CROWDEDNESS
A young couple.
WOMAN (W): What boxer shorts are you wearing?
MAN (M): What boxer shorts?
W: Let’s see!
M: What?
W: They strip the young people at the checkpoint.
M: Bloody hell, we’re going to be late.
W: Are you going to answer?
M: Answer what?
W: What boxer shorts are you wearing?
M: I don’t know. What do you mean?
W: I’m talking about the boxer shorts I bought for you.
M: I took them from the clean linen this morning.
W: Are they white?
M: Why are you so bothered about the color of my boxer shorts now?
W: They’re going to strip you.
M: Was that guy in front of us?
W: Which one?
M: He was behind us. I’m going to say something to him.
W: Let it be, he’s old.
M: Why? They’re all going to take our place.
W: Let it be.
M: Do you see over there?
W: What?
W: What about her?
M: She’s been trying to take our place for an hour now.
W: I think she was before us.
M: No, she arrived after us.
W: Are you sure?
M: I am sure she arrived after us.
W: I mean, are you sure you didn’t put one of those boxer shorts?
M: Which ones?
W: The ones I bought for you.
M: When did you buy me boxer shorts?
W: When I came back from Syria.
M: Syria?
W: You don’t even remember.
M: You bought me shirts.
W: And boxer shorts too.
M: What do you mean?
W: The colored boxer shorts.
M: Ah, those ones. No, I’m not wearing them.
W: They’re going to strip you.
M: No they won’t. It’s impossible. Don’t worry.
W: Why are you so sure of yourself?
M: Because I’m not wearing those ones.
Look at the old lady. She’s trying to jump the queue.
W: You mean you’ve never worn them?
M: You know fine well they were too small for me and that you gave them to your brother.
W: The boxer shorts?
M: No, the shirts.
W: You never wore the boxer shorts.
M: Why would I wear them? They were a joke.
W: Do you know what I went through to get them for you?
M: Don’t let her pass.
W: Who?
M: The old woman. Can’t you hear the fuss she’s making about the time?
W: So?
M: She wants us to think she’s in a hurry so we’ll let her go in front.
W: You do know they’re one hundred percent cotton?
M: They’re pink with embroidery on them. Wait a minute, that little girl wasn’t with the old woman.
W: I wasn’t watching.
M: Typical! She let the girl pass, and now she’s going to catch up with her again.
W: You told me you liked them.
M: Liked who?
W: The shorts.
M: You know something? I’m not going to let her pass this time. No way!
W: Have you ever given me anything in your life?
M: Didn’t she arrive while I was on the phone?
W: Who are you talking about?
M: The old woman. I’m sure she was behind us.
W: I don’t remember.
M: Pay attention, we can’t be late.
W: They’re going to strip you.
M: I don’t care. I’m more interested in making sure the old woman doesn’t get in front of me. I know her game.
W: Why have you changed so much?
M: I don’t like the fact that every time an old woman takes me for an idiot.
W: I’m not talking about the old woman.
M: Next she’ll be coming over to tell us she’s ill.
Look how ill she is the poor old dear.
W: Why are you not listening to me?
M: I am listening.
W: Before, when I gave you something, you wore it for a month.
M: Do you hear what she’s saying?
W: I can’t hear anything.
M: The old woman. Do you hear what she’s just said?
W: No, I can’t hear anything I told you.
M: She’s saying that she’s been on her feet for an hour.
W: Why is that winding you up? Do you remember, do you remember when I brought you . . .
M: An hour! We’ve not been here for an hour. She’s not been here for an hour.
W: Is it because you lost yesterday?
M: What do you mean?
W: Playing cards . . . I know you . . . When you lose . . .
M: I didn’t lose yesterday.
W: Then why are you in that state?
M: I’ve an important meeting for work and I can’t be late.
W: No need to throw a fit every day.
M: Don’t start.
W: Instead of spending time with me you spend time with your friends every evening.
M: Did you see that? Did you see her gesturing to the little girl?
W: We’ve not even been married a year. How will we be after ten years?
M: She knows she’s going through the checkpoint, so why is she carrying ten bags?
W: You’re rambling on rather than going to help her?
M: Do you know what? I’m sure they’re empty . . .
W: The bags?
M: It’s all part of her strategy. She wants us to feel sorry for her so we let her go in front.
W: Give her a break.
M: How am I supposed to forget her when her full attention is on me?
W: She’s not asked you anything.
M: Look at her eyes. It’s obvious she wants to take our place.
W: How will it be when we have children?
M: Did the doctor say something?
W: Are you going to bring them up like this?
M: I don’t want any children just now.
W: When do you want them?
M: I don’t know.
W: So it’s your decision alone?
M: Wait a minute. You are still on the pill, aren’t you?
W: What does that change?
M: What do you mean?
W: You know fine well what I mean.
M: Come closer.
W: Why?
M: Don’t go too far. We can’t miss our turn. I’m just very busy at the moment.
W: Calm down my love.
M: Did you hear that?
W: No.
M: Can you hear what she’s saying?
W: No, what does she say?
M: What she wants us to hear.
W: There’s too much noise.
M: She says, “Don’t bury him before I’ve seen him.”
W: The poor old dear!
M: Do you believe her?
W: Perhaps it’s about her son.
M: It’s a tactic these old women use. Did you hear the ringtone?
W: What ringtone?
M: From her mobile.
W: No, not at all.
M: Anyway, old women don’t know how to use mobiles.
W: How’s that? Look at your mother.
M: She’s the worst old dear I’ve come across.
Don’t let her pass, even if she begs on bended knees.
W: She’s not asked you for anything.
M: She’s doing everything she can . . . And by the way, what have you got against my mother?
W: Me?
M: It’s your mother, your mother, all the time.
W: Can’t you see how she interferes in our life?
M: She’s an old woman. Leave her alone.
W: You’re fed up with her too.
M: Do you want her to die tomorrow because of you?
W: I don’t believe that.
M: Her eldest is in prison. Is that not enough?
W: You know how I put up with her.
M: Okay, so she says things about your cooking.
What’s the harm?
W: She says things about my cooking?
M: It’s just an example.
W: Your mother thinks I’m a bad cook?
M: That’s not what I mean.
W: What did she say then?
M: You really are too sensitive.
W: So why doesn’t she tell me to my face that she doesn’t like what I cook?
M: What will you do when she’s coming to live with us?
W: What?
M: She’ll grow older. Do you want to leave her to herself?
W: Are you being serious?
M: She had a frank chat to me about it yesterday.
W: But we visit her every day. You can’t make a decision like that all by yourself.
M: What do you mean?
W: I’m your wife.
M: You don’t want Mum to come and live with us?
W: No.
M: Sorry?
W: I’m fed up with all the concessions I make in my life.
M: Concessions?
W: Yes, concessions . . .
M: The little girl has gone on ahead without the old woman. Is it our turn now?
W: Yes.
M: Wait a minute. They’re still searching the young men.
W: Yes they are.
W: Wait for what?
M: Let her go in front.
W: Who?
M: The old woman.
W: Why do you want her to pass in front of us?
M: That way, when it comes to our turn they’ll have stopped the searches.
W: What are you so frightened of?
M: That the soldiers strip me.
W: You really are frightened.
M: Yes I am.
W: Get out the way.
M: What are you doing?
W: I’m not telling you.
(The woman takes off all her clothes and goes through the roadblock naked.)