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M
y blood ran cold. The letter fell from my hands into my lap. My hands began to shake as my mind entered a state of frenzy. She was here. She sent this to me as a threat. I thought I had the upper hand, but she knew too much about me. She could potentially harm Nathan. Oh God, I cannot let another person be harmed for me. She killed Doctor Tsunoda.
I thought it was a suicide, but she killed him. Worst of all, his death was my fault. I have way too much blood on my hands. I kept staring at my shaking hands, waiting for them to start seeping blood. The blood that is all my fault, why can I not see it? The whole world should see it. Nathan was wrong; I was not free. I will never be free.
This nightmare will haunt me all my waking days. I began to vigorously shake my hands. I needed to wipe the blood off of them. Why won't it go away? I picked up the bouquet of flowers and threw it across the hospital room. Stupid lilies. Stupid white lilies. I hated them. I despised them. I loathed my father. I hate everything because it is all his fault. Why won't the blood come off? I began to vigorously rub my hands together.
The cuts on my hands had reopened and were now bleeding. Good. I should bleed too. I deserve to bleed. I killed them. I killed them all. Just because I could not turn off my own stupid mind, I killed them all. My urge to scream was getting stronger with every passing second. More blood. Good. I should bleed. I wanted to die. I cannot keep on living like this anymore. I ripped the letter to shreds. It was covered with blood at this point.
Finally, I screamed. I began to thrash around in my bed. It set off every single injury on my body. At that moment, my whole body felt like it was breaking apart. So much pain. Good. I should feel pain. Anything to distract me from the gnawing reality of my own life. I heard the door open; I heard footsteps; I heard someone shouting; I did not care; I continued scratching my own arm. So much pain, more shouting; someone was holding me now; they were trying to restrain my hands. No! Let me be! I deserve this! I did not know what I was screaming anymore.
All I knew was that I was in pain, and it felt like a relief. I felt the life being sucked out of my body. I could not move anything anymore. My mind was going blank. I think they gave me some kind of sedative. I do not deserve the relief. I had gone limp. Yet my mind was still working. I needed it to stop. All of it. The darkness was back. Good. It was my home now.
I woke up with no sense of my surroundings. My mind was groggy. It could not think; more like, it refused to think. My body hurt so much. It felt like it had disengaged and then rearranged itself back in one night. I tried to move my hands to touch my aching head, but I could not move them. Something was stopping them. Wait, am I restrained? Why am I restrained? I began to struggle against the restraints.
A nurse walked in at the same exact moment. “Why am I strapped in like this?” I asked. The way I was pulling and pushing caused the restraints to bite into my arms, making them hurt even more. The nurse looked at me weirdly and then said, “You don’t remember?” I shook my head. I was so confused. What was happening? Where are Nathan and Annette? “Ms., don’t struggle like that. It will make your own pain worse.
Here, have some water.” Water, drowning, suicide, Doctor Tsunoda, the letter. It all came crashing back to me like a large wave. My body instantly stilled. The nurse noticed the change in my body language and immediately rushed to call the doctor. I guess she was worried I would have another meltdown. My confusion was gone.
It had been replaced by grief and anger. Grief for myself, for Andrew, for Taylor, for Doctor Tsunoda, and anger for Dad and Hannah. They ruined everyone's lives. My biggest concern right now was Nathan. I had two options: I could either explain everything to him and ask him to keep his distance, or I could ice him out completely. Both of these scenarios result in me losing him. My heart was heavy with grief. The sadness was too much. I had no idea what to do, and I had no one to talk to.
Even if I ice him out, I am still gonna have to talk to him. He is my lawyer, after all. What if I report all this to the police? Would it make anything better? Will they be able to catch her? The door opened to reveal the doctor. He rushed toward me with the nurse from earlier, all the while asking her about my vitals. “Victoria, what happened last night?” Should I tell him?
Wait, why should I? I do not know who I can trust anymore. I cannot be going around and putting more people in danger. “I don’t remember what happened.” The doctor watched my face for any change of expression. I refused to let even an ounce of emotion break through. He then nodded. “You will be watched over by one of the staff continuously.
We will take your vitals every hour. The decision to remove your restraints will be based on that. We cannot risk you hurting yourself. Okay?” I nodded my head and looked down at my arms. It felt like life was playing a cruel joke on me. I was caged, both mentally and physically.
“Ms. Frietz, I am here to take your statement. Can you tell me what happened that night?” Detective Ocon was here with Nathan. Detective Ocon refused to meet my eyes, and I refused to meet Nathan's eyes. It was like playing a sick game of catch. Nathan tried to catch my eye several times, but I refused to even look in his direction. “I came home from my aunt’s house.
There were no signs of a break-in. I was attacked from behind and hit in the head with something. I then woke up blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. I managed to free myself with a shard of the blade and ran after whoever it was. I fell down the stairs in that process.” Detective Ocon looked at me suspiciously. I knew he did not believe me. Even I would not believe myself if I was in his position.
Yet, I have come to the conclusion that I will not be revealing the details. I refuse to put anyone else in danger. I looked down at my hands. Innocent blood. “Do you have anyone in mind? Anyone who would try to harm you? Any enemy?” I shook my head. “Any details you might remember about the person? What did they look like, from the back, when you were chasing them?” I looked Detective Ocon in the eyes and said, "My memory is blurred. I barely remember anything.
All I know is that she was a woman. That is all." I wanted to exude confidence. Fake it till you make it. Detective Ocon nodded his head and got up to leave. “We will try to do our best to catch whoever this is. Meanwhile, security around you will be tightened in case she tries to come back and kidnap you again. Good luck with your recovery.”
He then turned around and left, still refusing to meet my eyes. “Why do you keep looking at your hands?” I jumped. Shit. I forgot Nathan was still here. He was looking at me curiously. I immediately put my hands under the comforter. Wrong move. He is even more suspicious now. He is too smart to be put off like this. “It’s nothing. The doctor said I should check for any signs of bleeding.” He nodded his head and sat there silently. “Nathan, we need to talk.”
I explained everything to him. “You need to keep your distance from me.” He just looked at me. Remnants of shock were still visible on his face. For a minute, he remained quiet. “Why did you not tell the police?” I looked down at my hands again. “I don’t need to put any more lives at risk.” I knew he was weighing the pros and cons in the back of his mind. I wanted to give him time so he could make a decision. “You should go now. We will talk tomorrow.” He looked at me with an expression I could not decipher. He then got up and left without glancing back. I put my head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling, dejected. I had no leads, my body was broken, I had another person's blood on my hands, I had put more people's lives in danger, and on top of that, there was nothing about me that she did not know. I had truly lost the game.
“Ms. Frietz, you have a visitor,” a nurse came in and informed me. Nathan just left; why would he come back? For a split second, I thought Hannah was back, and my blood ran cold. Then I realized how silly that sounded. She would never take such a risk. I waited patiently until the door opened to reveal Annette and Taylor. Annette practically ran towards me while Taylor simply stood in the doorway, staring at me. “Oh my God, Victoria!
What happened to you? Nathan called and told me that you were in the hospital. Look at you! You seem to be injured on every single part of your body! What have you gotten yourself into?!” There were tears now streaming down Annette’s face. I was a little surprised by her compassion.
I looked behind Annette’s shoulder and caught Taylor's eye. She looked at me curiously. Could Taylor be the one who told Hannah? It was not unlikely. Hannah is Taylor's sister. Even if they have fallen out over the years, Taylor still cared about her. They are also in contact, so it is highly likely. But, on the other hand, she would not risk me telling Annette everything.
She loved Annette too much. Annette was her only connection to both her sister and the outside world. All in all, I had to be careful of her. “Do you know who might have done this?” Taylor walked toward me and asked me. I looked for any signs that she might already know. A falter in her step, shaking of her hands, a slight movement of the eye, nothing.
She was steady as a rock. She either truly did not know anything, or she was an excellent actress, just like her sister. Why would she ask me this question when she very well knows I could say, Hannah? Annette was sitting right here; why would she risk that? Is she testing me to see if I would keep my promise? Very well, then. I will play along. I took Annette’s hand in my own and squeezed it to reassure her. I then looked at Taylor and shook my head.
“Victoria, you need to tell me what is going on. You cannot keep living like this. First, Andrew dies, then you go to jail for something you never did, you reach my mother’s house out of the blue, and now you are kidnapped? I am not a fool. I see everything. Just because I do not pull your leg for information does not mean I do not see the change in your behavior.” A certain kind of darkness had taken over Annette as she said this. I had seen her angry before, but I had never seen her like this. Or maybe I have? I remember seeing that expression. I remember seeing her eyes cloud over and her expression go cold. Where have I seen this before? I pulled away from my thoughts as Annette shook me. “Victoria? Victoria!” I looked at her.
She was back to being normal. “Annette, it is a long story. If you could have helped, I would have told you everything in a heartbeat. But this concerns me and only me. By telling you, I would knowingly put your life in danger. I could never do that to you.” I felt sadness over lying to her. I did not like lying.
These days it felt like all I did was lie. I saw sadness in her eyes. Too much grief. She then tried to change the subject. “People at the university miss you. You have been gone for far too long. Remember that grad student who would not stop asking you out? He has a girlfriend now.
However, he did come to me the other day and asked your whereabouts. Do not worry; I did not tell him anything. Oh, and remember Ms. Alena? The one who was pregnant? She had a boy! Funny story. When she gave birth, the nurse went outside and mistook his family for someone else's and told them they had a girl. Everyone, including her husband, though they had a girl.
It was only when Ms. Alena's mother went in to see the baby did she exclaim, ‘Oh my God! This is not a girl!’ Can you imagine? It must have been so awkward to call everyone again and retell them the news. Ms. Alena had a good laugh when she told me that.” I did not realize I was laughing. God, I was laughing. How long had it been since I last laughed? I wanted to stop, it was hurting my broken rib, but I could not stop myself. I bent over my stomach and laughed even harder. Seeing me laughing, Annette’s own face grew into a huge grin. It was such a pleasant moment. For once, I could not breathe because I was laughing.
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