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LACEY WAS SHAKING AS she set her bag on the end of the bed and unzipped it. She didn't think she had anything suitable for going down to the pool. She hadn’t anticipated swimming when she packed. She had anticipated sightseeing, and maybe a barbecue, and nights in Jesse’s arms, because he’d be just so glad to see her.
She felt hurt, and embarrassed, but she couldn't put her finger on why she wasn't devastated by his rejection.
Okay, maybe because he’d rejected her before this, though not in such a dramatic fashion. Maybe because she’d accepted this.
Maybe because she’d been more excited about the actual trip than about seeing Jesse. He made her nervous, and that also should have been a red flag. She was always worried about saying or doing the wrong thing around him.
Beck made her nervous, too, but in a different way. She felt much more relaxed around him, more like she could be herself.
Not quit relaxed enough that she could cry in front of him, though, and she really just wanted to sit down and have a good cry. Was that too much to ask? She just couldn't release the tension building up in her.
She pulled out a pair of shorts, and a t-shirt that should be okay with a bra underneath. She just wanted to cool off in the water downstairs.
She changed, and zipped up her bag, carrying it back into the living room because she didn't want to claim the bedroom, despite Beck’s insistence. She just didn't think it was fair.
“They’re sending up an extra bed,” he told her when she set her bag on the end of the couch. “You ready to go down?”
She blinked a minute. “Are you coming too?” She motioned to his jeans and t-shirt.
“I’ll grab some trunks at the gift shop and change down there.”
“Oh. Okay.” Interesting that he was willing to spend the money, when he didn't have a job. And she knew the gift shop couldn't be cheap. And that he didn't feel like he needed to wait for the bed to be delivered, to tell the hotel workers where to put it. But he knew about these things better than she did, so she shrugged it off and headed toward the door.
Ten minutes later, she was on her back on an inflated inner tube, her butt and her feet in the cool, clear water, trees sheltering her from the sun overhead. Beck was on the tube behind her.
She craned her head toward him. “I’m never leaving. You can cancel that extra bed. I’m just going to sleep out here.”
He grinned. “It is very peaceful.”
Well, mostly. Kids played nearby, yelling at each other, but the breeze rustling in the trees carried the noise off. She let her eyes drift closed, her head loll back against the rubber of the tube as the water carried her down the winding waterway.
Her child was going to grow up knowing he or she was loved. Her child was going to have experiences like these children here, no matter what she had to do to make it happen. Her child was never going to feel “less than” because of an absent father. She was going to guarantee that.
Maybe she’d have to move to a city to make enough money. Maybe she would have to move because of gossip in the town, though, to be honest, if people were going to talk, they were already talking. She didn't even care if they were talking about her, but she would not allow them to talk about her child.
“Hey,” Beck said, floating up beside her and covering her clenched fist with his hand. “You’re supposed to be relaxing.”
“I know. It’s just not as easy as all that.”
“Yeah, I get it, but try to live in the moment, not in the past. Just for a little while.” He released her hand as his tube bumped hers as they floated around a bend. “Think about what you want for dinner instead.”
She laughed. “Those burgers at the patio restaurant smell good.”
“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll get. They have a sit-down restaurant, too, or we can order room service and watch a movie.”
That last part sounded best, really. Ridiculous, because she could eat and watch a movie back home, and here she had choices, but that was the one that sounded best to her. She needed to be in her comfort zone after the day she’d had.
Once she got out of the water. Which she never wanted to do.
She was surprised, actually, that Beck was willing to go along with her choice of room service and a movie. She insisted on paying for the room service instead of adding it to his bill, though. She was going to contribute to this trip one way or another.
They went back and forth about the movie, between action or drama or comedy, finally settling on an older movie they’d both seen but both enjoyed.
Again, Lacey thought about how that same discussion would have played out with Jesse. They would be watching the movie he wanted to watch, because if she hadn’t given in, he would sulk, and so she found it just easier to let him have his way.
Which, now that she thought on it, was ridiculous. Of course if she rewarded his bad behavior, he would continue to act the same. He was used to getting his way. And those thoughts led to thoughts about his mother, and how she had raised him, and how she was treating Lacey because of it.
Her stomach started to knot, but she forced herself to relax, to push the thought aside. If his mother wanted to deny the child, fine. That meant Lacey didn't have to worry about sharing her child with people who wouldn't treat him right.
She picked up her burger, which Beck had chided her for ordering when the menu had so many choices, as the familiar music of the movie played, and she started relaxing again. She would lose herself in the familiarity of the film, let it ease the tensions of the day.
“Tomorrow I need to make a few stops before we head back,” Beck said, cutting into her thoughts. “Is there anything you need?”
She had thought of so many things she’d like to do, now they were in town, and she had planned to stay longer. But he hadn’t. He’d planned to go back tomorrow.
“I need to get my phone fixed, and you had said something about getting your mom a chair for the porch. This would be a good place to do that.”
“Right.” He looked at her. “I’d forgotten about the chair. Thanks for remembering.”
“And I’d like to, if we have time, to go to a grocery store.”
“A grocery store?” he echoed, leaning forward to turn and look at her.
“Yeah. You know, the store in Broken Wheel doesn’t have a lot of selection, and I’d like to see, you know, a grocery store that has different brands and different foods.” She shook her head, smiling. “We don't have to. It was just something I’d thought about when I planned to come here, and you know, spend time.”
“You’re an odd one,” he said, sitting back against the couch again.
“Gee thanks.”
“I mean, most women would want to go shopping for, you know, clothes, something like that, something you can’t really get online. And you want to go to a grocery store.”
“I think it would be fun. But I would want to go down every aisle, you know. Even the cold aisles. And maybe we’d have to get an ice chest to go back home, but yeah. That’s what I want to do.”
He reached over and stroked a length of her hair, free from its ponytail. “You bet. We’ll hit the biggest grocery store in town before we leave.”
She settled back against the couch, a little closer to him than she had been, feeling the heat of his body, taking comfort in it.
Oh man, did she miss this, taking comfort in a man. Taking comfort in a man who was gentle and generous and...
No. She couldn't think of him that way. He’d saved her once, but she wasn't going to make him save her again.
She was going to save herself.
But she was going to make him take her grocery shopping first.
*****
THE GROCERY STORE WAS even better than she expected. Even more exciting than the mall. And Beck was so nice as she looked down each aisle, the summer stuff, the makeup, the ice cream.
So much ice cream.
He had to talk her out of that. No way would ice cream last the whole drive back to Broken Wheel, not even with ice and a cooler.
She did stock up on cookies and chips and cereal. She didn't buy as much as she expected, despite the variety. She still filled up two big grocery bags and carried them with delight to the truck.
“Just think of how bad I would have been if I wasn't pregnant. All those sodas and coffees and beer and wine. So many options. I’ll have to come back after the baby is born.”
He shook his head. But he made space for her bags in the back of the truck as she climbed in the front, ready to go home.
All the errands they’d run delayed their departure, so now they’d get home well after dark. But her phone was fixed, and they found a chair for his mom that was both sturdy enough and easy for her to sit in for the front porch.
They’d risen early, and she had to admit, sharing a bathroom with someone was weird. Even in the small house she and her father shared, they didn't have to share a bathroom. But Beck was very accommodating of her privacy, even though that fold away bed couldn't have been all that comfortable.
“What ever happened to Debra?” she asked after they stopped to pick up dinner on the highway, an hour or so out of the city.
“Debra?”
“Wasn’t that her name? The girlfriend you had in high school?” Lacey had to admit she hadn’t paid much attention to boys before the accident, but since Beck had been the one to pull her to safety, well, she paid him a lot more attention. She vaguely remembered the dark-haired curvy girl who had moved away almost as soon as he had.
“You mean Diana?”
“Yeah, I guess. Hadn’t you dated all through high school?”
“Yeah, but then I went into the military, and she went to college in El Paso. We tried to see each other, since I was stationed near there, but it got too hard, she was taking like eighteen hours at once so she could get through faster, and we just didn't have time for each other, so we broke off. I heard from a friend that she’s teaching in El Paso now. Bilingual, I think. She always was really smart.” His tone grew nostalgic. “I hadn’t thought of her in a while. Funny you should bring her up.”
“I was thinking about you. You’re like this really nice guy, you’re cute, you have a good job, but you don't have a girlfriend.”
“Had a good job.”
“Well, yeah, but you’ve only been out of it for a couple of weeks. Have you had a girlfriend? I mean?” Maybe he had and of course she didn't know about it because she hadn’t exactly kept up with his life while he was gone. But he knew way too much about her private life and she didn't know much about his.
“I did have a good job. And I’ve had a few girlfriends, but nothing too special. Mostly they didn't like me being away all the time. I mean, I was on the road a lot. I didn't even rent an apartment. I had a post office box for my mail in Tallahassee, I had a friend who let me use his address when I needed a physical address. Not really the best way to run a relationship.”
“I guess. I can’t imagine having no place to call home.”
“It was pretty liberating, you know, after growing up in Broken Wheel. I was born there, so I’d never really seen anything until I joined the army, and then went to college, then worked with Riley. We never even went on vacations when I was a kid, just a couple of day trips to Mexico, you know until you had to have a passport to go. My parents didn't want to go to the trouble or expense of those for the family, so we stopped. When we went, we stopped on the other side of the border, so even that was no big deal. So yeah, it was exciting to see new things, fly in a plane for the first time, see the ocean. We never even went to the Gulf when I was growing up. Never stayed in a hotel. Only ever spent the night at my grandparents’ house in El Paso.”
“Wow. I guess I didn't appreciate all that we did when I was growing up. We traveled a lot, lived in different places. It’s only been the past twelve years that I’ve been kind of locked into one place, therefore I act like an idiot when I get to the city.”
“You don't act like an idiot. It’s charming.”
“Right.” She shoved a French fry into her mouth. “But I tell you, if we could find a way to have that lazy river thing back in Broken Wheel, I’d never work again.”
“I know. I could barely get you out of it to go eat dinner.”
“It was the most relaxing thing ever.”
“Maybe we can make a trip over to Balmorhea State Park in a few weeks. I haven’t been there since I was a kid.”
“They closed the swimming hole for a while, but I’ve never been. I’ve heard people talking about it a lot, though.”
“I remember going as a kid, and I was pretty rambunctious, so I couldn't tell you if it’s relaxing or not, but it might be fun.”
“Fort Clark Springs might be easier to get to. And it’s really pretty, as I recall.”
She still didn't have a maternity bathing suit, and she still didn't have an answer to her question of if Beck had a girlfriend, or wanted one.
Which was a ridiculous thing to wonder when she had essentially just broken up with the father of her child.
She had no business having romantic thoughts about Beck Conover.
As she got closer to home, she grew more tense. She’d texted her dad that she would be home sooner than expected, but she had only told him she’d explain when she got home. She’d ignored the phone calls he’d made to her, really not wanting to rehash it all again in front of Beck, who had heard way more than she wanted him to.
But now she had to work out what she would say to her dad, to explain to him she was going to need him more than she’d expected. She didn't think he’d mind, but he’d be pissed at Jesse.
Lightning illuminated the night sky in the distance once they turned off the interstate. Lacey shifted in her seat. She’d been uncomfortable with storms ever since that morning on the bus, but she’d thought the fear had passed.
Of course, she hadn’t driven through one for a while. She usually just hunkered down in her house as the storms passed over.
“How far away do you think that is?” she asked, hating the shakiness in her voice.
“Do you have a weather app on your phone? You could check.”
She didn’t, and service was too spotty out here for her to download one.
“We’ll probably be going through it, unless it moves on before we get there,” he said, then glanced over at her. “Don't worry. This is a good truck, has good tires, and I’m a good driver. Just relax. We’re not going to have any problems.”
At least he understood her fear. He placed his hand on the console, and she put hers there too, so he could cover it soothingly.
She was amazed by how reassured she actually was by the warm strength of his hand. But she couldn't let herself relax against the back of the seat. She kept her attention on the road ahead, watching for flashes of lightning, then counting as she strained her ears listening for the thunder. She couldn't hear it yet, so the storm was some distance away, but they were definitely driving into it.
She craned her head to look out the window to try to see stars. They should have a pretty good view, without the light pollution of the city, but she didn't see any, or the moon.
“You want to put on some music, see if we can pick up a radio station?” Beck suggested.
She pulled her hand free of his—better for him to have both hands on the wheel, anyway, if they were driving into a storm. She fiddled with the controls on the radio, really not wanting to listen to music, more wanting to hear the weather forecast, but she couldn't find a local news channel, so settled onto a classic rock station.
“I didn't peg you as a classic rock person.”
“What did you peg me as?” she asked, sitting back.
“Country, probably. New country, Carrie Underwood, Kasey Musgraves, that kind.”
“Oh, I like that fine. And red dirt, too. But I figured who doesn’t like classic rock. What do you usually listen to?”
“To be honest? I rarely listen to the radio, and when I do, it’s the old country. Conway Twitty, Ray Price, all the ones I listened to growing up.”
“Now that does take me by surprise. I didn't think you’d be a nostalgic music guy.”
The first fat raindrops hit the windshield hard enough to make Lacey jump, and she straightened in her seat even more, her left hand tightening on the console until her joints whitened.
“You’re not going to be able to get to your home,” she fretted. “You’re not going to be able to get through that crossing.”
“They fortified it after the bus incident. You know that. You drive it every day. It’s higher, and has the car-catchers now. We’ll be fine. I’ve got this.”
She wished she had his confidence, but she could barely see the road in front of them, without street lights, only the reflection of the reflective paint in the headlights guiding them down the road, along with the occasional flash of lightning.
The sky opened up then, rain pounding on the roof of the truck, and even Beck must have been alarmed, because he lifted his foot from the gas and slowed significantly.
“Kinda hard to see,” he admitted with a sideways smile.
“Maybe we should pull over.”
“Hard to see a place where we can do that safely, without getting stuck.”
He tapped a button to turn on his hazard lights, which assuaged her fears that someone would come up behind them too fast and hit them.
“We’ll just take our time. You can call your dad, if you want, and let him know we’re going to be later than we planned.”
“Yes, good idea. And I can see, too, if the storm is hitting them, too. So we can kind of gauge how big it is.”
She fished out her phone, but she had no service. With a sigh, she tucked her phone back in her purse.
“No service.”
“Probably the location more than the weather.”
She knew he was trying to assure her, but her anxiety ratcheted up.
“Do you like storms if you’re home? Not driving in it?”
She shook her head. “No, because even then, I think about the people who have to be out in it. How hard it is for them to drive in it. How dangerous.”
“Good thing there aren’t that many storms in West Texas.”
“There’ve been more recently. They seem to hit us on the way to Dallas. We got a pretty bad hail storm not too long ago, and we had to get a new roof.”
A bolt of lightning snaked toward the ground, followed instantly by a clap of thunder, and Lacey pressed herself farther back into the seat. “Maybe I should have seen that counselor the school offered after the accident. I mean, I did see her, a couple of times, but I didn't really like her, so Dad didn't make me go back.”
The water was already ponding on the road, and Lacey was very grateful to Beck for taking it easy, guiding the truck carefully. She didn't think most men would take her fears into account.
“Have you thought about names?”
“What?” His question came from left field, though she thought she understood the reasoning behind it—keeping her mind occupied.
“Names? For the baby? I know you don't know if it’s a boy or girl yet, but I thought maybe you’d be playing around with some names anyway.”
“Oh. Well. Sure. I’ve been thinking about it. I have a list a mile long of girl names I like, but not as many boy names. There’s so many that just sound the same as everyone else, though. You know, all the Bible names, or then just your basic names like John and Ben and Jerry.”
He laughed. “Like the ice cream?”
“Do not overestimate my lack of control around ice cream. If Mrs. Lopez carried that brand, I’d already have doubled my weight.”
“So that’s where you’re looking for inspiration for names? The freezer section.”
She scoffed, knowing he was trying to tease her into forgetting about the storm, but not really wanting to laugh. “No, I have an app of baby names, which of course I cannot access now because no service. But I also look at credits on movies and TV shows, and in magazines, and people I know.”
“So what are some of the names you like?”
“I like names, and I didn't realize this until I started writing them down, I like names that start with vowels. Ella and Emma and Iris and Olivia.”
“Those aren’t that unusual.”
“No. Why do you say that?”
“Because you said all the boy names were similar, but those names you listed aren’t wild and crazy.”
“Well, some of them are, but then I have to think of what kind of name I want to saddle her with, and what kind of person she’ll be, and if she’ll be that way partly because I named her a wild and crazy name. It’s a big responsibility.” And one of so many she would be taking on by herself. “How did your mom come up with your name? It’s pretty unusual, and she doesn’t strike me as someone who would name a kid something so different.”
“Yeah, well, she named me after Thomas Beckett, and since my uncle was also Thomas, she started calling me Beckett, and we shortened it to Beck. Now, don't think that people didn't call me Becky, and all those kinds of names. So every name has a kind of danger to go with it. You have to think about that, too. What about your name? Lacey’s a pretty name, but not very common.”
“My mom was a big Fleetwood Mac fan. I’m lucky she didn't name me Stevie. But she liked Stevie’s style, and kind of riffed off of that.”
“Well, what about if you did something like that? Found something you were really passionate about and name your baby after something like that?”
“And if I lose that passion? The kid’s stuck with the name. Why? Are you going to name your kids like, ‘Piston’ and, I don't know, ‘Brake Light?’” She waved her hand in the direction of the dash.
He laughed. “Are those the only car parts you know?”
“No, of course not. Just the only ones I can think of off the top of my head.” She turned to grin at him. “My dad made sure I can take care of my car, especially since I drive so much, and to remote places.”
“Good man.”
“He is. I’m really lucky to have him.” She checked her phone again. Still no service. She wanted to know how big this storm was. It could be just passing through, but it could be huge and stretch for miles. She wanted to prepare herself.
As she put the phone away again, she realized that Beck had relaxed her a bit with talk of her baby’s name, even though the storm was getting stronger the closer they got to home. The roads through town would be worse. Lightning was nearly constant, as was the rumble of thunder, the violent claps closer together, then fading to a roar that rolled into one another.
Part of her wanted to blame Jesse for her going through this. If he had arrived like he was supposed to, she would still be in San Antonio with him, not traveling through this.
Part of it was her fault, too. If she hadn’t wanted to go to the grocery store in San Antonio, they could have left an hour or more earlier, and would maybe have missed this.
But she knew she couldn't lay the blame anywhere. The situation was hers to deal with, and she’d confront her fear and make the best of it.
The truck hit a low part of the road that had filled with water, and Beck had to fight to keep the truck on the road. Lacey had to stop herself from screaming in alarm. She had to admit Beck was a good driver, paying close attention, driving a reasonable speed.
But if anything happened to them, they were so isolated. They hadn’t passed another car for miles, and they had no cell service. They would absolutely be on their own.