CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Temptation Alonzo . . .
I had to get out of the house away and from Candice. Lately, just being around her, I’m easily aroused. Thank God, I am meeting up with the fellas tonight. I could use a cold one right about now. I’ve been able to control myself for quite some time; I am proud of myself. I have slept in the same bed with her and haven’t touched her at all. The love and respect that I have for her affords me self-control. I can’t believe that I haven’t even hung out or hooked up with any of my “female” friends in so long. I’ve been so consumed with Candice and the kids that I haven’t been doing much of anything else. Maybe, I am waiting for her to want me the way that I want and desire her. Deep down inside, I know I don’t want to get to know another woman on that level, as my heart belongs to Candice. That’s also probably the reason I haven’t gone out. I know it’s been so long that it might be hard for me to resist temptation.
In any event, I am here at one of my favorite bars, and it looks like all my boys are in attendance as well.
“Hey, what’s up, Antonio, Giovanni, Matt, and Dre?” I dap each of them as I make my way to the empty stool next to them.
“You need to catch up,” Antonio tells me. He raises his hand. “Bartender, amaretto on the rocks for my friend.”
“Tone, you know I don’t drink like that,” I say.
“Tonight, you do. Chugalug, my friend.”
I shrug. “Okay. Just one.”
“And another one and another one,” Dre say, ribbing me.
“The old ball and chain has him in rehab,” Antonio adds, giving me a poke.
I nod my head repeatedly. “Oh, I see. You guys wanted me to come out so you could clown me. Go ahead, Get it out of your system. I can take it.”
Matt shakes his head.
“What was that for, Matt? You’ve been awfully quiet. What’s going on?” I say.
“Zo, I love you like a brother, and I mean no harm when I say this—”
I squint at him. “Say what?”
“I think you’re in over your head. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s admirable of you to take care of your daughter. That’s what you’re supposed to do as a man. But cutting your life off for her is crazy. You don’t owe her anything. The two of you were young and immature. You made a mistake. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to her. It’s not your fault what happened to her man. You can’t carry that shit, man.”
“Are you done?” I ask him, frowning.
He nods. “If I weren’t your friend, I wouldn’t care.”
“I hear you loud and clear. Now I want you to hear me loud and clear. All of you. For starters, the only person I owe anything to is God Himself, and that’s it. I will spend the rest of my life making sure my daughter is better than good. As for Candice, she is special to me. I love her. I don’t use that word lightly. Neither have I ever professed my love to another woman other than my mom, so that tells me what I have for her is real. I don’t feel sorry for her. I admire her. She is strong and brave. Had the shoe been on the other foot, I might have taken my life under all this pressure. Only God in heaven knows how I would have handled what she overcame. I am not carrying anything except the responsibility of being a man to her and a father to all four of those kids if I have to.”
Matt’s eye grow wide. “Four? Man, do you hear yourself?”
“I said it, didn’t I?”
“You’re biting off more than you can chew. You have my sympathy, man.” Matt takes a swig of his drink.
“I don’t need sympathy. I’m good and clear on who I am and what I am doing. No, it hasn’t been easy. Yes, I want things to be different, but Candice is worth the wait. But what I am really trying to understand is, How the hell are you lecturing me when you have three kids of your own by three different women?”
“And one on the way,” Dre says, chiming in.
Everyone chuckles in unison.
Matt looks me in the eye. “Look, I am trying to save you from the hell I am in.”
“I’m good, my man,” I tell him.
“Are you two done? You’re ruining my buzz. Have another drink?” Dre says.
An hour later, I have quite a buzz myself. I head to the men’s room. As my feet come in contact with the solid wood floor, I have the sensation that the floor is in motion, causing me to stumble my way into the men’s room.
“Zo, you good?” Matt says as he follows behind me.
“Yeah, man. I think I overdid it.” I make my way into a stall.
“Not yet you haven’t. I have a gift for you.”
“A gift? What are you talking about?” I quiz.
Silence.
“Matt? Matt?” I zip my trousers up and make my way out of the stall. I blink. “Excuse m-me, ma’am. You might be . . . be a little lost. This is . . . is the men’s room,” I slur.
“No, sir. I think I am right where you want me to be,” declares a dark-haired, green-eyed, buxom woman who is really tall.
“I . . . I think you’re mistaking me for someone else,” I tell her.
She pushes me against the wall and sinks to her knees. Then she uses her pouty lips to unzip my trousers. I use all my might to tell her no, but to no avail. Somehow my mouth is working against me, and I push her off me only in my mind.
The sudden ringing of my cell phone sounds like gunshots, and it startles both of us, and we jump at the same time. I suddenly can speak again.
“I apologize, but I cannot do this,” I say as I dart toward the door.
“Alonzo, I thought that was you,” says a familiar voice. I collide with Jenna.
“Excuse me,” the mystery lady says as she exits the men’s room, smirking. She deliberately walks between the two us.
“Oh, I got your ‘excuse me,’” Jenna growls and grabs her by the hair.
“Jenna, please don’t do this,” I say and lift her off her feet, forcing her to release the lady’s locks. “Lady, just go. Please!” I bark.
Once she is clear out of sight, I put Jenna down, but I maintain my grip on her arms.
Slapping me across the face, Jenna chastises, “What the hell were you doing in there with her, Alonzo? I thought you loved my sister. I thought you was waiting for her. What the hell is going on? I thought you was different!”
“It’s not what you think.”
Matt and Dre run to my aid.
“Zo, is everything all right?” Matt asks me.
“I’m good. I’m good. Thanks a lot, Matt. You just don’t know when to stop.”
“I was just trying—”
“Save it,” I interrupt. Then I direct my attention to Jenna. “Jenna, can I please talk to you outside?”
“Let my arms go, Alonzo.”
“If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”
“As long as there aren’t any more surprises.”
“I swear, I was blindsided, just like you. Please walk with me outside, Jenna. I can explain.”
We walk swiftly side by side and stop at the same time when we reach her car, which is parked out front.
“We’re outside. Explain,” she says curtly.
“Look, you cannot go around slapping people. Especially men. What if I had slapped you back? Would that have been okay with you?”
“Hell, no, it would not have been all right with me.”
“So, what makes you think it is all right with me for you to put your hands on me, Jenna? I had to refrain from slapping you. I’ve never put my hands on a woman before, and I have no intentions of doing so, but you almost caught one. I had to catch myself.”
“I apologize, Zo. I saw that harlot and snapped.”
“I get it, but ask questions before you react next time. I was using the john, and she came in behind me. I was tipsy and damn near drunk, so she almost had me. Thank God my phone rang.”
“What do you mean, she almost had you? You’re a grown-ass man. Can’t no one have what you’re not willing to give them.”
“I wasn’t in my right mind. The alcohol had me.”
“Maybe it’s best you not drink, since you cannot handle your liquor. How would you feel if Candice went out and said some guy almost had her because the drink drank her?”
“Point made. I fucked up. Please allow me to tell her.”
“I didn’t say to do all of that, now. Candice may not be able to handle all of that or understand.”
“What I am not going to do is lie or keep secrets, so it will be what it is.”
“You are a great man, Zo. You really are. I am so proud of you.”
“Slapping me was your way of showing me how proud of me you are?”
“I am so sorry. I was wrong. I never should have put my hands on you.”
“Apology accepted. Please don’t ever do that again.”
“You have my word,” she says.
I squint at her. “Wait a minute. What are you doing up here? I haven’t seen you in minute, now that I am thinking about it. Candice said you went back to work. I assumed a new job, because I never see you at the hospital.”
“There’s something I need to tell you, Zo.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“I lost the good sense that God gave me after breaking up with Brianne. And I have been seeing a shrink for the past five months.”
“You have? That’s not a bad thing. But what did you do?”
“I followed Brianne around. That was my job. I took an extended leave of absence to be wherever she was. I even went as far as having flowers, cards, and gifts sent to myself and pretending she sent them.”
“Why?”
“I was trying to fill a hole in my heart. I suffer from abandonment issues, Zo. I’m not even gay either. Can you believe I made myself believe I was a lesbian, because I was looking for a mother to love me?”
I nod. “Yes, I believe it.”
“You do? How?”
“The only thing you ever talked about doing with a woman was spending time, going shopping, going to the movies, and just snuggling. Don’t get me wrong. Those are intricate parts of dating. However, that was it. For me, when you want or desire something, you want it in every way, shape, or form possible. You, my friend, were limited in your range, so I assumed you might be confused and might need to do a little more soul-searching.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Sometimes we learn things better through trial and error. You had to turn into a creep in order for you to realize it was deeper than you and Brianne going your separate ways. If I had said something, you might have tried to prove me and yourself wrong, and now you’d be in a nuthouse for stalking people.”
“Stop making fun of me, Zo.” She shoves me.
“There you go, hitting me again. Maybe you suffer from violent tendencies too,” I say, giving her a jab.
“You’re so crazy.”
I’m glad Jenna is going to therapy. A person never knows how sick they are until they see a doctor. Therapy has helped me understand what Candice is going through and how to deal with it. I am happy that I attended some sessions with her. It made a world of a difference. Hopefully, I won’t need further therapy or a heart doctor when I tell her what happened at the bar.