Thirty

Just take me home, Rita!” The argument continued within the confines of the Rileys’ fully repaired van.

“Come on, Craig.”

“No. I thought you guys didn’t want to go back there.”

“Well, we changed our minds. You can just sit in the van.”

“No!” The shout came so loudly in the closeness of the vehicle that both Rita and Tory started, and then anger showed on Rita’s face. She maneuvered to the right as soon as traffic would allow and made for home. She did not drive unsafely, but her siblings could tell she was furious. Tory hated it, and Craig in his own rage didn’t care.

It was a temptation to drop Craig at the end of their court and speed away, but before she could do this, Tory said, “Maybe Sophie would come with us.”

“Do you want her to?” Rita asked without looking at her sister.

“Yes.”

Rita didn’t answer, but when she got to the house she got out with Craig. Tory followed. In his rage Craig nearly ran through the kitchen door. As usual, Sophie was taken unawares. Her smile and greeting died a swift death as Craig nearly knocked her over in his haste. There was nothing unusual about this, but the pattern was about to be broken.

“Craig!” Sophie’s voice lashed through the air. Surprise alone stopped Craig in his flight. He turned to her, and she now spoke softly, but with authority.

“I do not wish you to come in this way. I have not done anything. Please do not anger at me.”

He nodded, looking thoroughly ashamed.

“Would you like to talk of this, Craig?”

He shook his head.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I have homework.”

“All right.”

Not until Sophie said this did he leave. Then she turned to the girls.

“It’s my fault,” Rita said. “Tory and I decided this morning that we wanted to visit our mom’s grave today. We didn’t ask Craig; we just assumed he’d want to go. When he didn’t, I said he could just sit in the car, but he blew up.”

“We still want to go,” Tory put in, “and wondered if you’d go with us.”

Sophie’s head turned to the place where Craig had been and then back to the girls.

“Just there and back?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“All right, I’ll come.”

The snow at the cemetery was deep in spots because of drifting, but they were still able to drive very close to the grave and walk without difficulty. The cold was not an issue, since all three were bundled in hats, mittens, and coats. As soon as they were within reach, both Tory’s and Rita’s hands swept the snow from the grave. Sophie’s foot bumped a dead poinsettia, and Rita reached to move it away.

“Dad came a month ago, right before Christmas,” she said. “He asked us if we wanted to go, but I didn’t.”

“I didn’t either,” Tory added. “I’m not sure what Craig did.”

“And today? Was there a special reason today?” Sophie wished to know.

“No,” Rita said, but she sounded like she was still thinking it over. “How about you, Tory?”

“Not really. I know some people talk to graves, but I don’t like that. I tell God what I want Him to tell my mom.”

“I think you are wise, Tory,” Sophie agreed. “I know people who need to come to the grave in order for healing, but when we can pray our heart to God, it is such a special thing.”

They were quiet for a time and then Rita said, “I guess I still need to talk to the grave,” she admitted softly. “Yesterday they announced a mother/daughter tea. It’s in a month.” Rita now turned to look at Sophie. “I think I came here today to ask my mom if it was all right to invite you.”

Sophie removed her mitten and gently reached out to touch Rita’s cold cheek. “Then ask, my Rita, and follow your heart. Do not worry about me, but be at peace inside yourself.”

With that Sophie began to walk away, not toward the car, but over to other graves. She moved carefully and respectfully, reading as she went, and it wasn’t long before Tory joined her.

“Oh, Mom,” was all Rita could say for the longest time. Tears came to her eyes as soon as Sophie touched her, and she could not make them stop.

“I need you here,” Rita finally managed. “You should have seen the looks of pity I got yesterday. When your mom is gone, everyone is afraid to mention the word. And it’s been over a year.” Rita sounded frustrated, and then realized she didn’t want it to be like that, not here, not now. “I’m sorry, Mom. I know you would never have deliberately left us, and it’s so hard down on this earth that I really don’t wish you back. But I feel so unloyal to take Sophie as my mother. Grandma would be all right, but they both live so far away, and it’s only a two-hour tea.”

The tears were coming again, and Rita hated herself for them. She wouldn’t have told anyone that the tea was a big deal, because it didn’t feel that way, but her tears indicated otherwise.

“Please help me to handle this, Lord,” she asked as her heart now turned to prayer. “I always want to do the right thing, so much so that I’m afraid of making a mistake. I mean, I’m not committing for life to ask Sophie to come to the tea with me. But I just wish it could be Mom.”

The admission felt better as soon as she had made it, and with it her heart calmed. It would be wonderful to go with Sophie who was so enthusiastic about everything in their world. And herein Rita finally realized the problem. Her mother had been so busy that at times it felt like she was more interested in her own world than theirs. Suddenly her father’s words from weeks ago came flooding back: Housework was never your mother’s strong point. …If I had been the one to die, I would expect your mother to remember me the way I was and not walk around wearing rose-colored glasses.

Rita suddenly felt released. She loved her mother and wished that she could talk with her again, but that didn’t change the fact that she had made mistakes. Rita knew she’d made plenty of her own, but had hopefully learned from them. And somehow Rita also knew that if her mother could do it again, she would try harder, too. Rita looked up then to see that Sophie and Tory were headed slowly her way. There was no need to wish for more time alone. It was going to be all right.

One week later a letter came in the mail for Miss Sophia Velikonja. Sophie opened it with curiosity, and inside she found a beautiful invitation to attend a ladies’ tea with Miss Rita Riley at Edgewood High School. The date was over three weeks away, but already Sophie’s mind was planning what to wear. She fretted for some minutes before she realized she could just ask Rita.

“I’ll take her right to my closet,” Sophie told the chicken she was working on. “That way I will look American and not be embarrassment.”

She patted the bird’s chest with her new resolve, and turned to find Mr. Riley watching her, his brows raised and his eyes brimming with laughter.

“You’re talking to dead chickens now, Sophie?”

Laughter bubbled up inside her, but she quickly swallowed it. “I have been invited to important date, and Mr. Chicken was telling me how to dress.”

“A date? Well, now, who’s the lucky guy?”

Sophie took the card from the counter and held it out to him. “Someone you know very well.”

Alec read the invitation and smiled. “A ladies’ tea. Why didn’t she ask me?” He was still in a teasing mood. Sophie, who had learned in the last weeks to laugh when he was like this, said, “I do not think you have right dress.”

He managed to look totally affronted, one hand on his hip and one on his shoulder as if posing, and Sophie burst out in laughter.

“You are home early,” she commented when she could get her breath.

“Yes, because I have a huge favor to ask of you. I’m supposed to take Craig to get some new sweats tonight, and something has come up. Would you please take him?”

“Of course. Is this in mall?”

“Yes, but they’re in a place over on the east side, and I have to be here on the west side for a meeting that may or may not get over in time.”

“I will do this and, if he bites me, I will bite back.” Sophie meant it as a joke, but Alec’s face was serious.

“How’s he been?”

“Withdrawning.”

“Withdrawn,” he corrected gently, as he always did.

“Yes, this is word. Withdrawn. Keeping to himself.”

“Okay.” Alec looked troubled. “I’ll be here when they get home for supper so I can explain, but if you’ll plan to do that for me, Sophie, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course.”

“You’re one in a million, Sophie.” He had gotten in the habit of telling her this.

“Yes,” she said with a cheeky grin this time. “I know.”

It was snowing when Craig and Sophie left for the mall, but the forecast was not bad. Sophie had learned that in Wisconsin if you waited for the weather to clear, you wouldn’t go anywhere. Craig was quiet for most of the ride, but if Sophie talked to him he would answer. She was a little tired herself and didn’t mind that he wanted to be silent.

The mall on the east side of Madison was even larger than the west side mall, and once there it took some time for them to reach the store. Craig had a particular set of sweatpants and sweatshirt in mind, and the only thing Sophie helped him with was finding the right size. He wasn’t going to try them on, but Sophie shepherded him to the changing room. Just as she suspected, he needed a larger size for the shirt. She was pleased when he thanked her for coming into the store to help him.

The snow was falling heavily when they left, and Sophie drove slowly and carefully. There was an accident ahead of them on the beltline, and they were held up for over an hour. In that time Craig, who had started to cheer up, grew more anxious by the moment.

“I can see a huge opening up there. Why don’t they route us that way?” he burst out at one point, but Sophie ignored him.

“Doesn’t anyone know what they’re doing up there?”

“Try to be calm, Craig.”

“Here, Sophie, drive that way!” He hadn’t even heard her. “Go, go this way, or they’re going to take us right past the accident. Oh, no!”

Sophie was not about to go against a police officer’s directions, so she ignored her young charge and drove where she was told. Craig, who had not wanted to pass the sight, seemed incapable of looking away as their van approached. He even cranked his head around as they drove past to get a final glimpse.

“Why did you do that? Why did you go past it?” He was really upset now. “There was a little girl out there.”

Sophie still did not answer him. Most cars were shooting ahead to catch the beltline farther up, but Sophie stayed on the detour and spotted a driveway. Not realizing where it led, she signaled and pulled in. It was a grocery store parking lot. Although nearly deserted, the store was still open. Sophie parked way out where the lot was poorly lit; it was dim and the snow was accumulating fast. She stopped, put the van in park, switched on the interior light, and turned to Craig.

“What are you doing?” He was still angry.

“What is going on, Craig?”

“Nothing! Let’s go home.” He looked ready to panic. Sophie said nothing. “Come on.”

“Not until you tell me why you are so raged.”

“I’m not!” he lied. “I just want to get home.”

He was so upset that he couldn’t sit still. He shifted in his seat constantly.

“That wasn’t your mother, Craig,” Sophie said gently and watched him go completely still.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, you don’t have to let the accident upset you very much. That wasn’t your mother.”

“Don’t say that to me!”

“It’s true, Craig. Please tell me why you are so angry all the time and now tonight.”

“No,” he cut her off. “Just take us home.”

“She’s in heaven, Craig. There is no reason for you to know all this pain.”

“Don’t tell me where my mother is,” he shouted in her face, but Sophie didn’t flinch.

“Someone needs to tell you, Craig. Because the way you act, you would think she was lost.”

“Just stop it,” he was shouting again. “I know where my mother is. I know exactly where she is. I sent her there!”

There was absolute silence between them. Craig was shocked speechless by his admission, and Sophie was appalled that he believed it.

“What do you mean, Craig?”

“I don’t mean anything,” he said, but she could hear the tears.

“This is not true, Craig.”

“You don’t know.” He was crying now, his eyes unseeing on the windshield. “You don’t know how true it is.”

“Oh, Craig, no. Please listen to me.”

But he broke down now, and Sophie knew he would never hear her words through the harsh weeping. “I killed her,” he sobbed. “I wished her dead and she died. I prayed for it, and God did it.”

“Oh, my darling Craig.” Sophie’s heart broke over this admission.

“We fought.” His bottle seemed to come uncorked. “She wanted me to wear these pants, and I said no. We argued, but she made me. When she dropped me off for school, I prayed that she would die. I was so mad, and she did die. That’s been God’s punishment to me.

“I wear them.” Craig now looked up and spoke as if to the heavens. “I wear them now, Mom. Can you see me?” He cried like a lost child. “I wear them as much as I can, Mom. I’m so sorry.”

Sophie couldn’t take anymore. She reached for him and brought him across the space between the seats and into her arms. Craig’s whole body convulsed as he sobbed against her. Sophie buried her face in his hair to cry as well.

Long minutes passed as they clung to each other. When Craig began to calm, Sophie spoke.

“Do you understand what Christ did for you on the cross, Craig?”

“Yes,” he sniffed.

“Sin is awful thing, Craig, but in Christ we are free. If you have believed Christ, then you are free, too—free to confess your sin from that day and let it go.”

“I don’t think I can. I killed her, Sophie.”

“No, my darling Craig, you did not. You sinned and you need to confess, but your mother’s death was all part of God’s plan.”

He sat up then, straightening into his seat and trying to compose himself. Sophie undid her seatbelt and leaned forward. She gently cupped Craig’s face in her hands and turned him to look at her.

“Let go of this, my Craig. Satan is lie to you. I do not know why God wanted your mother home with Him, but it was not to punish you. Do you know 1 John 1:9?”

“Yeah.”

“Say it, Craig.”

Again he sniffed. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

“That is right, Craig. Confess it. Tell God that you sinned against Him and your mother on that day, and have done with it.”

“I don’t know, Sophie.”

“It is that simple, Craig.”

“What about all the anger since then?”

“The verse, Craig,” Sophie said urgently. “ ‘And to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ Claim it, Craig. It is your inheritance in Christ.”

His face was so full of fear and pain that Sophie wanted to cry again. She dropped her hands to his now and held them tight.

“I’m going to pray, Craig,” she said decisively. “You pray after me. Father God, touch my precious Craig. Touch him with Your mighty hand. He is hurting now, God, and listening to the lies of the evil one. Help him to see. Help him to confess and know Your forgiveness.” With that, Sophie stopped talking.

Craig had thought she would go on and on, but that was the end, and suddenly he knew what he must do. Sophie talked to God like He was right in the car, and Craig now did the same.

“I’m so sorry, God, for the way I acted.” He was crying again, but it was not out of control. His voice was pleading, but not desperate, and Sophie prayed with him. He had more to say to the Lord than Sophie would have expected, and she thought her heart would burst with her own prayers on his behalf.

They were both rather spent when Craig said, “Amen.” The young man seemed almost out of breath, but he smiled at Sophie in a way she’d never seen before.

“Shall we go home now?” she asked gently.

“Yes,” Craig told her. “And thanks, Sophie.”

Sophie reached to hug him, and Craig hugged her fiercely in return. What a long journey it had been for this young man. He was going to be 13 next week, but Sophie suspected that the celebration had already begun.