FIVE

Tapping into the Magic

Following bouts of labor and self-control, there comes time to relax and light up and enjoy pure comfort and leisure – which will initiate a feeling of satisfaction and inner peace.

If you want to shift your perspective or change your current mood, feel free to employ the muse to open your heart and mind to greater understanding.

When the opportunity arises to give birth to new experience, take time to create a warm secure environment and then give you and your partner unconditional love and support.

If you’ve used cannabis before, you’ll probably find that the waiting period, after ingestion but before the effects manifest, is quite easy. You don’t know what’s going to happen, because that’s the nature of the marijuana muse, but you have a general sense of what’s coming, and you can relax while waiting for the first high moment to arrive.

If this is your first time, naturally you’re going to feel a mixture of excitement and apprehension; that’s perfectly normal. Your playful spirit is going to be eager to go on this adventure, while your ego is going to be concerned and perhaps a bit anxious about approaching the fatal moment of no return, when the muse takes over and you gracefully relinquish habitual control.

Perhaps the best move you can make while waiting for the cannabis transformation is to continue staying aware of your breaths flowing in and flowing out, while at the same time staying tuned in to the physical presence of your partner, so that you’re fully “here and now” when the effects begin.

If you smoke or vape, the waiting time will be just a couple of minutes, perhaps up to four minutes. If you drop a tincture dose under your tongue, the wait can be five to ten minutes and sometimes fifteen. If you eat your dose, the wait can range from half an hour to over an hour. This makes partner coordination more difficult but not a total hindrance – you can hang out together for the interim or agree to come back together in half an hour or so.

A key principle to hold in mind just before the first rush of THC hits is that there are two base mind-sets – thinking or being – and you are always in one of them.

You’re either engaged or at ease. You’re either focused on a point or experiencing the whole at once. You’re either lost in thought or enjoying your sensory surroundings.

I usually recommend that you shift into the “being” mind-set just before you begin to feel the effects of your herbal intake. In our society these days, we’re mostly locked into constant action gear, very seldom pausing to catch our breath and quiet our buzzing mind, open our heart, and rejuvenate our energetic system. But to consciously flow into a cannabis high, it seems best to choose to make the shift into “being” mode as you negotiate what’s sometimes called the “pot portal.” This way, you’re not going to be caught off guard, focused on a past-future thought, imagination, or memory, right when the marijuana muse taps you on the shoulder.

THAT FIRST WILD RUSH

As its active constituents (namely, THC and CBD) flow inward and upward and find neural receptors to lock into, the impact of cannabis on consciousness is usually quite sudden. If you’re busy chatting with your partner, you won’t be watching for this initial shift in your awareness. On the other hand, if you’re maintaining your awareness on your breathing and your whole-body presence after you partake of the herb, you can consciously welcome the marijuana muse into your evolving experience.

You might want to play a game with this. See which one of you notices the effects of the herb touching you first. Just raise a finger when you feel that sudden shift. This joint attention to the process is always fun and brings you immediately together and focused in the same bodily direction. You’ll also experience together how the muse tends to spontaneously snap your attention away from habitual thoughts and actions and toward the “doing nothing” state of experiencing the evernew awakening into high consciousness.

I use the term “awakening” in this context because so often becoming high feels just like that; suddenly everything changes, the lights come on inside, and you wake up to a genuinely transformed state of consciousness that impacts the following four dimensions of awareness.

Unless you purposefully choose to manage and direct the first few minutes as you get high, often your usual mental and social habits will continue to dominate and limit what happens. This is, of course, perfectly okay – but you can also talk about this tendency beforehand, and perhaps reach a shared decision to be quiet and at ease as the effects hit you, so that you’re fully receptive to whatever new experience spontaneously appears. Sitting quietly together doing nothing when the muse first touches your consciousness can transform this beginning moment so that each time you get high together, something quite new is free to emerge.

In this light, it seems that the best intent in the very first moments of a shared cannabis high is to choose to put a temporary stop to absolutely everything, including your thoughts, past memories, and future imaginations.

Instead, choose to focus on your breaths effortlessly coming and going, the physical sense of your body balanced in gravity’s embrace, and the distinct flush of transformation as a bright awakening experience spontaneously happens.

BREATHING INTO THE RUSH

As the marijuana constituents gently enter and impact every cell in your body, you’ll naturally flow into one of the seven dimensions of the cannabis experience that we talked about earlier.1 Quite often you’ll move through these different states in the order in which I presented them, but it doesn’t matter at all if you pop out of this order. A client of mine named Jocelyne told me her story in this regard:

Dave and I were expecting to maybe go through the talking phase and then shift into the fun of just enjoying sensory pleasures, but like a wave of bursting passion, we found ourselves in five minutes focused way down lower. It was like being teenagers again. Nothing was going to stop us from just totally indulging in the rush of surrendering to wanting each other – right away, not sometime down the road. Half an hour later we were lying on the rug and some pillows, totally spent and laughing at ourselves for being so crazy – and then, sure, we started talking and went into a deep place with each other, sharing some memories we’d kept buried about our earlier lives and lovers, and being open maybe for the first time about a lot of long-buried feelings. But that first wild rush of suddenly shifting into sex mode and throwing all plans and inhibitions to the wind – that was such an experience, and it all started because we agreed right in the beginning to stay quiet and tune in to our breathing, and that took our attention right into our genitals . . . and they were just too hot to ignore.

It’s demonstrably true that when you get high, your breathing will usually lead you to where you most need and want to go. When you tune in to your breathing, you tune in to your whole body – and when you do this, you’re directly in touch with your feelings.2

Physiologically, you can’t really separate how you’re breathing from how you’re feeling because each emotion carries its own breathing pattern.

When you’re feeling anxious and uptight, your breaths will be tight and shallow. When you’re feeling passionate about something, your breathing will expand. When you relax, your breathing relaxes – but if you think for just thirty seconds about something that angers you, your breathing will shift into anger mode. Change your mental focus to imagine being on vacation on the beach, and your breathing will go right along with the imagination.

When you’re together with a close friend or lover, you’ll naturally observe how that person is breathing – and this in turn gives you a direct indicator of their inner feelings. Jocelyn described it this way: “Dave was just sitting in his easy chair after we toked up, and I was in mine, relaxing and enjoying my inner shift into that expansive feeling that grass always brings me. Then I heard Dave’s breathing change slightly – and I immediately knew that sound and it just turned me on, just like that. He laughed, and I knew what was going on with him over there, and without thinking I let my own body do what it wanted to – I got up and went over to him, and yep, I was right!”

Regardless of how in particular you respond, the initial impact of the herb generates an alteration in your breathing experience and throughout your whole being. As those of you who already use pot know, at first your blood pressure will go up, your heartbeat will accelerate, and you’ll find yourself feeling quite different throughout your body. Research shows that THC doesn’t go just to your brain; it’s taken in your blood to literally every cell in your body, and each cell will open its THC receptor portals and welcome the chemical into its interior realms.3 Biologically, every cell in your body gets high, not just your brain!

This whole-body feeling of relaxation and pleasure is biochemically very similar to the flush of bliss that you experience when you have an orgasm. When you combine the two (as we’ll see later) the inner experience is quite remarkable.

Observing the changes to your breathing as you get high is indeed powerful. It serves as a barometer for your body’s inner condition, clarifying your current mood and energy.4 If you stay focused on your own breathing and also pay attention to your partner’s breathing and whole-body presence, you can enter effortlessly into a shared moment of expanded consciousness. You can connect not only through your words and actions but also at an immediate heartfelt level of intimacy.

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For a few moments, let’s continue to strengthen your power to stay aware of your whole-body presence, even right when the cannabis experience takes off.

While you continue reading the next pages, see if you can read the words and at the same time stay fully aware of your breathing. Feel the air flowing in, the air flowing out . . . and also feel the movements in your chest and belly as you breathe. You’ll probably discover that you can understand the words you’re reading and also stay tuned in to your inner presence. This is true expansion of consciousness.

As you read on, see if you can keep your awareness bubble in this expanded state of breath . . . words . . . whole-body presence . . . here and now!

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HELLO, MUSE

Because it encourages us to turn inward, when we use marijuana as part of a couples experience, it can activate habitual psychological defense patterns such as avoidance and withdrawal. But if we allow it, the marijuana muse also encourages us to let down our guard and open ourselves up to vulnerability and honesty – and therefore to connection with our partner.

If you’ve mostly used marijuana alone, or if this is your first time trying the herb, cannabis might tend to shift you into a mostly inward journey. This is fine – unless you’re with someone who wants to relate with you. As we’ll see in coming chapters, sometimes even during a duo high it’s quite appropriate to retreat into your own inner realms of individual experience.

But usually, if you’ve agreed to get high together, you’ll want to maintain your intent to be outwardly focused, socially available, and intimately connected.

Our assumption in this book is that you do want to share your high experience. Especially if you begin your experience by expanding your bubble of awareness to include your partner, as we’ve discussed, you can use your partner’s physical and emotional presence as the impetus to “stay here” rather than drift off.

By purposefully focusing on your partner as your inspirational muse, you can keep your attention directed outward quite effortlessly. But you do need to get clear inside your own mind and feelings that you are freely choosing to remain present and responsive – and this means that even before you get high and certainly right after, you will want to tune in to your own heart feelings and look honestly to see how receptive you are to your partner.

We talked earlier about how getting high with a partner is risky. It is! Marijuana can make you seriously transparent. It can also make you bluntly honest. You’re liable to find out how you really feel toward your partner, beyond all social and intimate obligations. If you’d rather not look quite so clearly at your relationship, then yes, you may be more likely to just duck out of the encounter and direct your attention solely inward.

But I’ve found that the honesty initiated by marijuana does not break up relationships. It’s quite the opposite, actually. By helping you temporarily let go of feeling defensive, cannabis can open your hearts and souls to a new level of closeness and mutual appreciation.

I remember a client telling me:

Last week, the second time we got high together, we had been arguing about something – I don’t even remember what; I just remember feeling tight and contracted. But we had our plan of smoking weed together, and I went along with it. Len was feeling about the same. So we puffed and sat there not saying anything, still a bit angry at each other. A few minutes later we were just kind of staring at each other, impatient for the effects to start. And then . . . well, we just stared a long time hotly at each other – and then guess what? We both burst out laughing at the same time. And once we were done laughing, we talked and talked about how we’d been fighting just like our parents had fought, and how stupid it was to still be acting like them.

What’s important is not to avoid whatever might arise between you as you get high. The thinking mind can always come up with a reason to argue with or be judgmental about your partner. When you are high, if you find your thoughts drifting toward negativity and pulling you down, you do have the freedom and power to let go of the upsetting fixation, quiet your mind, and relax into the high.

The trick is to remember to let your awareness of your breathing drop your attention down into your chest and your heart – and who knows, maybe even further down.

You’ll find that the muse of marijuana is ready and eager to carry you along on its magic carpet into uplifting feelings, lighter ideas, enjoyable pastimes, and feelings of connection. And when you include your partner in your personal bubble of awareness, you will naturally flow into shared moments.

Your partner in smoke is, of course, probably having a somewhat parallel experience, and when you choose to look and listen and touch, you’ll bring your separate experiences into congruency. Be sure not to think that you have to “do” anything at all in order to engage. That’s the thing about getting high together; you’re not agreeing to do anything at all except just that – to spend time together while high.

You’re free to let go of all your usual busyness habits, and also to let go of feeling responsible for the outcome. You can put aside all ideas of what you should do or what you want to accomplish. Getting high is off time; it’s free time to share space and love and attention with your partner. It’s not at all goal oriented.

To just be with your lover or a friend, without feeling you need to do anything at all – that’s your only goal. Nothing is required of you except maybe offering your loving attention. You’re finally free to just let go and be the natural you . . . and then see what happens!

For most of us, letting go and just being ourselves runs opposite to all our social training, conditioning, and relationship habits. But cannabis can be such a great therapeutic tool because when you risk all and just be you, you can actually discover that you’re a loving person – you have the capacity to ease up and laugh about life, to drop down and look to the heart of things, to open wide and let your love flow!

You also have the capacity to drop your inhibitions and share your most delicate feelings and intimate space with your loved one – and the marijuana muse will be there to guide your flow of mutual exploration into new realms.

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How are you doing with reading these pages and also still staying aware of your breathing as you think and reflect and imagine? Staying present in your breathing while you go about your life is a learned ability – the more you practice it, the better you get at it. At some point, breathing your way through each new moment will become a habit – one that will transform your life!

You’re probably noticing that you feel better when you stay aware of your breathing. Even when you are packing constricted emotions, when you stay aware of your breathing, those negative feelings tend to ease up and let go. Blocking, avoiding, and denying painful or upset feelings only buries them and makes them fester. But openly accepting them as you continue breathing into them offers your emotional system a release valve – with every new breath, your emotions will move toward achieving a new balance. So as you read the next section, breathe on!

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TRUST

Trust. It’s one of the primary human virtues. Trusting each other is the foundation of a relationship, and trusting yourself is a prerequisite to trusting others. Likewise with marijuana – you must consciously learn to trust the muse if you want to gain its support and guidance.

You may have learned not to trust alcohol because it let you down; it separated you from the natural values, virtues, and principles that you know sustain all human relationships on earth. But it’s a big mistake to associate getting drunk with getting high. The muse of marijuana doesn’t aim to get you intoxicated – unless you are compulsively wanting to get stoned to the point that you phase out.

If you aim to get high and have a great adventure, learning experience, and intimate encounter, that positive intent will naturally point your experiences in trustworthy directions.

If you let go of ego control, what will you do? What will happen? That’s the question that leads you right to the question of whether you actually, deep down, trust yourself. When you first get high, it’s a good idea to simply watch yourself and see what happens. That’s how you develop trust: by putting yourself at risk, making yourself vulnerable and transparent, and seeing what you, in fact, spontaneously do.

In a similar vein, when you get high with a partner, you’re going to find out if this person is trustworthy. I don’t mean this judgmentally; don’t sit there watching with critical eyes. Just see what feelings come to your heart when you open up and experience directly whether the two of you trust each other to be spontaneous.

I can’t overemphasize the importance of learning to trust yourself, trust the muse, trust your partner – and even trust the world. Sure, people will let you down, bad things will happen in the world, and you’ll mess up here and there. Trust isn’t about being perfect. Trust is all about attitude and intent.

What you expect of life is usually what comes back at you – and that certainly applies when you’re high with a partner.

Either we trust human nature and look for the bright side in life, or we are distrustful and constantly fixate on the negative. To see that mind-set as a choice is in itself liberating, and your experiences that unfold with cannabis will be dependent on taking this leap to trust the muse of marijuana.

Consider for a moment how trust impacts your breathing. When you find yourself distrusting something or someone, your breathing becomes anxious and tense, perhaps even angry and aggressive. Because your breathing is tight, your oxygen intake is less than optimal, and you begin to feel not very good at all – and there you are, spiraling down into a bad situation.

It’s the same when you get high. If you don’t trust that the marijuana muse will help set you free to be more spontaneous and natural, then this lack of trust will make you feel anxious, uptight, defensive, and closed to new experience.

If you trust me to speak honestly to you about cannabis, and especially if you trust your own instincts to guide you away from danger and toward positive experience, then you can relax and be open and receptive to good times . . . and they will come to you.

In sum: When you get high with another person, be sure to tune in to your breathing to see if you’re feeling trustful or not. Talk openly with your partner about this, if you want to. Accept your feelings, and also give them room to evolve. As you stay aware of your breathing, you’ll find that you naturally begin to trust your own body. Be thankful that even when you’re not aware of it, your breathing continues to keep you alive – that’s something you can truly trust!

And this is where we effortlessly slip into more spiritual notions about getting high because it’s just one simple leap of faith from trusting your own breathing to trusting the life force itself. You are being sustained! When you get high, you’ll often have flashes of such realizations that seem quite obvious and even banal – but these core truths are, in fact, what underlie our foundational sense of trust.

We can focus on the love-based goodness of human nature and use our attention to increase that goodness, or we can focus on fear-based bad elements of human nature and use our attention to boost that.

In general, studies show that marijuana tends to help people feel more loving and less hostile. It encourages inspiration rather than apprehension. The active constituents in cannabis naturally stimulate hormones that help us feel loving and trusting – and we can further accentuate this positive influence by choosing to embrace trust of our own selves, our friends, our community, and the whole universe. And . . . it’s all an ongoing breathing experience!