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THE WARM

Hils and I were standing across the road from a huge, old theatre. The front of the theatre was covered with a massive illuminated sign.

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Next to that was another sign. It had reviews for the show on it.

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This show will make you tap your toes so hard that all your toes will break off.

This show is so good that if you don’t have a ticket to this show but your mum does then you should whack your mum over the head with a cricket bat until she gives you her ticket.

If you don’t see this show then your life will suck forever.

The songs from this show are so catchy you will be singing them over and over until you lose all your friends because they are sick of you constantly singing the songs from this show.

After I saw this show I was hit by a bus and killed. I didn’t mind being killed because I had seen this amazing show.

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‘It sounds like it’s a really good show,’ I said.

‘We have to find those two cockroaches before the Exterminator does,’ said Hils. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Ummm, yes,’ I said.

‘On my six,’ said Hils.

Army-talk = ‘Follow me’.

We walked down the side of the theatre into a dark, smelly alley at the back. A sign stuck out of the wall.

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‘That is where all the theatre personnel enter the theatre,’ said Hils.

‘But there’s no door,’ I said.

The wide, heavy door that I guessed was normally the Stage Door was lying on the ground under the sign. It had been ripped off its hinges.

‘I think the hostile has beaten us to our objective,’ said Hils.

‘How did the Exterminator find out the cockroaches were coming here?’ I said.

‘On my six,’ said Hils.

‘On my six’ is also army-talk for, ‘Follow me and be quiet, I don’t know how the Exterminator found out the cockroaches were coming here.’

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Hils and I walked through the twisted, broken doorframe up to a reception-type desk.

‘Hello?’ I said. ‘Hello?’

I peeked behind the desk. Mr Hamm-Rolle was hiding behind it.

‘Hello, Mr Hamm-Rolle. I didn’t know you had a part-time job at a theatre.’

Mr Hamm-Rolle didn’t say anything. He just kept hiding behind the desk.

‘On my six,’ said Hils as she walked past the desk and into the backstage area of the theatre.

This time ‘on my six’ just meant ‘follow me’ again.