Marlowe

I couldn’t sleep.

Again.

The sun would rise in an hour or two anyway.

Irene had unsettled me.

Had I driven her away?

Dad would wake up soon. How would he feel when he realised she’d gone?

But I wanted her gone.

Even though I knew that made me a horrid person.

For all of your sakes, do not go down this path.

There was that too. If I pursued the transplant, knowing what I did, how would I sleep at night?

But how would I ever forgive myself if I didn’t do everything I could to save Harper’s life? Dad and Wài Pó had said that Harper didn’t want a transplant – but Harper thought her heart would heal on its own, and that she would live happily ever after with Louis. Besides, I had promised Mum that I would look after my sister, and I intended to keep that promise. As for the money, well, I had an answer for that too. I would use the money Mum had left me to pay for Harper’s heart and lung transplant in China. She had told me that I was to use it to follow my own dreams, but if it meant the difference between Harper surviving or not, I was sure I knew what she would want me to do.

I rose from my bed and went to the wardrobe. From the top shelf, I removed a shoebox. Inside were letters from Mum – one for every birthday she missed until I turned eighteen. Opening the box, I lifted the bundle of papers to my nose and inhaled. Nothing of her sweet fragrance was left.

Even though she had died years ago, I still felt like I was losing pieces of her every day.

I read the last letter, written in blue ink, wanting to be sure I was about to make the right decision.

I have left you some money that will be made available to you now, as you turn eighteen. I want you to use it to follow your dreams, as I was able to follow mine. Physical possessions, health and relationships can come and go, but an education, a fulfilling career, can never be taken from you…

I had already used some of the money to support myself while I pursued my PhD in London. I had been planning to save the rest to use as I continued my research, but there was just enough to use for Harper’s transplant instead.

I swallowed. I would have to let Professor Lipin know.

I walked through the silent house to Dad’s study, and settled myself in front of the computer once more. When I signed into my email account, a series of unread messages from Olly came up:

Have been trying to call.

What’s going on?

Are you okay?

Please tell me you’re okay.

My chest ached. I found it hard to keep things from Olly, but how could I tell him what I was about to do, pursuing the transplant in China? Would he think less of me? I didn’t want to risk it, not with him. More importantly, I was scared he might talk me out of it. I wrote him a brief message, telling him I was fine and would call tomorrow. I didn’t want to have to lie to him but that was probably what I would end up doing.

I started composing a letter to Professor Lipin, explaining that, due to personal and financial reasons, I would not be returning to the university to finish my PhD. With a sick feeling in my stomach, I hovered the cursor over the send button.

Help.

I picked up the phone and dialled Shanghai. It wasn’t quite 6 am, but Bì Yù was an early riser, and I was sure she wouldn’t mind…

Her voice sounded groggy on the other end of the line.

‘Dà jiě.’ It was the first time I had spoken in Chinese since Mum died.

‘Mèi mei! I’ve been trying to call you but you haven’t been answering your phone. Is everything okay? How’s Harper?’

‘Harper’s stable for now.’ I apologised for not calling sooner then said, ‘Remember how you said if I ever needed anything I should call? Well, I’ve found a way to help Harper…’

I told her how Anita had suggested we go to China, how quickly Harper could get a heart in Shanghai. I asked her to be my translator.

To my surprise, instead of trying to dissuade me she said, ‘Sure! I’d be happy to. The medical system is very good in China.’

I was relieved that she didn’t ask about the source of the organs, and I didn’t volunteer the information.

‘So, is it okay if I transfer you the money? Then I can take out the renminbi when I get there.’

‘Can’t Uncle James pay by card? Why go to all the trouble of transferring cash?’

I hadn’t thought this through. How was I supposed to convince her to help me with only half the truth?

‘Here’s the thing,’ I said. ‘Dad and Wài Pó aren’t exactly on board with this, so it would be best if we kept it between us for now.’

She didn’t say anything.

‘Bì Yù?’

‘What’s going on, Marlowe? Why can’t they know?’

Think fast.

‘Dad doesn’t have enough money, so I’m using my inheritance. Please don’t tell Uncle Bĭng Wén and Aunt Lĭ Nà. I know they’ll want to help and Dad won’t be okay with that.’

It was only half a lie, I told myself.

‘But, Marlowe, Mum and Dad would be happy to help. We’re family, remember? And we have the money.’

‘No, please, they can’t know,’ I said desperately. ‘You know Dad – he can be quite proud.’

Losing face. Whether she liked what I was doing or not, losing face was something Bì Yù would understand. Pride was something her father took seriously.

‘Okay.’

Phew.

‘Mèi mei, I’m so sorry to hear about Uncle James and the family situation. I can understand he might be ashamed, but please give this some thought. That money is your inheritance. Your mā ma would have wanted that to be kept just for you.’

‘All right, I’ll think about it,’ I lied.

‘Just let me know when you book your flights. You can stay with me.’

‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘And you won’t tell your parents we’re coming, right?’

There was a long pause.

‘Dà jiě, please.’

‘Okay, okay. But you know Mum – she can always tell when I’m hiding something.’

She was right; Aunt Lĭ Nà was incredibly perceptive.

‘Don’t worry, it won’t be for long,’ I said, trying to reassure myself as much as her.

When we’d hung up, I returned to the letter I’d written Professor Lipin. This has to be done. I took a breath, closed my eyes and clicked send.

I had one more call to make. I needed a translator in Hong Kong I could trust to speak with the broker, Mr Zhāng, and Uncle Johnny was the only person I could think of. I checked the time: 6.15 am. Way too early for him.

I went back upstairs and crawled into bed although I wasn’t expecting to sleep. I was lying to my family and making Bì Yù do the same, and that didn’t sit easily with me. And more than that, there was the ethical dilemma. Was I really right to go against Harper’s wishes and save her life, possibly at the expense of another life?

But then I thought of Mum and the promise I’d made. I thought of Harper building a happy life with Louis.

My body was heavy and I felt as if I were falling again, but this time I closed my eyes and let myself go.

When I next opened my eyes it was 10.30 am. I’d overslept.

I reached for my phone on the bedside table and dialled Uncle Johnny’s mobile.

‘I need your help,’ I said without preamble.

‘Good morning to you too, Marlowe. How’s Harper?’

I explained that she was back in hospital, but stable for the moment. ‘How’s the article coming along?’

‘To be honest, I haven’t made much headway yet. I’ve had a colleague look into it but it is not being treated with much urgency.’

I let his words sink in for a moment before speaking again. ‘It doesn’t matter so much anymore.’ I told him about Anita and the broker who could arrange for a transplant to be performed in Shanghai. ‘Drop the article, this is something that could actually work… I would just need you to translate for me.’ Unlike Bì Yù, though, Uncle Johnny seemed wary.

‘Marlowe, do you realise what you’re getting yourself into?’

‘Yes, of course I do. It makes me feel sick; it keeps me up at night.’

But what choice did I have? It was either this or another funeral in a few months.

‘I don’t want to bury my sister.’ I blinked, hard.

‘I don’t want that for Harper either.’ Uncle Johnny’s words sounded softer, quieter. He seemed less anxious, more thoughtful. ‘I just want to make sure you’ve really thought this through. I don’t know much about how this works in China, but I can tell you that you would need to be very careful. It’s not a regulated industry.’

‘I know.’ Did I? Maybe not everything, but surely I knew enough.

‘You know I can’t come to China with you,’ he said.

‘That’s okay. Bì Yù will be helping me in Shanghai.’

A long pause. Come on, Uncle Johnny. ‘I made one promise to Mum before she passed, and that was to look after Harper. Everyone else has given up. Please, I can’t let her down…’ I couldn’t keep the desperation from my voice.

Uncle Johnny sighed. ‘Your mother would be so disappointed if she knew you weren’t able to speak Chinese anymore… Okay.’

Did he just say okay?

‘Really? You’ll do it?’

‘Let me know when and I’ll be there.’

I hung up feeling jubilant. And for the first time since the family dinner that had gone so horribly wrong, I felt hungry.

As I emerged from my bedroom, I could hear Dad on the phone.

‘Just come home, Irene, and we can talk about this in person,’ he was saying.

The pain in his voice startled me.

‘Well at least tell me where you are. Please, Irene…’

Had I done this?

I quickly retreated into my room and shut the door behind me.