The Therapist

“Alonzo, something is going on with Brianne. I get she was upset because Jenna kicked her out of the room. That by no means gave her the right to attack Simone and Tracy verbally. It’s like no matter what’s going on, she has to be the center of attention,” I tell him as I pace back and forth across the hospital waiting room, my phone pressed up against my ear. “Then, whether she’s wrong or right, she tosses around the fact that she’s a highly decorated therapist. From what I’ve seen this past year, she needs to be stripped of any and everything that is ‘highly’ and ‘decorated.’ They carried on like schoolgirls out there, in front of the kids. I am so disgusted with all of them. More so with Brianne. She doesn’t deserve to be recognized as anyone’s doctor. I am going to see if I can talk to someone. That woman is dangerous. Look what she’s doing to Simone. Simone never acted like this. She is a new-age version of the old Nakita.”

“I know you’re upset, Candice. I want you to do me a huge favor and calm down. I need you to be there for Jenna. Right now she needs you. We can deal with the nutcase therapist at another time. Jenna is the priority, not her.”

“You’re so right. Thank you so much for taking the kids back to the house. How are they doing? Are they upset? I could barely talk to them after all of that. I was too emotional. Crying and sniffling all over them. Upsetting them even more.”

“They’re fine. I was honest and explained to the boys that Simone and Brianne were upset and they acted out their anger. I did let them know that, that is not the way you handle your emotions, and that if they ever find themselves upset, to take a moment to calm down. No one deserves to be hit, the same way they wouldn’t like to be hit.”

“You are an amazing man, Alonzo. I love you so much for being our protector and superman.”

“I love you more, Candice. Now, do me another favor. Give Jenna a kiss for me and tell her I love her and I understand. I am going to hang up now. The boys are at each other’s throat again. My pep talk must have run its course.” He chuckles.

“Okay. I will call you later,” I say and then disconnect the call.

Taking a deep breath, I head back toward Jenna’s hospital room. Dad left with Alonzo. Jenna didn’t want him to see her like this. She asked that everyone go except for me. Well, she wrote it down. The only time she has spoken since she got here was when she told Brianne to get out. No male nurses or doctors either. Dad’s heart is crushed into a million pieces. He is trying to understand, because he wants to be there for her, but she won’t allow it. He said the only way for him not to try to find Omarion—in order to teach him the biggest lesson of his life, as Dad threatened to do—was to try to occupy his mind by tending to the kids with Alonzo.

“Can I get you something, Jen?” I offer upon entering her room.

She shakes her head no in response as new tears cascade down her face.

Using the back of my hand to wipe her tears, I plead, “Listen to me, okay?”

She nods her head yes.

“If anyone knows what it feels like to have somebody reach inside your soul and to have it ripped away from you, it is me. Everything you’re thinking I’ve thought, and I sometimes struggle with those thoughts to this day. It is like every pain and horrific thing imaginable coming at you that you all at once, and you can’t even muster up the words to describe what is happening. You feel worthless, like you did something to make this happen, but you didn’t, Jen. You didn’t. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. I am so sorry he did this to you.” I climb into the bed with her and cradle her. “God in heaven knows I wish I could turn back the hands of time.”

“I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me now. Can you tell that I’ve been raped?” she says, her voice faint, almost inaudible.

“No, Jen. No. You’re beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with you. No one can tell anything,” I assure her, my voice cracking.

“He took my worth, my privacy, my confidence, and my voice. I am disgusted with myself. I’m just worthless.”

“These feelings are temporary. You will get past this. I promise you will. Look at me. I am not all the way together, but I am better than I was. You will be too. I promise you will, Jen. I will make sure of it. You are not worthless. He’s worthless.”

“The damage is done. No one can undo it.”

“God knows, I wish I could. But we will get through it. We cannot let any of this destroy us. I say us because we’re in this together. You’re not alone. We will face this head-on, and he will be punished for this. We won’t stop until they put him under the jail,” I tell her.

Emotional pain flows out of her every pore as tears race down both of our faces.

Unable to utter another word, considering I am tired of hearing my own voice, I drift deeper into the heartache. Right now, I am to the point where I am not sure I even believe what I just said to Jenna. So in silence, I hold on to her as if we are on a roller-coaster ride. Well, now that I am thinking about it, aren’t we on one? I just want to know, When do we get off?

Closing my eyes, I silently petition my Heavenly Father. Dear God, I know I am wrong for questioning you, and I ask for your forgiveness. Today is one of those days when life doesn’t make sense. How can I be positive and uplifting when the world seems so unfair? Please help me understand, because I cannot comprehend how something good is supposed to come out of this. My sister is hurting, and I don’t have anything left in me to console her. I’m to the point where I myself might even be inconsolable. This cannot be the life you destined for us to live. You’re supposed to be a loving God, and yet nothing but hate has been poured into us. I am beginning to doubt everything. I want to understand. I want to see the brighter picture, but the only thing that has been displayed over and over is darkness.

Suddenly the silence is broken. I am pulled from my prayer when the lyrics to Michael Smith’s “Open the Eyes of My Heart” pierce the air. It’s the ringtone on my phone. Bothered by the interruption, I slip my arm from around Jenna, who has fallen asleep, reach in my pocket, yank out my phone, and hurriedly answer the call.

“Hey, Ms. Jasmine,” I whisper into the receiver.

“How is she?”

“She’s asleep right now. She cried herself to sleep.”

“Okay. I will call back, so we don’t wake her.”

I slip off the bed, making sure not to awaken Jenna, then head for the door. “It’s okay. I am walking out of the room right now, on my way to the lobby area,” I whisper.

“That poor baby. She was just getting herself on the right track, in the right head space, and that coward does this to her. I am so upset, I cannot think straight.”

Taking a seat in the lobby, I confess, “Ms. J, I am beyond angry. I am not sure if I am angrier with Omarion or with God. Like, why would God let this happen to her? Why does this have to keep happening to us? Are we cursed or something? Is there a hex on us?” I break down.

“God loves you, Candice. He loves Jenna. I completely understand you feeling this way. I can’t event fathom how something like this could happen. But keep in mind, we live in a cruel world, with a loving God. Some people are monsters, no matter how loving God is. No matter what, I know He will never leave you or forsake you, Candice. You cannot give up. It might look and feel like He doesn’t love you, but I know you, if no one else, can attest that something good always come out of our suffering.”

“How can I believe that? Where was He or His love when this was happening to Jenna? When it happened to me and the other girls? Honestly, right now, I feel the same way I used to feel while at Hope House. Hopeless and in doubt, thinking that God doesn’t care about me or anyone else.”

“I am so sorry, Candice. I don’t have all the answers. I just know the faith I have in God. I know and believe He will bring you out of this and will continue healing those wounds of yours, as well as Jenna’s. You know, that doubt you had at Hope House gave you the energy to do what you needed to do.”

“I’m not understanding,” I say.

“Doubt got you out of bed every morning. Doubt pushed you to go past the odds that were stacked against you, and doubt sent you straight to college. Doubt propelled you to be an amazing mom, friend, sister, and daughter to Dale, Derek, and me. So . . .” She sniffles. “If doubt was your muse to accomplish and overcome all that you have thus far, I cannot wait to see where it propels you to this time.”

“I—I guess if you put it that way, you have a point. Thank you for being the mom I never really had, Ms. J. Blood doesn’t make you a mother. Love does. The love you pour into us girls, who were once strangers to you, is the same love I pray I’ll always have to give and pour into the kids.”

“You’re already doing it, Candice. You’re already doing it, and I am so proud of you. You’re so strong, whether you feel it or not, and that strength comes from everything you’ve witnessed and experienced. God in heaven knows I wish you didn’t have to endure so much to become the amazing woman that you are, but you did, and look at you know. I love you, the girls, and all my grandbabies with everything in me. The moment you girls fully entered my life, my life was complete.”

“I think I have to disagree with that, Ms. J.” I giggle.

“Disagree? How is that?”

“I think Mr. Dee completed you. We had nothing to do with that.”

“Hush, child. Derek was there long before you girls.”

“Oh, I know. I remember the early morning strolls down the lovers’ path back home. I saw you,” I tease.

“You’re too much. That was for you girls. After everything that you’d been through, my Derek didn’t want to make you girls feel uncomfortable if you were to awaken in the night and see him there. It was too much too soon, so we opted to spend time at his place. You know, we were considering adopting right before we took in Micah. Now we have five daughters and ten grandbabies.”

“Ten?”

“Yes. Samantha’s twins make ten.”

“Lord, I completely forgot. How are things with her?”

“She was in rehab but signed herself out. We have court the day after New Beginnings’ grand opening for temporary custody of them. So keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well.”

“I’ll pray instead. That will go further than crossing my fingers.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Ms. J, I think I am going to put the opening off for a little while.”

“Why would you do that, Candice?”

“I want to be there for Jenna. I don’t want to be focusing on that when she needs me.”

“I am sure if you mentioned it to Jenna, she’d get upset with you for even considering it. You’ll see.”

“I’m not going to even mention it to her. That’s the last thing she needs to worry herself about,” I say.

“You won’t have to. I know my babies, and although you two aren’t twins and don’t have the same mother, your blood is identical, and you two are one of a kind in many ways. Now, get back in there with her. I will check in with you when I get to your place.”

“My place?”

“I am going to check on my grandbabies and give your dad and Alonzo a break. Now get in there and kiss my baby for me. Tell her I love her. I love you, Candice.”

“I love you more, Ms. J.”