Chapter 5

DOG WOKE UP to the sound of someone whispering urgently in her ear. She opened her eyes and there was the parrot, its paper jacket ripped to shreds and its scrappy wings free. It was clear that a good supper and a night’s rest had done it a lot of good. It certainly didn’t look ready to die any more!

It climbed onto her chest, put its beak close to her face, and whispered again. “Poo!” it said. “Poo.”

Dog wasn’t sure what it wanted. The budgies never had any trouble pooing anywhere, everywhere! In fact she often had to spend quite a while cleaning up after their evening exercise. Perhaps the remaining bit of jacket was getting in the parrot’s way, but when she tried to help the bird out of it, it pushed her hand away impatiently and began to march about on the concrete saying, “Poo, poo, poo,” more and more loudly.

Dog couldn’t think what was wrong, and Esme was no help. She liked quiet in the morning. She shoved her head under the blanket and went back to sleep.

Perhaps the bird was house-trained, Dog thought. She rushed to find a litter tray and some Pussy Poo, and brought it to the very agitated bird. But all it did was snatch the corner of the tray in its curved beak and turn it upside down.

“No!” said the bird crossly. “Poo! Poo!” And then it made an unmistakable watery whooshing noise, copying the sound so perfectly that Dog knew at once what the bird wanted. She picked it up and ran to the other side of the shop, where a little door led to the customer WC which Uncle allowed her to use.

“Yes!” said the bird.

Dog lifted it up, and it held onto the edge of the slippery plastic seat with its claws. Immediately it poked its bottom over the space and sighed. The biggest, longest poo that Dog had ever seen from a bird dropped into the water with a huge splash! She began to laugh. The sound bubbled from her tummy and welled up to her head. It brought Esme running from her late bed. She climbed on Dog’s shoulders and wrapped her tail around Dog’s neck in sheer delight.

The parrot flattened its feathers and looked away from them. “Rude,” it said. “Very.”

Then it lost its grip on the lavatory seat and had to be rescued from disappearing down the bowl. Still laughing, Dog carried it to the storeroom and left it with a bowl of fruit and some budgie seed so that it could recover its dignity in peace.