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LACEY SPOONED THE MELTED ice cream and let it drip back into the cardboard bowl. Across the table from her, Poppy just watched, her brow creased. She was probably worried that Lacey was going to melt into a puddle just as she’d allowed her ice cream.
“I can’t believe it. Twins. It was one thing to have one baby on my own. But two? How can I do that? How can I do that to my dad? Twin. Twins.”
“You’ve said that word so much, I don't think it has meaning anymore.” Poppy pushed her empty cardboard bowl toward the center of the table.
“How would you feel if you were blindsided like that?”
Dr. Fredrick had explained that she hadn’t known before because the other twin was hidden. She’d said that was more common in a mono-amniotic pregnancy, but these appeared to be fraternal twins.
“What would you have done if you had known before?” Poppy asked, her tone reasonable.
“Nothing, of course. Because I still thought Jesse would be willing to be a part of their lives. But now he’s not and it’s just me and my dad and—how am I going to manage?” She took a deep breath to battle the despair that threatened to swamp her, her brain racing for options that all seemed to disappear in the ether before she could grasp any of them.
Poppy reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’ll manage. You’re smart. You’re the most practical person I know. But I mean, you still have the option of adoption.”
The word struck Lacey right in the heart, and she met her friend’s gaze. “You know, I already love this baby—well, what I thought of as just this baby. Now there are two. How can I love two?”
“Twice as much?” Poppy asked. “I’m here for you, too, no matter what.”
“But I can't ask that of you, either. You have your life. I don't want to ask you to be living mine.”
“You’re part of my life. I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it. I love you, too, and I love the babies, but if giving them up for adoption would be best for you, I’ll stand behind you.”
“Thank you. I just—I guess I need to talk to my dad. See what he says. I know for sure I can’t do it without him.” No way could she raise two babies all alone. But her brain—and her heart—were resistant to putting them up for adoption.
She was still in shock. She knew it. She didn't know how to start to process this. Even ice cream wasn't helping. She dropped her spoon in the cup and sat back.
“I’m ready to go home.”
“What? No shopping? You need a bathing suit.”
“An enormous one, apparently.” She thought briefly about the few outfits she’d bought already, wondering how far into her pregnancy they’d carry her, now. But she was in no mood to go shopping. She felt bad, because she’d sold Poppy on the plan, and she didn't want to back out.
“I mean, we’re still going to Fort Clark Springs, right? You were talking about taking charge of your life. You’re not going to change that now, are you?”
“No, of course not, but I need some time to process.”
“Well, you can’t order a suit off the internet, not when we’re already here in town. Come on. It will help your mind to relax.”
“Ha. I doubt that.” But she let Poppy drag her out of the ice cream parlor and to the outdoor mall down the road.
“On the plus side, your boobs look fabulous,” Poppy remarked, sitting in the fitting room and admiring the fit of the saggy maternity suit. “Are you sure you want something that baggy?”
“Of course. Who knows how enormous I’ll get with two? I need room to grow.”
“Yeah, but you probably won’t be going swimming in October. Buy one that fits you now, maybe until August. You can always buy another if you outgrow it.”
“Not at these prices.” Lacey wagged the price tag at Poppy, whose eyes widened.
“You’re right. Okay. But I’m just saying, this does not do you any favors. Except your boobs. They’ll look good in any of them.”
She settled on a navy blue polka dot suit that Poppy approved. The suit molded to her body, but was modest enough that she’d feel comfortable swimming with her friends.
“The dots will be the size of Easter eggs by the time I’m done with it,” Lacey sighed as she paid.
“But it looks good on you now.”
Lacey couldn’t help herself. She slowed as she walked past the baby department.
“Baby A is a boy,” she said softly to herself as she lifted a little beach-themed onesie from the rack. “I’m not going to dress them alike. They should each be their own individual person, well, as much as they can be raised together by the same mother, at the same age.”
“That is super cute,” Poppy said.
Lacey glanced at the price tag and winced a little. Two babies, just her, she was going to have to watch her pennies. But this one little thing wouldn't hurt, would it? She had told Mrs. Conover that she wanted something concrete to look at as she anticipated his—their—birth.
She held onto the hanger as she wandered through the racks, and found something equally adorable, different enough that the babies wouldn't be dressed alike. This was how she was going to tell her father.
God help her, she didn't want to tell her father. She didn't want to stress him out.
God, what was he going to think?
She stopped in the middle of the baby department, frozen, two little outfits in her hand, and suddenly everything was blurry.
She could not have a nervous breakdown in public.
She fought for control, blinking the tears from her eyes, and walked to the register.
“Would you like to sign up for a baby registry?” the clerk asked brightly.
“Not right now,” Poppy spoke for her when she couldn’t.
“Okay, but the time goes pretty quick, and if you’re going to have a baby shower, it’s better for you to pick out your own presents than just let people buy whatever they think you should have.”
“Well, if I was having a shower, most of them would know better than me what I should have,” Lacey said, finding her voice.
“Oh, I could help you with that.”
Lacey looked around the department. Was there anything she would really need here? No, it was mostly clothes and bedding. She should register at a store that carried everything, including diapers.
“I’ll just take this for now. Maybe on my next trip to town. No one who would come to my shower lives here, anyway.”
The clerk’s expression fell and she went about the task of ringing up the outfits.
“Listen, Poppy,” Lacey said as they walked out of the store. “Let’s not tell anyone about the twins yet. I need time to think about it, and everyone’s going to freak, so I’d just really rather not deal with it now.”
“I get it,” Poppy agreed. “My lips are sealed.”
It might be for the first time in Poppy’s life, to be honest, and Lacey didn't hold out much hope.
*****
LACEY’S DAD WASN'T home when she got home. Was he at one of his town council meetings again? She hoped he wasn't too late, because she’d been working up her nerve to tell him the whole way home.
Poppy had talked her into a good lunch, and a few more shopping stops, and Lacey had felt she owed her friend for putting up with her breakdown, so she’d gone along with it. And really, for a while, she’d forgotten to stress about the babies.
But now, she set the two outfits on the kitchen table and sat to wait for her dad.
Thankfully, he came in only about twenty minutes later, through the kitchen door as always
He spotted the outfits on the table right away. “Hey, I see you went shopping. Those are cute.”
“Yeah, I couldn't resist. And I got some news.”
“News? What kind of news?” He walked to the refrigerator and opened it, pulled out a bottle of beer and sat at the table, turning the outfits toward him with one hand.
“You might need more than that,” she said with a sigh, nodding toward his bottle.
He looked up at her then. “Why’s that? The baby’s okay, isn’t he? Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” He inspected the outfits again and smiled. “A boy?”
All the words she’d planned fled her mind. “One is. And as far as we know, they’re healthy. I’ll have an amnio on my next visit but—”
Her dad paled and his mouth dropped open, his hand slackened on the beer. “One is? How many are there?”
“It’s twins. She couldn't see the sex of Baby B, but she could see Baby A was a boy.” She pulled the sonogram picture out of her purse. “Here’s Baby A, and here’s Baby B.” She circled the images on the picture with her finger.
Her dad picked up the picture to look more closely, then set it down again and looked at her, his expression unreadable. “Twins don't run in our family.”
“Maybe they run in Jesse’s. I don't know. All I know is, today I found out I’m having two babies. At the same time.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“How do I feel?” She sat back, her hands flat on the table, and gave a dry laugh. “I feel completely freaked out. I was struggling with how I was going to handle one baby, and now there are two. Twice the diapers. Twice the food. Twice the clothes. Twice the laundry. Two cribs, two car seats.” On the way home, she realized she was going to have to get a newer, bigger car. “Maybe a minivan. I don't know if I could have handled this better if I knew Jesse was going to help out, but now, knowing he won’t....”
Her dad reached over and covered her hand with his. “We’ve got this, sweetheart. I will always have your back.”
“But you didn't sign on for this. One baby is one thing, but two babies...you’ve done above and beyond what any father could be asked to do.”
“I love you. And I love those babies. And I will be here for them as long as I’m able.”
“What if—“ Her voice cracked and she looked at his hand on hers. “What if I put them up for adoption? I could still do that, and there are a lot of people who would love a newborn, who would love to take on twins. They would have the means, and the twins could grow up in a life where they’d have more offered to them, and they’d be loved.”
She couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks, so she didn't meet her father’s gaze. Couldn’t. But she could hear the flatness in his voice when he asked,
“Is that what you want to do?”
“I don't know what I want to do.” The tears came full force now, streaming and accompanied by snot and hitches of breath. “I don't know if I am prepared for this. I don't know if I’m made for this.”
“The Lord doesn’t...”
“I know, he doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but Dad. I just don't know how to do this.”
“One day at a time, sweetheart. We’ve gotten through harder things, sadder things. This will be a challenge, but we’ll have two beautiful babies to love and raise, and to teach and to cuddle. We’ll give them the best life we know how. Don't worry. One day at a time.”