As the twelve-week programme drew to a close, the Fellowship felt the need to gather once more and compare notes on the entire experience.
Personally, I lost 9 kg of fat (that’s 18 bricks of butter) and regained the muscle mass, fitness and vitality of a fit 40 year old.
There are two photos that I think make the point better than words can describe …
Collectively the Fellowship had shed an incredible 46 kg of fat or the equivalent of 92 bricks of butter.
‘You could build a small cottage with that,’ quipped Paul.
‘Feels good, doesn’t it?’ I said.
‘Speak for yourself,’ snapped Mick. ‘I have spent the last twelve weeks feeling stiff, sore and exhausted, all thanks to you lot and your obsession with not dying young.’
‘So that’s it?’ asked John sounding lugubrious. ‘Quitting the club?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ snorted Mick, ‘I haven’t had this much fun in years.’
‘Idiot,’ said a grinning Jerry.
‘Yes, but apparently all this exercise and losing weight and dieting has practically stopped me from snoring, which is a real problem for me, so thanks very much for that as well,’ finished Mick and looking at us with a defiant glint in the eye. There followed a sort of confused silence as each fellow tried to work out the problem.
Finally, Paul braved the ridicule and asked, ‘What’s the problem?’
‘Sarah has told me in no uncertain terms that if I start snoring again she will kill me in my sleep, so now I have to carry on with gym and step up to the next programme whether I like it or not,’ moaned Mick.
‘Tch … women!’ summed up Jerry in his uniquely abbreviated style, rolling his eyes and patting Mick on the back.
‘Tough,’ I added. ‘And you Jerry, how would you sum up your twelve weeks of training?’
‘Brilliant,’ he said holding up a thumb. ‘Just brilliant, thanks Tim.’
‘Yes, thanks, mate,’ nodded John and Paul.
‘It’s my pleasure,’ I said.
‘If you lot start singing Kum Bi Yah I swear I’m going to puke,’ grumbled Mick, punching me on the shoulder. ‘All this smaltz is making me hungry. How does scrambled egg whites on low-GI toast all round sound? My treat.’
‘Let’s wait for Cliff to join us,’ I suggested. ‘He deserves to suffer your hospitality with the rest of us.’
‘Oh funny … very funny,’ said Mick.
‘You know, I can’t believe it’s only been twelve weeks,’ remarked John. ‘I can’t believe that twelve weeks of weights, pool work, cardio and diet can make this kind of difference.’
‘Me, too,’ said Paul with a shake of the head. ‘Never mind the physical, my concentration is so much better and silly things that I never thought of, like my balance.’
‘Mine, too,’ agreed John. ‘I have regained 85% of the flexibility I had before becoming a crash test dummy, and last Saturday I ran a 16-km fun run. It’s mind boggling. Twelve weeks ago I was in pain most of the time and could hardly get out of bed in the mornings. I’ve got my life back.’
‘Thanks to the democratic voting of the Fellowship, I have the photos to prove what twelve weeks of madness have done for me,’ I said, placing the first and last pictures on the table. ‘Now the trick is to maintain and progress.’
‘I’m stepping up a programme,’ revealed a suddenly serious Mick. ‘In fact, I’ve worked it out, if I do each programme you have set up for us and then add Cliff’s at the end, I could quietly carry on training and step up every six months or so over two years.’
‘Me, too,’ said Jerry, ‘no doubt I’m in for the long haul.’
‘I’m going to concentrate more on cardio,’ offered John. ‘I mean I’ll keep doing weights for strength and flexibility, but I’ll drop down to Mick’s two-day programme for maintenance and save my energy for running.’
‘That’s what it’s all about,’ I said, ‘finding the fun.’
‘The most enjoyable part of gym is the camaraderie and feeling of achievement. I don’t want to lose that,’ said Paul, ‘but I’m happy where I am. I swim for cardio and I love that, so I’ll fiddle with my weights and exercises, but if I change up too much, I’ll end up in hospital.’ He gave the Flatulence a rueful smile, ‘And then my wife will kill me.’
‘Tch, women!’ threw in Mick, exchanging a low five with Jerry.
***
Cliff arrived and over scrambled eggs and toast, the Fellowship took a vote to keep the club going and to recruit new members. That’s you if you are reading this. So welcome to the club and we wish you fitness, strength and a lot less flatulence as you start your own journey to a healthier life. Cliff agreed to act as the technical adviser for the club and will answer exercise- and diet-related questions on his website (www.cliffmeyersontraining.co.za).
I leave you with a gift from my wife Cathy who cooked, created, collected and produced an unbelievable array of low-GI meals. I could never have done them without her, and each has my stamp of approval. Enjoy.
HOW TO LOOSE 20 PACKETS OF BUTTER
