FINAL WORDS

Keeping the Adventure Alive

Here we sit, high together, straddling our celestial ball, hurtling through infinity, flying dauntlessly away from nothing, through nothing, and into nothing, and yet here we sit, taking it all so very seriously. We speak of ourselves as a galaxy, insignificant and very slight, two random electrons with perfect trajectory, floating blissfully, weightless, through the vacuum of our minds, sharing love together, eternally . . .

Getting high together is a great escape into mutual fun zones, and at the same time a long-term path into the infinite depths and heights of human love. One of the wonders of cannabis is that when it is approached properly, the experience never gets old – we can light up regularly with our beloved for a whole lifetime, and each time we will flow into a unique experience together. It’s all about nurturing present-moment awareness and discovering new expressions of passion, fun, insight, and bonding.

I’d like to end this book with an exploration that I first thought I’d put in the beginning – a discussion of specific mind-set choices and themes that help couples keep newness alive. We’ve seen that focus is everything; where you aim your mind’s attention each moment determines what happens. And when you both focus in the same direction, sharing naturally occurs.

Human cultures throughout history have agreed that there are core human values, principles, and virtues that express our best potential – and all we need to do in order to sustain a healthy evolving society is to focus our attention regularly toward these vital human virtues. This very act of holding our shared values and intentions in our minds will then naturally guide our lives and relationships in uplifting and sustainable directions.

From my studies in anthropology and history and my own meditations and explorations, I’ve found that there are about a dozen universal virtues and intentions that all humans seem to be born with. Perhaps they are encoded in our very genes; they certainly play a large role in our cultural heritage.

Given half a chance, these positive human qualities sustain families, communities, nations, and cultures, and they are always alive and available in our hearts, minds, and souls.

Research has shown that the muse of marijuana actively helps to elicit these virtues each time we light up together: “Using brain imaging technology (f MRI), researchers were able to watch the effects of THC on the parts of the participants’ brains that process emotion – identifying a network-wide shift from a bias for negative emotional content towards a bias for positive emotional content.”¹

“Positive emotional content” is a catchall psychological term referring to universal human feelings such as joy, hope, trust, compassion, cooperation, gentleness, patience, enthusiasm, confidence, humor, faith, thankfulness, courage, and love. Traditionally these are referred to as the human virtues. Each unique loving couple in the human race represents a primal dyad relationship that’s founded, nurtured, and empowered by these core human virtues. They’re what hold us together in community – and at least from my understanding, the more we hold them in mind when we are high together, the more we will expand their positive power in our lives.

The human virtues represent our core human goodness. Nothing in this book would make sense if we removed the basic assumption that goodness is the primary human virtue. What is love, after all, but the goodness of the human heart? Whether you’re listening to Jesus or the Beatles, “Love is all you need.”

Love is the earthly foundation of the creative harmony of the universe. When love prevails, there’s an uplift in spirit; there’s harmony rather than discord; there’s hope rather than despair.

All of the world’s religions are founded on the premise that love is all there is.² Confucius and Krishna, Buddha and Jesus, Muhammad and Shankara, Aristotle and Plato, Saint Augustine and Thomas Aquinas, Baruch Spinoza and Carl Jung, Eric Fromm and, well, the Beatles . . . all put human love atop the highest pinnacle of what’s most important in life. And if using marijuana aims us in loving directions, more power to it!

When interviewed, John Lennon put it this way: “Marijuana was the main thing that promoted non-violence amongst the youth. It’s a community thing, and nothing on earth is going to stop it. The only thing to do is to find out how to use it for good.”

When I was a kid, one particular quote about the priority of goodness and love from the Bible struck me to the quick, and even though I now consider myself a post-Christian (see my book Jesus for the Rest of Us), I still find this quote powerful:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; it does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, it thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. . . . And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1)

TRUE LOVE AND HIGH VIRTUES

As I see it, when you get high with a lover or friend, be it platonic love or wild eros, you’re both opening your heart to let love flow in. That’s the great opportunity, the great choice, the great leap into something that transcends your ego and expands your experience of what life is all about. This whole book has been based on this same faith: that the muse of marijuana is grounded in love.

In his book The Perennial Philosophy, Aldous Huxley showed that human beings everywhere have expressed the same core virtues, all of them based on love and its various aspects and dimensions. In similar spirit, I’d like to share with you the fourteen primary virtues that seem to permeate our human striving toward goodness and love in the world. There are other lists, of course, and many variations on the virtue theme; this is simply my understanding and my list, and you should feel free to amend it as you wish.

On the High Together app (which you can find on the Mindfully High website), you’ll find various methods that allow you to quickly tune in to one or more of these virtues so that you can effortlessly hold them in mind as you get high. If you’re not sure where to start, on the app you can spin the Virtue Roulette Wheel and let the power of synchronicity deliver your “virtue of the day.”

In contrast to values and principles, virtues aren’t just intellectual ideas or concepts for you to examine in your mind; they’re actual energetically charged feelings that you experience as whole-body happenings.

As a prime example, you feel love. Love isn’t a thing but an interior phenomenon felt in your heart and throughout your body. In fact, I would venture to say that it’s through your interior sixth sense (the feeling of your own bodily presence, position, movement, pleasure, and emotion) that you experience all the primary virtues.

The name of each virtue (I’ll offer two options for each one) will serve as an elicitor that aim your attention instantly inward to make contact with this particular good feeling in your body. In the overview of the fourteen virtues below, the description of each one concludes with a focus phrase that you can use to aim your mind’s attention. Whenever you want to strengthen a virtue’s presence within you, just hold this focus phrase in your mind as you go about your day or perhaps during a high session with your partner. Virtues naturally expand and gain prominence in your life when you you focus your attention in their direction – that’s the key!

You might want to read through the list of virtues with your partner and share how you think and feel about each one, and how it impacts your relationship. Be sure to give the Virtue Roulette Wheel on the app a try when you are high. Many people feel that being high increases your sense of meaningful coincidence, so you can spin the wheel and allow the wisdom of synchronicity to guide you to your virtue for the day.³

On the following pages are the key “high virtues” that are also offered as audio on the High Together app.

 

The Fourteen Mindfully High Virtues

“I feel compassion in my heart. . . . ”

“I feel trustworthy. . . . ”

“I feel inclusive and cooperative. . . . ”

“I forgive myself and all others. . . . ”

“I live modestly in simplicity. . . . ”

“I feel patient and flexible. . . . ”

“I feel responsible for all my actions. . . . ”

“I feel sincere in my heart. . . . ”

“I feel tolerant and accepting. . . . ”

“I am faithful and humble. . . . ”

“I feel courageous and enthusiastic. . . . ”

“I feel thankful in my heart. . . . ”

“I strive to live every moment with integrity. . . . ”

“I feel balanced and fulfilled. . . . ”

 

Expressing Compassion . . . Connecting

Love is a whole-body feeling, and it’s a two-step dance. With the first step, you choose to simply open your heart and let love flow in as you feel compassion for your own self. Then you let this infinite loving energy radiate outward to connect with all others. When you are high, you can direct your full attention first to your breathing and your heart as you connect more and more deeply with the infinite power and presence of love; then you can share this feeling by connecting heart-to-heart with your partner. You can’t store compassion; it’s energetic and can’t be contained. You simply keep your heart open to receive compassion and then let it flow equally outward from your heart to connect energetically with the hearts of those around you.

Pause . . . close your eyes and tune in to your breaths coming and going . . . and then simply say the focus phrase below as a statement of inner intent . . . and let the elicitor words guide your attention directly toward actually experiencing the presence of the virtue alive within you, always awaiting your call.

“I feel compassion in my heart. . . .”

Feeling Trustworthy . . . Honest

Akin to love, trust and honesty begin as feelings that you nurture in your own heart and mind, and then you allow these feelings to radiate outward. Most of us aren’t completely trustworthy or honest all the time, but we certainly can aspire in that ultimate direction. As kids, we often had to choose between lying or punishment. As adults, we can realize that being dishonest is a terrible and disempowering feeling, whereas being honest and trusted is a wonderful and empowering stance. It’s a great liberation to choose to be trustworthy – and the more you focus on that intent, the more trustworthy you become, enjoying a deep sense of wholeness and goodness. Focusing on the feeling of mutual trust when we are high with a partner generates an almost tangible bond that, in turn, leads to feelings of security and well-being.

Pause for a moment now . . . breathe into the feelings in your heart . . . and reflect a bit on how it feels to be trustworthy with those around you, to speak truth from the heart . . . tune in to the ease with which you can live when you make honesty a primary virtue . . . and now look at this focus phrase, read the words as an idea, and say the words from your heart:

“I feel trustworthy. . . .”

Being Cooperative . . . Inclusive

Being exclusive and uncooperative – these are qualities and choices that don’t feel good. They remind us of people who have a closed heart, who are disharmonious in their relationships, who express the habitual intent to shut others out. Being exclusive means being powered by fear, not love. In stark contrast, the virtue of cooperation represents the choice to open your heart, to create plenty of loving room for all feelings and all people. Just choosing to get along, to participate in rather than manipulate your relationship, is a major virtuous act. And when you feel inclusive, you discover that you have plenty of loving space to welcome others into your heart.

Reflect on the idea that it is always, with each new moment, your choice to open your heart to receive and give love and cooperation. A closed heart can hold no love, but an open heart can be filled instantly with infinite love. Press your palms together in front of you . . . and now open them, turn your palms upward, and move them outward to each side in a receiving gesture . . . and let the good feeling of including others in your heart flow in . . . and express that intent with these words:

“I feel inclusive and cooperative. . . .”

Relating Gently . . . Forgiving

As with all the virtues, first you must relate gently with your own self. Forgive yourself for all the negative things you judge yourself for having done. Deciding to be kind and gentle rather than hard and blaming is a clear choice that you can make in each moment of your life, toward both yourself and your partner. When you become conscious of openly welcoming and activating this virtue, and at the same time you stay tuned in to your breathing and your heart’s feelings, you will actively build this virtue as a core quality of who you are.

Blame as opposed to forgiveness is always a defensive posture. It benefits no one and damages intimacy. you’ll find that when you’re high with your partner, it’s relatively easy to forgive and let go of relationship tensions and chronic blame of each other for past transgressions. And after a high session, you might want to continue exploring your blame reflex so that you can truly let it go and come to rest in the gentle open arms of forgiveness. . . .

“I forgive myself and all others. . . .”

Living Modestly . . . Simplicity

This virtue seems to have been mostly lost in America; we are programmed to be flashy and to stuff our lives with as much wealth and complexity as we can. However, our recent cultural focus on being more mindful expresses the inherent wisdom that the virtue of modesty and simplicity is important, and it’s a clear path to a more satisfying life. When we stop trying to impress the world with how great we are and choose to relax and enjoy a more modest and simple flow of daily life, we discover a primary key to fulfillment. When we are high together, we express this virtue in choosing to just simply “be” together, rather than constantly pushing to “do” something in search of satisfaction. Doing anything at all generates complexity and striving. Just simply being together, without having to do anything at all in order to feel content – this is the magic and essence of simplicity!

Imagine for a few moments that you actually feel good and complete and satisfied right now inside your own skin, without needing to do or have anything at all . . . breathe into this feeling of simplicity and contentment . . . and now say the following words several times to yourself, and feel how the words resonate within you:

“I live modestly in simplicity. . . .”

Being Adaptable . . . Patient

In our thoughts as well as our actions, we can all too easily become rigid and unbending, impatient and refusing to give way or to change. But fighting against change, or being impatient when things don’t go your way, is a sure formula for dissatisfaction and failure. You’ll find that when you get high with your partner, you’ll have the opportunity to stop resisting and insisting on your own way when you have disagreement. Instead, you always have the freedom to peacefully give ground and seek to find win-win compromise. This in turn leads to harmony between you and peace in your heart.

Whenever you can, patiently observe your impatience when it rises up inside you . . . and purposefully act to put the impatience aside. Breathe into letting this present moment unfold gracefully on its own rather than trying to hurry things up. Be willing to do something new and different rather than insisting on having everything your own way. Being adaptable is surely a virtue, and patience, as they say, is golden!

“I feel patient and flexible. . . .”

Acting Responsibly . . . Diligence

Being responsible is often left off the list of human virtues, but it’s vital for nurturing the full sense of living a good life. Maintaining due diligence means actively caring for the unfolding of each new moment. It implies staying aware and alert to what’s happening and responding in ways that augment rather than disturb the situation. Diligence is similar to being honest and trustworthy; it means that you feel an inherent responsibility to oversee a situation and to act in ways that nurture harmony, well-being, and success for everyone involved. Certainly staying fully responsible is a key virtue when you get high; you may be unexpectedly called on to exert extra diligence as you merge being high with being responsible at the same time.

When you pay close attention to what’s happening around and within you, without judging or manipulating, you spontaneously know in your heart when and how to act responsibly. Rather than doing what you think you should or want to, always strive to do what you feel is right and correct.

“I feel responsible for all my actions. . . .”

Remaining Innocent . . . Sincere

Feeling innocent implies that you are not secretly plotting to manipulate a situation to your own advantage. When you’re feeling sincere, you’re expressing a clarity of intention and an openness to engage in fair interaction. You’re not “up to something” – instead, you’re surrendering sincerely to the needs of the moment. Cannabis often reinforces this virtue of innocence and sincerity, allowing you to let go of being devious and instead act directly from the goodness of your heart. Then your partner can respond to your sincerity with the same spontaneous spirit of trust and shared engagement. Remember the feeling you had as a child, when you woke up in the morning and smiled? It’s time to feel like that again!

Children can be innocent and sincere because they haven’t learned how to be devious and manipulative. You do still have that innocent reflex inside you, and you can tap into it – especially when you are high. Just use the following focus phrase to best advantage. Say it often, hold it in your mind and heart, and express it as a core feeling toward your loved one.

“I feel sincere in my heart. . . .”

Spreading Tolerance . . . Accepting

The thinking mind is great at judging and rejecting; this is the ego’s main fear-based protective pattern for moving you through life. But when there’s anxiety and critique in the mind, there can be no love in the heart. One of the blessings of the marijuana muse is that when you get high, you’ll probably find that your mind tends to ease up and be more accepting. Research has clarified that cannabis does make most people feel temporarily more accepting and tolerant. And true spiritual leaders have always encouraged us to “judge not” and to “love one another.” The trick is to stop being afraid and threatened by others, and instead to hold the feeling of tolerance in your heart.

When you are high with your partner, you’ll find that it’s actually much easier to let go of any need to judge their actions or intentions. The same is true when it comes to judging yourself. Let it all go. Choose to embody the virtue of tolerance for yourself and your partner, and you will expand into a feeling of everything being perfectly okay in your life. Acceptance leads to relief!

“I feel tolerant and accepting. . . .”

Staying Faithful . . . Humble

As you can see, most virtues deal with relationships – your relationship with your own self and with others. Virtues are intended to maximize personal, family, and community harmony and sustainability. In this spirit, being faithful isn’t based on vows and obligations, it’s evoked by honoring and cherishing the relationships you’ve chosen to engage in. And being humble means being satisfied with who you naturally are and what has come to you, rather than chasing off after more lofty things and relationships. If you are faithful to your own self and stay immersed in the power and spirit of love rather than insecure ego needs and distractions, living within the virtue of faithfulness is as natural as love itself.

When you’re high, you can consciously choose to expand this feeling of “ being humbly present” for your partner. This generates a wonderful sense of peace, security, and caring. Both faithfulness and humility begin in your own heart and your devotion to your own ongoing spiritual evolution. When you focus your attention on these qualities in yourself, you can watch how your inner sense of devotion naturally radiates outward to embrace your partner.

“I am faithful and humble. . . .”

Becoming Courageous . . . Enthusiastic

The twin qualities of courage and enthusiasm are often left off the virtues list, but I consider them to be core positive feelings that help sustain all of us and our world community. You can notice that when you’re not feeling enthusiastic about your relationship, for instance, there is a negative energetic drag on that relationship. And if you don’t feel courageous in relating, your relationship can die for lack of exploration, risk, and adven ture. Nurturing this inner sense of exploration, fearlessness, and enthusiasm is a choice that you’re making all the time – but only if you remember to do it! So in the face of worry and uncertainty and doubt, shift your focus to feeling pure courage and enthusiasm, and take that essential leap into the new!

I encourage you to regularly call anxiety’s bluff by courageously saying the word enthusiasm to yourself, especially when you are high with your partner, so that you direct your power of attention toward expanding the root human challenge of moving through life with courage in your heart.

“I feel courageous and enthusiastic. . . .”

Expressing Gratitude . . . Thankful

A lot of us got turned off to the word gratitude because we were told as children that we had to be grateful for what we had or else we were bad. But gratitude is a feeling that can’t be forced, no more than any other virtue can be forced into being. Gratitude is a response of the heart spontaneously opening. When we observe that someone has done something kind and generous toward us, or that the world in general has smiled on us, we feel a natural response in our heart that expresses the deep good feeling of thankfulness.

Especially when you are high, you can pause often and reflect on your present-moment situation – you’re alive on an amazing planet, you have a partner to share your life with, you’re living in a free country where you can pursue your heart’s delight. There’s loads to feel spontaneously thankful for if you pause and take notice of all your blessings. When you’re high with your partner, you’ll find that if you bring this gratitude virtue to mind, you’ll open a bright feeling in your heart that will then flow outward. By saying to your partner something like, “I feel lucky just being with you like this,” you awaken the feeling and share it – and it feels good!

“I feel thankful in my heart. . . .”

Remaining Transparent . . . Integrity

In childhood you probably had to hide a lot of your spontaneous feelings and impulses; you had to put on a mask and pretend to have feelings that weren’t genuine. You became inauthentic, like all of us did, which is an unavoidable part of the human socialization process. However, you also have the choice as an adult to decide to stop being phony and instead to feel and act with integrity in all that you do. This is so important in a relationship, and especially when you are high with your partner. If you’re authentic, everything seems to flow easily in a relationship because you’re not trying to hide any part of you.

Rather than concealing and hiding how you really feel about something, you can choose to risk being seen and dare to be transparent. Especially when you are high with your partner, activating this virtue of integrity and authenticity will generate a remarkable deepening, softening, and sharing quality between the two of you. And all you need to do to be authentic is to regularly tune in to your breathing, admit to all your feelings, and live from your vulnerable heart, not your ego identity.

“I strive to live every moment with integrity. . . .”

Staying Balanced . . . Fulfilled

We live in a binary universe of dark and light, high and low, in and out, off and on, hot and cold, and so on. When we get out of balance in any dimension, things tend to misfire. When we swing to one extreme, often we must swing to the other extreme to find balance. Our bodies know how to stay in balance with our blood pressure, saline content, biochemical ratios, oxygen–carbon dioxide balance, and so forth. We also have our physical sense of balance (the sixth sense). And as we’ve seen, when we are high, finding a happy balance between talking and listening, thinking and being quiet, moving and being still is important. When you’re high, there’s a tendency to indulge and overdo things, but it’s vital to return regularly to a sense of inner balance. When you’re feeling in balance at all levels, you can relax and feel a deep sense of calm fulfillment.

It’s a blessing to those around you when you choose to stay aware of your own inner balance and gently return to a state of equilibrium, equanimity, and homeostasis. Balancing spontaneity and moderation empowers a relationship to grow and explore while also staying calm and centered. Mutual fulfillment emerges step-by-step by nurturing this shared virtue of balance, equanimity, and well-being.

“I feel balanced and fulfilled. . . .”

Similar to the de-beliefing process we discussed in chapter 9, these Mindfully High virtues help reprogram your subconscious mind with the positive themes and intentions that you hold to be most important to your life. The more you make the effort to return to this list and to hold one or more of these virtues in your mind all through a day, the deeper this transformative process will become.

As you go about your daily routines, you’ll find that a negative one-liner will suddenly be present in your conscious mind, seeping up through a crack between your conscious and subconscious realms of awareness. Every time a negative one-liner pops up, try to write it down. Then come up with its exact opposite, and write that down. Take this pair of opposite one-liners with you into your next shared high experience, and go through the de-beliefing process openly with your partner.

You can, of course, come up with additional things to do during any stage of a new shared-high experience. Feel free to visit the Mindfully High website in order to use the High Together app, where we’ll be regularly posting new suggestions and guided programs, and to tap into our Cannabis for Couples community to share your experiences and insights. It’s been my pleasure sharing the programs in this book with you!