Friday 29 July

Jinx,

I’m doing that first date for Wellness tonight with Ady & Clem. Not sure how late it will go. If I’m not back by curfew can you cover for me? I’ll use the portal.

Love ya,

Clem

I take the tram to Richmond, dressed as sexily as I can manage: tight jeans, low-cut top, lashings of make-up. I bought a copy of Fuss for their smoky-eyes tutorial, and now I’m reading an article called How to Hook Up: ‘OMG mind-blowing oral sex’.

Suggestion: guys love it when a woman uses her mouth and hands on their package at the same time.

I try to imagine doing this stuff with Stu. Just reading about it makes me feel so embarrassed.

Suggestion: don’t ignore his balls.

I giggle and look up. There’s a guy in a suit staring at me. I purse my lips and stare straight back until he gets uncomfortable.

Suggestion: be enthusiastic! Never treat a blow job like it’s a job.

When I arrive at the cafe Ady and Kate are already there, sitting out the front having what looks like a pretty tepid conversation. I don’t apologise for being late. I just angle my chair so I have a better view of Rockland Studios. It’s four-thirty-two. Kate and Ady are both staring at me, and I take this as further proof that I look good.

I edge my chair a little further away from them.

‘So, how are we supposed to do this? Should we play twenty questions?’

‘We only need to know two things,’ Kate points out.

I stare at the studio door as if I can make it open through mental force and see Stu inside. I only know what the inside of a studio looks like because of TV. I’m picturing a gnarly-looking dude behind a panel of buttons, and Stu saying, ‘More foldback. More bass.’

The waiter is waiting. I order a latte. Kate asks for tea and Ady surprises me by ordering cake. I don’t imagine girls like her get to be girls like her by eating cake. Maybe she pukes it after. I pretend to take a note for Malik. Kate drinks tea and Adelaide likes cake.

I could talk about swimming, the Canberra trip, Beaz’s hopes and dreams for next season, but it feels false. Ady’s cake comes with whipped cream – she does not approve, actually sends it back. Kate sips her tea; she looks as if she’s on the verge of saying something interesting, but the words don’t happen. So I see if I can coax some.

‘I heard you play the other morning. At the old pool. You’re really good. I mean, I’ve never heard music like that before.’

‘Thanks.’ Kate sits up, her eyes bright. ‘It’s something new I’ve been –’

‘Wait –’ The studio door has opened. Stu is walking out. He’s wearing jeans and a khaki jacket. He’s with an older guy who has so much hair he looks more wolf than man.

‘– working on . . .’ Kate’s still talking, but I’m up and teetering on the kerb. I call out to Stu though my cupped megaphone hands. He looks surprised and happy to see me. He hollers back, gestures that he’s going to go to the lights. I return to perch on my chair.

‘Guy you like?’ Ady says.

I dig out five dollars and leave, saying over my shoulder, ‘Thanks, it’s been real.’

Am I walking towards Stu or am I flying? It’s all I can do not to break into a run.

‘Magic girl,’ Stu says. ‘I think about you, and there you are.’

‘You were thinking about me?’

‘I was. Bad thoughts. Wrong thoughts.’

‘Dude.’ The hairy guy says, shaking his head.

‘This is Clem,’ Stu tells him. I’m willing him to say, my girlfriend, but he doesn’t say it.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Oh, just a thing for school.’

‘A thing for school.’ He nods, super serious, then his face relaxes. I love his smile. It makes me go weak. The hairy guy lets out an old-man groan. ‘Are we getting a drink?’

Stu angles his head, inviting me. We’re outside what looks like the last unrenovated pub in Melbourne. It’s not the kind of place that has a menu or even entertainment.

The hairy guy goes in and the smell of beer wafts out. Stu holds the door open for me. I hesitate. An unexpected doubt has arrived. What if I’m walking into something more than I can handle? I cast a glance back to Kate and Ady, but they’re not waving their arms dramatically or holding up any red flags. No siren sounds. No one MacGyver-rolls me to safety.

Stu clears his throat, and I go in, right foot first.