The first time Niamh came with me to my parents’ farm, I took her to the bog. It’s not much of a destination, but it’s about the only place you can go if you want to get out of the house. We followed the road down by my grandparents’ place, which is next door to ours, and around the back of the cattle-sheds. At the end of our fields there’s a shaded lane that takes you through to where the bog begins. The lane forks at the end and becomes two grass-covered paths that go deeper into the bog.
We hung a right towards the elevated, heather-covered bank where my grandparents used to save their turf. Getting to the high bank means wading through some tall, stiff grass growing from very wet ground. Even in summer it can be a messy business. Neither of us were adequately dressed, but we got as far as the bottom of the bank and stood for a while next to a sheer six-foot face of deep brown peat. Niamh took a photo of me there with her phone. I had my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and I looked back over my shoulder towards her, windblown, my face balled up in a squint. Upon uploading it to Facebook, she added the caption,
Out here in Jutland
In the old man-killing parishes
I will feel lost
Unhappy and at home.
—
The previous summer we had visited the Douglas Hyde Gallery in Dublin. In the small secondary exhibition space, there was an installation of Richard Skelton’s Landings project. Landings consists of a book and some recordings: multiple copies of the book were attached to a long table, and each was matched with a pair of headphones. I listened to slow waves of violin and concertina as the words on the pages overflowed the edges of form. What started out as a fragmentary diary became a torrent of words arrayed in grids or lists. Sometimes a remnant of a line would sit alone in the middle of the page. Others were black with accumulations of old words, forgotten words, everyday words. The names for places were the most interesting. Anglezarke and Rivington, Old Rachel’s and Hordern Stoops: the complete foreignness of the language was amazing to me.
The heavy bell of time sounded in Landings’ fascination with weathering, with decay, and with the ineluctable loss of words, homes, ways of life. I read as figures and dates became covered in moss, walls collapsed, archives petered out and the wind blew right through. In the book’s darkest moments, sense faded from the world and there was nothing left but the evidence, everywhere apparent, of its disappearance.
I got a glimpse of the person behind these visions: a man, not yet old, who had lost his young wife to an early death. 1975–2004. ‘I wanted to tell you about the river,’ he writes. Landings, it is soon clear, is a record of living with the kind of loss which forever tips the scales of life. Grieving, enduring. I won’t say moving on.
Retreating to the depopulated Lancashire moors, Skelton found himself burying instruments in the ground. He found himself playing them, the strings and his hands both covered in dirt. He found himself playing along with the wind and the rivers, offering up notes to the elements of air, soil, water. ‘I want to make some kind of gesture,’ he writes. ‘An offering. A mark of passing.’ Skelton wandered the moor, the fields, the woodlands, the riverbanks – ‘constantly roaming, never dwelling’ – adrift in this circumscribed territory where he was living without ever being quite at home.
While time passed incessantly in the book, the music seemed oddly still. It lingered. It drew single moments out into great durations, droning, holding, repeating. It was as if only sound, only song, could calm the destabilising enormity of the past and arrest that quivering shadow of grief. ‘Whilst I dwelt within that wooded chamber, listening to those brief glimmers of song, I forgot about her, the river, and its promise.’
I was instantly captivated by Landings, and I returned to the gallery repeatedly during its exhibition. There was something in its openness, its vulnerability, its sense of being unfinished and ongoing, which seemed to invite a response from me. There was a level of abstraction which was welcoming, even comforting. The feeling was similar to that of my first exposure to Heaney’s poems, which suggested that the kind of place I came from could be the stuff of poetry and not just a blank and backward wilderness from which to escape. Skelton’s art – in words, but more directly in the sounds which surrounded them – was rarely possessed of Heaney’s poise, but that was all the better. The roughness of its construction was more immediate and more attainable. I felt as if I could respond in kind. I started walking the bog.
—
Sometime between Landings and Niamh’s first visit to the bog, we went to see Silence, a film by Pat Collins. It’s rare you find a piece of work that seems to have been made with you in mind, but when I first saw Silence I felt as if it had been created purely for my benefit.
The film’s central character is Eoghan, a sound recordist who is returning to Ireland after fifteen years away. Eoghan’s task is to record silence – to record spaces which are empty of human interference, environments free of ‘unnatural’ interruption. In the first place where Eoghan stays overnight, a barman tells him a story about an island off the coast of Scotland, uninhabited for fifty years, where the starlings still make the sound of the mowing machines the islanders used in the 1950s. ‘They passed it down from generation to generation of starling.’ He looks at Eoghan – ‘Would that be the kind of story you’re …?’ When Eoghan says that it’s not stories but quietness he’s after, the barman looks puzzled, and a little smile crosses his face as he flips over his newspaper. ‘You’d want to be careful of that,’ he says. ‘Too much quietness would drive a fella mad.’
When Eoghan stands in the silence of Mullaghmore, that great limestone hill in the Burren, a thin voice gently warped by magnetic tape drifts across on the wind. This faint song is enough to disturb our protagonist. You don’t want to be hearing voices on the wind. The song seems to originate in a ruined house which sometimes flickers into view like a trick of the light. The song comes from the same space, but not the same time. They glide past each other, an uncanny misalignment.
Eoghan carries the past around with him, much as Skelton does in Landings. But where music calms Skelton’s ghosts, Eoghan’s appear in the form of a song. For Skelton, the escape into sound takes him away from language, away from memories almost too painful to bear. It only lasts a few moments, but that respite is enough to suggest there is yet a way to live, that there is a space outside of grief.
Eoghan would appear to be moving in the opposite direction. He is making his way back to his childhood home on Tory Island, drawn by a melody which has taken root in him, a fragment of a tape he made when he was a child. The sound of his parents and their neighbours in their old house, talking, singing. The wind howling outside. A mourning he has tried to outrun. The closer he gets to the silence he’s come to find, the more powerful this old voice becomes – it is the sound of a past life, a half-forgotten language, a decimated people.
—
The bog is a quiet place. No matter how often I go there, no matter how closely I listen, it remains a quiet place. There are three primary sounds: the wind in the scattered trees, the birds, and the remote sounds which are not of the bog but which are audible there all the same; chainsaws, lawnmowers, tractors – engines beyond the horizon. These elements combine in different measures on different days. A windless day leaves the far-off hums exposed and sharpens the hollow bark of a dog on a distant farm. The birds come alive in the early evening and their pinprick calls are soft and charming. On a stormy day there is nothing but wind; a dull blast obliterating all else as it makes its way across the plain.
I have stood in all kinds of weather out on the high bank with my recorder aloft. Standing up there once, I could hear a very faint drone, a sound I thought might be a train, or even motorway traffic on the far side of the Shannon. Something miles and miles away. Rooted like a tree as the minutes crawled past, I closed my eyes and tried in vain to make sense of this vague shadow of a sound. Then I looked up. A gigantic swarm of midges were forming a dark, humming cloud a foot above my head. My legs took action before my head had time to think and I ran wildly towards home, plunging through the chest-high grass. Breathless at the edge of the bog, my vision of myself as an intrepid field recordist in tatters, I began to laugh at my instinct for flight.
—
I think my favourite part of Silence comes when Eoghan meets Michael Harding, the writer and actor. Harding comes striding through a field of pale yellow grass – ‘How’re ya doing? Windy day!’ Eoghan explains that he’s recording areas free of man-made sound. ‘But sure you’re here,’ Harding says. ‘I’m here,’ Eoghan replies, ‘but I’m keeping quiet.’
Together they drive back to Harding’s house. Harding asks Eoghan what the Irish word for silence would be. Eoghan suggests ciuineas, which means calm or relief, and suaimhneas, which means rest. ‘Suaimhneas siorrai do annamh,’ is the Irish version of the funeral prayer, ‘Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord,’ and a common inscription on the gravestones of Tory Island.
Harding has another suggestion: ‘Bí i do thost.’
‘Cad é sin i mBéarla?’ he asks, ‘Tost?’
Eoghan has no answer – there is no direct translation into English. Tost, Eoghan explains, is the ‘gap between noise’.
‘You have to have noise to get tost,’ he says. ‘Tost is in between.’
Tost is a silence that implies its own interruption, a silence which makes sense of that which surrounds it. Silence, tost suggests, does not happen solely in the present – it retains an awareness of what has come before and what is yet to come.
—
In my early days of recording the bog, I would just leave my recorder atop a fencepost and walk away for an hour or so. At first I found the disconnection between what I heard and what the recorder heard to be exciting. I didn’t know what I would find when I played the file back at home. As time went on, the disconnection began to grate. I wasn’t recording the place for some objective posterity. I wasn’t a scientist tracking the wildlife or weather patterns. What was I recording for if not to remind myself of what it is like for a particular person to be there, in a particular place at a particular time? Being there, listening – this is my gesture, my offering, my mark of passing. Walking away from the recorder I lost that possibility and, in a way, I gave up the responsibility of it. Instead of coming to listen more closely to every moment, using the recorder as a means to heighten the senses, I passed off the task of listening to it. I would wander around while it worked on my behalf. I might as well never have been there at all.
I have accumulated hours and hours of recorded emptiness. Some days have been experiments; dropping microphones into the drains and listening as the water sludges past the silicone, or duct-taping them to trees in a downpour, hearing the drops ring against the bark. Sometimes I’m drawn to an event, like when someone burned a great stack of recently felled trees. The fire smouldered for days while the smoke drifted all across the bog. But drama like that is rare. Most often, I’m just walking without aim or destination.
The landscape of the walker is always a subjective and temporal experience, something which must be undergone, something in which I immerse or submerge myself. Walking is like listening in this respect. It has no end. This is why I make recordings, and I think why Eoghan holds a microphone instead of a camera. I think it explains, too, why there are no photographs in Landings.
When I’m out walking and recording, I’m not capturing the environment in any kind of objective way. I’m just being swept along with it until I press stop. What I’ve recorded is not so much an accurate replication of the time spent listening as it is a personal reminder that the time was spent at all. The material result is rarely my concern; what matters is the closeness to the process, how it seems to saturate my experience, my perception. When the small red light is on, I hold my breath and feel every breeze, every raindrop, and every insect against my skin. When I play the files back later, they are like flash cards helping me to remember a particular experience of sound and place. I play them over and over. I want to internalise that experience, to hold it safe within me, to feel no distance from it at all.
—
After dinner in Harding’s house, the two men begin to talk. The room is half-lit, the night grown dark. Harding is asking after Eoghan’s family.
– You’re an only child?
– I am, aye.
– Parents?
Eoghan does not reply. A silence falls. Harding says this is his mother’s house. That when he is there, he can experience a kind of silence. He means it in a metaphysical sense. A quietness of the mind. The camera lingers on Eoghan as Harding talks to him from off-screen. He seems to be retreating into himself. He says very little. Eventually Harding breaks the mood.
– Anyway, we’ll have a song please. Do you know ‘The Rocks of Bawn’? A Cavan song.
– I heard it alright. My grandfather sang it. I never learned it.
—
Niamh and I returned to the bog some years after that first visit, to record sounds for a project she was working on. She wanted to capture the squelching and burbling of the sodden ground. I jumped in and out of liquid earth, lost a wellington, made all sorts of noises. On our way home, we walked through my grandparents’ back yard where my grandmother was filling buckets of turf. We stopped to chat with Nana for a while, and my grandfather came out to join us.
John Joe wasn’t particularly mobile at this stage, and I remember how long it took him to cross the narrow strip of concrete to where we were standing. He was nearly bent double over his walking stick. ‘He won’t even know who you are until he comes over near you now, honestly,’ Nana said as he shuffled towards us. She warned Niamh that he would repeatedly ask her the same questions.
‘Do you know this fella, John Joe?’ she said.
‘Ah, I’d know now if I could get time to look at him,’ came the reply. ‘Oh Lord, I know you well but I just can’t put a name on you.’
Nana explained to him that I was his grandson, that I was from just up the garden. You could tell he was better at bluffing than he was at remembering. When he found out Niamh lived in Dublin, he sang a little bit of ‘Molly Malone’ for her. Always a charmer, he took her hand and said she was a lovely girl, a lovely, lovely girl. ‘Don’t squeeze the hand off her now, you were very fond of them,’ Nana said. ‘I’m not!’ he protested, laughing. ‘That’s what has me in trouble now with you.’
Nana pushed him again to remember who I was. ‘We reared him,’ she said. ‘Well,’ he replied, ‘we dragged him up.’ We talked a little about my brothers, the cattle my father had recently bought, the way the weeks were passing quicker than ever. As ever, Nana couldn’t get over how it was October already, the year nearly gone. John Joe piped up. ‘It’s like the woman said one time when she pegged the clock out through the window – time flies.’ The Alzheimer’s is a curse, as Nana would say, but it’s easier if you’ve got a sense of humour.
When we left, they walked together towards the back door of the house, bickering playfully about tea-time and slices of currant bread. I can only remember all this because Niamh had accidentally left the recorder running. It had been working the entire time, recording the conversation from a pocket of her backpack. She cut this section out for me, and I have it still. It’s only three years ago, but it feels like so much longer. As the clip ends, their voices are fading away, becoming quieter and quieter still.
—
Mourning, Fanny Howe writes, teaches us to love without an object. I feel like listening teaches us the same thing.
—
During the final two or three years of his life, I made many surreptitious recordings of John Joe as he sat by the fire in their kitchen. He was in the process of forgetting almost everything he’d ever known. He was fading out of the world, and I began to grieve long before the death was final. I wanted to record whatever it was he might say before it was too late. Not because what he had to say was particularly significant or even memorable, but because no one would ever say anything like it again.
It occurred to me that, while there would be many pictures of him from throughout his life, there would be very few recordings of his voice. I find it much harder to recall a voice I haven’t heard in years than a face I haven’t seen. Roland Barthes wrote in the opening pages of his Mourning Diary that his mother’s voice, ‘the very texture of memory’, had gone silent in his mind. He called it a ‘localised deafness’.
The recordings I made of John Joe are not good: I made them mostly on my phone, because I didn’t want anyone to know I was making them. I left the phone down wherever, paid it no heed. The results are quiet and hiss-filled but I think no less eloquent or compelling for that. The earlier recordings are filled with chat. Nearer the end, voices emerge only intermittently from the encroaching silence of the kitchen. He was losing his voice along with his memories. The words barely make it out of his throat.
Regardless of their fidelity, the recordings suggest a depth, a duration, and a movement to what photographs of him have frozen flat and static. A person’s face is not exactly still, but it is less dynamic and, in a way, less personal than their voice. A photograph of a person who has since died does not make them seem alive again, but a recording of their voice can be enough to recall them to the room, to make their presence felt. My favourite recordings are those where John Joe sings along with the radio. He sang old songs, the songs all old people know. He sang ‘Carrickfergus’, he sang ‘Eileen McMahon’, he sang ‘I’ll Be Your Sweetheart’. He sang songs they’d later play at his funeral, songs like ‘The Rocks of Bawn’. He had forgotten most of everything, but scraps of melody remained. They were hidden in that part of the brain where treasures are kept, alongside the name of his wife, Kathleen.
—
When I started walking the bog, I thought I had to listen for something particular. I thought I would hear what others hadn’t heard, that I would go out there in order to capture something surprising, something novel. I was waiting for something significant to appear to me through the silence. I thought I was going to make something of all this, that my superior artistic impulses would rescue from obscurity something that everyone else had missed. I thought my work would prove, once and for all, the value of this place for which no one else seemed to care. It took quite a lot of exposure to the bog’s particular hush before I realised that, for all my sincere concentration, I was missing the point.
Silence, the kind of silence that you get in the bog, is not the absence of sound. It’s a lower order of sound, an experience of extremely diminished sound. The ‘basement of listening’, David Toop calls it – a place to which you descend. It is the kind of quiet which allows thoughts to bubble up inside you. When almost all sound is taken away, the sounds that remain take on a greater definition and a greater weight. What before was indistinct can become clear as day; what was obscured or concealed can come finally to our attention.
Most of all, silence insists on sound. It gives us the possibility of sound, of music, of understanding. It is silence that makes language intelligible. Without it, all our words would just run together. If the balance between sound and silence is off, communication quickly becomes impossible.
Silence is the pause between notes that gives us rhythm, patterns, sense. Debussy said that silence was perhaps the only way of making the emotion of a phrase gain its true weight. Silence is not just a passive experience, but an operative agent in our recognition of the world. Everything comes out of it, lives alongside it, is perforated by it, and eventually vanishes back into it.
Sound and silence are two sides of the same coin, a breeze blowing at different strengths. We cannot know in advance the voices that might be heard when the wind is low. Walking the bog, I am learning to listen to that wind, however it blows.
—
Just before he arrives back on Tory, Eoghan tells a story recollected from his childhood. Speaking now in Irish, he recalls sitting at home at night with his mother, listening on a CB radio to his father and his fellow island fishermen as they work out in the ocean beyond Tory, talking to each other across the waves. ‘And some nights when they were in good form and the night was calm, you’d hear a fragment of a song coming over the radio,’ he says. ‘They’d sing songs to each other from one boat to the next, the sound travelling over the waves. Sometimes it was so faint, almost not there, as if you were imagining it.’
Listening takes us beyond the horizon of sight. I can imagine the fishermen, out there in the dark Atlantic, working to make a life for themselves and their loved ones back on land. The sound of their voices coming faintly through the night air is proof of survival. The songs they sing are proof of a particular life, and their stories float like mist through the atmosphere. For the young boy sitting in the dark at home, listening to these songs, these disembodied voices must have had some power. Were the words important, or was it just sound itself that was hoped for? On stormy nights, they would listen carefully for any sound over the radio. ‘There would be no songs then.’ It’s hard to imagine a more vivid absence than the longed-for sound of a familiar voice in the night; transient, immaterial, unimaginably important. A frail speck atop the ocean spray, the weight of the world resting upon it.