Imagine being anyone, a barber

for instance honing his razors,

shaking the tall white sheet

from its corners and sweeping.

All clippings and small talk,

a deft stroke from Saturday’s game,

how weather is, how money,

the punchlines of six jokes.

His contempt, his power

to make any man ridiculous

in a glitter of scissors and mirrors,

one arm a brush then a hand:

You want anything Guv –

blades, rubbers, a change

(wink nudge) is a rest.

And then:

                When he gets there

When he kneels in the Sistine Chapel

with his missus for the blessing

on 20 years wedded bliss God’s bailiff

the Pope says

                      So who cuts your hair John?