The next day I get through school somehow, though my head hurts and I can’t concentrate. Around me the stupid squealing girls and the spotty boys make enough noise for a thousand. They have nothing to do with me and my life at all. At lunchtime, Joe tries to talk to me but I don’t answer. He follows me into the canteen and waits there while I get a tray of food I don’t even want.
‘Why don’t you let me explain?’ he’s saying, but I just go on shovelling mince into my face.
‘I don’t care,’ I say at last, pushing the plate away. ‘Your friend’s an idiot, and you seem to think I am! If you’d told me you were joined at the hip, I’d not have bothered coming.’
‘Oh come on, it wasn’t like that. He was going—’
‘No he wasn’t. And why was he there at all? If spending time with me is so boring just say so. I do have other people to see you know.’
I peel open the top of my yoghurt and watch his head drop.
‘Look,’ he says. ‘I’m sorry. Where did you run off to anyway? We could have spent the evening together—’
‘I spent the evening with Banks,’ I snap. ‘You know? That “odd tramp” I like to hang around with? He didn’t need to bring someone else along. He seemed very happy to see me – he kissed me in fact!’
As soon as the lie is out, I wonder why I said it. I’m about to take it back, when I see the look on Joe’s face. His head snaps up and he looks at me hard.
‘He did what?’ he says. ‘He kissed you?’
‘Yes,’ I say, ‘not everyone thinks my company is repellent… We did other things too.’
Joe grabs my wrist and makes me look at him. His eyes are narrow and angry. ‘Exactly what other things, Coo? Have you gone nuts?’
‘Get off me, Joe! You don’t know him – he’s okay. He’s coming to London with me… he’s going to look after me…’ I can’t seem to stop. Joe is white-faced and breathing hard.
‘Listen, Coo,’ he says. ‘This is serious. You can’t go there again. How old is he – how old are you? Apart from anything else, he’s filthy! Did you use anything?’
I don’t like his questions. I don’t like what he’s saying one bit. ‘Get lost, Joe,’
I hiss. ‘You don’t know anything – you just can’t cope with the fact that someone likes me!’
‘Oh for God’s sake!’ Joe pulls me back, his eyes wide. ‘You think it’s that? You really think—’
‘No!’ I hiss. ‘I don’t. I know what you like – and I don’t care. I just wish you considered me enough of a friend to be honest with me, that’s all!’
Everyone is looking, and I see myself as he obviously does; just a stupid kid who’s playing around where she shouldn’t. He doesn’t care about me one bit.
I walk out but he doesn’t follow, just stands there glaring at me as if he’d like to kill me. I’m glad. Now he knows how it feels.
I don’t see him the rest of the day and he’s not waiting for me at the end of it. I’m done with him. I am. All the same I go home and sit in the sitting room watching TV and biting my lip to stop the stupid tears from coming. Mum joins me for a bit before making dinner, and before I know it, Dad’s home and we’re eating together. It’s almost ten o’clock when Ben and Matt turn up unexpectedly. Ben comes into the kitchen where I’m washing-up the pans from dinner, takes up a plate and starts to load the dishwasher.
‘This is a surprise,’ I say. ‘Did we forget you two were coming over?’
‘No,’ Ben says, ‘we came to see you. Matt’s keeping your mum and dad talking because I don’t want to make trouble for you.’
I carry on washing-up, not even looking at him. This has to be Joe’s doing.
He’s only met Ben and Matt once, so he must be more freaked than I thought.
‘I don’t want to talk about this,’ Ben says. ‘I don’t have long. Some would say I should speak to your parents, but I don’t think you’d ever forgive me… I’m worried about you, Coo.’
‘Don’t,’ I tell him. ‘Joe had no right to go running to you. He’s overdoing it all anyway.’
‘Just promise,’ Ben says. ‘Promise you’ll come and talk to me before you do anything else that stupid. This is important, Coo.’
I look at his face. Worry is written all over it and I feel terrible. I lied to Joe and now Ben and Matt are here, all in secret because they care about me.
Down the hall we hear Mum coming, talking about coffee, and Ben starts to say something else.
‘Stop,’ I tell him. ‘It’s fine. I promise, all right? Joe’s got it all wrong, but I promise. I promise … right?’
Mum comes in and Ben puts a bright smile on his face as she bustles about with biscuits and the coffee maker.
‘You better mean it,’ he says quietly. ‘Don’t let me down.’