I REMEMBER WELL my initial years in the Dharma, trying to figure out how to act in Dharma centers, in monasteries, and with monastics. Understanding what to study and practice was no easier. And learning to work with my mind was the greatest challenge of all! Some tips for those of you who are newcomers may help to ease your way.

When you go to a Dharma center, talk to the person in the reception area, ask if there is a brochure on etiquette, and borrow a prayer book or whatever handouts are available to use during the class. If there’s no one greeting people at the door, ask someone who seems to know their way around the center. People are usually friendly. During Q&A time, ask questions. No question is “stupid.” In fact, chances are that several other people in the room are wondering the same thing as you are and hope that someone will overcome their shyness enough to ask the teacher.

You will see people bowing. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, remain standing until they have finished and then sit down. Similarly, if the group does recitations before and after teachings or meditation, recite them if you feel comfortable, but simply remain silent if you do not. Do not pressure yourself to do anything you are unfamiliar with or do not understand. Instead, ask questions and think about the answers until you feel comfortable joining in with the bowing or chanting.

As a beginner, go to the classes for beginners. Although the center may be hosting initiations by well-known teachers, wait to attend those until you have established a proper foundation in the gradual path and in the thought transformation practices. Learn how to calm your mind and work with your afflictive emotions before delving into more complex practices. If you skip around from one class to another or frequently miss classes, you will miss learning important steps to practice. The importance of properly understanding basic Buddhist principles and establishing a solid foundation at the beginning cannot be overemphasized.

During Dharma teachings, you will hear many new ideas, some of which may not initially make sense to you. Buddhist practice is based on understanding, not blind faith, so do not try to force yourself to believe them. However, do not discard them as ridiculous either. Instead, put them on “the back burner” and return to contemplate them from time to time. Gradually they will begin to make sense.

Don’t expect to understand or actualize everything all at once. It takes years, lifetimes, eons. Learning Dharma is not like Western education, where we learn facts and tell the teacher what they already know on a test. Learning Dharma is about transforming our mind and heart. So listen attentively to the Dharma when you are at a center, temple, or monastery. At home, spend time thinking about what you have heard. Check out the teachings by analyzing them with logic. Apply them to your life to see if they work. Listen to the teachings on the same topic many times; each time you hear it, it will sound different because your mind has changed. Read Dharma books slowly, pausing to contemplate what you have read and to apply it to your life. Although it’s tempting to read hurriedly in order to get a lot of information—and especially to fulfill our curiosity about exotic practices—principally read books that correspond with your level of practice. In this way, you will establish a good foundation and will avoid confusion.

Buddhism is not intellectual concepts. Practice is essential to bring the Dharma into your heart. This entails setting up a regular daily meditation practice and sticking to it. Only by making meditation a part of your daily life routine will you experience its benefits. Refer to the chapter “Establishing a Daily Practice” to learn how to do this.

In your daily meditation practice, begin with reciting some verses to establish your motivation and make your mind receptive. Then do checking (analytical) meditation on the topics you learned in Dharma class. This formal time of meditation prepares you for practicing the Dharma the rest of your day—at work, with your family, at school, wherever. In those situations, be aware of what you’re thinking, feeling, saying, and doing. Be mindful of your bodhicitta motivation and try to bring love and compassion into all your interactions with others. In the evening, review your day, congratulate yourself for what you did well, admit and regret any harmful actions, and renew your compassion so that you will greet the next day with joy.

When you first begin to practice, you may be startled at the thoughts and feelings you discover inside yourself. You may discover anger, jealousy, attachment, or pride that you didn’t know was there. Don’t get discouraged, by thinking the path is too difficult or by thinking you are incapable of actualizing it. All of us are similar; anyone who has practiced Dharma for a while has gone through what you are experiencing and has come out the other end. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Let go of unrealistic expectations.

Stay focused on what is important and don’t get lost in the trappings. Dharma is about transforming our minds. Tibetan Buddhism has many fascinating external effects—high thrones, deep chanting, colorful brocade, and elaborate pujas. These are aids to practice. Actual practice is about working with our mind and heart.

There’s no rush to find a teacher. Buddhist scriptures instruct us to check out someone’s qualities well before entering into a mentor-disciple relationship. In the meantime, continue attending Dharma class and practice what you learn. Go slowly: take refuge and precepts and form a teacher-student relationship when you are ready. Sometimes an emotional feeling may suddenly surge up that makes you want to do this, but it’s wiser to wait a while until your understanding is stable.

Cultivate friendships with people who are also practicing the Dharma. In this way, you will encourage each other to learn and practice. One way to meet people is to volunteer at the Dharma center. Start with a small job and do it well. Your Dharma practice is most important, so don’t take on more volunteer work than you are able to handle.

We receive what we put into the Dharma. Our joyous effort brings good results over time. We are responsible for our spiritual practice, although we certainly depend on spiritual teachers to instruct us and a community of Dharma friends for support. However, no one is going to spoon-feed us. Our teachers and the Three Jewels are there to guide, teach, and inspire us, but we have to do the work of transforming our minds. As we do, we will become wiser, calmer, and more compassionate. Our mental and emotional clarity will increase, as will our sense of well-being.