Chapter 29

“What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t there when I woke up this morning.”

“I did leave a note. I had to get home. I wanted to spend some time with the twins before I leave.”

“That sounds good to me.” He was struggling to keep his voice steady.

“Alone.”

It was starting. The separation. The pulling away. The effort to start a fight. The need to end it now. Before she left.

“They enjoy my company too.” He sounded more confident than he felt.

“I know, but—”

“But what, Anne?”

“You should go.”

For a brief instant he believed that this was it. This was all he was going to get. Like hell, it was. He wasn’t going down without a fight. “Okay. Fine. You spend some time with your family. But I need to know a couple things.”

“What?”

He gave her his smile. It felt kind of lopsided, but it was all he could muster. “How many bridesmaids are you planning to have? I have to decide on the groomsmen. And a date would be good. We’ll work around your touring schedule, of course,” he threw in for good measure. “My friend Joe wants to know when he gets to play best man and if he’ll need a tux.”

Anne groaned but she couldn’t help smiling. The man was even more obstinate than she was. But then reality hit. She was leaving. In one day. It was over. No more teasing banter, no more battle of the wills, no more holding hands and kissing and touching and . . . loving. “You can stop with your silly games talking about marriage all the time, Chris.” She inhaled a deep sigh that cut all the way through to her heart. “It’s not going to work.”

“It’s not a game. I’m dead serious.”

“Well, it feels like a game because I’m not taking you seriously.”

“Maybe it’s time you did.”

”I need to go.”

“Where?”

“Inside. The family is waiting for me.”

“Fine. Go.”

“I will.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

As much as she wanted that to be true, she knew it couldn’t be. “No. You won’t.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“I’m spending tomorrow morning with my family and then I’m leaving.”

“I know that.”

“So, I don’t have time—”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

Her forehead furrowed as she stared at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m coming to dinner.”

Her arms were crossed in front of her chest now. “I didn’t invite you.”

He shrugged. “Maybe you didn’t, but your mother did. And your father. And your grandparents.” He started to walk away but turned abruptly and took her hand. “If you’re trying to get me to walk away from you, it’s not going to work.” He pulled her toward him, their bodies aligning as if they knew that’s where they lived. “Don’t bother, darlin’. I told you, I’m here for the long haul. I’m in love with you. And I’m marrying you.”

“And I have no say in it?”

“Oh, yeah, you have a say in it. You get to say, ‘I do.’” He kissed her on the forehead and turned and headed down the porch stairs to his car.

So far, so good. She had made it through the day without him. She missed him, but she’d never admit that. She kept herself busy, going riding with Allie and Aidan and Alex just the way they used to. Then they sat around the fireplace and roasted marshmallows and drank homemade hot chocolate. Everyone watched while she opened presents from the other three McCullough families, and they showed her the gifts they had received. Her favorite was the necklace Skye had made her with an amethyst heart surrounded by a circle of silver. It was unique, just like her cousin.

The teasing had stopped. She kind of wished it hadn’t. It meant they knew how fragile she was feeling at the moment, not something she was willing to discuss.

She helped her mother prepare the vegetables for dinner. Her father had already marinated the steak, and her grandparents were bringing the rolls and dessert.

She set down the chopping knife and looked up at her mother. “Why did you invite him?”

“I like him. We all do. Those photographs he took—” Nan blinked hard against the onions she was chopping and switched to peeling carrots for a while. “They’re beautiful.”

“I know, Mom—”

“He really captured you, didn’t he? And the one with your dad—”

“He’s a gifted photographer. You’re changing the subject. You shouldn’t have invited him without asking me if I wanted you to.”

“Forgive me, but when my daughter brings a man for Christmas dinner and then spends the week with him, I figure it’s a pretty safe bet she likes him too. Not something you’ve done often.” Nan frowned. “Actually ever. At least that I know of.”

“Yes, but—”

Nan set down the peeler and gave Anne her full attention. “But—?”

“I don’t want to see him again.”

“Because it hurts too much?”

Anne nodded, swiping at the tears that had decided to ravage her face, only hers had nothing to do with onions.

“Because you’re in love with him?”

She walked into her mother’s arms. “Oh, God, Mom, why does it have to hurt so much? I thought love felt good.”

Nan laughed softly as she stroked her back. “It does, most of the time.” She finished her thought, but wasn’t sure Anne had heard. “If you let it.”

The sound of laughter overflowed from the living room toward the kitchen. Then there was the sound of a husky voice. “Oh, God! He’s here!” Anne let go of her mother, wiped her face, and ran up the backstairs to her bedroom, grateful there were two staircases in their house. 

Chris chatted with the twins while he waited for Anne. Finally after fifteen minutes and the offer of three different things to drink, Allie took pity on him.

“She sneaked upstairs.”

“Avoiding me?”

“She looked like she’d been crying. Talking to Mom can do that to you.”

“Or chopping onions,” Aidan said.

Chris relaxed into the couch where he was sitting and accepted the fourth offer of a drink—-a beer. Fifteen more minutes passed before she made an appearance and by that time her face revealed no redness or tears. Her hair was brushed to a shine, and she was wearing tight jeans and a peach-colored V-neck sweater. He wanted to scoop her up into his arms and ravage her. Not quite appropriate considering that they were sitting in the living room of her parents’ country farmhouse.

The dinner conversation was pleasant but halfway through, Chris considered excusing himself and heading home. She’d hardly spoken a word—to him or to anyone else. Uncharacteristically quiet of her. All he could think was that he was responsible for her obvious discomfort. But he didn’t want to be rude. He stayed through the meal and a half hour beyond the homemade tiramisu dessert that Anne hardly touched. Also uncharacteristic.

He thanked the family for including him, and excused himself from the table. Allie brought him his brown corduroy jacket that she’d hung in the coat closet and looked over at Anne who was clearly avoiding walking him to the door. He wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easily.

He walked back into the formal dining room and stared past her family, directly into her eyes. “Anne?”

“Yes?”

“Will you walk me out?”

She looked around at her family members as if they would save her, but no one volunteered to escort their guest to his car. Slowly she stood up, scooted back her chair and walked over to him.

He took her hand that she’d squeezed into the tiny space her pocket allowed and led her toward the door. He opened it and pulled her onto the porch so they could talk in private.

“Come home with me.”

“No.”

“Spend your last night with me.”

God, she wanted to, more than anything, she wanted to. She didn’t dare look at him so she stared down at the old wooden boards of the wraparound porch. 

Chris placed a crooked finger beneath her chin and tilted her face upward, forcing her to meet his eyes. “I want you to spend the night with me. I want to make love to you. All night.”

Anne closed her eyes and prayed for strength. Then she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t.”

He sighed and stepped away from her. Nodding, he said, “Okay then, good-night.”

He didn’t kiss her. He was afraid he would have picked her up, thrown her over his shoulder, and kidnapped her. So instead he turned and trotted down the porch stairs of her parents’ home and walked away without looking back.

Anne stood on the porch for ten minutes after he’d driven away. She knew it was cold, but she couldn’t get herself to move. She wasn’t even sure that at that moment she cared if she froze to death.

* * *

Anne waved as she drove away from her parents’ home, hoping they hadn’t seen her tears. Of course they had. At least her mother had. It wasn’t good that she knew her so well. Not good at all.

She drove slowly down the dirt-covered driveway, swiping at her tears the entire way. But what did she expect? She’d told him good-bye. She’d practically told him to stay away. Practically, hell. She had been moody all evening, and she’d turned down his invitation to spend her last night with him. Of course, he wouldn’t come back to see her again. Just like he wouldn’t wait for her to come back from her trip. It was what she wanted, she reminded herself. It was for the best. Why prolong the agony? Even if he did wait this time for her to return, he wouldn’t keep waiting. He’d get tired of waiting, tired of taking a backseat to her first love. Dance.

She looked up at the honk of a horn as she turned onto the road off of McCullough-Jameson property. Her heart filled with joy when she recognized his Highlander. He had come back. 

Damn. This wasn’t good. It especially wasn’t good that she was so happy about it. It would only make things more difficult.

She pulled over in front of his car and climbed out. He was smiling. It was that lopsided smile he made sometimes when he wasn’t completely sure of himself. Appropriate for the occasion.

She strode toward him, praying her face wasn’t all blotchy from the tears. “I thought we already said good-bye last night.”

“We said good-night.”

“Same thing.”

“Not quite. I came to tell you I’ll be here when you get home.”

“I seriously doubt that.”

“Don’t even bother, Anne. It’s not going to work.”

“What’s not going to work?”

“Your tactics won’t work on me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You may honestly be unaware of it, but you’re the heartbreaker here. Not me, not the other men. Whether you believe it or not, you dismissed them like yesterday’s stale bread. It’s not going to work on me.”

“I never did that! I would never—”

“No, you make it seem like it’s their fault instead. You start a fight and they slide right into it. Or maybe you even get them to start it. Whatever way it worked in the past, it won’t work now.”

“Actually, it feels an awful lot like you’re trying to start a fight with me.”

He shook his head. “This is not a fight, believe me. When we’re fighting, you’ll know it. And there will never be a fight that can drive me away. You can try all you want. You can fight so hard that you think I’ll throw my hands in the air, give up. But I won’t. I’m not leaving. Ever.”

“Don’t make promises you aren’t sure you want to keep,” she mumbled. “You’re no different from the others so stop kidding yourself. Stop trying to convince me. You make yourself out to be some super sensitive, understanding guy, but you’re just like the rest of them. No, I take that back. You’re worse. The other men didn’t pretend to be something they weren’t.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I saw how you reacted to my news about leaving for three weeks. When I got that phone call that made me ecstatic, all you could do was cringe!”

“It wasn’t what you think—”

“Wasn’t it? You’re no different, are you? You want more. Men want more, and when they don’t get it, they leave. Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but eventually when they don’t get what they want, they leave.”

“Only when you want them to leave. Do you want me to leave, Anne?”

She gave him the only answer she was capable of giving. “Yes.”

He grabbed her wrist, easing up on his grip when he realized how tightly he was holding it. “I don’t believe you.”

“Believe me.”

“I don’t and I won’t. And whether you want me to be here or not when you get back, I will be.” He released her wrist but didn’t stop holding her focus with his own. “And just so you know, the reason I reacted the way I did was not because I can’t handle your going off to dance, but because I had something special planned for New Year’s Eve.”

She stared down at the ground for a moment, then raised her head and looked into his eyes. “That doesn’t change the fact that men don’t like waiting. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It’s perfectly understandable. If a woman goes off to dance every few months, why would a man wait?”

Because he loves her, Chris thought. More than anything in the world, he loves her. But he knew those words wouldn’t penetrate the steel walls she had erected around herself. “Would your father wait for your mother?” he asked instead.

“My father is unusual.”

“And your grandfather? Would he stick around and wait for your grandmother?”

“My father and my grandfather are exceptions.” And look at the women in their lives. Who wouldn’t wait for her mother and grandmother?

“And your brother? Would Alex wait for Cassie?”

He had and he would again. But that didn’t mean a man would wait for her, that this man would wait for her.

“Are you sure it’s the men who don’t wait, Anne?” He started to walk away but stopped and turned around to face her. “It’s not your heart on the line here, it’s mine.” 

“I’m sorry, Chris, really I am. It’s just—”

“You’re scared, I know. But you have to know that I’d never try to control you or even compete with your love of dance. I’d never want to stop you from living your passion. It’s what attracted me to you in the first place. I know what it’s like to have someone try to stifle your passion.” His family was still trying to stifle his. “And don’t forget, I’m an artist too. And I have to travel for work, just like you do.”

She knew that. It was something she’d thought about many times, but she still couldn’t get past her fear. However, this time it wasn’t only about his wanting too much from her, it was also a fear of his not wanting enough. And her fear that he would promise he’d wait, but in the end he wouldn’t.

“Good-bye, Chris.”

He shook his head and stared at her, but she refused to meet his eyes. She really was afraid. There was only one way to get through to her. It was useless telling her over and over. All he could do was show her and be there when she returned. That too might be useless, but it was all he had left. “Just so you know, I do have a flaw.”

“I noticed. I spent the night with you all week, remember?”

His smile was hesitant. “Besides snoring.”

“And what would that be?”

“Falling in love with a woman who refuses to let herself love me even though she’s in love with me.”