FOR A DAY OFF, IT hadn’t been much fun, or relaxing.
No day at the beach.
With Hayden out on a date and the rest of the house still, Finn stood in Jordan’s darkened bedroom. Even in the dim light slanting from the bathroom, he could see the healthier color of her skin.
Thinking about the medical procedures she’d endured to change her pallor to something more normal, he sank to his knees on the braided rug next to the bed. Her left arm lay outside the covers. He skimmed the edge of the bandage in its crook, where they’d drawn blood that morning.
He’d almost drawn blood of his own when the damn inept newbie at the office had stuck her for the third time and still not hit a vein. Jordan had scrunched her eyes shut and squeezed his hand so hard the bones grated. He’d damn near lost the eggs Benedict he’d had for breakfast.
Which would have proven his ineptness as a father. His inability to handle his first major “daddy” task with Jordan. With his daughter.
Amazing what a unit of blood could do. Unfortunately, it turned out that too many transfusions could damage her liver—to the point of failure. Hence the need for the transplant to reboot her own blood cell making system.
He brushed loose hair from her forehead, then awkwardly leaned over and kissed her. “You’ll be the death of me, kiddo, I can see it now.”
She stirred, then rolled onto her side. His knees popped as he stood. After one lingering look from the doorway, he headed to check on Amelia.
His admiration for her had grown enormously that morning. To helplessly watch your child suffer through medical procedures...
And she’d been doing it alone.
The television and computer monitor lit her room. Yesterday’s video of Jordan on the beach. Amelia jabbed the remote, freezing the image, when he entered.
“You’re still awake.”
“No, I’m sleeping. I’m just good at multitasking.”
“What’s keeping you up tonight?”
She sighed, laying her hands on her stomach. “Chip’s training for a marathon. Or something.”
Finn crossed the room. “May I?” He gestured to the bed.
“Why not?” She grabbed for the covers to pull them up.
“No, don’t.” He took them from her hands. “Please...” He climbed onto the mattress, sitting beside her with his legs folded. The thin nightshirt draped over her rounded belly shifted as his son moved. Finn gently placed his hand over the spot. The baby bumped his palm repeatedly.
“I see what you mean.” Finn leaned over. “Chip, it’s bedtime.”
“Faulty argument. These days, it’s always bedtime for us.”
“Okay. It’s nighttime. Your mother needs sleep. Settle down in there. You’ve been a good boy for staying in your room so far, so I’m doubling your allowance.” Finn lifted his gaze to meet Amelia’s. “Do you think he already knows that twice nothing is nothing?”
“Of course. He’s very smart. Advanced for his age.”
“Which would explain why he was in such a hurry to get out here.” Beneath his hand, the baby’s movements slowed. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
Amelia snorted. “Figures. He likes the sound of your voice.”
“He does? So should I keep talking until he falls asleep in there?”
“You don’t have to.”
“What if I want to?”
“Your choice... I heard you threatened the tech this morning at the doctor’s office.” Her eyebrows rose slightly.
“Is that who I threatened? I thought I’d threatened an incompetent idiot who couldn’t draw blood without making a very stoic girl, who’d assured me all along that it wasn’t a big deal and wouldn’t hurt much, wince in pain.” Finn stroked small, featherlight circles on Amelia’s belly.
“Your status has been elevated. First flowers, then threatening bodily harm to people who hurt her. I swear, much more and you’re going to bypass fatherhood and be catapulted right to demigod.” Amelia sighed, then placed her hand over his to still it. “She’s putting you on a high pedestal, Finn.”
“And you’re worried about what happens when I fall from grace and she finds out I’m only human?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
He was worried, too. He’d crashed and burned enough in his life. That fizzing spark, the disappointment in the eyes of someone who loved you, who you loved. He didn’t want to experience that again.
He pulled his hand away. “So, what am I supposed to do? Not even try?”
When the silence stretched to the point of making them both fidget, Amelia said, “Change of subject.” She picked up the remote, and the video lurched back to life on the TV. A moment later, his hand came into view on the screen.
Finn’s face warmed when she paused it again with his ink-covered palm slightly off center. The note had been a crazy impulse. He cleared his throat. “Okay. What about it?”
“What possessed you to write that?”
He shrugged. What had possessed him? “Temporary insanity?”
She watched him. Heat crept up the back of his neck. He shrugged again. “It felt like one of those perfect moments, you know?” He reached across her, grabbing the remote from her far hand. He skipped forward to the part where he’d swept Jordan into his arms and spun her.
“See that? That was just amazing. But one thing was missing.”
Amelia waited several moments. “What?”
“You.”
She closed her eyes and pressed her lips tight.
He shifted, then cradled her cheeks in his hands. “Don’t do that, Amelia. Don’t shut me out.”
If he hadn’t been holding on to her, he’d have missed the slight shake of her head. “We can’t always get what we want,” she whispered. “Please, Finn, don’t...it’s not fair. I’m trapped here, at your mercy.”
He recoiled. “At my mercy?” He jumped off the bed, grabbed the covers and pulled them over her. “If you want, I can make arrangements for you to move to my parents’ house. The rest of the Hawkins crew will still take care of you and Jordan until Chip’s born, but you won’t have to see me at all. I wouldn’t want you feeling beholden to me, or anything crazy like that. Or trapped.” He strode for the door.
“Wait! That’s not what I meant. Damn it. Finn. Come back here. Finn!”
He made it to the door of his temporary bedroom in the front of the house before his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He yanked it out, checked the caller ID. Amelia. As expected. He shoved it back in his pocket.
Hayden poked his head out of his bedroom on the other side of the hallway. “Everything all right? Thought I heard Amelia.”
“You did. Everything’s fine.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Uh-oh, what?”
“Let’s have a beer, Fish. I’m buyin’.” Hayden came out wearing only a pair of skintight boxer briefs.
“Put some clothes on. There’s an impressionable young girl in the house, and she doesn’t need to see your abs of steel. Or anything else, for that matter.” Finn gestured at his brother. “Besides, I don’t see any pockets in that getup if you’re buying.”
“Sure.”
Finn fumbled with the knob on the door at the top of the front staircase. During the remodel, he’d had the door installed, and the top railings replaced with walls. This door and the one in the kitchen that protected the back staircase both had keypad lock systems. To keep his private space private.
His cell phone vibrated against his thigh again.
As he started down the stairs, Hayden caught up to him. In the foyer, they turned right into the bar. Finn flipped on a couple lights. Enough to see by, not enough to blind them, or make anyone think they were open for business. He slumped onto the end stool, head in his hands.
“Uh-huh. I knew it.” Hayden slipped behind the bar. His brother had held numerous summer jobs tending bar, and when needed, pinch-hit for Finn at Fresh.
“Knew what, smart guy?”
Hayden got two mugs out of the cooler, tipped one and pulled the Killian handle. Foam sloshed over the edge and trickled down the side when he set it in front of Finn. “You’re a goner.”
Finn jerked his head up. “Goner? You’d better dump that beer. You’ve obviously had too much already.”
“How long before you suspected about Greg and Shannon?”
“That first time we saw them together, the day he brought her and Ryan home for Sunday dinner.”
“I rest my case.” Hayden chugged some of the foamy ale, then wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.
“Like I’m going to take relationship advice from you, creator of the patented Thirty Days, No More, No Less Relationship System.”
“You just admitted there’s a relationship.”
Finn swore.
###
She'd hurt him. He'd reached out, stepped up to the plate with Jordan, and in return, she'd hurt him.
For the fourth time, Amelia stabbed the redial button on her cell. His phone rang. And rang. Normally he answered her calls by the second ring, even when he was busy in the kitchen. After five rings, it went to his voice mail.
She hung up without leaving a message.
And stewed.
Five more minutes passed. Then ten. When she dialed again and he still didn’t answer, she pushed herself upright, swung her legs off the bed. If the mountain wouldn’t come to her...
Outside her room, she paused for a quick peek into Jordan’s. The familiar sight of her daughter sleeping peacefully took Amelia’s tension down a notch.
She had no idea which of the other bedrooms Finn had moved into or which one belonged to his brother Hayden. She crept down the hall, trying doors.
To no avail. Though she found their rooms, neither of them was there. Where the hell was Finn?
Amelia hesitated by the door to the front stairs. She cupped her belly protectively. That would be pushing her luck way too far.
Then stairs creaked.
She froze as the door opened and Finn appeared, his brother at his shoulder.
“Amelia! What the hell are you doing out of bed?” Finn closed the gap between them in a single stride.
“Don’t forget what I said,” Hayden called.
Finn saluted him with one finger.
Before she knew what was happening, he’d swung her into his arms and was carting her down the hall. “You wouldn’t answer my calls. I needed to talk to you.”
“You’re risking the lives of both your children to talk to me? The ogre who’s holding you captive?”
“You’re not an ogre.” She sighed. “You misunderstood what I was saying. And I wasn’t up that long. It was like two bathroom trips.”
He eased her onto the bed. She grabbed for his arms. “Please stay and listen to me.”
He peeled her fingers from his forearms, then tucked the covers tightly around her. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her. “I don’t appear to have a choice. I’m not going to play any part in your breaking Bethany’s rules.”
“I’m sure you’ve broken a rule or two.”
“Not when my daughter’s life...my son’s life...depended on it.”
“My daughter. My son.”
“Right. I’m just the sperm donor with temporary daddy privileges. Make sure I don’t ever forget that, huh?” The muscle at his jaw twitched.
“Best that you do remember. Best that Jordan remembers, too. You said it yourself, you’re not ready to be a dad.”
“Maybe I could get ready.” His shoulders drooped. Pain, mingled with hope, flickered in his eyes. Like a basset hound at the pound.
Which was why she never visited the pound.
He blew out an exasperated breath tinged with the yeasty scent of dark beer. Her mouth watered. She didn’t have one often, but it was nearly a year since she’d indulged in an after-work brew with Sia. And it would be months more before she could again.
“Damn it.” She latched on to his arms and yanked, drawing him down. When he leaned over her, she threaded one hand into his thick hair.
“Amelia,” he murmured, “what are you doing?”
“Kiss me. Please...”
He groaned. “Woman, you are insane.”
“Probably. Damn pregnancy hormones.”
He let her drag his head the rest of the way down. Let her take the lead. Heat spiraled through her as they kissed. Her pulse raced. He was ale and passion...and everything forbidden to her.
Only when a demanding ache began to throb between her thighs did she push him away.
He drew in a ragged breath, resting his forehead against hers. “I like the way you kiss and make up,” he murmured.
“Mmm...gives an all new meaning to kiss the cook.”
“Hey. I’m a chef, not a cook.”
“Tomato, to-mah-to.”
“You like to piss me off, don’t you?” He eased upward, the corners of his mouth twitching.
“Apparently it’s a gift I possess.”
“No kidding.”
“Seriously, Finn. I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful for all the things you’re doing for me. For Jordan.” Amelia fussed with her hair, straightening it. “But try to put yourself in my place.”
“You don’t like to need help. I get that.”
“It’s more than that.” She closed her eyes. “You scare me. Not because you’re an ogre,” she quickly added. “I don’t like feeling...vulnerable.”
When he didn’t answer, she opened her eyes again. His brows were drawn down in a frown.
“Let’s just say that I’m wary of toads in prince clothing,” she stated. “For good reason. And leave it at that, huh?” She didn’t like to talk about the man who’d charmed and seduced her into a con marriage that turned out to be as fake as he’d been. Jordan had no idea. Sia didn’t either. Amelia’s dirty little secret, one she preferred to keep buried.
“So, I’m not an ogre, I’m a toad? Is that why you just kissed me? To see if I’d turn into a prince?”
“That’s just it, Finn. There’s no such thing as a prince. Only toads pretending to be princes.”
“Nice to know that I’m just one toad of many, then. Or was there one particular toad...?”
“There was.”
“Ah.” Finn brushed his fingers over her cheek again. “If I ever meet this guy, I have a cleaver with his name on it. They’ll never find the body when I get done with it. What exactly is his name again? I forget.”
She smiled. The idea had appeal, she had to admit. The police had never found him. Neither had the P.I. she’d hired when the police turned their attention elsewhere.
If not for deciding to spend her money, once she’d had some again, on better things—like donor sperm, artificial insemination and Jordan—she’d probably still be obsessed with finding the bastard.
But she’d come up with a much better plan for her life. “Thanks,” she said. “But he’s not worth dulling your knife over.”
“Wrong. He made you afraid of me.” Finn cupped her face. “I’m not perfect, Amelia. Far from it. But I won’t hurt you. Abandon you. Smack you around.” He watched her intently as he presented the options. “Whatever he did, I’m not him.”
She turned her head, pressed a kiss to his palm, but didn’t answer.
###
Finn lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling in his darkened bedroom. Though he’d been in the position only a short time, he already wanted to roll over.
His appreciation for Amelia and her situation deepened. He’d never met a more amazing woman. Smart, funny, independent...and able to arouse him with a single kiss.
She’d blown his mind by initiating that kiss. Just when he thought he knew where he stood with her, she surprised him.
The attraction they were forbidden to act upon was still mutual.
And damned frustrating.
He’d left her room and hit the shower. He’d turned the water cold.
Now, as was his habit, he reviewed plans for the next day’s menus as he lay there. But an image kept intruding upon his thoughts. Jordan, her pale face lined with pain, her eyes scrunched shut, his heart pounding and palms slick with sweat as he held her hand.
After his second marriage had failed, he’d accepted that he’d be a career guy and leave the family stuff to his siblings, content to be Uncle instead of Daddy.
But now there was Jordan. And Chip.
And Amelia. A smile on his lips, Finn drifted to sleep...
With the restaurant put to bed for the night, Finn climbed the U-shaped back staircase to the second floor. The wall between the first and second landings was lined with framed pictures, visual reminders of why he worked so damn hard. In ascending order, they chronicled his and Amelia’s life together.
Their wedding a year after he’d graduated from culinary school.
Jordan’s birth a year after that, and subsequent christening, surrounded by the Hawkins family, after Amelia and he moved back to Erie from New York City when their daughter was two months old.
The ribbon-cutting ceremony in front of Amelia’s new practice.
Jordan’s first day of kindergarten, and a circular frame containing all her school pictures through this year’s eighth-grade photo.
The last few pictures were the grand opening of Fresh, three years ago, and the ultrasound image that constituted their son’s first photo.
Pulling his T-shirt over his head as he entered the master bedroom, he dropped it into the laundry basket just inside the door. Strong scents, like the ones that clung to his clothes after a night of cooking, bothered Amelia this pregnancy. He tossed his pants into the basket as well.
His eyes adjusted to the darkness. The drapes over the sliding glass doors stirred with the night breeze...and their bed was empty.
“Amelia?” He stepped out onto the deck.
She turned from the railing. The gossamer cotton nightgown she wore caressed every pregnancy-enhanced curve. With a wicked you’re-about-to-get-lucky smile that made his heart hammer, she began to undo buttons.
When the last one was undone, she slid the fabric down her shoulders, letting it drop at her feet.
The wind fanned her hair.
He already ached with need. “Love the outfit.”
“Words are cheap, hotshot.”
His boxers hit his ankles a second later, the cool night air doing nothing to kill his very obvious arousal. “Proof enough?” He stepped out of his underwear and started toward her, dodging the chaise longue.
She shivered as he lowered his mouth to her collarbone. He warmed her flesh with his breath, then stroked her with the tip of his tongue. He grazed his teeth over the sensitive skin, and she shivered again.
He took her breast into his mouth.
She moaned, threading her fingers through his hair and holding him there. When he had her squirming, he sank to his knees. He knew just where and how to touch her, to please her.
The second time she lifted her face, panting his name and crying out her satisfaction, he pulled her toward the chaise longue. He sat on the end, leaning back on his elbows to make room for her.
She straddled him, guiding him home.
As she took him into her welcome warmth, he decided home was the exact right word for it.
Rational thought fled as she made love to him.
When their appetites had been sated, he looked up at her flushed face, her hair wind-blown. “Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?”
She smiled. “Why, no, I don’t believe you have.”
He sat up, wrapping his arms around her. “I love you, Dr. Amelia Young. I’ll never let you down.”
Finn woke early the next morning with a hard-on that wouldn’t quit.
Another cold-shower morning.
Shaved, showered and thoroughly frustrated, he crept down the back staircase, running his fingers along the wall between the landings.... and ground to a halt.
He stared, remembering the framed photographs along this wall in his dream.
He shook his head.
Sex dreams were one thing. But he’d created an entire family life with Amelia and Jordan.
“I’ll never let you down.”
He’d made similar promises, in reality, to his ex-wives.
Look how those had turned out.