part0007

I'd earned my taxidermy certificate online during my senior year of high school. At the time I was toting around an almost two-year-old, trying to finish school, and working as the crematorium cleaner. The matriarch of the Morningwood clan was the one to approach me about taking the course and said she would even pay for it. That meant more to me than my mother agreeing to pay for all of my years of dance classes, since she got a discount because she was screwing the manager and giving him private dances.

Almost eight years later and I had to say I was really good at the job, as Blanche liked to point out, I'd had my hand on a lot of hard things and was the best at stuffing them.

I was wrist deep in a deer ass when I heard a knock at the door. I figured it was Luna coming for lunch so I yelled, "Hold on, let me adjust this deer's nuts and then we can get lunch."

"That wasn't the way I planned on asking you on a lunch date, but I guess I'll take what I can get," a familiar voice said.

My eyes widened and immediately I pulled my hand out of the deer’s ass, and whirled around to see Miles standing in the doorway. His unruly curly hair was gelled down as much as it could be and he had a bouquet of pink daises in his hand.

I grabbed a towel from the nearby rack and wiped my hands off. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting you."

"Do other men usually come and take you on lunch dates?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not unless Luna counts, but really I wasn't expecting you. I would have, um, maybe not had my hand up a dear's ass?"

"So, does that mean you aren't free to grab a quick bite?" Miles asked.

I sighed and wiped my hands off on a towel then doused my hands in hand sanitizer. "Look, Miles, you're a really nice guy. Almost too nice. The kiss and the walk home the other night was nice, but I'm really not in a place for any kind of a relationship, especially not with my kids Coach."

Miles sat the flowers on my desk then looked up at me with a tight-lipped smile. "Fine. Then we'll just fuck," he said as if he just told me today's History homework.

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem like the friends-with-benefits type and I'm not sure this is the best idea..."

"How’s this for friends-with-benefits type?" Miles pushed the flowers and all of the embalming tools off the table, falling to the wooden floor with a loud clank.

"What the hell did my stuffers do to you?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.

Miles grabbed me by my waist and I yelped a little, as he lifted me up and set me on my desk. "I'll stuff you," he said, pushing my knees apart and standing between my spread legs.

I couldn’t help but laugh. "Really? That's the line you come up with?"

"Did it work though?" Miles asked, whispering into my lips.

"Maybe," I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. If I was going to hell for flirting with Miles and we already had the one kiss, my body that was definitely lacking action, needed something more.

But before I could even press my eager lips to his, the doorknob to the office turned. Quickly I pushed Miles back, which only caused him to fall on his ass. I stood up and pulled my dress down just in time for Brannigan's dad to walk in.

Doug was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and now I was stuck with the man forever. At first I could stand being around him, but only because he was really pretty and at least I could get off. But the years hadn't been so kind to Doug and now he was at least one-hundred-pounds overweight with a curly mullet and pornstache. Now his inner personality matched his outward.

"Doug? What are you doing here?" I asked as Miles got to his feet and dusted off his khakis. Part of me wanted to tell him that he was pushing around dust from a poodle's ballsack, but I decided not to.

"I should ask Coach here the same thing," Doug said, hiking up his stonewash jeans.

I really wanted to snap back and ask him about his night with Queenie, but instead decided to avoid that can of worms all together.

"Oh, uh, Miles and I were just discussing burial rights for his mother's cat," I said, coming up with something on a whim.

"Yes. Mother wants a proper burial for good ol' Fluffy," Miles said, hooking his arm into a weird little "alrighty then" motion.

Doug shook his head. "Whatever. I don’t want to hear about this cat shit. I was just on my way to the car wash in Dollywood and wanted to tell you I can’t take Brannigan this weekend."

My eyes widened. "What? It's your weekend."

By his weekend that usually meant that his parents, the owners of Dollywood Dazzlers carwash and the new Beaver Falls Bubble & Suds wash, spoiled her rotten and she came home even more of a brat than usual.

"Yeah, some things came up at the car wash that I gotta take care of," he said, looking everywhere but at me, which meant he was lying.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "So you're picking up extra cashier hours? Maybe then you'll actually get your child support payment in on time and Brannigan can finally get braces."

"Aw, geez, Mo, can you cut that shit about money? Damn, maybe if you got your beaver on the pole instead of sitting in this musty old place and stuffing people's dead animals, you would finally move out of that shitty apartment and stop bitching at me for money."

I opened my mouth to speak, but was too shocked to say anything. Never mind that it was true I could make money stripping. I'd lose the little self respect I had left if I did the "Three generations of strippers" show.

"Um, Moira, would you be able to show me that stuffing technique you thought would be good for Fluffy?" Miles asked, breaking up the tension.

Doug put his hands up. "I’m out of here. I don’t want to hear about whose stuffing who. I'll send the check next week. Tell Brannigan I'll see her next month," Doug said before he shut the door.

The air was thick around us and Miles finally spoke after what seems like forever. "So you and Doug...?"

I shook my head turning toward Miles. "He was a stupid hook up while I was in high school. He was with Blanche and I wanted to get with the hot senior jock. It ended up with me having Brannigan. See? Like I said, I'm a stupid slut."

Miles put his hands on each side of my face and forced my eyes to meet his. "You're not any of those things. One mistake doesn't define you."

"Two mistakes, and a lot of other things," I muttered.

"The point is, no guy should talk to you like that no matter who he is. He also shouldn't treat his daughter like she's a chore."

"Yeah, if I didn't need his check every month, even though he barely see's her, I'd take over full parental rights of Brannigan."

Miles smiled, putting his hands down and taking my fingers, intertwining them with his. "How about we all do something after the game on Saturday?"

"All of us?" I raised an eyebrow.

Miles smiled. "Yes. You. Me. Brannigan. Harry. I don’t know what we'll do, but I'm sure we'll find something."

"Are you sure you want to do that Mr-I'm-okay-with-just-being-a-hook-up?" I folded my arms across my chest.