THE LIGHT FROM JORDAN’S cell phone cast a blue glow into the room. Nearly midnight, and she’d tossed and turned. Being in this room last night, with its pansy wallpaper and the lavender bedspread, had been an adventure. A stolen moment she’d never expected to repeat.
Being here tonight, with Mom in the hospital, wasn’t nearly as much fun.
This wasn’t in either of their plans.
Her fingers danced over the keys, texting Shelby. She’d kept her friend updated about the crisis throughout the day, but Shelby had been busy getting ready to head to her dad’s, so they hadn’t really been able to chat. U awake?
It took a minute or two. Then the phone vibrated, and Shelby’s response came in. Am now. Whazzup?
Can’t sleep. It’s 2 weird.
Sigh. Ok. Y weird?
Idk.
Yes u do. Ur worried about ur mom.
Duh.
And about baby?
Double duh.
What happens 2 u if something happens 2 baby?
Jordan tossed the phone to the floor on top of her jeans. She grabbed the extra pillow and pulled it to her chest, curling around it. Leave it to Shelby to ask the question Jordan had avoided all day long.
Or tried to avoid, anyway.
It kept popping up, nagging her like Mom did when her room was a mess.
She forced her mind elsewhere. “Alan, Bethany, Cathy...” Uncle Hayden had told her the story of the twelve Hawkins siblings. How the first three had accidentally been named with A, B, C names. And how when baby number four was on the way, their parents had realized it, and decided to continue. “...Derek, Elke, Finn, Greg, Hayden, Ian, Judy, and Kara and Kyle, the twin babies of the family.” Alphabetizing sure made memorizing them easier.
Jordan couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to grow up with that many brothers and sisters. Always having someone to play with. Someone to share your secrets with. When she’d started kindergarten, she’d begged her mom for a brother or a sister.
But Mom always said no, that their family of two was perfect. That two was a lovely number. That she’d always planned on one child, because with a career, she wanted to give Jordan as much of her attention as possible, not spread it too thin.
Jordan’s cell phone vibrated, muted by the clothes.
The need for a bone marrow donor when, against the odds, they hadn’t been able to find one in the registry, had changed Mom’s mind about a baby in a hurry.
And when Mom had a plan, she made it happen. Even when she hadn’t gotten pregnant after the first two attempts at in vitro, Mom had tried to hide her emotions, assuring Jordan that “the third time’s the charm.”
And it had been.
Jordan had never imagined the possibility of outliving her baby sibling. Of the baby not even...
A gaping, hollow pit opened in her stomach.
She began to shake as her cell phone vibrated again.
###
Jolted from sleep by the shrill ring tone, one he’d chosen specifically to cut through the clatter and chaos of the kitchen, Finn grabbed for his phone, yanking it away from the charger on the night table.
His heart pounded against his rib cage, his first thought going to Amelia and Chip. “Hello?”
“Is this Jordan’s dad?” asked an unfamiliar young girl’s voice.
“Huh?”
“Finn Hawkins, right? Jordan’s dad?”
He rubbed his eyes. “Uh, yeah. Who’s this? And why are you calling me—” he blinked a few times to bring the blurry red numbers of his alarm clock into focus “—at 12:24 a.m.?”
“My name’s Shelby. I’m Jordan’s best friend. She sent me your phone number so I could keep it for her in case she forgot.”
“And you’re calling me because?”
“Oh. Because I was texting with JoJo and I think maybe she’s upset. She won’t answer me. Not by text, and not when I tried to call her.”
“If you girls had a fight, I’m sure you can make up tomorrow. Jordan’s probably sleeping. Like you should be.” Like he should be. The delivery truck came early.
“No, it wasn’t a fight. She’s upset. Look, you have to go check on her! She doesn’t ignore me.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go check on her. Don’t call back tonight, all right? I’ll have Jordan call you tomorrow.”
“All right. Thanks. Oh, and by the way...you sound as cute as you look.”
The connection broke, leaving Finn staring at his lit phone. What the hell?
He shook his head as he clambered out of bed. He tossed on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. His room was the largest, occupying the entire back of the house, over the kitchen. At one time, it had been the bridal suite of the bed-and-breakfast.
A few coats of paint and new furniture had transformed it into an appropriately masculine space.
The wooden floorboards in the hall creaked beneath his bare feet. Fortunately, he didn’t have far to go. He’d put Jordan in the next room.
He leaned his ear to the inch-wide space where the door was cracked open. A long stretch of silence almost convinced him she was asleep, despite her friend’s intuition, but then he heard a soft whimper.
He rapped lightly on the wood. “Jordan? Can I come in?”
No response. “Jordan, I’m coming in.”
He pushed the door wide. Inside, the night-light from the attached bathroom provided enough illumination for him to maneuver around a pile of clothes on the floor.
It also showed the pajama-clad girl, half in, half out of the covers. Knees drawn up to her chest, she was curled into a ball, her back toward him.
“Hey? Are you okay?” Stupid question. Obviously she wasn’t okay. Maybe he should call Alan or Derek. They had kids. Maybe even Greg. He would officially be a stepfather when Shannon married him in a few weeks.
Maybe Finn should call his mother.
When Jordan didn’t respond, he laid a hand on her shoulder. She was trembling.
Alarmed, he shifted his palm to her cheek, then to her forehead. The fact that she didn’t feel warm relieved him for all of two seconds. “Jordan?”
He eased himself onto the bed. Hesitated. Got back to his feet. Didn’t seem like a great plan with a distraught adolescent girl he’d known for only a day. Even if he was technically her father.
He knelt on the braided rug alongside the bed and draped his arm over her shoulder, drawing her stiff, unyielding body into an awkward embrace. “What’s wrong, kiddo? Talk to me.”
She shook harder. “I—I c-can’t stop it. C-can’t stop thinking about it. Stupid brain. Shut up.” She thumped her fist against her forehead.
He caught her hand. “Shhh. Don’t do that. What can’t you stop thinking about?”
“If—if the baby doesn’t make it.” She hiccupped. “Then I—I won’t make it.”
Pain radiated through his chest, as if a searing hot knife had slid between his ribs. He rocked her in his arms.
“It’s not the plan. Not the plan! My plan...Mom didn’t know...” The girl gulped. “My plan was that even if the transplant didn’t work, then Mom wouldn’t be alone. She’d still have a family.” Jordan sniffled. “She’d still have the new baby.”
“Chip,” Finn murmured, unsure how to deal with the teen’s fears. Where the hell was Greg when he needed him? He was the expert when it came to dealing with stuff like this. “Huh?”
“Chip. The new baby is a boy.”
“A boy? I’m getting a brother?”
“Yep. Is that okay?”
“I suppose. I was hoping for a girl, but...” Her shoulder twitched beneath his arm. “Why is his name Chip?”
“Nickname. Because apparently your mom craves potato chip and marshmallow fluff sandwiches.”
A chuckle made her seem to shake more. “Yeah. I tried one. Gross.”
“Sounds gross. Like something Hayden might try to put together.”
The lumps of the rug burned his knees. Finn shifted. The silence stretched between them, and Jordan’s trembling intensified. He cleared his throat and prayed for divine intervention. Jordan to suddenly fall asleep. The house to catch on fire. Anything to rescue him from this situation. Barring that, he’d settle for something inspired to say.
“Let me tell you what I think about planning. Planning is good. Within reason. Like, I plan my menus a week in advance. I plan for special parties months in advance. But I’m always flexible. Open to changes. Because, say, the market might have some really great produce that I hadn’t expected. Your mom’s a big planner, isn’t she?”
Jordan’s body began to relax beneath his arm. “Yeah. She started planning for high school in elementary school, because she already knew she wanted to go to college. In college she planned for chiropractic school, planned her life. Mom says you should always have a plan.”
“And I’ll tell you something my nanna used to say. ‘We plan, God laughs.’”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means God’s in control, not us. His plans are often different than ours would be. People are nearsighted. We can only see a small part of the picture. For example—” he stroked her silky dark hair “—if you hadn’t gotten sick, you and I would never have met. I’m not glad you’re sick, not at all. I’d change it in an instant if I could. But I’m glad that it brought you here. To me.”
“Me, too.” She squeezed his forearm.
Her gesture warmed him. “And because of this crisis with Chip, we’re going to get to spend even more time together.”
“We are?” She wiggled, then flipped over to face him, still clutching the pillow.
“Oh, crap. Your mother’s going to kill me. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. She wanted to talk to you about it herself.”
“How long?”
Finn pressed his lips together.
“I’ll pretend I don’t know when Mom tells me.”
“The rest of her pregnancy. Three months.”
“Three months? Mom’s going to be in the hospital for three months?” Jordan sat up, forcing him to lean back. “I’m not going to get to see her that long?”
Finn rose slowly, knees protesting. “No, no. She’s not going to be in the hospital.”
“Where will she be?”
“Here. You and your mom will be staying here. She has to stay in bed all the time, except I think Bethany said she’s allowed up to go to the bathroom. And that’s basically it.”
“We’re staying here? With you? For three months?”
“Yes.” In the soft light, he could see the play of emotions across her face. “Is that a bad thing?”
“Well...Shelby will be gone all summer, anyway. School is over, and since I have my computer, I could do cyberschool from here if I had to. I’m going to do cyberschool when I have my transplant.” She glanced at Finn, then down at the bedspread. “Hmmm. No.” She looked back up at him. “This is a good thing.”
“I’m glad you think so. Now, we both need to get some sleep.” He pulled back the covers. “Get in here.”
After fixing the pillows, she popped between the sheets. He covered her, then tucked the bedspread tightly around her form.
Two failed marriages, both over before the first anniversary, had convinced him he wasn’t family material. Didn’t have the stuff to be a husband, let alone a father. But apparently he did have some dad instincts. There was something satisfying about it. No wonder his father had always been there at bedtime, no matter what pressing cases he was working on.
“Good night.” As Finn moved to leave, Jordan grabbed his hand.
“Will you stay a little longer? Just until I fall asleep? In case my brain still won’t shut up?”
Okay, so Parenting 101, tucking a kid in, he’d managed. He’d even distracted her for a bit. But the advanced stuff... How did you reassure a child with a legitimate fear of dying?
If he said the wrong thing, he could really mess her up.
Not to mention Amelia would have his head.
“If you want.” This time he perched on the edge of the bed, still holding Jordan’s hand.
“I memorized the list of all your brothers and sisters. Alan, Bethany, Cathy, Derek, Elke, Finn, Greg, Hayden, Ian, Judy, Kara & Kyle.”
“Impressive.”
“Tell me something about one of them.”
“Okay.” He thought about it for a few moments. “Let me tell you something I learned from Ian.”
She wrapped her other hand over his. “Uncle Hayden wouldn’t talk about him. He got quiet, and wouldn’t say anything about him except he died years ago.”
“Hayden and Ian were really close. They were only ten months apart, and in the same grade at school. It’s still hard for Hayden to talk about him.”
“Oh. I didn’t know.”
Finn squeezed her fingers. “Of course you didn’t. Don’t worry about it. Anyway...”
“How did he die?”
“That’s not important to the story.” In fact, that was probably the last thing she needed to hear right now. Though she didn’t have the same disease, she also faced increased risks of infection while waiting for her bone marrow transplant. “Ian didn’t teach me anything about dying.” Again, not completely true. Courage, grace and irreverent humor had been Ian’s response to his cancer. “He taught me about living to the fullest. He did what he wanted to do, even though sometimes our parents got really ticked at him for it.” Finn chuckled. “Sort of like someone I know, who took off on an adventure to meet her father, making her mother mad.”
“Last night Kara said something to Hayden about Ian knocking a woman up. Was that one of those things?”
In the dim light of the room, Finn grinned. “Oh, yeah, that was one of those things. Our parents fumed for months, especially when Ian didn’t get married. But it was almost as if he knew he had to cram a lot into nineteen years. He didn’t know, of course. And that’s the point. Nanna used to say, ‘yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.’ Right now. That’s all we really have. This moment. So you’ve got to enjoy it while it’s here. Don’t dwell too much on the past, or the future, okay?”
“Only now. This moment.”
“Exactly. And for this moment, you’re safe, you’re snuggled into a comfortable bed and your mom and brother are both doing well. All’s right in the world.” Hopefully, Finn sounded convincing. He wasn’t sure much of anything was right in his world.
Lying didn’t seem like it should be part of the parenting toolbox. Although lying to comfort a scared child didn’t seem all that horrible. After all, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were part of the parenting arsenal, too.
Jordan removed one of her hands to stifle a yawn, then closed her eyes.
Finn released a slow sigh of relief. He waited long after her breathing had evened out before he disentangled his fingers from her now-limp ones.
The last thing he needed was to wake her up.
###
Entering Finn’s home for the third time wasn’t the charm. Far from it.
Especially since this trip had been taken in a medical transport van with Amelia tied to a stretcher. And she faced three months of exile.
In his house.
She’d willingly—eagerly—sacrificed many things, money, her body, her pride—even risked her career—to save Jordan’s life.
But three months in Finn’s house...this was going to be the hardest. Because she had to keep him from getting too close to any of them. Not just physically, though after the terrifying lecture on orgasms and cervical sutures from his sister, the doctor, Amelia wasn’t as concerned about the potent chemistry they’d explored that day so long ago. Just having Jordan in the house with her put a damper on that.
The emotional ramifications scared her more.
Depending on someone made you weak. Being weak made you vulnerable. And Amelia Young didn’t do vulnerable. Not anymore.
She’d learned as a child you couldn’t trust anyone. Despite that, she’d trusted a man. One who’d seemed like a prince.
That hadn’t worked out so well.
Fortunately, Finn seemed as reluctant about the situation as she was. As long as they both kept their distance, everything would be fine.
The stretcher bounced precariously on the sidewalk. She gripped the side bars as they carried her up the stairs to the porch. Someone had opened both sets of double doors in the foyer, and the crew halted inside.
Late luncheon customers in the dining room stared, and Amelia wanted to crawl into a hole.
“Mom, Mom!” Jordan barreled down the main staircase, prepared to throw herself at Amelia.
“Easy!” Finn, hot on her heels and wearing his chef’s jacket, grabbed her by the shoulder, slowing her down. “Don’t jostle her.”
Amelia held her arms open, trying not to lift her head too much. “Flat on your back” had been pounded into her by the nurses over the past two days. Jordan eased into the embrace.
“I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too, honey.”
“Let’s get her settled, then you can visit, okay?” the burly female attendant said.
Finn cast a concerned glance over Amelia at his dining room. “Good idea.” He ushered Jordan away from the stretcher, which started to move forward.
Amelia raised a hand. “You’re not carrying me up those stairs on this thing. No way.”
“It’s perfectly safe.” The male paramedic at her head patted her shoulder. “We do this stuff all the time.”
“No.”
“Well, you’re not supposed to walk up them,” Finn said. “Bethany’s instructions were clear. You can get up to go to the bathroom. Period.”
“Bathroom’s on the second floor, right?” Amelia gripped the railings again.
Finn’s brother Hayden—she’d learned to identify him from the cell phone pictures Jordan had sent—said in a low voice, “Easy enough, dumbass. Pick her up and carry her.” He flipped off the “seat belts” strapped over her and peeled back the lightweight blanket they’d covered her with.
Though terrified of going up the stairs on the stretcher, Amelia didn’t want Hayden hoisting her, either. Bulging biceps at the arms of his T-shirt assured her he was strong enough, but still... “Please, don’t—”
Finn elbowed his brother out of the way. “I got her.”
With a wide grin, Hayden offered Finn a sweeping bow. Jordan giggled.
Finn slid one arm under her knees, the other behind her shoulders. Before she could protest again, he’d scooped her against his chest and was striding toward the stairs.
She clasped her hands behind his neck. “This is so not necessary.”
“It’s me or the stretcher. Actually, now it’s me. Decision made.” He began to climb. “Thanks, guys,” he called to the medical transport team, dismissing them.
Being in his arms definitely felt more secure. His breath, warm against the side of her face, carried the scent of strong coffee. Beneath that lingered a more exotic mixture of soap and male sweat and something uniquely Finn.
Her stomach tightened in response.
And Dr. Hawkins’s warnings about arousal came flooding back. Amelia began to hum softly.
Finn raised his eyebrows at her as he topped the stairs. “The theme song from Gilligan’s Island?”
“Yep.”
“May I ask why?”
To distract from his presence didn’t seem like a wise thing to confess, especially with Jordan following right behind them. There was nothing even remotely sexy about Gilligan. “’Cause my three-hour tour has turned into a God-only-knows-when-this-will-end stranding?”
“Ah. Okay.”
He carried her partway down the hall, hesitated briefly near a door, then continued the length of the house.
“Where we going?” Jordan asked from behind them. “I thought—”
“I changed my mind. I think your mom will be more comfortable down here.”
“This is my room,” Jordan announced as they passed the final door on the left. To the right, the back staircase loomed.
Going straight, Finn entered a spacious room at the end of the hall. Inside the door to one side, a queen-size bed with a dark brown comforter hugged the tan wall. On the opposite side was a matching chest of drawers.
Beyond the bed, a dark raspberry sofa with an attached chaise longue sat in a corner created by walls Amelia assumed had something to do with closets and a bath. Opposite the sofa, a big-screen television dominated the wall, framed by a black media center with storage towers. Heavy, floor-length brown drapes had been pulled back from sliding glass doors to reveal a deck overlooking the lake.
A sneaking suspicion began to nag at her.
As they crossed to the bed, Finn jerked an elbow in the direction of a door, confirming her theory with, “Bathroom’s in there.”
The apron on the hook near the bathroom door clinched it. “This is your room, isn’t it?”
“Not anymore.” He maneuvered around the foot of the bed, carrying her to the far side.
“You said you had empty rooms!”
“I do. And I’ll move into one of them.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. You’re going to be stuck here 24/7, so...”
“Isn’t it pretty?” Jordan rested her forehead against the glass, staring out at the tranquil blue water. White clouds hung over it like giant cotton balls.
“Yes, Jordan, it is.”
Finn eased Amelia down onto the bed, cutting off her view. She quickly assumed “the position,” flat on her back to remove the pressure from her cervix. God only knew how much they’d put on it getting her up here.
Finn hovered at the foot of the bed.
“Thank you,” she told him. “It wasn’t necessary for you to give up your room, but I appreciate it.” She didn’t know what to make of it, though. And that made her apprehensive. The man who’d protested her staying at his house worked better for her. Toad behavior actually made her more comfortable.
Better the toad you knew than a toad hiding in a prince costume.
His uncertainty gave way to that slow, sexy grin, the one that made her want to hum Gilligan’s Island theme music again.
She wished he’d show his warts.
His eyes twinkled, as though he suspected what was going on in her mind. “You’re welcome. Listen, I have to get back to the kitchen. Bethany said she’d stop by tonight to check on you. If you need anything, send Jordan down, or Hayden. He lives here, too, and if he’s home, he’ll also be at your service. Or call my cell phone.”
Finn headed for the door. The black pants he wore beneath the white chef’s jacket didn’t do him justice. Not like the butt-hugging jeans he’d worn yesterday morning to visit her in the hospital.
Given all the problems she faced, she had no business ogling his ass.
But...if she dwelled too long on the other stuff, she’d snap.
He paused in the doorway. “You hungry now?”
She shook her head. With Gilligan, the Skipper, too...
It was going to be a long three months.
###
With lunch service over, and dinner service yet to begin, Finn checked his stocks. The walk-in fridge. The soup of the day. The amount of prepped food. And tried to ignore that Amelia was now ensconced in the room over his head.
Which became near impossible when the dragging noises started. Big items sliding along the floor. Ceiling.
What the hell was going on up there?
Leaving the kitchen under the watchful—mostly—eye of his sous-chef, Finn washed his hands and climbed the back staircase.
“What’s going on?” he asked from the doorway to his bedroom.
Hayden and Kara, each on one end of his bed, paused in the process of shoving it closer to the sliding glass doors. Hayden shrugged, giving Finn his best “just doin’ my job, boss” look. The sofa now stood where his bed had been. Amelia lay flat on the chaise portion of it.
“Get those papers filled out,” she said into her cell phone, “then scan and e-mail them to me. I should have my computer set up shortly. I want to make sure the staff is taken care of with unemployment. I’ll call you back later.” She ended the call and glanced over at him.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I probably should have asked you before moving the furniture. I just thought it would be a lot nicer to have the bed over by the doors, so I can see the lake. And the television. Makes more sense this way, doesn’t it?”
She’d been there less than two hours, and already she was completely rearranging his life. Changing things.
It was one thing for him to change them—like offering her his room. Something else for her to do it.
“Of course it’s better,” Kara chirped. “At least this way you can see the outside world.”
“Why aren’t you making sure the dining room is ready for dinner?” Finn asked his sister.
“Because I’m helping. Besides, I already went over it. It’s ready. On three...” Kara counted, and she and Hayden finished positioning the bed.
“Perfect,” Amelia announced. “Thank you.” She got up from the chaise.
“What are you doing?” Finn demanded.
She paused, propping a fist on her hip. “Getting in bed, what does it look like? I’m allowed to be up for a few minutes at a time.”
Kara pulled back the covers on the freshly made bed. The sheets had been changed, too.
He hadn’t thought about that touch when he’d impulsively plonked her in his bedroom.
Try to be nice, and what did it get you?
Guilt. For not thinking of all the right details.
“Looks like you’ve got everything under control here,” he said. “I’m going back to my kitchen.”
At least there he knew what he was doing.