The Therapist

I’ve literally been avoiding Candice. You’d think we were in this full-blown relationship and I actually cheated, the way I have been ducking her. The last thing I want to do is break her heart. I know I didn’t do anything wrong and the alcohol impaired my reaction and reflexes, but will she believe or understand that? I’m standing outside her house, at the kids’ bus stop. They are all ready for school and are jumping up and down. This school bus needs to hurry up and get here. I thought she was coming back tomorrow. Why is she back so soon? I wonder. I need more time.

“Hey, Alonzo. Did you miss me?” she asks as she approaches me and the kids.

“Shit,” I grumble.

“What was that?”

“Shit yeah. Shit yeah,” I said.

“Sure you did. What have you been up to? I called you the other day, after our talk, and I haven’t been able to catch up with you since.”

“Just working and catching up with the fellas.”

“Is your phone broken?”

“No, it isn’t. Didn’t we just talk the other day?”

“When I called you? No, we didn’t.”

Just then the bus pulls up.

“See you later, Mommy and Daddy,” the kids interrupt as they board the bus.

I’m just going to be straight up with her, I decide at that moment. I can’t do this any longer.

“Hello?” she says when I remain quiet and watch the bus pull away.

“I am here. I apologize. Do you want to go inside and talk, or are you busy with getting things set up for the grand opening?”

“Nope. I am all yours.”

“I hope so,” I say and wink.

She smiles. I love that smile. And the blushing drives me and my other brain crazy. I shake my head as we walk back into the house.

“What’s going on?” she asks, getting straight to the point, as we take a seat in the den.

“You know that you and those kids are my world, right?”

“Oh boy. What happened? Did you meet someone? You’re tired of waiting for me, aren’t you?”

“Slow down, beautiful. I am a man of my word. I said I will give you the time you need. I just would like for us to progress a little further than we have, if that’s possible.”

“I know sex plays a big part in relationships, but I am not there just yet. I’ll understand if you have to do what men do and handle your business. This is just hard for me right now, but I will do what I need to do to get there.”

“Sex doesn’t define a relationship. Yes, it is a part of it, but there is so much more to building a relationship with someone. Don’t get me wrong. It has been hard as hell not being able to make love to you. Just the little things you do, like the way you smile or even just walk past me, stimulate me. But I know there is a time and a place for everything. Especially after everything you’ve been through.”

“You are an amazing man, Alonzo. I will do whatever I need to do to make you and me work. I love you and have loved you since I was a teenager. You were and still are my first and only love outside the kids.”

“I love you more,” I say, and then I taste her lips.

Pulling back, she confesses, “I haven’t felt like this since the first time you kissed me like that. Can you do it again?” She closes her eyes.

“How about we talk a little more? If you still want to inhale and exhale each other’s essence afterward, we can.”

“Okay.” She turns her head to prevent me from seeing how flushed she has become, but she cannot hide the rosiness of her cheeks.

“The night you called me and I didn’t answer, I was out with the fellas, having a few drinks—”

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?” she interrupts.

“Not at all. Although, I did get pretty wasted, and when I went to the men’s room to alleviate myself, some woman came in the bathroom behind me.”

The color in her face diminishes.

“Please believe me when I say that I have no idea who that woman was. When she pushed me against the wall, I was caught off guard and buzzed, so everything was off. You phoning me snapped me back to reality.”

“You were having sex with her when I called you?”

“No. Hell no. She was trying to put her mouth on me. But nothing happened. I swear to you, nothing happened.”

“Did you want something to happen?”

“At that time, I don’t believe I processed fully what was going on, to say I did or didn’t want something to happen. Honestly.”

“So, you wanted to have sex with her? Is that what you’re saying?”

“It did feel good to have a woman touch me, but it’s not what I wanted or who I wanted it with. I didn’t go out looking for her or anyone else.”

“I hear you, Alonzo, but it sounds like had I not called, things would have turned out different.”

“I was so drunk. I am not sure what would have happened. I am not drunk now, and I can assure you that’s not what I want. I want you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink if being intoxicated causes you to black out and makes you unaware of things that are going on or happening to you.”

“Candice, it’s not like that. I wouldn’t be telling you this if it was. To be honest with you, I have not been with a woman or touched a woman like that in months. Probably close to a year. I’ve committed and devoted myself to you. It ate away at me that any of that happened, which is why I’ve been avoiding you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“Alonzo, if you feel the need to sow your royal oats, then do so. You don’t have to worry about hurting me if that’s what you really want to do. I might be younger than you and may not have experienced all that there is when it comes to really being in a relationship, but what I do know is I cannot keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept. Especially if I am unable to satisfy all his needs. Well, your needs.”

“You’re only hearing what you want to hear. Nowhere in anything that I just said did I say I wanted that woman, that I wanted to sow anything, or anything else that you just twisted around. Listen, I am telling you this because I don’t want there to be any lies or secrets between us. If we are going to do this, let’s do it. And I am not just talking about doing the bus thing and me sleeping over and staying up talking all night long. We can do all of that. Maybe not the sleeping over for a while. But we need to go to dinner, just the two of us. The movies, walks on the beach, or whatever romantic things couples do. We need to start being a couple, and not just saying or thinking we are. Wait, are we a couple? All this is so confusing.”

“Are you asking me to go steady with you, Alonzo?” she asks coyly.

“If that’s what needs to be done so we can progress, then yes, I am.”

“Thank you for being up front and honest with me. I apologize for jumping the gun. I am afraid that another woman is going to come and whisk you away because of the lack of sex in our relationship.”

“I’m here with you, where I want to be. As long as we communicate and take our time, I will wait and go as far as you want to go, until you’re ready.” I pause. “Please don’t leave me stranded for too long, though,” I tease.

“I promise I will do what I need to do so that I can give you my all. I want everything you just said and then some. I’d love to court you. Now please kiss me and take my breath away again.”

Little does she know, I am going to marry her someday. This is where I want to be and where I am supposed to be. I’ll do my part by giving her the time she needs. It might result in me taking more cold showers then a man could ever want, but Candice is worth the wait.