Chapter Nine

 

“I thought my being there would help defuse the situation.”

“Fine.” Jake took a time-out in his pacing up and down. Although, it was more like circling. Like the room wasn’t big enough for him. Or maybe for both of us. “Next time, you leave the defusing to the bomb squad. You leave it to me. I don’t care who you leave it to, but you stay out of it. You’re doing all you need to do. I don’t want you any more involved than you are.”

Two hours after the impromptu brawl at Terrill’s, I was in Jake’s office—sitting on his desk, to be precise—for our debriefing. Also known as getting chewed out. The part that really hurt was I knew Jake was mostly in the right. “Come off it. You couldn’t get over there in time, and there wasn’t any need anyway.”

“Adrien—”

“I’m not talking about running my own investigation. I know these people. Sort of. I thought I could be of use—”

Yeah, not so much. Although it might have been worse if Kevin had gone on his own. I wasn’t sure.

Jake cut in, “You know why not. Because during the past six months you’ve had a couple of heart attacks and you’ve had open heart surgery.”

“They weren’t really heart attacks. It was just getting shot—”

Jake said, “Yes. You were shot, and you suffered a series of small heart attacks. Right? So no bullshit about it.”

“Right,” I said very quietly. Weird how my chest tightened hearing those two little words. Heart. Attack. He was right. That was the truth, whether I liked hearing it, whether I liked admitting it. The doctors believed the damage had repaired itself and that my heart was in pretty good shape, but maintaining the status quo required what they drolly referred to as “a lifetime commitment to heart health.”

Keyword: lifetime.

“You’re so goddamned lucky. And you don’t realize it.”

“I do realize it.” Despite my efforts to keep cool, I was annoyed. “You think I don’t know how lucky I am?”

How the hell could I miss it when everyone pointed it out so regularly?

“You’re healthy. The healthiest I’ve ever known you. And that’s how I want it to stay. I want you around for a long, long time. I want to spend the next fifty years with you. I’m counting on spending the next fifty years with you. So please, for the love of God, don’t do anything to mess that up for us. Not everyone gets a second chance.”

“I know it. Jesus, Jake. You don’t have to make me feel…”

“Go on,” he said tersely.

“I know what you’re saying, and I know why you’re saying it. You love me and want to protect me. I’m not— I also don’t want to waste— I want there to be some point—” I stopped because there are some things that are hard to talk about even to someone I loved and trusted as much as I did Jake.

I think he understood because he said, “The last thing I want is to make you feel ill or helpless. You’re not. But you’re not invincible either. If you look for trouble, you’ll find it. You always do. Hell, you find it when you’re not looking for it.”

Your aptitude for trouble.

Guy’s Solstice gift was a sudden weight in my pocket.

I stared at Jake and for the first time saw the lines of worry and stress around his eyes. Saw the shadows in his eyes. Saw that this wasn’t about territory or trespass. That it wasn’t about winning an argument for the sake of being right.

I said wearily, “Okay.”

Jake studied me narrowly. “Okay?”

“Yes. Okay. You’re right. I should not be taking dumb chances. Especially if I’m taking them just to prove to myself I’m not afraid to take them anymore.”

I don’t know if he followed that or not. I was still working out what I was trying to put into words. I didn’t want my gratitude for having a chance at a normal life to make me afraid to live that normal life?

Not like amateur sleuthing was anyone’s definition of a normal life.

Though surprised at my capitulation, Jake was never slow to press his advantage. “And as for Kevin, the best thing he could do right now is go home.”

“He’s not going home.”

“He’s not helping by staying here.”

“I wouldn’t leave if you went missing.”

Jake’s eyes seemed to darken. He said gruffly, “Okay. I’ll give you that one. And if you could manage to keep him from getting in the middle of my investigation again, that would genuinely be helpful.”

I cupped my hand to my ear. “Wait. I didn’t catch that last word. Did I just hear you say my involvement would be helpful?”

His lips twitched. “Smartass.”

I was leaning forward to kiss him when tap, tap, tap!

Someone rapped on the door frame of Jake’s office. Jake straightened so fast I’m surprised he didn’t throw his back out. I glowered at Natalie, who was hovering in the doorway, looking apologetic and defiant.

“Yes?” I said.

“Can I talk to you?”

I’ve never had a girlfriend per se, but I’ve had several girls-who-are-friends in my life, plus I’ve now got three sisters, and I speak with confidence when I say if a female says Can I talk to you? in that high, wavery voice, there is trouble ahead.

Big trouble.

I stood up. “Did you call your dad? What’s wrong?”

Natalie’s blue eyes flicked from me to Jake.

Jake said, “You want me to leave?”

“It’s your office.” I asked her, “Do you need to talk to me downstairs?”

She shook her head. “You may as well both hear it. There isn’t going to be any hiding it.”

“What it?” I said uneasily. “It what?”

She threw a quick look down the hall, like she thought her enemies were closing in, then stepped the rest of the way into Jake’s office and closed the door. She leaned back against it.

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

“What?”

She repeated in that scared, slightly hostile tone, “I’m pregnant.”

“How?”

I felt Jake look at me, and I said, “Okay. I know how. I mean…who? It can’t be Angus. Not this fast.”

“It’s not that fast,” Jake said quietly. “Is it?”

It was my turn to look at him. He was studying her with that closed, slightly cynical expression—what I thought of as his “cop face.”

“No,” she admitted. “It’s been—we’ve been—for a while.”

“How long a while?” I asked faintly.

“Two months.”

“Two…” I sat down on the desk again.

“So whose kid is it?” Jake asked. “Warren’s or Angus’s?”

Her face crumpled. “I don’t know! It could be either. Either of them could be the father.”

“What the hell,” I said. “How the hell old are you? Didn’t you take precautions?”

She began to cry. But it is the gift of Shaolin master girl arguers to cry and fight at the same time. “Of course I took precautions! Most of the time. That’s not the point!”

“Most of the time? How most of the time could it have been if two guys could be the father?”

“Okay,” Jake said, and that was definitely his cop voice. Break it up, people. I don’t want to have to arrest my boyfriend.

“And speaking of fathers,” I said, “have you told Bill? Have you told Lisa? Have you told Angus?”

Jake put a hand on my shoulder. Natalie burst out, “I’m telling you first!”

For some reason, that disarmed me. Also the fact that she didn’t just look scared and angry, she looked so alone, pinned against the door.

I shoved down my own anxiety and alarm, rose from the desk, and walked over to her, and I guess I looked suitably sympathetic because she howled, “Oh, Adrien, what am I going to do?” and hurled herself into my arms—much like Scout did when he was feeling the world was too much with him.

“Don’t look at me. I have NO idea,” I said. Thankfully the words were only in my head and not in the surrounding airspace.

“Are you keeping it?” I asked.

She nodded her head against my shoulder. I felt a greater weight settle on me because I knew without a doubt this was about to become my fight. I was going to have to intercede with Lisa—maybe even with Bill—and I might have to intercede with Warren and/or Angus, depending on what kind of role she wanted or they wanted. A baby. I could think of nothing more terrifying. Then another weight settled on me—Jake’s arms wrapped around me and Natalie both in a rough group hug—only this weight was more of a supporting beam.

Here was help and support for me and Natalie and this unborn kid.

Natalie was saying, “I couldn’t talk to Daddy until I knew what I was going to do. If I was going to keep it or not. But I do want it. I don’t care about the rest of it. I won’t give it up. I know it’s going to be a mess with Warren—or Angus. Whichever.”

“Probably both,” I couldn’t help saying.

Jake gave me an extra squeeze.

“So you can’t fire me. I need this job…”

“I’m not going to fire you.” Oh God. I was going to have to give her a pay raise.

“And if Angus gets weird about this…”

“He’s not going to get weird.” Yeah, he probably would get weird. “You’re going to have to tell him, though. Like today.”

“Warren’s going to want me to get rid of it.”

Jake growled, “Warren can go fuck off.” Which wasn’t elegant, but pretty much summed up my feelings.

“Daddy’s going to be so disappointed. Lisa will be disgusted.”

Oh God.

I took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to Bill and—”

“No,” Jake cut in. He sounded sympathetic but firm. “This is Natalie’s call. Literally Natalie’s call to make. You can swoop in later with the diplomacy and tact, but Natalie’s going to be a mom, and she needs to establish her position now.”

He quit hugging us, and we all took a step back. Natalie wiped her face and nodded. “I guess so.”

“Yes,” Jake said. “Anyway, Adrien and I are going out of town this afternoon.”

I looked at him in surprise. “We are?”

“I got Ivor’s probable return route from O’Reilly. I want to try following it, and I thought you’d like to come. I figure on spending the rest of today and probably most of tomorrow on the road.”

No way did I want him going without me. Though it was kind of short notice for my already frazzled staff. “It’s hard for me to leave just now.”

“You weren’t even supposed to be home until Friday,” Jake pointed out. He stared meaningfully at Natalie.

She looked blank and then said, “Oh. He’s right, Adrien. Anyway, it’s okay. It’s quiet today. I’ll talk to Angus.” She sighed. “And Daddy.” Bigger sigh. “And Warren.”

“Is there a rush on talking to Warren?”

Jake gave me a disapproving look, and I shrugged. “Okay. Yes. Warren deserves a heads-up too. I suppose.”

“I’ll take care of it. All of it,” Natalie said bravely.

“Okay,” I said doubtfully.

“Good. Settled,” Jake said.

Natalie continued to look brave.

I said, “Well, right. Then when Jake and I get back, we’ll figure out…things. Don’t worry. Whatever happens, you’ve got our support.”

“Yes, you do,” Jake said.

She smiled—the first real smile I’d seen from her since we’d got back from London.

* * * * *

“Why the sudden decision to follow Ivor’s escape route?” I asked.

Jake and I were on our way back to the house in Porter Ranch to pick up the things we’d need for our impromptu overnight trip. The skies were blue and the freeway relatively empty, which is about as good an omen for travel as you’ll get in this state.

“I mean, aside from wanting to put space between me and Kevin,” I added.

Jake’s cheek creased in a not-quite-smile. “Kevin’s taking the alternate route,” he said.

“Ah. Is that metaphorical or—”

“He’s driving Ivor’s possible alternate route home.”

“So you just want my company?”

“I do want your company, yeah,” he returned quite seriously. “Always. As far as why we’re making this trip? Because the Arbuckles followed my advice and filed a police report, but the cops are not moving aggressively on it. For the very reasons I was afraid of. A guy deciding to take a breather from family and loved ones after a falling-out with said family and loved ones is pretty common. Especially during the holidays. If Ivor still hasn’t turned up next week, they’ll jump into action.”

“Next week could be too late.”

“Yes. Today could be too late, frankly.”

That was a depressing thought. Jake’s profile was stern behind his dark sunglasses.

“What about accessing his phone records?” I asked.

“The cops don’t believe they have probable cause. Not at this juncture.”

“Great. By the time they do, that phone will be dead.”

And maybe Ivor too.

Ella Fitzgerald filled in the silence with “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”

Here comes the jackpot question in advance…

Kind of strange—a good strange though—to think that for the first time in recent memory I actually knew who I’d be spending New Year’s Eve with.

“Also,” Jake said, and his tone was brisk, “I thought Natalie should have some space right now to figure out what she’s doing.”

“You think I’d try to interfere in her decision-making?”

He smiled, although the smile seemed to be at his own thoughts. “My greater concern is her guilting you into fighting her battles for her.”

“Whereas you’d prefer to fight them,” I said dryly.

“I don’t mind fighting her battles if she really needs help,” Jake said. “I don’t mind fighting your battles. You fight your own battles, though, so I’d have to fight you first.”

“This is getting complicated.”

He threw me a sideways look. “Sometimes it is complicated.”

I smiled out the window, but then remembered my original point. “So now you do think Ivor might have started home and run into trouble?”

He said slowly, “Did you believe Terrill when he said he had nothing to do with his brother’s disappearance?”

“Yes. I did.”

“And I believed the parents when they said Ivor came to dinner Christmas Eve and there was an argument. I’ve exhausted every reasonable lead on this end, so I think it’s safe to assume Ivor did decide to skip Christmas with the folks and head back to NorCal. It was late at night, it was raining like hell, and it’s a long drive. There are a lot of lonely stretches where, if he went off the road, it might be a while before anyone noticed.”

I had a swift, sharp recollection of driving the dark and winding curves of Angeles Crest three Christmases back and thinking something very similar. The bad old days. The bad old nights.

Hard to believe that I was sitting here next to Jake now.

Jake said, “And the final reason I asked you along is I really do need your help.” I couldn’t see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but his smile was for real.

I smiled back.