A DISQUIETING SENSE OF déjà vu settled around Amelia as she turned into the parking lot of Finn’s restaurant-home, empty except for two vehicles. There had been many changes in eight months. No more construction equipment, for one. And the trees were now green.
Get in, get what you came for, get out, she reminded herself. Just like last time.
Her face warmed. Okay, maybe not just like that. Last time she’d gotten way more than she’d bargained for from him.
She slid from her Liberty, taking a moment to stretch out the travel kinks. She’d driven several hours the night before, until exhaustion had forced her to find a motel.
It had galled her when she’d called her daughter’s cell and gotten Finn instead, who reported that Jordan was sleeping peacefully in one of his guest bedrooms.
Now almost eleven in the morning, Amelia headed, as instructed, toward the back entrance of the place. Apparently Fresh didn’t serve Sunday brunch or Sunday anything, for that matter.
She hurried past the padlocked silver walk-in freezer at the edge of the parking lot and down the sidewalk, entering the covered porch at the rear of the building. As she reached for the doorknob, the view through the window brought her up short.
Jordan and Finn stood at the work island. Her daughter beamed at the man as she scraped something from a bowl into a pan.
Jordan hadn’t looked that happy, that enthusiastic, since before her diagnosis.
Amelia’s hand trembled. Was it right to keep Jordan from getting to know him?
She squared her shoulders. Damn skippy it was. Without so much as a knock, she walked into the kitchen. Her daughter slid the pan into one of the wall ovens.
Two pairs of identical aquamarine eyes turned toward her.
“Mom! Check this out! We’re making...”
Amelia’s you-are-in-so-much-trouble-young-lady-and-just-wait-till-I-get-you-out-of-here scowl wilted Jordan’s smile. The girl studied her sneakers.
Finn patted her shoulder.
Amelia’s stomach tightened at the familiar and slightly possessive gesture. “Get your things, Jordan. It’s almost a sixteen-hour drive home. I want to be back on the road in five minutes.”
Jordan’s head snapped up. “But Mom—”
“Don’t but Mom me. You scared me almost to death. You went on a plane, for crying out loud. Do you have any idea how many germs are in the air on a plane? Your counts have been good, but you know how fast that can change. What the hell were you thinking?”
Anger simmered in her daughter’s eyes and Jordan propped her fists on her hips. “I wanted to meet my father. You wouldn’t let me. I found a way. You always tell me we’ve got to have a plan. I made a plan. Who needs Make-a-Wish?”
“Don’t talk to me like that. Your wish is fulfilled. You’ve met him. Now we’re leaving. I’m not going to say it again. Get your stuff and let’s go.”
“Amelia,” Finn began.
She jabbed a finger in his direction. “You be quiet. You have zero say here, so keep your opinions to yourself.”
His eyebrows climbed his forehead. He gave Jordan’s shoulder another pat and nodded down at her. “Go on. Run upstairs and grab your backpack.”
Amelia’s molars threatened to crack as she clamped her jaw together.
“But the triple chocolate brownies...” her daughter protested.
“I’ll box them up and send them to you tomorrow. Overnight. They’ll be at your house by Tuesday.”
“But I wanted to meet everyone! You said—”
“What I said doesn’t matter. I’m sorry you can’t stay for Sunday dinner and meet more of the family. But you have to obey your mom.”
“Whatever.” With a sullen look cast in Amelia’s direction, Jordan crossed the kitchen, stabbed a code into the keypad, then yanked the door to the back staircase so hard it slammed into the wall and bounced closed behind her. Her feet pounded up the steps.
Finn folded his arms.
Amelia did the same.
For a long moment, they simply stared each other down across his kitchen. Then he tilted his head slightly. “Great to see you again, Dr. Amelia Young of Caribou, Maine.” He put a touch of accent on her last name and home town.
Amelia cursed Jordan’s big mouth and easy trust. “Use that information to contact us, and I will slap a restraining order on you so fast you won’t know what hit you.”
He threw his hands in the air. “For God’s sake, Amelia. What kind of bogeyman do you think I am? Do I look like a serial killer or something? What could be so horrible about your daughter getting to know me? Having contact with me?”
“We don’t need you. We’re perfectly fine by ourselves, the way we’ve always been.”
Finn struggled to keep his gaze from sliding down to her rounded belly. The moment she’d barged into his kitchen, he’d wrestled with the impulse to stare. The changes pregnancy had brought...well, it wasn’t so much that she had the “glow” his sisters sometimes talked about. The glow his sister Elke was showing in her first pregnancy. No, Amelia’s body was more...lush. Ripening.
Hot. And despite the fact that she was making him crazy with her behavior, the desire to take her in his arms again, to kiss her... Finn understood the temptation Adam must have felt when he’d been offered the apple. He knew he shouldn’t even want it, let alone have it, and yet...
His child—his second child—grew in that lovely, curvy stomach. A child he’d never know, just like Jordan. Which, given his track record with family-building of his own, might be for the best. “I’m glad I had the chance to meet her. She’s a great kid, Amelia.”
The furrows between her eyebrows softened. “Most of the time she is.”
“Will you think about letting her keep in touch with me? I want to know how this all turns out.”
Amelia shook her head. “There’s nothing to think about. You are a sperm donor. Nothing more. You gave up any rights when you signed the piece of paper at the clinic.”
He curled his fingers into his palms. He wasn’t asking to be a father. Just to be kept in the damn loop.
He was struck by a flash of insight. The legal eagles in the family—his father, oldest brother, Alan, sister Cathy, and baby brother Kyle, though the squirt had yet to finish law school and pass the bar—would be proud. Finn smiled a slow, wolfish grin. He knew just how to wipe that smug look off her face. “I didn’t sign any papers this time. Guess you forgot that step, huh?”
Amelia’s eyes widened. The color blanched from her face and she swayed.
He took two quick steps in her direction before she held up her hand. “I’m fine. Where’s the bathroom, before I hit the road?”
“Out the kitchen, first door on the right.” He pointed.
She casually sauntered from the room, but her footsteps on the other side of the swinging door gave away her haste.
Finn gathered up the brownie dishes, a twinge—but only a twinge—of guilt pricking him for shaking her up like that. Let her sweat over the fact that he might have a claim to Baby Number Two. Even if he didn’t intend to exercise that claim.
Finn didn’t have what it took to take care of someone, not even a wife, never mind children. His second divorce had driven the point home. One failed marriage could have been a fluke. Just a mistake. But two?
Knowing Jordan had been temporary from the second she’d keeled over in his kitchen made this easier.
He had the area clean when Jordan, backpack slung over both shoulders and followed by Hayden, dejectedly slumped from the staircase.
“Where’s my mom?” she asked, scanning the room.
“Bathroom.”
“Figures.”
Hayden crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, a somber expression on his face. Because Jordan’s situation so closely mirrored Ian’s, Hayden had taken an immediate shine to her.
The kid grabbed both straps of her pack, crossed to Finn, then thrust out her right hand. “It’s been great. I’m glad I had a chance to meet you.”
A lump swelled in Finn’s throat. They’d spent the morning cooking, swapping stories...bonding. She’d made videos of the restaurant and his cooking lesson. It had been fun. Of course, it was easy to play at being a dad for a few hours. He leaned over and pulled her into his arms, backpack and all. His first attempt to speak derailed into clearing his throat. “Me, too. Good luck, kiddo.”
She burrowed her face in the crook of his neck, sniffling softly.
He tightened his grip. Her tiny frame felt vulnerable in his embrace.
“I—I memorized your phone number,” she whispered. “I don’t dare put it in my cell. Can I call you sometime?”
Torn between Amelia’s wishes and his own surprising desire to keep in touch, he murmured, “Don’t get caught.”
That evoked a sharp chuckle-snort. “No kidding.”
###
Amelia paused at the swinging door, uncertain, running her shaking hand over her baby bump. The rational part of her kept saying it was probably nothing. There hadn’t been much blood, only a little spotting. The rest of her screamed in terror.
Two lives rode on this pregnancy.
And she was hundreds of miles from her OB, had no idea where the nearest hospital was and didn’t want to transmit her fear to her daughter.
She took several deep breaths, then pushed through the door.
As she entered the kitchen, Jordan untangled herself from Finn’s embrace, wiping beneath her eyes.
Amelia’s heart lurched.
“I’m ready, Mom.”
“Thanks, honey.” Her voice sounded strained even to herself.
Another man—one of his brothers, she’d guess, given the similar jawline—lounged against the wall. Amelia jerked her head toward the door. Working harder to keep her tone steady, she said, “You mind if I have a word with you in private?”
“Why not?” Finn strode toward her. “If I’m not back when the timer goes off, pull those brownies, huh?” he said to the presumed brother.
“Do I get to eat them?”
“No. They’re Jordan’s.”
“I’ll share,” her daughter said.
Amelia followed Finn into the hallway.
“What’s up?” he asked as soon as the door closed behind them. “More threats about restraining orders? Did you whip up some legal papers for me to sign while you were in the john?”
“No.” She sighed. “Forget it. I’ll figure it out myself, as usual. Google knows everything. I’ll just ask it.”
He grabbed her by the arm before she could pass him. Heat spiraled from his fingers into her flesh. Finn Hawkins was entirely too sexy for her own good. The narrow walls of the hallway created an intimate, cozy atmosphere, and once more she cursed the pregnancy hormones. “Let go of me.”
He did. Immediately. The flush in his sculpted cheekbones said he’d felt the heat, too.
One more reason to get the hell out of Erie and never look back.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “What did you want?”
“It’s nothing. Never mind.”
“Amelia.”
She glanced up, finding genuine concern in his eyes.
“If you or Jordan need anything...I want to help. So what is it?”
A few moments of his frank stare ratcheted up her fear again, and made her confess. “I—I’m spotting.”
“Spotting?” His gaze traveled her face, her arms. “Hives?”
“Uh, no.” She gestured at her stomach, and vaguely lower. “Spotting.” Her voice trembled again. “The baby? It’s probably nothing but...”
“Oh. Spotting. Oh, crap!” He fumbled in his pocket, withdrawing his cell phone, stabbing a button.
“Wait! What are you doing?”
“Calling a doctor.”
“I need an ob-gyn.”
“I’m not an idiot.”
“You have an ob-gyn on speed dial?”
“She’s my sister, and she’s one of the best in Erie.”
“I didn’t ask you to call anyone. Especially not your sister.” The last thing she needed was another “family” member to find out about Jordan. And the new baby. God only knew how many Hawkinses Jordan had already met. Fortunately, Amelia had made it to Erie before the family dinner Finn had mentioned earlier. Online articles about him had mentioned his large family, with siblings named from A to a pair of twins with K names. Which made Finn number six in the series of twelve. “I wanted to know if there was an urgent care nearby. It’s probably nothing.” If she said it enough times, perhaps it would be so. And she’d feel foolish about making a big deal over it. Please, please, please, let it be so.
His eyebrows drew together. “You’re going to get urgent care. And with a sixteen-hour drive ahead of you, you can’t afford to assume it’s nothing. Let’s err on the side of caution, okay?” The ring coming from the phone stopped, and was replaced by a faint female voice.
“Bethany? I need help. I have a, uh, an out-of-town friend here. She’s pregnant, and she’s spotting. It’s Sunday. And you’re the best.” He paused, shaking his head. “I’m not sure. Hold on.” He jabbed another button on the cell and held it out. “You’re on speakerphone. Go ahead.”
“How far along are you?” asked his sister, the doctor.
“Twenty-six weeks.”
“Okay. Any history of problems?”
“No.”
“Any previous spotting?”
“No.”
“Are you high-risk at all?”
“Well...I’m in my forties.”
The woman on the phone chuckled. “Yeah, me, too. You’ve gotta love being referred to as ‘advanced maternal age,’ don’t you?”
“I wanted to slap my ob-gyn when he mentioned it.”
“My kind of girl. Look, it’s probably nothing.”
The muscles in Amelia’s shoulders unknotted. “That’s what I said.”
Finn yanked the phone back, spoke directly into it. “She has a sixteen-hour drive home, Bethany. I’m not letting her start a trip like that without knowing for sure that it’s nothing.”
“Take a pill, Finnegan Beginagain. I didn’t say I wouldn’t see her. I’m almost to Mom and Dad’s. Let me drop the kids off for Sunday dinner, and I’ll meet you at my office. Twenty minutes.”
The connection broke before Amelia could protest. Thus preserving some of her energy for the arguments she found herself in two minutes later, with both Finn and Jordan.
“You’re not coming,” she said. “Either of you.” Hospitals and doctor’s offices teemed with germs and bacteria. Given that Jordan didn’t produce enough white blood cells, the body’s defense system, infection and illness were serious threats. Besides, she spent enough time in medical surroundings.
“I’m coming,” Finn retorted. “You don’t know where the office is, and I’m not telling you. You shouldn’t be driving. Take it easy and let me handle this.”
“I’m coming, too,” Jordan insisted. “What if you need me? And I can’t stay here by myself.”
Finn’s brother, now wearing a blue oven mitt and juggling the pan of hot brownies out of the oven, cleared his throat. “What am I, chopped liver? I’m here. You’re not going to be alone, pip.”
“Exactly,” Finn said. “Hayden will take care of Jordan. Trust me, he’s got plenty of babysitting experience.”
“I’m not a baby,” Jordan said. “I don’t need sitting.”
Amelia fought the urge to clap her hands over her ears. “Enough. You—” she pointed at her daughter “—are staying here. You wanted more time? Be careful what you wish for. Get Finn’s brother to tell you more about their family. Because as soon as I’m done at the doctor’s, we’re out of here. And since you’re grounded for life, you won’t be coming back.” She veered her finger toward Finn. “Let’s go.”
On the way out she muttered, “But if you think you’re going anywhere near that exam room, buddy, have I got news for you.”
###
The multistory brick building that housed the group office Bethany shared with several other ob-gyns connected to St. Joseph’s Hospital via an enclosed walkway on the third floor. The proximity reassured Finn as he drove under it, then turned into the parking lot.
The fact that Bethany waited on the sidewalk with Elke was far less reassuring.
Finn stifled a groan. Elke knew all about Jordan. He’d called her for medical advice last night.
“What’s wrong?” Amelia asked.
“The one on the left is Bethany. The doctor. The pregnant one is my sister Elke. She’s an RN. We call her the Interrogator, so brace yourself. She came out last night to check on Jordan.”
“Check on her why?”
“She, uh...” He hated to give Amelia anything else to worry about right now. “She got a bit light-headed in the heat of the kitchen last night. I figured, given her medical situation, it would be a good idea for Elke to take a look at her.”
“And you’re only telling me this now?” Anger brought more color back to her face, reassuring him.
“Umm...”
Bethany saved him by opening the passenger-side door to his Explorer. “Hi. I’m Dr. Hawkins. Good to meet you, though not under these circumstances.” Bethany offered Amelia a hand out of the car, which she accepted.
“Dr. Amelia Young. Likewise.”
“Oh? You’re a doctor, too?” Bethany beamed in approval. “What’s your specialty?”
“I’m a chiropractor. I know, most MDs think that means I’m not a real doctor.”
“I’m not one of them,” Bethany said. “There have been times I wouldn’t have been able to move without mine. I brought Elke with me. She’s an RN. I thought having someone else present would make you feel more comfortable. But that’s entirely up to you.”
“A doctor, a nurse... Quite the talented family you have, Finn.” Amelia’s expression said she’d made a fine choice in DNA for her kids.
She made him feel like a slab of meat. Fill this cup, Finn. Give me your genes, Finn. I’ll pay you, Finn. But don’t come near this child, or else... “Don’t forget the lawyers. We’ve got a handful of those in the gene pool, too.”
Her mouth gaped. She snapped it shut. They entered the building while Elke introduced herself, then slid into the smooth chatter she used to disarm all her interrogation subjects. “So,” she said as the elevator doors shut. “You’re the mother of Finn’s secret love child. Jordan’s a great kid—”
“Elke!” Bethany snapped. “Professional, I said. Not personal. You’re here to assist me as a nurse. Not to grill her.”
“Love child?” Amelia shook her head. “Love had nothing to do with it.”
“What?” Elke tipped her head to the side. “That doesn’t sound like my brother. Not this one, anyway. How did you guys meet?”
Finn had left out a lot of details in what he’d told Elke last night, explaining as little as possible despite his sister’s attempts to wheedle more information. “We connected while I was in culinary school,” he said now. Not exactly a lie. But not precisely true, either.
He scowled at Amelia, hoping to shut her up about the sperm donation.
“Connected.” Amelia’s mouth pursed. “Yes, I suppose we did.”
“Finn told me about Jordan’s severe aplastic anemia. I’m so sorry.” Elke gestured toward Amelia’s middle. “So...interesting that you’re expecting again.”
Don’t rise to the bait, don’t rise to the bait.... Finn hoped Amelia could read his mind.
“Your brother mentioned you checked Jordan out last night. Something about overheating in the kitchen? She wasn’t running a fever, was she?”
“No, no fever. She was tired, hungry and nervous about meeting Finn.” Elke narrowed her eyes.
“Elke,” he warned. “Whatever you’re about to ask, it’s none of your business. Put a sock in it.”
“Okay. How about I ask you a few questions then?”
“No.” He folded his arms.
“Is this your baby, too?”
He pointedly ignored her. The elevator slid to a stop with a ding, and the doors opened.
His sisters exchanged a glance as they exited.
Bethany unlocked the office, flipping on the lights. “You wait here, Finn.” She turned to Amelia. “Do you want Elke in with us?
Amelia nodded. “That’s fine.”
“Why do I have to wait out here? Why can’t I wait outside the exam room?” Finn struggled not to sound like a petulant child, but didn’t quite pull it off.
“Because we spent a lot of money decorating this room so people could wait in it. It’s why we call it a waiting room.” Bethany escorted Amelia and Elke through another door, out of his sight.
The tables held pamphlets about various birth control methods and STDs. The magazines mostly boasted pictures of big-bellied women or babies on the covers. Finn prowled the seating area in desperate search of a Sports Illustrated or even a news magazine. He’d give his sister a lecture on prospective fathers’ rights to decent reading material later at their parents’ house.
Fathers’ rights. At the moment, that phrase seemed oxymoronic, and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was from the unexpected fear he’d felt since Amelia had mentioned the spotting.
The tightly closed door to the inner offices taunted him.
He resisted. Briefly. Then he quietly slipped through, into the maze of corridors. If there was anything going on with the baby, he wanted to know about it. As the father, it was his right. And Amelia wasn’t likely to tell him.
He crept down the carpeted hallway, head tipped to the side, listening intently. The low murmur of voices gave away their location in exam room 6.
But it didn’t give away anything else. Finn paced, his black chef’s clogs creating scuff lines in the nap of the beige rug.
“Oh, crap!” Bethany exclaimed clearly a few minutes later. “No, no! Don’t move! Stay lying down! Elke, get the head down on this table. All the way.”
Finn darted to the door. On the other side, a whirring noise competed with his sister’s continued admonitions that Amelia stay still. As he reached for the handle, Bethany burst out. Without so much as a glare at him, she raced to the administration desk in the middle of the hall, grabbing the phone.
Heart pounding, Finn peeked into the exam room. Amelia, the lower part of her body covered with a white sheet, lay on her back. The exam table tilted at an extreme angle, with her head down. Elke stood at her side, murmuring calming words he couldn’t make out.
He scrambled after his sister.
“This is Dr. Hawkins,” she barked into the phone. “I need a gurney at my office to transfer a patient into the hospital, and I need it now. Get me an LDRP room.”
“What’s going on?” Finn asked. What the hell was an LDRP room?
Bethany held up a hand while she repeated her demands, then hung up the phone. She strode back to the exam room, Finn on her heels. Just before they reached it, he grabbed her by the arm. “Beth! Tell me what’s happening. ‘Oh crap’ isn’t something I imagine you usually say to a patient.”
“Finn, I can’t—”
He squeezed gently. “It’s my baby. That baby is a Hawkins. And my thirteen-year-old daughter’s life depends on this baby.”
Bethany’s eyes grew wider. Bewilderment gave way to sympathy. “I wondered if it was a savior sibling. I’ll do my best, Finn.” She shook her head. “But it’s not good. Come on. I’ll explain it to you both.”
Amelia lifted her head when he followed his sister into the exam room. She tugged at the sheet covering her body. “I don’t want him in here—”
“Keep your head down, Amelia. I mean it. Don’t move. This is important, so lie still and listen. You have an incompetent cervix. That means it’s opening already, without contractions. When I examined you, I felt a foot.”
Elke stroked Amelia’s shoulder.
Amelia sucked in a deep breath, face blanching the color of the sheet—no easy feat given that her head pointed toward the floor. “The baby’s coming now?”
“Not if I can help it. The sac is still intact. What I want to do is called cervical cerclage. I’m going to sew your cervix shut to keep that baby inside, where he belongs. Though at twenty-six weeks, there’s about an eighty percent rate of survival, there can also be a lot of complications for the baby. Why risk it if we don’t have to?”
“If—if it doesn’t work, and the baby comes now, will there be enough cord blood to transplant into Jordan?”
Bethany shook her head. “I’m not certain, but I doubt it. The size of the baby relates to the volume of cord blood.”
Finn’s heart pounded against his ribs. Sweat beaded across his forehead. If she lost this child, then Jordan...
“We need to keep you tilted like this for a while and let gravity pull the baby farther into the uterus. I’ll be monitoring you for any contractions for several hours, too. Once an ultrasound confirms that the baby is back where we need him to be, I’ll move you to an OR and stitch your cervix.”
“Dr. Hawkins?” a man called from the hallway.
Bethany popped her head out the door. “Down here. Hurry up.”
Finn automatically reached for Amelia’s hand. She stared up at him, tears welling in her eyes, teeth pinching her lower lip. For a moment her fingers lay limp in his. Then she squeezed so hard she could have cracked a walnut.
“Don’t tell Jordan yet. I don’t want her worrying needlessly.”
“Don’t worry about Jordan. I...we’ll take care of her. This family takes care of its own. And like it or not, she’s family.”