Friday 2 September

It’s just past midnight and I’m lying in bed listening to Jinx – she’s snoring in spite of her nose peg (we thought it might help). I’m contemplating throwing things at her, or just smothering her with a pillow, when someone bangs on the door and hisses, ‘Old Joy’s on the beat.’

I sit up and switch on my lamp.

Jinx bolts upright and whips off her nose peg. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I don’t know.’

She listens for a moment and her eyes go wide. ‘It’s a round-up!’

She jumps out of bed and pulls her jumper and trackies on. She shoves her feet into slipper-socks. I put my dressing-gown on and open the door. Girls are whizzing past, faces rippling with excitement. Jinx and I slip into the stream.

I grab Lainie’s arm. ‘Where are we supposed to be going?’

‘Library.’

Jinx spills as we trot. ‘Last year there was a bomb threat – they took it seriously because, you know, the world. Turned out to be a lame Bazza trying to get back at his ex.’

‘It could be a fire. It could just be a drill.’

‘I heard it’s a BIB,’ a Year 7 says in a stage whisper.

‘Boy in bed.’ Jinx’s eyes glaze over for a second. ‘Lucky dog.’

I’m trying to imagine which of the boarders would be mad enough to try to smuggle in some salami. It never crossed my mind to try to get Stu in, even though it was possible – the thought of him clapping eyes on all the trappings of the boarding house was way too squeamy. At least I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

When we reach the library we’re sorted into years and houses. Iris and Kate are the last to come in. Indra Prahna, blue house captain, steps in as Old Joy’s proxy.

‘It’s been reported that there is a male on the grounds. Ms Reichl’s checking the rooms. Anyone got anything they want to confess?’

‘I wish!’ Someone groans and we laugh.

Iris and Kate look strange. Their body language is out of whack. They’re standing next to each other, but Kate’s body is aimed at the door, while Iris has the same look on her face that our dog Bananafish used to get when we’d caught him with the empty Nuttelex container. Kate catches my eye. She holds her palm out and pokes her finger in it, in Iris’s direction. Whatever that means. I shrug, but then Iris turns to say something and Kate turns her hands to fists.

Old Joy takes a while. We’re all wondering if she’s caught the ‘male’.

‘What happens next?’ I ask Jinx. ‘Does she bring him in here so we can all have a turn?’

Jinx looks at me in shock. ‘Clem!’

‘I’m joking.’

She grins.

We sit, we wait. Indra patrols, in her element. Kate and Iris continue their weird non-stand-off. I wonder if they’ve had a fight. I feel something tugging at my pants leg and look down to see a hand slide me a slip of paper. The passer of the note – a Year 8 who looks like she’d rather be anything but – gives me a covert smile to go with it.

I open the note surreptitiously.

Something BIG. Come to my room tomorrow, early as poss. Kate.

What’s big? Does this mean the BIB was Oliver? That would explain Iris’s grim face. But if it had been Oliver, surely Kate would have been smiling, or at least looking flushed and tousled. I stare at Kate and she gives me meaningful undecipherable looks.

We stay rounded up for about ten minutes. When Old Joy comes back there’s this communal effort not to laugh – I can feel it practically holding the room together. She has her sleep mask holding her hair up, and two bits of tape at her temples – I think it might be some kind of old-fashioned wrinkle corrective. Her boobs, usually formidable, are unrestrained, pointing due south.

She says, ‘You can go back to your rooms.’

Someone squeaks, ‘Any joy, Joy?’ And we spill into laughter. Old Joy closes her eyes, mustering strength, and then flat out hollers. ‘GO!’

Something BIG! What is it? One am comes and goes. I push the curtain aside and stare into the black night. There’s a moon out, but it’s nowhere near full – it looks like something someone started drawing and forgot to fill in. I imagine boys bumped from boarders’ beds, roaming around the grounds, horny and unsupervised. I wonder if any of us will sleep tonight.