By the skin of my teeth, I manage to catch a red-eye flight. It’s now a little after six, and I’ve been up for nearly twenty-four hours. Of course, Luke had bought me first-class tickets for the way out, but on the way home, the only seat available is in the center seat, of coach. Just my luck.
I can’t sleep a wink on the flight home. My thoughts whirl like a merry-go-round and never let up. I can’t stop worrying about ruining Luke’s career by being a distraction or having this be the end of mine because I can’t seem to write lately. And of course, I can’t stop thinking about how much it actually hurts to walk away. Without a doubt, I love this man enough to walk away. It’s what’s best for us. Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. Just the thought of never seeing him again, hurts so fucking much. It’s difficult to breathe, and it feels as if I might crumble to pieces at any minute.
The weather in Washington matches my mood. Dark and dreary. Rain falls in buckets, and the wind howls as I take an Uber to the ferry terminal. Knowing I don’t want to pay for the driver to wait for the ferry, I hop out and wait inside the building after buying my ticket online. Thank God my bag’s waterproof, because my computer would be toast by the time I walk home from the terminal when I get to the island. It’s only a mile or so, so it shouldn’t be too bad.
Boy, I am wrong. It takes every ounce of energy to walk from the ferry. By the time I make it home, I’m completely soaked to the bone. My clothes stick to my body, and my hair looks as if I’ve taken an outdoor shower. I protect my computer bag as much as I can, to be safe. I flop my things in the entry and lock the door behind me.
Once I’ve rid myself of my wet clothes, I walk straight to the shower, in hopes of warming up as soon as possible. I hadn’t been prepared to walk any distance, and my teeth chatter as I adjust the temperature of the water.
As the water cascades over me, I warm up. Eventually, my chattering stops. By this time, I’m so weak and exhausted, I slide down the tile and sit on my shower floor. I lose track of all time sitting on the shower floor. Fortunately, my mind’s numb from sheer exhaustion. I can do little but merely exist.
When the water cools, I force myself to get out. My arms and legs feel like lead weights attached to my body as I stand. They barely want to do more than just hang. I force them to find a towel and dry off. I slump to my bedroom, with my hair wrapped in a towel and grab the first pair of clean underwear and pajamas I can find. I slip them on, only to plop onto my bed.
Knowing my brush is in my suitcase, I dig it out and quickly pull it through my hair, or I’ll regret it later. As I unzip my suitcase, I see Luke’s t-shirt from the day before. In my haste to leave, I must’ve picked it up by mistake.
On instinct, I pull it to my nose and inhale. It smells just like him. The realization of how much I miss him makes my heart break once again. How does it even have enough pieces left to shatter again? Instantly, I know I’ve made a huge mistake. God. What did I do? A fresh batch of tears fall freely down.
Exhausted, I fall back onto my pillow with his shirt clenched in my hand. I’m not sure how long I stay that way before I feel a chill. I haphazardly worm my way under the blankets and snuggle with Luke’s shirt. I take another deep breath, inhaling his scent. There’s nothing I can do about anything, now. Sleep. I need sleep. Somehow, I’ll find a way to make this better. I just have to…
When I wake up, it’s dark, and I’m disoriented. It feels like I’ve slept for hours, and with it being fall in the Pacific Northwest, it’s to be expected. I reach to turn on my bedside light, and nothing. What the hell?
More alert, I stumble out of bed and try the switch on the wall. Nothing. Of course, I flip it back and forth just to double, triple, and quadruple check. Fuck, the power’s out. I try to remember where I’ve left my phone and instantly return to my bedside to check the time and use it as a flashlight.
Feeling around with my fingers, I finally find it. I press the button to activate it and sure enough—it’s dead. Why don’t I ever fucking charge my phone? I should know better. Especially living on the island for the winter.
It’s then I hear the wind whip through the trees with a low howl. I should’ve expected this with the way the storm was when I arrived this morning. Though, in my defense, I’d been a bit distracted.
Instantly, my memories flood back. Shit… Luke… How do I get a hold of him? I need to apologize and beg him to take me back. I rush to my dresser and fumble around in the dark to find clothes. I need to get to him. Maybe he’ll come here to the island. If not, I’ll go to his loft in the city. Either way, I’m going to camp out until I make him see me. He has to hear me out. Hopefully, he’ll forgive me.
God, do I need him to forgive me. I overreacted and just left, without even giving him a chance.
Fuck. I wish now more than ever I hadn’t disconnected my grandparents’ landline. I could at least call Luke. Shit… No, I can’t.
For fuck’s sake, Danika, you don’t even know his number. Without your phone, you won’t be able to call. God, I’m such an idiot.
I rush to my dresser. I throw on the first pair of pants, sweats I think, and fumble in my drawer for a shirt. In the next drawer, I find what I think is my favorite oversized-sweatshirt. Not caring that they may look hideous together, I grab a pair of socks and fumble in my closet for what I hope are a matching pair of shoes. As I slip my feet in, they feel as if they’re at least on the right foot.
Grabbing my keys and purse from the table next to the living room, I make my way to the garage.
Shit! With the power out, I can’t drive my car since it’s stuck in the garage. Not having been on the island during the winter before, I’m obviously unprepared.
I feel my way along the car and open it. The light from inside illuminates the garage, enough for me to get my bearings. I sit in the car and turn the key just to get enough to get the clock to illuminate. Christ, it’s already nearly seven. I’ve slept the day away. The good news is, Luke should be in Washington by now. His flight was due in earlier this afternoon.
Think, Danika. Think. How can you get to Luke?
I have no fucking clue, but one thing’s for certain. I need to find him. I think through my options, but no matter what I choose, it won’t be simple.
I remember my grandpa once saying how he had to dismantle the garage door, but as I look up at the opener, I immediately rule that out. It’s too freaking complicated. There are some flashlights and headlamps in the camping gear… Maybe I can walk? The wind chooses this moment to pick up and bat some branches against the house, causing me to shiver. The thought of roughing the elements twice in one day has me cringing. Fuck. It’s nasty out there.
From the corner of my eye, I see my bicycle. It’s less than a couple miles to Luke’s. At least if I ride my bike, I can get out of the storm sooner than later. Walking to the bike, I fondly remember the day Luke brought me a replacement tire. The look on his face when he arrived that afternoon, melted my heart. His bright-blue eyes and boyish grin knocked away at the wall I’d been holding in place for years. If he hadn’t done that, I’m sure my life would be vastly different.
My heart aches at the realization of what I’ve thrown away. My insecurities and the fact that I gave a fuck about others’ opinions, might as well have been the death of me. Fuck… what have I done? I need to fix this. Now!
Without another second of thought, I leap out of the car to search for either a headlamp or flashlight. There’s no way I’m literally willing to kill myself by traveling down a dark road in a storm. I do have some brain cells left after the last twenty-four hours, even if I didn’t use them in Nashville, I sure as hell plan on using them now.
If I could kiss my grandparents, I would the second I find a working headlamp. Thanks to their obsessively organized garage, I find one within a few minutes. I use the light from the dome of the car to secure my helmet and maneuver my bike to the door of the garage. Upon opening the side door, the breeze hits me like a hurricane. Fuck, it’s really coming down out there.
Using the headlamp, I rush back into the living room to get a sturdy jacket that will hopefully make me look less like a drowned rat when I finally do find Luke.
It doesn’t take long to rush out the door and head to where I pray to God, Luke is. As the rain pelts my face, I pump harder and harder down the narrow road. In the back of my mind, I know there’s a good chance he won’t be here.
But I have to try. If he’s not here, hopefully the ferry’s running, and I can take a cab from the mainland to his loft. Maybe Evelyn will be at Luke’s and can help me figure out a way to get a hold of him. This thought alone puts some pep into my pump, and I peddle with all my heart, hoping to find Luke as soon as possible.
As I enter his gravel driveway, I’m disappointed to find his property completely dark. The gravel turns to complete mud, and eventually, I can’t pump much further. I jump off my bike and push it to his door. I run up the steps and in what’s sure to be a futile attempt, I pound on the door. I wait for what seems like an eternity… nothing. I knock again, just for good measure, but again. No such luck… Fuck! Where is he?