The Therapist

Even though we had a tree memorial and balloon release for Nakita, it was by far one the saddest days of my life. The others were when my mommy gave me away and then passed away while I was gone. None of this seems real. I keep lying to myself, telling myself Nakita is back at the psychiatric facility. She’ll be back. However, reality slaps me clean across the face when I go over to her house. The demolition crew is already in the process of taking the house down in preparation for the park and playground that will be built on the site. Candice has delayed the opening of New Beginnings until the new construction is done. She now wants to have a day-care facility and playground combo built for the new moms to utilize they are in class and in therapy.

The memorial service was heartrending for all of us. The good thing about it is, we were all there to support and uplift one another. Especially the kids. We could not focus on ourselves, because we were so concerned about Adrianna primarily. Every time she cried, we broke down with her and ran for tissues. Amiya catered to her the same way Candice and Nakita did to one another, and it carved holes into each of our hearts. They are miniature versions of Candice and Nakita. I pray everyone begins to see a bigger and brighter picture out of all this. The last thing we need is for any of the other girls to fall into a depression because of all this. Honestly, I cannot even see a brighter picture for myself at all. I am just hopeful. Brianne announced to everyone that she is considering resuming counseling the girls, except for Candice, given that she is now in business with her.

Speaking of Brianne, she’s turned into an unfamiliar person. We’ve spent a lot of intimate time together, and she acts as if we just met. As if she doesn’t even know me. One time I broke down in front of her, and she handed me a tissue and walked away—no consoling me whatsoever. I would never have done her like that, no matter what. I know our relationship may not be sexual, but it is in fact on a level higher than friends or what she has with the other girls. Well, perhaps, I am mistaken. It appears she and Simone have this newfound bond, which I am not particularly fond of.

Following the memorial, Ms. Jasmine and Mr. Derek had a reception at their place for everyone to come and unwind and be together for one another. I went from sad and crying to being livid in 2.2 seconds when I witnessed Simone breaking her neck to make a plate for Brianne while she tended to Sage. Since when did Brianne start playing Mommy? I am not saying she doesn’t usually bond with the other girls and kids. It was her lightheartedness that was unusual. I recall how at one point she and Simone were laughing hysterically.

“Do you two mind sharing what’s so funny? God knows all of us could use a chuckle right now,” I said, silencing the room.

For heaven’s sake, Simone is younger than I am. What the hell does Brianne think she’s doing? I wondered.

“Simone was just reminiscing about the day she met Nakita,” Brianne replied, cutting her eye at me.

“That was quite comical.” Candice shook her head.

“Yes, it was. It wasn’t at first, though. She caught me off guard. I was so scared when she approached me. Nakita definitely had a way about her. I don’t think I will ever again take the last slice of pizza. I have been scarred for life thanks to her,” Simone remarked.

Everyone erupts in laughter.

“Are you sure about that?” Ms. Jasmine jested, handing her a slice of pineapple pizza.

Simone loves pineapple pizza, and Nakita did, too. It was Nakita’s favorite thing to eat. She could eat a whole pie in a day and be the happiest person in the world because of it. So at the reception Ms. Jasmine and Mr. Derek made sure to have a couple pineapple pizza pies to accompany all our favorite dishes spread across the table.

Nakita scared that girl, Simone, to death on her first night at Hope House. The girls said Simone had arrived during dinner, and when Ms. Nancy invited her to join the girls for dinner, Simone went straight to the pizza box and picked up the last pineapple slice. Everyone knew that was Nakita’s pizza, except Simone. Nakita barked at Simone so bad that she dropped the pizza slice. The girls said Nakita was joking, but knowing Nakita’s crazy tail, she probably meant some of what she said.

I smirk now just thinking about it. Then I think about one of my interactions with Ms. Jasmine at the reception.

Kneeling to whisper in my ear, Ms. Jasmine said, “Jenna, would you mind helping me bring the desserts out? I want to give my husband a break.”

“Of course I’ll help.” I jumped up from my seat.

“I love what you’ve done to the kitchen,” I tell her upon entering the room.

“Thank you. It gets lonely at times. I find myself spending most of my time over at the girls’ place or decorating these days. I am considering taking a culinary class.”

“I can see. You could probably be a host on HGTV and help with those fixer-uppers. A cooking class would be great as well. You know I’d be your best taste tester for all the meals without animal products.”

“Yes, I know you’d be the first one at the table. Derek, on the other hand, would pass out if I were to get a job.”

“Look at you blushing Ms. J.”

“Oh, stop it. But seriously, I brought you in here because I wanted to speak with you about something.”

“I kind of figured that.”

“I know you’re fond of Brianne, and things didn’t work out the way that you two wanted them to. I personally think you rushed into trying to pursue something with her when you’re still unsure of yourself.”

“You sound like my dad, Candice, and Brianne right now. Why is it that everyone can see all this and I cannot?”

“You see it, Jenna. You choose to ignore it. I need you to promise me that you will never act out of character or act like a crazed, jealous, insecure woman. You know there is nothing going on between the two of them. Everything that just transpired between the two of them was innocent. We are all family. You two never should have even tried to make things any more than that. It causes problems.”

“It’s over between us. There are no problems to be caused.”

“You just attempted to start some mess by allowing yourself to step out of character. Get yourself together, Jenna. Get back into counseling. This time, do it for you. No one else, just for Jenna. It’s time to channel all those deep, hidden things lying dormant inside you.”

“I did the counseling thing already, Ms. Jasmine.” Tears rushed my face.

“You went to counseling for your relationship with your sister and your dad. Now you need it for your intimate relationship with yourself, Jenna. You don’t need to be chasing women that are old enough to be your mom. If you’re looking for a mother’s love, I am right here. I love you as if I birthed you. I love all of you as my own. You can call or come by anytime. I am and always will be here for all of you girls—”

“I think you might want to call before you come by,” Mr. Derek interrupted. We didn’t hear him enter the kitchen.

He tapped Ms. Jasmine’s bottom with his hand.

“Derek!” Her face flushed.

“I apologize, Jenna,” he said. “I was just trying to lighten the mood. You two were crying when I walked in. I just wanted to try cheer you gals up a bit.”

“I appreciate you, honey. I was just comforting Jenna, letting her know we are here for her,” Ms. Jasmine told him.

“She’s right, Jenna. I know you have Dale, and I would never try to take his place. Just know we love all of you as our own.”

“Thank you s-so much,” I said, choking on my words.

Ms. Jasmine just melted my heart that day. I had heard it when my dad and Brianne said I was looking for a mom. However, I hadn’t listened, and it didn’t sink in until Ms. Jasmine said it. She hit a soft spot when she said she loved me as if she had birthed me. My mom had never even told me she loved me. To hear Ms. Jasmine say that to me . . . Well, it broke a wall that I guessed I didn’t know I had erected. It tore something down, because I have been crying uncontrollably ever since she expressed her love for me. I couldn’t even eat my food at the reception. I was choked up.

My dad didn’t feel comfortable with me being that upset and driving, so he offered to drive me home after the reception. I declined and told him I’d be all right. Ms. Jasmine and Mr. Derek had already offered their spare bedroom to me as we left the kitchen. I am in that bedroom now, making a mess of this pillow. Ms. Jasmine just tucked me, kissed me on the forehead, and told me she loved me, and that caused a tsunami of tears to flood my face. It was just what I needed to feel and hear.

Six Months Later . . .