” she had faltered, and then stopped a moment to compose herself, as she took off her sunglasses to reveal her bloodshot eyes and her face free of make-up. Her tears which blinded her made the page seem blurry and the words completely illegible. She shook her head and put away the sheet she had meant to read from. “I can’t do this,” she said to the congregation, “I can’t read this … reduce her to some words on a piece of paper. It just doesn’t feel right.”
She folded the sheet of paper, and from her heart, spoke of her friend in the presence of the people who had not known her as well as she had. For the next hour, she had told them of a Nadine who had many parts; some of which those gathered were completely unaware of. She told them about how her journey of friendship … no, sisterhood with Nadine began on the day she laid her eyes on her in the reception office of the Guidance & Counselling Unit at Bella Ray College. Even after all this time, she couldn’t pronounce her surname properly. Some of the congregation tried not to laugh. Stella told everyone of that first experience at the restaurant at Old Kent Road. Some laughed, including Sister Edith. Even Stella managed to smile.
She spoke of Nadine, the teenager who blossomed into a woman; yet still had some of the little girl in her. And then she started to cry again. Stella’s memories of Nadine, the loyal friend who had also been a devoted daughter to her parents, an unbelievably fantastic girlfriend to Raymond and a devoted wife to Tony even after he chose to take advantage of her; spilled out amidst sobs. She laughed, ranted, whispered and cried as she shared Nadine’s heart with the people who had gathered to mourn her untimely departure and celebrate her life. She spoke of her friend’s strengths, weaknesses, dreams and frailties.
A tearful Sister Jackie looked around – was there really any point to the waste of Nadine’s life? A waste, because that’s what it was. How could she have all these people turn up for her in death, yet not be there for her in life? She wished the pastor and all those women could see Nadine now. Yes, some of them were here, but so far they had not been able to make eye contact with her. She was almost certain that Nadine’s client did not exist. Sister Jackie didn’t think herself vindicated, either. After that shambolic meeting, her neighbour, Moira refused to attend any more. But Jackie had persisted. She didn’t know what else she could have done – especially as Nadine came only twice after that. Nobody truly bothered to find out why she had stopped coming. Whether it was because the young woman who would never even see 30 was trying to hide the bruises her husband’s abuse had given her, or she was trying to escape the judgement she felt she was receiving from the very women who she felt should love her, Jackie would never know. Today, Nadine’s funeral service was being held in a different church.
She couldn’t agree more with Stella who concluded by saying what almost everyone else was thinking. They had not been there for Nadine … and that was why she went through that trial alone. Stella knew she would always remember that night out with Nadine when the latter refused to consume any alcohol because she ‘wanted to be alert’ and would never stop blaming herself for failing to read between the lines at that time. If she had, Nadine might still be alive. Stella knew she would never forgive herself for her neglect which had been a factor in the death of her sister and her friend.
Standing now at the place which was her friend’s grave, Stella desperately wished she would wake up from what had to be a sick dream. But no such recourse was to be.
“How I hate Tony,” she cursed inwardly, knowing even then that Nadine would not have reacted the same way. But that was why she was dead. She was gone because he had noted her beautiful and selfless nature, used it against her and made this entire affair a waking nightmare for everyone who genuinely cared about her.
“I am so sorry I failed you, my sister, my friend,” Stella whispered, sobbing and scooping a handful of earth before her legs gave way and she sank to the ground beside the hole into which Nadine’s coffin had been lowered a few minutes before.
She had to be supported towards a waiting car by her brother and a friend. Even though she could not see the funeral party and all were oblivious to Tony standing at a safe distance and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, Stella felt her heart tear afresh into a million tiny pieces as the first shovelful of earth hit Nadine’s coffin.
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