CHAPTER SEVEN

A Child’s Pain Candice . . .

As I head toward my front door, the sounds of the kids’ laughter spins me around in the opposite direction. Sobs rack my body as I stand there.

“Dear God, I can’t do this. These babies . . . Adrianna, they don’t deserve any of this,” I utter as my body turns against me.

Without warning, the pounding of my heart gets faster and faster, and my lungs struggle to keep up with my heart. Not enough oxygen enters my body, and I instantly become light-headed and dizzy.

“Oh, God. I think I am going to pass out,” I murmur, and then two strong arms grab me around my waist.

Looking behind me, I see Alonzo holding on to me as if our lives depend on it, and a shiver runs through me as we gaze at each other for a moment.

“A-Are you all right, Candice? I saw you from the window. You look flushed.”

“I cannot look into those babies’ eyes and break their hearts. I cannot break their hearts. We vowed never to break their hearts. How could Nakita do this? It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She promised we would do whatever we could so the kids didn’t have to endure any heartache like we did. What am I supposed to do now, Alonzo?” I blubber.

“They will never endure that much pain, Candice. You are a brave woman. All of you women are. Please know you are not in this alone, Candice. We will make sure this is as easy as it can be for you and those babies. I promise never to leave your side. I know I cannot take away the pain or bring her back, but I will do everything in my power to try to alleviate some of the anguish and the burden for you, if you’ll allow me to.”

“I’d like that”

“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” Jenna shouts as she approaches us.

“She’s having a hard time, Jenna,” Alonzo says.

“I can’t do this, Jenna. But I know I need to see and hug my babies. I need to see their smiles. How am I supposed to break those sweet babies’ hearts, Jenna?” I wail.

“We will get through this. Ms. Jasmine and Dad are in there. We can all do this together if you want. Don’t ever think you’re alone. We will always be here,” Jenna tells me, and then she bursts into tears.

* * *

“Mommy . . . Aunty,” the kids sing in unison when Jenna, Alonzo, and I enter the playroom.

“Hello, babies. I love you so much,” I tell them.

“Why are you sad, Mommy?” Amiya asks me. She can read me so well.

“What’s wrong, Auntie? Where’s my mommy? Is she still sleeping? I want to see my mommy, Aunt Candy,” Adrianna says.

“Come here, babies, all of you.” I kneel to their level and embrace them one by one. Then I take a deep breath, exhale, and say, “Adrianna, you know your mommy loves you, don’t you?”

“Yes, Aunt Candy.”

“Amiya, Darren, and Dylan, you know your aunt Nakita loves you, don’t you?”

“Yes, Mom,” the three of them chorus.

“Adrianna, your mommy wasn’t feeling well. Her medicine didn’t work like it should. She had to go to heaven, where the really sick people go,” I say. Then I break down.

“Mommy can’t go to heaven. She has to come back here, Aunt Candy. I need her here. Can we go and get her? Please, Aunt Candy? She has to come back now,” Adrianna cries, her little body convulsing.

“Only dead people go to heaven, Mom. Where is Aunt Kita, Mom?” Dylan says as he brushes tears from his eyes.

I’m sorry, babies, but she’s gone. We cannot go and get her. She’s in heaven. She will always be in our hearts and watching over us. She loves all of you. Especially you, Adrianna.”

“No, Aunt Candy. I don’t want her in my heart. I need her here. Please go and get my mommy. Please.” Adrianna jumps into my arms.

“I wish I could, baby.” I weep, cradling her.

“Mommy, we have to go and get Aunt Kita. She can’t go to heaven. She’s not dead,” Dylan insists as tears roll down his face.

“I’m so sorry, guys.” Alonzo pulls Dylan, Darren, and Amiya into his warm embrace. “Your aunt loved you and will always be with you, like Mommy said. We love you, and we will get through this together.”

“Yes, we will, babies,” Ms. Jasmine says as she clings to me as I sit on the floor and envelope Adrianna.

Upon breaking from Alonzo’s embrace, Darren races over and pulls Adrianna from my arms. “You can have our mommy with us, Adrianna. Don’t cry. She’s yours now too. Okay?” he whimpers.

“I can’t,” Jenna cries, and then she bolts to the bathroom, locks the door behind her, and throws up in the toilet.