Ever since I was very young, I have struggled with low-level depression. I was the creative child with a hole in her head that no one could see. I often thought if only someone would come and plug up this hole I would be normal, like my friends. But if it got any bigger I would plunge toward mental illness, like other dear people I knew.
Many people have walked with me through the path of depression into freedom and hope. Some of them are in this book. To Fred O. Pitts, my friend and youth leader who said, “Elizabeth, blessed are the pure in heart. You’re seeking Jesus—He will be there for you”; to Marcia Smartt, who lovingly embraced me on a college ski trip and walked me through the valleys as dark thoughts whirled; and to many, many others I say, “Thank you. Thank you for being there, for speaking truth to me, for offering hope, for reminding me of my identity in Christ.”
I don’t have a Lucidity Lath like Josephine’s, but I have a collection of file cards from forty years ago up until the one I wrote today, filled with the truth of Scripture. I take daily walks and recite truth. Medication and other treatments have also been extremely helpful to me. I am deeply grateful for psychiatrists, counselors, and others who understand mental illness and offer a professional lifeline to those who suffer.
And so I say to any precious reader who is struggling with depression and dark thoughts: Please get help, in whatever form that may come. Help is available.
Watching my dear mother go through two open-heart surgeries and a massive stroke, I became all too familiar with hospitals and ICU units. I am forever indebted to the nurses and doctors, the chaplains and the staff who served us when we were in the midst of great shock and grief.
My family also experienced overwhelming love and support through the CaringBridge site, as well as through cards and letters and Facebook.
To Ike Barnett, thank you for helping me get into Detective Blaylock’s skin.
To my nephew and niece, Austin and Meggin Musser, merci for walking me through the process Henry faced as soon as he was arrested.
A huge merci to Georges and Susi Kohler, who opened their beautiful apartment at La Grande Motte to me for a sabbatical month. The Motte is where I began writing this novel.
To my agent and friend, Chip MacGregor: You have believed in me and my stories through all the ups and downs of my writing journey. Thank you for your wisdom, perseverance, and good humor. And always remember, Passez-moi les pommes de terre! Merci!
To Dave Horton, VP at Bethany House Publishers, what a delight to be once again working together on a novel. Thank you for believing in and championing this story. Je suis très reconnaissante.
To the wonderful team at Bethany House Publishers, I am thrilled to be working with you again. A big shout-out to Lucy Bixby, Noelle Chew, Kate Deppe, Elizabeth Frazier, Amy Green, Brittany Higdon, and Brooke Vikla. Merci for all you do behind the scenes. Your expertise is invaluable and reassuring.
To my editor par excellence and dear friend, LB Norton, you are brilliant, and you make my stories shine more clearly (and yes, more succinctly). It is a privilege and joy to work together. You must never retire.
To Nichole Parks, my gifted marketing guru, your savvy and expertise have expanded my horizons. Plus you are a delightful young woman, and it is a joy to work with you.
To my Transformational Fiction prayer partners: Lynn Austin, Sharon Garlough Brown, Robin Grant, Susan Meissner, and Deb Raney, our monthly prayer times have indeed been a safe place for my soul. Thank you for praying me through a very rocky season in my writing life and for being dear friends.
To Jere W. Goldsmith IV, my precious and over-the-top generous daddy, and Doris Ann Musser, my energetic and lovely mother-in-law, and to all the others in the Goldsmith and Musser families, thank you for your support throughout all our years on the mission field and my years in writing: Jere and Mary Goldsmith, Glenn and Kim Goldsmith, Alan and Jay Goldsmith, Elise Goldsmith, H. A. and Rhonda Musser, Janet Granski, Scot and Carol Musser, Bill and Beth Wren, and all my nieces and nephews.
So many friends on both sides of the Atlantic pray for the work of my hands. I can’t begin to name them all, but here are a few: Valerie Andrews, Odette Beauregard, Cathy Stott, Dominique Cottet, Margaret DeBorde, Marlyse Francais, Kim Huhman, Letha Kerl, Deb Lugar, Laura McDaniel, Karen Moulton, Heather Myers, Trudy Owens, Michele Philit, Marie-Helène Rodet, Thom Shelton, Marcia Smartt, Cheryl Stauffer, Lori Varak, and Ashlee Winters.
To my family at One Collective, thank you for receiving what Paul and I have to offer with grace and for allowing me to pen my stories too.
To my sons, Andrew and Chris, I am in awe of the young men you have become. Your passion, kindness, professional acuity, and humor as well as your love and care for your little momma are blessings not taken for granted. To Lacy, I am so thankful to have you as a daughter-in-love. Thank you for being an amazing wife and mother. I admire you greatly, even if I never drink kombucha!
To Jesse, Nadja’Lyn, and Quinn, your Mamie loves you and likes you over and over and over again!
To Paul, always to you, you are indeed all that is good in Patrick. My soccer player does have the sexiest legs! Thank you for loving me so much and so well. Je t’aime tant.
And dear readers, just so you know, I have never received hate mail! Thank you for your patience as I get to know you through social media and beyond. Your heartfelt emails and comments make my calling as a storyteller worth it.
As we are bombarded with the world’s truth . . . as life goes viral and everyone knows everything about everyone else . . . as many post their wrath on social media . . . I pray that the world will know that we are Christians by our love.
Because if dear Henry could find that love and redemption, so can others.
May it be.
And finally, to Jesus, my Savior and Lord, the Lover of my soul, the Giver of extravagant grace, and my Faithful Friend, I owe everything to you—my life, my love, my all.